This is a special time of the year. August is the month I launched this blog three years ago. August 26th, 2021 to be exact.

I had been thinking of what to write for a while now. But it seems as though writers block has had a hold on me for weeks. There are currently 3 drafts that are half-written with the same title, “August Musings”, on my computer at the moment. I know, I suppose they hadn’t truly been my “musings” this month if I can’t finish a single one of them. Nonetheless, there is one common topic that I found myself mentioning…

Reminiscing.

To reminisce is to “indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events”. What I felt was not regret, but I have definitely been spending a lot of present time wishing I could relive the past. The reason being, to be completely honest, is because I feel like I was a better writer when I began this blog than the one I am now.

As I reread old posts and remember the ease I had in typing up a 1500 word piece that included Bible breakdowns, humor, and contemplative thoughts, I have been dreading posting anything lately. Especially considering the milestone of three years is a day away. I couldn’t help but feel like nothing was good enough anymore.

I sat with this burden for weeks. But how funny is God to place a word of peace on my heart the night before this anniversary.

In January, I wrote a post called “January Musings“. It was about a word of hope that I will never forget. It was truly one of the most freeing moments in my life and I am so thankful for the transformation it has brought. But as I reread it a few nights ago, I thought about the struggle I have been facing and the way I kept wishing I could go back in time and write like the old days. To be frank, I thought my heart would be justified in it’s sorrow because I thought that blog would make me recognize how far I have come in my writing skills…in a bad a way. But as I look back, thank the Lord that is not what happened.

Was I reassured of my talent? Not really. But I was enlightened!

What I saw in that blog was not skill, but a word of hope from God that had no expiration. It was a word that brought life back into my heart in the beginning of this year and was still capable of doing the same now. In this moment. This place. This agonizing stage of my writing career.

“From death to life” was the phrase I received. As someone who finds much comfort in melancholic environments and moods, this was tough to hear. Because whether or not I wanted to change, I knew that life – that which brings glory to God and love to those around me – was only possible if I stopped making my bed in the grave. It meant I needed to live out the word of a “new thing” I had felt God press on my heart.

When I say “new thing”, I do not mean a shiny, successful, easy new season I just chose waltz into. I meant a new perspective. A new outlook on what was worth dedicating my life to. No longer could I justify the days I ignored the world for my own “peace” of mind or the weeks I chose to bury myself in the habits that only cultivated despair.

Now I am not going to lie, it has been tough. Truly one of the hardest things is denying every urge in your body and mind from resorting back to the place you thought brought comfort, because more than the comfort, it brought death. Literally? Surely it could have been a possibility in the long run, but I am more so speaking about spiritual death. I knew the truth though, and when I didn’t feel like what I knew was enough, I forced myself to search deeper. And praise God, for every time I looked, I found His heart to be even greater than I could originally fathom.

But amidst the spiritual growth I had since January, was the discouragement I faced in my writing. I took a hiatus from social media at the end of 2023 and did not return until just about two months ago. I thought it would be good for this blog and my other writing projects. And it was, to an extent. But I could not help but feel like I should have done more in my time away. Since my return to social media, I have felt off. I felt like everyone expected greater things and more resources and writings offered. But instead, this blog became bi-weekly rather than the weekly one it had been a year ago. That means half as much content as before.

But as I read the post from January, I realized a beautiful thing about God.

I realized His timing is perfect.

I know I have heard that before, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wrote about it before. But I want to point out that I am not just talking about the things He brings into action. The doors He opens. The people He introduces us to. Or the miracles He does before us.

What I noticed about His timing was that He knows exactly what we need to endure and for how long we ought to live in that place before we hear a new word. He knows why the words we hear come at the “last moment” and the freedom we experience happens after a specific amount of days, weeks, or even years. His timing in our blessings is surely perfect, but so are the moments He chooses to speak a simple word to us.

This blog originally began with the intention to share “whatever God shared with me this week”. You’d think I would run out of topics, well so did I. But miraculously, God brought specific words to me at specific times. Sometimes it was at the start of the week, where I had time to chew on it for 6 days before blogging. While other times, I recall hectically scrambling to type up a post in the short hour and a half break I had between class and work because that was the moment I heard God give me a new thing.

So as I reminisce, admiring my old work, and deep down wishing I hadn’t lost that talent – I find a sense of peace. Not in the promise that I will ever write like that again, but that perhaps, the words, though received farther apart than they had been three years ago, are still life-giving. Though they seem harder to organize, they are undoubtedly glorifying the Lord. And after all, what more was this blog to be than a vessel of whatever word God desired to share in whatever way He saw best?

My dear friend, life will have it’s moments of doubt. There will be times when everything you thought was supposed to be happening, just isn’t. But that does not mean God’s faithfulness, hope, and purpose He revealed in scripture and in your past is expired. It just means that the words you have received so far are sufficient for the time you are in now. Continue hoping. And when it seems like it is not enough, continue seeking. For God promises that all who seek Him with their whole heart, will indeed find Him. If there is a chance to move your bed from the depths of the grave to the peace of His presence, why would you continue looking for any form of living among the dead?

“Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us.” – 2 Corinthians 1:9-10