spiritual journey

October Musings: The Quiet Selfless Life

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

“and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you…” – 1 Thessalonians 4:11

No one has to twist my arm for me to spend time by myself. For some reason, I find some of the most fun times are when I am alone. This is not to degrade the times that I am with others – I love those moments too, but being alone is not just a liking of mine, it is often what I find myself longing for, and desperately needing after a given number of hours in the day.

A couple years ago, I learned about solitude. The kind that you dedicate to God. This honestly blew my mind because I used to feel as though there was something wrong with me for desiring alone time as much as I did. Learning about this helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with liking that time, but there was a way to glorify God during it…and a way to not. And unfortunately, I recognized how often I had spent doing the latter.

Over time, I discipline myself to being intentional about solitude with God, but it has been hard. Considering what I want to do for a living, (being a faith-based author) I struggle a lot because I prefer to stay hidden while people read my heart’s expressions through words in black and white. However, in this day and age, I am forced to utilize things like social media for the sake of actually having my thoughts cross paths with the rest of the world. As much as I have tried to balance the means to my goals and still glorify God in my quiet time, I find myself more so spending the minutes or hours decompressing alone with my mind focused on how I will recharge myself.

The thought of God and fades as my capacity reaches its maximum and that hope of any “God time” turns into “me time”. I have grown a selfish perspective of something God designed for good.

I spend hours searching for ways to become what I feel called to be, yet barely addressing the One who called me. More time alone was what I thought I needed, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The quiet life is not about being alone. It is not about doing all you do in silence. Nor is it truly about you at all…

Looking at 1 Thessalonians 4, we find our purpose. “…we instructed you how to live in order to please God…Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.” (portions of verse 1).

This verse is incredible because it reveals the absence of limits on our growth. You can read the Bible 15 times over, pray every day, and serve weekly, but there will always be more ways to please God. Now let me be clear, this pursuit is not to result in salvation, but to be a result of it. Looking at verse 3, we find out what this process is called; “sanctification”.

In layman’s terms, this means to become more like God. It is the journey all begin once they have committed to a life of dying to themselves and living for Jesus.

This is the general word people use in reference to the overall transformation of their lives for Christ, but I want to focus in on how we ought to pursue a quiet life through this process.

You may be extremely outgoing and thinking this word isn’t for you too but your personality does not change the fact that we ALL are called to live in a way that pleases the Lord, and one thing that Jesus showed us by example throughout the Gospels was that solitude matters and plays a role in shaping the rest of your life.

So, how then does one live a quiet life – without either being selfish and turning it all into “me time” or giving up their extroverted ways?

Simply put, by remembering the purpose. Your purpose.

I’ll say it again, the quiet life is not exactly about spending a certain number of hours alone. It is about what verse 11 highlights; “You should mind your own business and work with your hands…”

Living honest, honorable, and Christ-centered lives each and every day.

Maybe for the extrovert, this looks like spending time in prayer and meditation before you leave your home to protect your heart from the desire of attention or hope in finding value through others. And perhaps for the introvert, this looks like asking God to protect your heart from the selfish desires of comfort over sharing His love with others or from an egocentric way of determining what is worth your time away from home.

I say those from experience in feelings, not from criticism.

Ultimately, the quiet life is more about pursuing God in humility. It is not about volume, as God uniquely and purposely made us all different. Rather, it is to live your days proclaiming one name and loving those whom He saw worth dying for, “that none may perish.” (John 3:16)

My dear friend. I am a lover of quiet, but my flesh turns it into something that glorifies myself. I pray you recognize the value of your hidden place and time with God. For until you do, your heart will always seek to benefit itself first and foremost.

We live for the pleasure of God, not ourselves. That is what quiet looks like.

And we choose to love and stretch ourselves for the sake of those around us, not for an ego boost, more social media likes, or because it’s comfortable, but that they might see Him in us.

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you find yourself using your “God time” for your own boost in pride or most of your alone time for your fleshly indulgences?

Where can you schedule extra time out of your day to focus on your purpose and why God has placed you in the current position you are in?

What distractions or habits do you need to address in order to stay consistent in your quiet time?

Consider how much these intentional moments alone with God could reset not just your approach to your day, but to your whole life as well.

“and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you…” – 1 Thessalonians 4:11

September Musings: Heart-Centered Spiritual Disciplines

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

The other night, I stumbled across this individual explaining their regret in waiting for marriage. It wasn’t that they did, rather, it was that they didn’t apply the waiting to anything beyond the physical obedience to God.

Over the last couple years, I have experienced times of great discipline and times of total inconsistency. Unfortunately, I just recently seem to have reached the end of this season of good discipline.

Perhaps traveling so much had a role to play, but that does not change the fact that each and every day comes to a point where I have a certain amount of time to do whatever I please. And embarrassingly, I admit, I have not always offered it to God first. Instead, as my heart could feel the conviction most nights, I would sit and pray out loud, frustrated that I couldn’t push myself to write it down or open up my devotional I spent an unruly amount of money on just a few weeks ago. And on the days that I could match my pen to my prayer journal paper, I would begin with an apology for not physically writing my prayers down for days on end.

This continued for a while. The more days I missed between the entries, the more I would beat myself up and tell myself how such a lack of inconsistency ought to reveal my inability to stay dedicated and close to God. But thank heavens I see now, that is not the right mindset.

It is not about checking off the list. I am sure you have heard that before. But now more than previously, I am noticing that it is about checking your heart and not letting the means to an end become an idol.

I am a lover of routines. If you give me a to-do list or a schedule, I will gladly follow it in order. Perhaps my obsession with an aesthetically pleasing life has an influence on my itching desire to keep everything in line. Now, I am not saying it is bad to be that way, but I am recognizing it may lead to some problems.

In February of this year, I made the decision to start writing down my prayers. I did this for multiple reasons, but one of them was for accountability. I know the kind of discipline I hold myself to when I give my word to others, so I figured if I put my prayers on paper to God, perhaps I would hold it to be as valuable as if I were to have promised a friend that I would contact them every morning. If you know me, you know my word means a lot.

And so for a while, this worked. Again, I had other reasons behind it, which is also what helped me stay dedicated to it, but nonetheless, months had passed and I just reached the start of my third journal book.

Yet after just one entry in the new notebook, two days had passed before the second, then five more before the third, until it started becoming a every-other day journal. Honestly, this aggravated me so much. But, as you read in the beginning of this blog, I struggled to bring my pen to paper. Speaking my prayers felt just as valuable…until I would catch a glimpse of the date of the most recent entry and realize I had not kept my word.

Before I could tear myself completely apart, the Lord was gracious and gave me that great word from the random video on Instagram.

No, my situation is not the same as the couple posting about their story of waiting in purity, but it was similar in the fact that my waiting, my discipline, and my focus, had been more on the check list than the spiritual reason behind the means to my goal.

I wanted to get closer to God. I wanted to be more vulnerable, more open to His Spirit’s guidance. I wanted to learn how to surrender every thing every day to God, despite the inconvenience of waking up an hour early to do so. But my mind got so caught up in the means to the end rather than the end itself. Not saying there is a limit to our growth, but there are such things as spiritual milestones that I believe are worth celebrating when reached. In fact, side note: if your goal is to simply “grow closer to God”, I would argue that you ought to clarify what that looks like in multiple ways. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up to a life of idolizing the journey over the One it’s supposed to lead you to.

I digress. The point I am getting at is that regardless of what discipline you may be holding yourself to, and I am speaking to myself here as well, the check list should go beyond the physical act of obedience. It should be checking the heart too.

There was a time that I forced myself to learn a verse in full. (You are probably thinking…”Aliyah, you don’t have verses memorized?”…No. Not really. Good memory was not one of my gifts I received from the Lord. I am a big paraphraser. One of my most common statements is, “Somewhere in the Bible it says something like…“)

So I decided to challenge myself to learn Psalm 139:23-24.

I left a Bible open on my dresser with that verse underlined for nearly two months. I read it close to daily and would begin my prayers by repeating it twice. After a while of not being able to remember it, I got frustrated and wanted to stop. But I felt guilty every time I saw my Bible open. So I continued.

Surely enough, after weeks on end, I was able to recite it by memory. This was huge. But what was more fascinating, was the way God spoke to me through that verse in a different way time after time. As I would leave a pause between each line, I learned that it wasn’t about repeating it the fastest I could, rather, it was about meditating on it and allowing God to actually use His Word to speak to me.

Yes, it took me months to get to that point with that one set of verses, but I do not believe it made me “fall behind”. For who am I chasing but Jesus? And for those who feel He is so far out at the finish line, I pray you can see His love could not bare to wait, for He already met you in your worst place. He went to the grave for you and is calling you to live in the victory He claimed over it by His resurrection.

There is an endless list of disciplines and to-do’s that one can pursue in hopes to draw closer to God. They in themselves are not bad, in fact, every Christ follower ought to be holding themselves accountable to some capacity of spiritual discipline. But that is not all there is. The beauty of the end is not when we check off the last chapters of our “reading the Bible in a year” plan or when we complete our 90 day devotional. Nor is it when we have marked every notebook known to man with our prayers.

My dear friend, the beauty of it all is the heart connection we grow with God over the entirety of our lives. So as you continue your journey of letting the Spirit transform you and renew your thoughts and desires, do not forget to discipline and prepare your heart in the waiting as well.

For one can work out their body all they want, but without proper nourishment on the inside, their growth will be stunted and their body will be just a shell of surface level strength. In that same way, as disciplined as you hold yourself to be, without giving attention to inward health and growth, your intimacy with God will be as shallow as a worker who simply does their job and goes home without building any relational depth with the one they work for. How can you properly do the Lord’s work without knowing His heart and hearing what He desires for you?

Thoughts to consider:

Do you often move on with your spiritual disciplines for the sake of consistency, even if it means giving up moments of quiet and stillness for God to speak?

How do you mentally refocus your attention on the main purpose of your journey towards Jesus when you begin feeling desensitized to the disciplines?

What can you implement into your routine to prioritize waiting and growth beyond the physical sense?

Consider how seeing the Word of God as active and illuminating every single day as He gives us new mercies and revelations could impact your journey with Jesus.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:23-24

For God & For Them

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, spiritual formation

“Sometimes the best we can do is make the choice to act as if this life is a gift. That honors God. And if we make a practice of it, a practice of defying our anxiety and depression by getting out of bed and just giving a few moments of silent prayer of thanks for this life that maybe we still loathe – that pleases God. It gives hope to people you don’t even know. In time you’ll start to feel it, too, and if you don’t at least you did what was right.” – Alan Noble

The hard truth about seeking real healing is that sometimes, it requires breaking the bone again so that it can recover straight this time.

Last week I finished reading a book on managing your feelings. It paid respects to the reality of being a human without disregarding the responsibilities of a follower of Jesus. It was very intriguing, but if I am honest, there were parts of it that reminded me of the thoughts I used to have during times of great despair. I thought that would just reinforce the hopeful mindset I have been disciplining myself to recently, but I found it more common that my response was an aching for that old, comfortable place – a place where nothing could get worse, for I was already at the bottom of the pit.

As I was reading it, I battled with the desire to resort to my old ways whenever things went wrong; numbing, expecting disappointment, doing the bare minimum to accomplish daily tasks, and pushing away my time with God. It hadn’t hit me until many days passed when I realized others could notice a change. And as much as I wish I could say that challenged me to get out of the slump, it didn’t. It actually just made me more hopeless as I began to consider the healing that has been happening over the last couple of months was perhaps just a season of wishful thinking.

Even as I write this, every bone in my body and thought in my head has been trying to pull me back into the comfort of lying in bed and hiding from the weight of relaying God’s word to you on this blog.

Though the Holy Spirit is a sweet being…for all but One voice in me argues for resting in despair.

Recently I have been reading 1 Corinthians. Great insight can be found throughout every chapter, but one that has planted itself in my mind was the message of God’s desire for unity. You constantly see Paul express the importance of loving others, respecting others struggles with temptation, and the need for building peace among one another.

Now, I am no where near the most social person in the world, but I realize this isn’t about going out and telling every person you pass that, “JESUS LOVES YOU”. Surely that is a way to share God’s love, but let’s be real, I will never be that outgoing of an individual. Nor is that what scripture is telling us we must do. No, rather, what we see is Paul describe that every action, from our words, to our thoughts, to the way we dress and eat have the ability to glorify God and love on others. The overall message isn’t to be the loudest voice shouting “Jesus saves”, but the most disciplined and loving. And through our every action that is honorable to God, we make room for the heart of Christ to be reflected and open a door for the Holy Spirit to move in those around us.

I read a book called “On Getting Out of Bed” a while back. It is the one quoted at the top of this blog. The title may sound silly if you never endured a time of depression, but it was truly one of main sources of inspiration I found that led me to believe that the way things were, were not how they had to be.

It honestly threw me for a loop, because I started reading it expecting some great advice I could do for myself that would be inspiring enough to power me through the rest of my days, but such was not the complete case. Surely, there were great points on things pertaining ourselves, but it began with a reference from a book called “The Road”, a story of selfless love between a father and son. Through some incredible hardships, the father tells the son that the bravest thing he’s done was to get up this morning. Getting up – despite the risk of more trials, shame, fear, pain – even though he didn’t want to for himself…he did it for his son.

Using that story as a foundation for the perspective we should pursue, the book (“On Getting Out of Bed“) consistently pointed back to two main reasons we ought to not make our bed in the “comfortable” place of despair. First, was that the life we live was one God purposely created for His glory. Meaning, regardless of our feelings, for God, we have a duty of living honorably and in gratitude. And secondly, as a being that belongs to God, we have a duty of loving His creation; the people around us.

My dear friend, surely time will create a scar over our wounds and restore a connection between our broken bones. But that does not always mean it is healed in the way it should be. And when that happens, the only way to start really restoring what was broken is to dig back in the wound and clean out everything that was simply a mask for the pain. I was once told that realizing you are further back than you thought you were can be one of the most freeing things. I argued with that for a long time, but I believe now there is so much truth in that statement.

How much longer will you walk with a lame heart believing it is fine just because it’s not missing? It is surely frustrating and painful to face the reality of one’s brokenness, but it is the only place real growth can start from. You may argue that “it is okay”. You may believe your greatest place of safety is despair. But thank heavens, our life isn’t all about us. For those like myself would be stuck in a pit forever. It is not about what is comfortable, but what is right, honorable, and just. That kind of life, my friend, only can be lived when you seek the right thing, no matter the pain it may entail, because it is our duty; for honoring God and for loving them.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there any area of your life that you have allowed healing to happen through time and false remedies instead of through God?

Do you often consider the influence every one of your actions can have on those around you?

Would someone who never spoke to you directly be able to see the love of Christ through you – even during your greatest trials?

Consider the purpose God has for you in every season, and how much you could honor Him and love His people if you prioritized them over your feelings.

“Sometimes the best we can do is make the choice to act as if this life is a gift. That honors God. And if we make a practice of it, a practice of defying our anxiety and depression by getting out of bed and just giving a few moments of silent prayer of thanks for this life that maybe we still loathe – that pleases God. It gives hope to people you don’t even know. In time you’ll start to feel it, too, and if you don’t at least you did what was right.” – Alan Noble

Calling God’s Truth To Mind

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.” – Lamentations 3:21

What a struggle it is to recall the good when everything around us is failing. Perhaps that is my negative perspective, but I am sure I am not the only one who is challenged when people say things like, “Just trust in God, it’ll be okay.” or “God is good, He will work it out.” Oh boy, do those statements rattle me. I get the good intention, but I feel they do not lead to the most peaceful results. Because the reality of an anxious and weary heart is a daily battle against lies that we are truly not strong enough to fight off on our own.

This morning I finished reading Lamentations. Now, I certainly had many thoughts as I read through it, but what struck me most was a reference I found to Matthew 28:20. In this verse Jesus says, “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” In the notes section of my Bible, this verse was used, alongside Deuteronomy 31:8, to support the hope that the author of Lamentations speaks about. Honestly, this caught me off guard, because the verses that end the book are not the most hopeful.

They state: “Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us for so long? Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return; unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure.”

Surely this prayer might sound familiar to the ones we cry in our low moments, I know it does for me at least. Which is exactly why Matthew 28:20 nearly brought me to tears. Now I may not be the greatest at seeing the bright side of things, but that does not change what Christ did in the past. Knowing that I would doubt His love, He still gave His life for me.

Whether I ever see another miracle or not in my life, Jesus still went through death and back to express His love and desire for us. What could be more meaningful than that?

The conviction hit hard as I realized this morning, more often than praises, my prayers reflect a discontent heart. Whether it be anxieties, disappointments, fears, or doubts, I have come to a point where my honesty with God stops right there. At simple honesty. Not vulnerability.

A professor once told me that honesty and vulnerability were in fact not the same thing. One (honesty) gives information on the past or present while keeping a wall between us and any change. Kind of like just stating hidden facts. Meanwhile, the other (vulnerability) is to open up about the reality of our situation and actually allow outsiders to influence us through wisdom or discipline.

I wrote a blog about lamenting a long time ago , but I feel I may have become complacent with the freedom of honesty, leaving me to forget the whole point of why lamenting is different and better than complaining. What lamenting does, is “honors the honesty of pain and anger while also honoring the truth that God is the one who reigns and whose hesed love never fails.” (quoted from a book called The Justice Calling).

When we lament, we are to do exactly what we see in Lamentations, which I am sure is surprising haha. Truly though, if you look at the structure of these chapters, we see a pattern of honesty that turns into vulnerability as the author reminds himself of the truth of God’s heart and authority.

Thus, directs us back to the head quote. Lamentations 3:21 states:

“Yet..”, meaning in spite of his reality of despair. “..this..”, referring to the truth about to follow in verses 21-27. “..I call to mind..”, disciplining himself to taking captive his thoughts for the glory of God. “..and therefore..”, surrendering his concerns to the reality of God’s sovereignty over all, “..I have hope.”, choosing to walk in belief that God is who He says He is and will remain faithful to His word.

We have a choice when it comes to our feelings, to either desperately call to mind the truth of God’s love and mercy, or to make room for the lies to take root in our hearts.

Those common phrases that I mentioned aggravate me in the beginning of this blog may actually be the kind of simple truth we need to stop overlooking as “basic” or “shallow”. They may not be specific to our current trials, but that does not make it any less true or powerful.

God is good. His timing is perfect. His love is unconditional. His mercies are new every morning. And surely, He is with us “always…to the very end of the age.”

My dear friend, lamenting is beautiful because it is the practice of being vulnerable with a God who longs deeply for a relationship with you. His truths sound so simple, but they can be some of the hardest things to remember to live in. Yet calling His reality to mind is the only way to win the war against the lies in an anxious and weary heart.

There is a hope we can rest in despite our circumstances because we serve a God who already claimed victory over the lowest, darkest place.

Thoughts to consider:

Would you say that you make room for God’s truth to transform you in your doubts or do you dwell more on your anxieties?

What difference would it make in your life if you started living more vulnerable with God instead of just honest?

What is a discipline you can practice to help store His truth in your mind so that you have a defense when lies begin to overwhelm you?

Consider the growth you could experience in your relationship with God if you started living from His victory instead of trying to dig yourself out of the grave.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.” – Lamentations 3:21

June Musings: Only Our Daily Bread

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

“I am weary, God, but I can prevail.” – Proverbs 30:1

Mere satisfaction seems unattainable in a society where excess is still not enough. Food portions are growing, new clothing is being stocked daily, smartphones are gaining new abilities every year, and social media is reminding you every hour of the things you are missing out on or what must buy to keep up with the trends. In all honesty, it is a draining lifestyle to live. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying eating good food, shopping, or being on Instagram, is terrible. I do every single one of those myself. The point I want to highlight though, is that we live in a place and time where we have so much available to us, that contentment is only found in the abundant fulfillment of our wants. No longer is the satisfaction of our needs enough for us.

Now that certainly creates a problem with materialism, but I want to focus on how that mindset impacts our relationship with God more specifically.

I was reading through Proverbs and came across an incredible chapter. And no, it’s not the infamous chapter 31. It’s the one just before it. The one that starts off with such a vulnerable and comforting statement: “I am weary, God, but I can prevail.“

That quote alone captures the reality of so many of us. But lets be real, sometimes we only can muster up the first four words of that sentence. Whether it be a trial, an internal struggle, or our doubts that wear us down, the truth we hear from God does not always leave us content.

“God, if I could have just one sign/miracle/spiritual encounter/etc.” is a prayer many may be familiar with.

I want to be very clear; seeking any of those is certainly not wrong. But there is a danger we can face when we pray that prayer with the mentality that only the fulfillment of our “wants” is enough.

Read verses 5-9:

“Every word of God is flawless;
    he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
 Do not add to his words,
    or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.
    Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God.”

The author was honest in his struggle at the beginning, though his confidence in his prevail was not because of his own strength, but God’s. In fact, in analyzing his request, we see him start off with reverence to the Lord and submission to His Word being perfect and sufficient.

I find this fascinating because in our current time, we have access to the Word of God via the Bible. A book of living truth – that which is timeless. And though the trials of each of us vary, our purpose and our place of refuge are found in the same source.

However, with the agenda society is pushing, the perfection, wholeness, and truth in God’s Word can be a tough belief to stand firmly behind. Because as much as we believe it is all we need, our wants prevent us from true contentment. Over consumption is all around us and encouraged by many. So it surely has the power to trickle into our perspective on God.

But take a look back at verses 8-9. Here we find the author giving us a key to guarding ourselves from that dangerous way of thinking.

“but give me only my daily bread”…

Similar to the “not my will but Yours be done, oh Lord”, statement we tend to repeat or rephrase in our own prayers as we saw Jesus teach us in Scripture, this plea in Proverbs, for just what we need, ought to be one we mention daily as a defense against the selfish desires we battle with.

It may not change your circumstance or even your mind immediately, but repetitively allowing truth to be spoken over your hearts desires will in fact change you and your perspective, not because of the phrase itself, but the power of the One who you are saying it to. Faith comes when we put belief into action. This kind of prayer is not encouraged for the sake of getting what we want. No, it is a necessity to live a life believing God is truly all you need.

My dear friend, we are tempted so often to raise our bar for what we consider “enough”. But that way of living does not stem from the God we serve. It rises from a broken humanity that believes we not only know what we need, but can attain by our own means. This mentality could not be more wrong. When will we notice our striving for “enough” is the very reason we never find it? Nothing can satisfy us nor provide all we need besides the One who created us and gives us our purpose.

Perhaps then, in the pursuit of our perfect, wholesome, and Holy God, we will realize He not only provides our daily bread, but exceeds our every desire in the way they were intended to be filled.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there any area of your life you find yourself tempted with over consumption?

Has the mentality of always needing more ever influenced your view of or relationship with God – expectations, requests, doubt, etc.?

Are there areas of your life or seasons where you seek what God can give you more than you seek Him as Himself?

Consider the ways you can challenge yourself to daily live out in faith, the belief that God is truly all you need.

“I am weary, God, but I can prevail.” – Proverbs 30:1