The past few weeks have been absolutely insane if I am going to be completely honest. After starting my job, I have been on a tight schedule, dedicating any and all of my free time to school. I wish I could say that I manage things well, but lately, I have been slacking on posting these blogs at the right time, reading the books I need for class, and finding time to do what I am doing now…sitting at the park I talked about in the “finding your quiet place” blog.

It seems as though every hour I have has been strictly set for work, school, or church. And truthfully, it is exhausting. I love church and serving at youth, but that’s about it. School has been draining and work has been killing my body. But the other day, I realized something absolutely crazy. For the past week or so, I have been getting ready for the day, driving, doing homework, and eating in SILENCE. Not a single beat of a song. Not even instrumental music!!

For some, this may not seem that big of a deal, but for me, it is HUGE. I like to live my life like I am in a movie. I have songs blasting in my ears almost every hour of the day. But not recently. Why did I start doing this? I have no clue. I didn’t realize it until I finished getting ready one morning and was humming a song, then realized there was nothing playing! I found this to be the case again and again after that. I honestly never thought I would be one who enjoyed silence, but with so much on my mind, and so many to-do’s, silence has become my saving grace. The only time I feel like I can breathe and remember that I am a human being, not a human doing.

After taking the last few days enjoying my silence as I get ready or drive somewhere, I remembered this park I am at now. The one that I use to come to just a few months ago to hear God and just talk with Him, not worrying about any distractions. It honestly ached my heart to realize how long it has been since I last came here.

So this morning, I had no idea I would end up here, but after being denied entry at chapel because they were full, I felt the immediate hunger for these towering trees, perfectly short grass, and countless leaves that often hit me in my face because of the wind. So I stuffed my fat face with some chicken pot pie in the cafeteria and then headed out.

On my way here, again I drove in silence. Somewhat talking to God then singing some worship songs that have been stuck in my head, then talking to Him again. During that time, I realized how easy it is for us to stop prioritizing the things that we say mean the most. I asked God for this job at Chipotle, but not too long after, I spent weeks obsessed with the blessing He gave me, but not Him. The multiple hours a week that I used to spend with Him turned into maybe 3 hours total. I forgot about Him unless I was struggling or coming back from church.

Terrible. I know. But as I found this great value in silence and became more aware of it, I started tuning into His voice more. I began saying short prayers and leaving the rest of the time for Him to speak. And Holy smoking macaroni! It has been so good. It’s not like I heard His literal voice, but I felt His peace. I was reminded of verses I haven’t read in a while. I thought about songs that I often forget the lyrics too. God showed up big time.

His faithfulness is something I knew always existed and I have seen before. But recently, my church has been talking about God being the Good Shepard. The one who will consistently search for His sheep, regardless of how far and long they wander. And wowza. I can joyfully vouch for Him on that. I was so worried and focused on my own things in life, that I didn’t realize how far out I was grazing. But oh what a beautiful and loving God we have. He knows us by name, face, and personality. He seeks nothing but our trust and love.

With silence, God had room to speak. Not room that He had to force me to give Him, but room He gladly filled as I offered it to Him.

Too often we get bombarded with our daily obligations. We get so jam packed with work, school, family, etc. But I pray you do not forget your source of true life. I pray you do not forget your first love.

Silence has never been something I liked, but as I realized the value it can have when I lay it in God’s hands, it has become all that I long for. I may never see a bush on fire while a loud voice speaks my name, but living in silence that is dedicated to God (get that? not just plain old silence, but that in which you intentionally lay in God’s hands) has filled my life in so many more ways than music ever could. It has made my heart more aware of the moment and more sensitive to His guidance.

I am so happy because in the last blog, you can see that I struggled to realize the time has gone so fast that passion week is already here, yet in the last few days, I could not be more joyful that THIS was the lesson God showed me this week.

Easter is just around the corner. Amidst the egg hunting and family visits, I encourage you to make room for God to move and speak to your heart.

Whether you have five minutes or five hours, will you give your heart a chance to rest in the hands of it’s beautiful creator?