spiritual growth

Quit the Molding

Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

For a while now, I have been working towards the development of a “morning routine” that first and foremost devoted time to God.

I am by no means a “morning person”, and frankly, I find it hard to believe many people naturally are. Nonetheless, studying the practices of others, I decided I would force myself to be one.

After spending 30-40 minutes with God nearly each morning, (yes, I have missed days here and there), I started to notice something…

It doesn’t get any easier. In fact, the reason I missed some days was due to the thought that I could wake up later, get ready for work first, and then do my quiet time. Yet, each and every time, I failed.

But alongside learning that, I also learned that the reason I have not quit and moved it all back to be a part of my nighttime routine, was because my heart hungered for it first thing in the morning.

When I would skip it, I would be angry and easily tempted into justify the sins that would result from that. But just a few hours later, I would find myself drowning in shame.

It was as though many soul developed a need for this time, this experience with God, before all else. So much so, that it would battle its old self and the new self all day long.

The old self would not mind if I had missed this time for weeks, as long as no one found out. Yet my new, redeemed, and Holy-Spirit filled soul knows there is better. Better when I devote my first fruits to God and invite Him into my every moment from the moment my eyes open to when they close at night.

I am aware this sounds silly or typical coming from a church worker, but I have found nothing calls me to this disciplined way besides the call of being a Christ follower. The fact that my family believes in Jesus does not compel me to spend more time in prayer. The fact that I work in ministry does not force me to read my Bible, for how would they know if I did not? And the “christian-writer” dream I have does not require me to devote my mornings to worshipping God.

No thing and no one has the power to dictate what I spend my free time doing. That is, and always will be, my responsibility. For my word can say one thing and my actions another.

The call I have decided to take on when I accepted Christ was one that would only be lived out through my personal devotion in spirit and acts to God.

So how and why then, do I say we ought to stop the molding?

I fear this society has acquired a mentality that what we want to do with our lives can be accomplished while simultaneously remaining inconvenienced.

We hear it all the time, some have even heard it from me in the past, “Find the time that best works for your schedule and section off 5-20 minutes to spend time with God.”

…I take back that advise if I have said it to you before.

What I have noticed is that our souls have a deep hunger and longing for the presence of God in every moment our lives and it’s going to take a lot more than 10 minutes of us reading a couple verses at night while we are half-asleep.

The Lord deserves more than that. And your soul, my friend, cannot survive like that forever.

We should not, and cannot, continue molding God around our lives.

We often hear the verse about giving our “first fruits” to God in relation to our money. That is what we call the tithe, our first 10% of our income.

But I would argue this should be applied in all we do. There is a lack of awareness of our soul’s needs that we cannot understand or even explain because it is so deep that we are sometimes left like babies, crying for a need, but incapable of expressing it in words.

This is not because we are dumb, but simply unaware. Our perspectives are limited, and unfortunately will remain that way without the leaning on the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 3:5-6 is quoted all over the place. We see it on a plaque at the church, printed on your grandma’s coffee mug, and surely you have seen it on a woman’s t-shirt before.

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Encouraging and sweet words that reveal the caring and wise heart of God, yet we still find ourselves only tuning into that source (God/Holy Spirit) for a few minutes at night.

I do not mean to be against the nighttime study crowd, but I am seeking to challenge you.

One of the biggest reasons people have told me, and even a reason that I used to say, was that the quietest time and the most free time one has, is at night, while all others are asleep, or after a hard days work.

But as I brutally force myself to continue waking up at these ungodly hours of the morning to pray and read before I begin getting ready for work, I have found I would not go back to the main quiet time being at night.

First, in the morning, one is going from full sleep, the most unaware state and gradually, with the help of God’s great gift: coffee, into a state of greater awareness. Some may take longer than others, but if you begin with being asleep, you can only ever continue becoming more awake.

Additionally, our culture struggles, including myself, with stewarding time. One of the reasons I miss my quiet time when I save it for the last part of my morning routine, is because I find myself taking too long in finding an outfit to wear or doing my hair, that I steal the minutes of quiet time and end up rushing to work before even glancing at my Bible.

This time, instead, is protected when you make it your first task.

What this also does, is train yourself to not avoid the consequences of your own actions. If you wake up late, you begin quiet time, and end up going to work late, you will think twice about choosing to enjoy those extra 15 minutes of sleep again. Yet, if you wake up, and instead, cut the quiet time for the sake of getting ready on time, you protect yourself from the consequences (being late) that you rightfully deserve. Thus, leading you to justify your bad decisions because the only person who knows you skipped your God time is you and God.

It is hard but it is necessary if you desire to grow. For what you spend your time doing is, and always will be, up to you and your responsibility to be used for God’s glory.

After all, the Lord calls us to take up our cross daily…a cross was a never a comfortable thing to endure. It was one that represented death. And how else does one live as a new creation without putting to death the old flesh and old ways?

One’s “first fruits” are those that are picked before the rest. They are not the leftovers nor the ones picked after one has gotten their filling. They are given first and foremost.

When linking this idea with the responsibility we as Christ followers have to steward our time well, it only makes sense that our every breath should be first devoted to God alone and then to the things He has placed before us.

As everyone’s jobs and mornings look differently, the amount of time one devotes in the morning may look different, as well as where exactly they spend this time at.

But what I have found, is that despite the hour we must leave for work or begin our daily tasks, we can always wake up earlier. Due to my struggle of deep feelings, I cannot get less than a certain amount of sleep or I suffer greatly, so as old as this may make me sound, I try very hard most nights to be asleep by 9-9:30pm so that I can stay around the eight hour mark. This means saying “no” sometimes to late night outings with friends and it means I must steward my nighttime chores and such to be completed by that time. In doing that, it makes less excuses available for me in the morning.

At the end of the day, this is not written in stone nor in scripture. But there is a hunger and desire written on our hearts and deep in our soul that I find, suffers, when we save but a taste of God for the night, as we drift in and out of sleepiness.

My dear friend, in your schedule, you hold the power to determine what kind of God you worship. One of convenience, that you believe you can know deeply through a five minute conversation at night, or the One of the Bible, that which may call for inconvenience, yet will grow you and fill you in ways you never knew your soul needed. Our time is considered one of the most valuable things to us, so where will your first fruits go? How long will you continue trying to mold God around the precious gift in which He gave you?

Thoughts to Consider:

What obstacles are currently preventing more time in community with God?

If you have implemented this practice in your morning, in what ways have you seen growth and what are the distractions pulling you to fall for the temptation of convenience?

How can you reschedule your priorities to protect that time in the presence of God?

Consider the growth your relationship with God could experience and how much your soul has been hungering for greater unity with Him unknowingly.

December Musings: On What Works

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Every one of us needs to find our own unique way of reaching the universe of increased awareness. I have come to be quite certain that no one way is any better than another. Whatever leads each of us to our destination of relationship with the Divine Lover, with the central core of meaning in the universe, is the best one for us.” – Reaching by Morton Kelsey

For months, I have been collecting portions of practices from pastors, teachers, and writers on what is considered to be the right way to pray. To go to God in full surrender with a heart that seeks true communion. To come honestly, but never disregarding His authority and the reverence we ought to maintain for Him.

I have personally been seeking this out since I came to Christ, but much more practically recently for the sake of developing some sort of guidance for those just entering the faith.

What I thought was going to be a quick list of ten or so practical tips became an exhaustive journey. What I have found is that prayer is so very simple in terms of doing, yet so complex internally.

It goes far beyond spoken words. It is a practice that requires the attention of the mind, heart, and soul. A practice that prioritizes posture over knowledge. It is not about the fancy words but honesty and humility tied in with confidence in whom you are speaking to.

Perhaps in our pursuit of what is practically correct, we have lost the very point of seeking and have drowned out the sensation of our deep need for our Savior.

These thoughts have been running as I have been trying to form my new year resolutions. Some may scoff at these shallow promises so many make to themselves, but I find them rather important.

The end of things is something God works through. The end of something gives us the opportunity to reflect on why it is ending and why it lasted as long as it did. So as a year comes to an end, I find it to be the perfect time to reflect on the things God has chosen to teach us in the time frame He designed.

Good or bad, from our perspective, is still purposeful. Not to say we will understand or come to know that purpose right now, but to know that is to value each experience. It is to not disregard any moment as one God can’t be glorified in.

This is why I reflect and this is why I make new year resolutions.

That being said, prayer has been on my mind because for nearly the last year, I have written my prayers down each night. It is something I have not done before, or at least consistently. And now that close to a year has passed, I recognize the growth and benefit from it, but I see its limitations as well.

This then led me to seek out more. More practices I could add to my routine to form the perfect or best “quiet time with God”.

In my hunt for new disciplines, I struggled a lot. I came across so many that I either did not understand or could not do without feeling unlike myself.

Then I stumbled across this book. The quote is something similar to what I have heard in Richard Foster’s book, Celebration of Discipline. He warned prior to beginning the description of each spiritual discipline that if we are not careful, we risk becoming fools following routines rather than true seekers of the Lord.

That thought paired with the ideas of Morton Kelsey made me think of what it means to be a seeker of God. One who desires Him. Not just knowledge of or gifts from Him, but simply Him.

As we near the beginning of yet another cycle around the sun, perhaps it is not specific practices or routines we ought to be focused on. Rather, maybe it is about the perspective we have and the heart posture we uphold. One that seeks out God, no matter what that looks like.

Allow me to give you an example. I began writing my prayers in February of 2024. It began well, but a month or so in, I fell into the temptation of pride. Pride in my discipline.

I hadn’t noticed that until I missed a few days and recognized the anger and disappointment I had in myself. The loss of opportunity to communicate with God was not my reason for anger. It was my own failure.

That’s when I changed my approach. I began praying out loud first and once I was nearly done, I would write my prayers down. This was due to my struggle of being too tired or rushed. Some days I managed to verbally pray, but fell asleep before I could write anything down.

If anyone were to look at the dates of my prayer journal, they’d assume I missed a day, but I had not. I simply did what worked in that point in time. Not what was routinely scheduled.

This softened my heart to remember the point of it all. The point being to consistently be in communication with God, not to go through as many journals as I could in a year. It was to draw near to Him and slow down, forcing every one of my senses to focus on my time with Him; my hands wrote words to Him, my eyes envisioned each new word, my smell focused on the paper and ink I am using to communicate with Him, and my hearing dedicated to being sensitive to His quiet voice while I wrote in silence.

This one practice changed over the last year. Not in physical form, but internally. I still write in the same format, with the same type of black pen, in the same cursive, and in the same brand of notebooks as I started with in February. But my purpose for it and value in it has changed as I have stopped worrying about what is the “right” way and started considering what was the way that works.

Works: Not in tangible success, for I honestly don’t even know what that would look like, but in terms of spiritual awareness of who I am speaking to, His character, His heart for me, what His voice is like, and the need I have for Him in my soul.

My dear friend, there are a million different ways people will tell you your prayer life should look like. I have told you a small part of what mine looks like. But I want to remind you the love God has given me for words. The deep value I hold for capturing wild emotions and thoughts into orderly letters. This works for me because of the way God designed me. It may not be beneficial to you at all. And if that is the case, then now, at the end of this year and the beginning of the next, I encourage you to analyze what God has taught you and how you can discipline yourself in a way that grows you close to Him. Not doing a discipline because it is easy or simple or even popular by others. No, rather, doing it because it brings you into deeper communion with the Father. Practice what transforms your whole being into one that is more sensitive to the Spirit and more aware of your need for our savior.

Thoughts to Consider:

What brought growth in your spiritual life in the last year?

What stunted you from drawing closer to God in 2024?

How will you teach your mind to walk into 2025 with a new year perspective/heart posture?

Consider the way God has made you unique and imagine the deeper bond you could have with Him if you allowed Him to speak through the passions and personality He created you with?

“Every one of us needs to find our own unique way of reaching the universe of increased awareness. I have come to be quite certain that no one way is any better than another. Whatever leads each of us to our destination of relationship with the Divine Lover, with the central core of meaning in the universe, is the best one for us.” – Reaching by Morton Kelsey

On Letting Go – Minimalism and Deepening Faith

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

I threw a lot away yesterday. Over the last two years, I have been trying to become a minimalist for mostly the sake of my faith.

If you know me, you know I love shopping and I love aesthetically pleasing things. So this was kind of hard to reduce all I had. But over time, I honestly thought of myself to be succeeding pretty well in this area of my life, and I even felt like I had become less materialistic because of this discipline.

But a couple of days ago, I was thinking about my future and accidentally went down a spiral of thoughts, regrets, and missing my past. I thought about how much more responsibilities I kept up with. I thought about the way I cared for my body better with how often I worked out. I thought about the way I maintained a sabbath. And I thought about the work I put into pursuing my dreams no matter what judgement I received from it.

It was hard, but I did it. And for years, I have taken pride in that season of my life. And since then, every failed attempt to maintain good stewardship of my time and work has been rationalized because of how “good I was in the past“. But what I noticed this week was the way the rationalizing only eased my mind for a moment.

I said it was okay to not be as disciplined as I used to be, but within the same hour, I realized the shame and hopelessness that mindset would lead me to.

I thought, “It was good while it was, but it is what it is now.”

That was, until the light bulb lit up two nights ago.

I looked in my car, and on the rear view mirror I saw the tassel from my high school graduation next to the school parking pass from my senior year (2020-’21). And hanging next to those was an air freshener from the church I attended in college, right beside my college graduation tassel.

It was a hanging mobile of my beloved memories. Now, that may sound cute, but all it stirred up inside of me was aching pain.

An aching for the freedom I had in high school, the endless possibilities of majors I could’ve studied in college, and the joy in serving my sweet group of youth students at my old church (even they are now on their way to college).

This was all wrapped around my rear view mirror with the air freshener that recited Colossians 3:23. And that’s when I noticed the point.

God has blessed me with so many new things. Some more exciting than others. But nonetheless, new. I graduated high school over 3 years ago and college 6 months ago. But after each milestone, I placed them in front of me again by hanging their mementos on my car mirror. A place I spend far too many hours in a week.

So two nights ago, I went on Amazon. I scrolled for a while and ended up buying a hanging yarn plant.

When it arrived (praise Jesus for Amazon prime) yesterday, I took off everything on my rear view mirror and replaced it with the yarn plant. The tassels, I kept, but the other things, I tossed.

And when I got in my car this morning to go to work, for the first time in a very long time, I actually thought about the verse that used to be hanging on my air freshener.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

I had practiced minimalism for so long. But I completely overlooked the deeper way it could be implemented into my life. For three years, I had been collecting good things that reminded me of God’s blessings, but turned it into something that stirred up anything but joy.

I wanted the past. And what that mentality does, is stiff arm God from allowing Him to show you what He has planned next.

The air freshener was given to me after a sermon about stewarding your work well, especially on the days you don’t want to. It had in big, bold letters on the back, “MONDAYS 🙂 You were made for this”. Because let’s be real, Mondays are dreadful and the joy from Sunday is tempted to be forgotten the moment your “get up for work” alarm goes off before the sun even rises.

It took me getting rid of the memento to appreciate it and actually consider how I can move on with my future while appreciating what I learned in my past.

As I write this, I find it even more interesting that those items were wrapped around my rear view mirror. A tool to help me see what is behind me so that if I need to switch lanes while moving forward, I can with peace in knowing I am clear of any obstacles. But that is just it, any time I look at what’s behind should be for the purpose of moving me more forward. Even if I have to back up a little, it is so that I can get around something and press on my journey even farther.

Those mementos are great to appreciate the past. But the purpose of minimalism in terms of growing your faith, is to get rid of the unnecessary things and keep my attention on what is needed and what brings me closer to God. Though I was maturing from my materialism problem, I had never noticed the way I held onto the past so tightly.

A simple task like relocating or getting rid of things from my past has allowed me to have a greater visual of the future and more freedom for God to use me for whatever it is He pleases.

May we not forget the purpose we have because we are so attached to the things we have known. For God’s plans and desires are beyond our imagination. We only limit ourselves to the life God made us for when we refuse to walk into the “Mondays”.

Not every season of life will be exciting. Some will feel tiresome, pointless, or painful, but God has a purpose for every minute you breathe, and you have a responsibility as one who claims to be His follower. You have the duty of good stewardship. Of giving your best, for what you have in front of you was given by the Lord, even if you cannot see how.

My dear friend, taking a step on the water is going to come with fear when you’ve only ever walked on land (credit to Chris Renzema for his sick song lyrics that say something similar). But how much longer will you live obstructing your own view of the future and what’s ahead because you can’t look past the past? God’s hand is reaching out to walk with you…will you take it even if you cannot see the next step?

Thoughts to Consider:

What are some material, or immaterial things from your past that you are enabling to block your view of the future? Bring them to the Lord in prayer.

Have you truly allowed God to use you in ANY way He desires, even if it is new or uncomfortable?

How can you work on developing the mentality and lifestyle described in Colossians 3:23?

Consider the growth you could experience and the deeper connection you could have with God if you took His hand in walking into the “Mondays” of your life, no matter what they entail.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

September Musings: Heart-Centered Spiritual Disciplines

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

The other night, I stumbled across this individual explaining their regret in waiting for marriage. It wasn’t that they did, rather, it was that they didn’t apply the waiting to anything beyond the physical obedience to God.

Over the last couple years, I have experienced times of great discipline and times of total inconsistency. Unfortunately, I just recently seem to have reached the end of this season of good discipline.

Perhaps traveling so much had a role to play, but that does not change the fact that each and every day comes to a point where I have a certain amount of time to do whatever I please. And embarrassingly, I admit, I have not always offered it to God first. Instead, as my heart could feel the conviction most nights, I would sit and pray out loud, frustrated that I couldn’t push myself to write it down or open up my devotional I spent an unruly amount of money on just a few weeks ago. And on the days that I could match my pen to my prayer journal paper, I would begin with an apology for not physically writing my prayers down for days on end.

This continued for a while. The more days I missed between the entries, the more I would beat myself up and tell myself how such a lack of inconsistency ought to reveal my inability to stay dedicated and close to God. But thank heavens I see now, that is not the right mindset.

It is not about checking off the list. I am sure you have heard that before. But now more than previously, I am noticing that it is about checking your heart and not letting the means to an end become an idol.

I am a lover of routines. If you give me a to-do list or a schedule, I will gladly follow it in order. Perhaps my obsession with an aesthetically pleasing life has an influence on my itching desire to keep everything in line. Now, I am not saying it is bad to be that way, but I am recognizing it may lead to some problems.

In February of this year, I made the decision to start writing down my prayers. I did this for multiple reasons, but one of them was for accountability. I know the kind of discipline I hold myself to when I give my word to others, so I figured if I put my prayers on paper to God, perhaps I would hold it to be as valuable as if I were to have promised a friend that I would contact them every morning. If you know me, you know my word means a lot.

And so for a while, this worked. Again, I had other reasons behind it, which is also what helped me stay dedicated to it, but nonetheless, months had passed and I just reached the start of my third journal book.

Yet after just one entry in the new notebook, two days had passed before the second, then five more before the third, until it started becoming a every-other day journal. Honestly, this aggravated me so much. But, as you read in the beginning of this blog, I struggled to bring my pen to paper. Speaking my prayers felt just as valuable…until I would catch a glimpse of the date of the most recent entry and realize I had not kept my word.

Before I could tear myself completely apart, the Lord was gracious and gave me that great word from the random video on Instagram.

No, my situation is not the same as the couple posting about their story of waiting in purity, but it was similar in the fact that my waiting, my discipline, and my focus, had been more on the check list than the spiritual reason behind the means to my goal.

I wanted to get closer to God. I wanted to be more vulnerable, more open to His Spirit’s guidance. I wanted to learn how to surrender every thing every day to God, despite the inconvenience of waking up an hour early to do so. But my mind got so caught up in the means to the end rather than the end itself. Not saying there is a limit to our growth, but there are such things as spiritual milestones that I believe are worth celebrating when reached. In fact, side note: if your goal is to simply “grow closer to God”, I would argue that you ought to clarify what that looks like in multiple ways. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up to a life of idolizing the journey over the One it’s supposed to lead you to.

I digress. The point I am getting at is that regardless of what discipline you may be holding yourself to, and I am speaking to myself here as well, the check list should go beyond the physical act of obedience. It should be checking the heart too.

There was a time that I forced myself to learn a verse in full. (You are probably thinking…”Aliyah, you don’t have verses memorized?”…No. Not really. Good memory was not one of my gifts I received from the Lord. I am a big paraphraser. One of my most common statements is, “Somewhere in the Bible it says something like…“)

So I decided to challenge myself to learn Psalm 139:23-24.

I left a Bible open on my dresser with that verse underlined for nearly two months. I read it close to daily and would begin my prayers by repeating it twice. After a while of not being able to remember it, I got frustrated and wanted to stop. But I felt guilty every time I saw my Bible open. So I continued.

Surely enough, after weeks on end, I was able to recite it by memory. This was huge. But what was more fascinating, was the way God spoke to me through that verse in a different way time after time. As I would leave a pause between each line, I learned that it wasn’t about repeating it the fastest I could, rather, it was about meditating on it and allowing God to actually use His Word to speak to me.

Yes, it took me months to get to that point with that one set of verses, but I do not believe it made me “fall behind”. For who am I chasing but Jesus? And for those who feel He is so far out at the finish line, I pray you can see His love could not bare to wait, for He already met you in your worst place. He went to the grave for you and is calling you to live in the victory He claimed over it by His resurrection.

There is an endless list of disciplines and to-do’s that one can pursue in hopes to draw closer to God. They in themselves are not bad, in fact, every Christ follower ought to be holding themselves accountable to some capacity of spiritual discipline. But that is not all there is. The beauty of the end is not when we check off the last chapters of our “reading the Bible in a year” plan or when we complete our 90 day devotional. Nor is it when we have marked every notebook known to man with our prayers.

My dear friend, the beauty of it all is the heart connection we grow with God over the entirety of our lives. So as you continue your journey of letting the Spirit transform you and renew your thoughts and desires, do not forget to discipline and prepare your heart in the waiting as well.

For one can work out their body all they want, but without proper nourishment on the inside, their growth will be stunted and their body will be just a shell of surface level strength. In that same way, as disciplined as you hold yourself to be, without giving attention to inward health and growth, your intimacy with God will be as shallow as a worker who simply does their job and goes home without building any relational depth with the one they work for. How can you properly do the Lord’s work without knowing His heart and hearing what He desires for you?

Thoughts to consider:

Do you often move on with your spiritual disciplines for the sake of consistency, even if it means giving up moments of quiet and stillness for God to speak?

How do you mentally refocus your attention on the main purpose of your journey towards Jesus when you begin feeling desensitized to the disciplines?

What can you implement into your routine to prioritize waiting and growth beyond the physical sense?

Consider how seeing the Word of God as active and illuminating every single day as He gives us new mercies and revelations could impact your journey with Jesus.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:23-24

For God & For Them

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, spiritual formation

“Sometimes the best we can do is make the choice to act as if this life is a gift. That honors God. And if we make a practice of it, a practice of defying our anxiety and depression by getting out of bed and just giving a few moments of silent prayer of thanks for this life that maybe we still loathe – that pleases God. It gives hope to people you don’t even know. In time you’ll start to feel it, too, and if you don’t at least you did what was right.” – Alan Noble

The hard truth about seeking real healing is that sometimes, it requires breaking the bone again so that it can recover straight this time.

Last week I finished reading a book on managing your feelings. It paid respects to the reality of being a human without disregarding the responsibilities of a follower of Jesus. It was very intriguing, but if I am honest, there were parts of it that reminded me of the thoughts I used to have during times of great despair. I thought that would just reinforce the hopeful mindset I have been disciplining myself to recently, but I found it more common that my response was an aching for that old, comfortable place – a place where nothing could get worse, for I was already at the bottom of the pit.

As I was reading it, I battled with the desire to resort to my old ways whenever things went wrong; numbing, expecting disappointment, doing the bare minimum to accomplish daily tasks, and pushing away my time with God. It hadn’t hit me until many days passed when I realized others could notice a change. And as much as I wish I could say that challenged me to get out of the slump, it didn’t. It actually just made me more hopeless as I began to consider the healing that has been happening over the last couple of months was perhaps just a season of wishful thinking.

Even as I write this, every bone in my body and thought in my head has been trying to pull me back into the comfort of lying in bed and hiding from the weight of relaying God’s word to you on this blog.

Though the Holy Spirit is a sweet being…for all but One voice in me argues for resting in despair.

Recently I have been reading 1 Corinthians. Great insight can be found throughout every chapter, but one that has planted itself in my mind was the message of God’s desire for unity. You constantly see Paul express the importance of loving others, respecting others struggles with temptation, and the need for building peace among one another.

Now, I am no where near the most social person in the world, but I realize this isn’t about going out and telling every person you pass that, “JESUS LOVES YOU”. Surely that is a way to share God’s love, but let’s be real, I will never be that outgoing of an individual. Nor is that what scripture is telling us we must do. No, rather, what we see is Paul describe that every action, from our words, to our thoughts, to the way we dress and eat have the ability to glorify God and love on others. The overall message isn’t to be the loudest voice shouting “Jesus saves”, but the most disciplined and loving. And through our every action that is honorable to God, we make room for the heart of Christ to be reflected and open a door for the Holy Spirit to move in those around us.

I read a book called “On Getting Out of Bed” a while back. It is the one quoted at the top of this blog. The title may sound silly if you never endured a time of depression, but it was truly one of main sources of inspiration I found that led me to believe that the way things were, were not how they had to be.

It honestly threw me for a loop, because I started reading it expecting some great advice I could do for myself that would be inspiring enough to power me through the rest of my days, but such was not the complete case. Surely, there were great points on things pertaining ourselves, but it began with a reference from a book called “The Road”, a story of selfless love between a father and son. Through some incredible hardships, the father tells the son that the bravest thing he’s done was to get up this morning. Getting up – despite the risk of more trials, shame, fear, pain – even though he didn’t want to for himself…he did it for his son.

Using that story as a foundation for the perspective we should pursue, the book (“On Getting Out of Bed“) consistently pointed back to two main reasons we ought to not make our bed in the “comfortable” place of despair. First, was that the life we live was one God purposely created for His glory. Meaning, regardless of our feelings, for God, we have a duty of living honorably and in gratitude. And secondly, as a being that belongs to God, we have a duty of loving His creation; the people around us.

My dear friend, surely time will create a scar over our wounds and restore a connection between our broken bones. But that does not always mean it is healed in the way it should be. And when that happens, the only way to start really restoring what was broken is to dig back in the wound and clean out everything that was simply a mask for the pain. I was once told that realizing you are further back than you thought you were can be one of the most freeing things. I argued with that for a long time, but I believe now there is so much truth in that statement.

How much longer will you walk with a lame heart believing it is fine just because it’s not missing? It is surely frustrating and painful to face the reality of one’s brokenness, but it is the only place real growth can start from. You may argue that “it is okay”. You may believe your greatest place of safety is despair. But thank heavens, our life isn’t all about us. For those like myself would be stuck in a pit forever. It is not about what is comfortable, but what is right, honorable, and just. That kind of life, my friend, only can be lived when you seek the right thing, no matter the pain it may entail, because it is our duty; for honoring God and for loving them.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there any area of your life that you have allowed healing to happen through time and false remedies instead of through God?

Do you often consider the influence every one of your actions can have on those around you?

Would someone who never spoke to you directly be able to see the love of Christ through you – even during your greatest trials?

Consider the purpose God has for you in every season, and how much you could honor Him and love His people if you prioritized them over your feelings.

“Sometimes the best we can do is make the choice to act as if this life is a gift. That honors God. And if we make a practice of it, a practice of defying our anxiety and depression by getting out of bed and just giving a few moments of silent prayer of thanks for this life that maybe we still loathe – that pleases God. It gives hope to people you don’t even know. In time you’ll start to feel it, too, and if you don’t at least you did what was right.” – Alan Noble