spiritual formation

May Musings: Humility on the Search for Wisdom

Christian lifestyle, prayer, spiritual formation

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. – Isaiah 55:8

Sitting down and writing these blogs has been a difficult task for me to do lately. The amount of sticky notes with Bible verses, draft titles, and moving quotes on my desk have just been piling up for the last month without any blogs actually being written. If I told you a lack of inspiration was the problem I am facing, you may think I am just being lazy, because the endless papers with ideas on my desk would say otherwise. But indeed, I have come to a place where I feel stuck. The issue though, is that I am not stuck on what to write for this blog, rather, what to write for another project I have been praying about and working on for over a year.

Then it hit me, as conviction typically does in my most anxious moments…Isaiah 55:8, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.’ declares the Lord.”

For the last couple weeks, I have been reading Proverbs while going Timothy Keller’s devotional “God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life”. Now if you know me, I am a very passionate person when it comes to the things I steward, but I am extremely hesitant to make big decisions. Prayer is a discipline I deeply rely on in my decision making process. Though when I finally do come to a sense of peace in a specific pathway, I tend to put all my eggs in that basket and rarely change course by choice.

That, my friend, is what happened last year when I felt guided to start the process of this project I am now stuck on. I prayed for months on end. I felt peace about it. I had the opportunity to start the research. So I did. I put every ounce of hope into it and began altering my lifestyle around being able to work on it. And for a while, it felt right. But unfortunately, that while has come to a halt. I lost inspiration. I could not, for the life of me, put together words or feel confident that the research I was doing was the necessary research I needed. And sure enough, I came to a point where I stood lost, drained, and aggravated with myself for not being able to discern the “right” next move.

Then the word humility flooded my mind.

I have been reading Proverbs for about two an a half weeks now, and kept seeing wisdom described in various ways. It sounded so very intriguing and I thought, “If I could just gain an ounce of this priceless gift, this project could help so many people and be so transformative.” That was until I read chapter 11, verse 2, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Now at this point in Proverbs, humility has shared sentences with wisdom a million times. So this was not shocking news. But it was convicting. Because my alarm had just went off a few days prior that said it was “blog post day”. That goes off every other week due my struggle with meeting deadlines. And if you haven’t noticed, it had a been a while since I posted.

All at once, it finally clicked. I had been so very adamant about this project working, that I rejected every word God has put in my heart to share on this blog because in my eyes, “the project has potential to be more influential, so the blog can wait.” I claimed to be a willing vessel, while filtering what God poured in me – only obeying if I believed it was “worth it.”

I wanted this project to be completed so badly that I refused to accept any other guidance. In my pursuit of what I thought was wisdom, was truly pride. For the beginning of this journey may have been inspired by the Spirit, but at some point, I stopped listening and started demanding wisdom that suited my preference.

Perhaps the greatest struggle of a vision or dream lead by God is that humility along every part of the process is the only way to reach it.

Humility is not just surrendering ourselves to the purposes God has for us. It also means surrendering the our path to get there. Pride has the power to lead us away from God, but it also has the power to tempt us to control what God has called us to simply steward for Him. My conviction with improper stewardship of this blog has opened my eyes to see that, indeed, I may deeply desire this project I am working on to be completed soon because I find great value in it, though that does not change the fact that it was not my vision first. What God has laid on my heart ought to be handled in the way He desires. For what are we to be but humble stewards of every breath God has put in our lungs and every motion He has given our bodies the ability to do?

My dear friend, letting go of control is one of the most difficult things to do. Especially after feeling so much peace in a vision or dream. But do not grow weary of trusting in His time. For the company you are in has a record of having some incredible stories. A few fellow believers who endured the struggle of patience after receiving a word from the Lord were Sarah and Abraham, Joseph, David, Mary and Joseph, Moses, Joshua…and those are just a few. There is hope for the stuck, but we must not forget our duty to obey even if we do not fully understand.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there anything God has placed on your heart that you have turned into an idol?

Do you find yourself praying more about the blessing itself, than the ability to steward the blessing in an honorable way?

Are there any dreams or visions God has placed on your heart that you have given up on because the timeline didn’t match yours?

Consider what it looks like in your personal life to approach every thing that you do with a true dependency on God’s guidance.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

April Musings: A Hope in Reach

bible, Christian lifestyle

“All things are wearisome, more than one can say…” – Ecclesiastes 1:8

When I look at the way things are and how my heart mourns the world’s shallow depth, I become quite disappointed. Not just because I longed for more than what I could find, but because of the shame I held against myself for feeling such a way.

“Just keep smiling until it’s real.” “Life is too short to be upset.” “Just don’t dwell on the bad things”… are all statements I would hear over and over again from those trying to help the ones who seem to be stuck in despair. Though I understand their good intention, I think a lament with such great depth cannot be comforted by a mask of a cure. Surely, I thought, there must be a greater hope. For why else would a soul long for what they never saw? How could a heart demand comfort from an embrace it never once felt?

A friend once told me that, “baptism begins in the heart.”

I sat with that for a while, thinking how simple, yet deep that statement was. From eternal death to life, salvation reveals our ability to be redeemed. And baptism is the physical visual of the redemption of our souls.

When we consider the meaning of redemption, we see that Christ has saved us from what we sold ourselves to. Yes, we became slaves to sin, but before that, we had community with God. A relationship rooted in love and honor.

I was always told that reading through Ecclesiastes would be the more depressing route to find hope. But I would argue, this Scripture is one of the most comforting.

For a while, I fought with myself for feeling grief towards the brokenness of what was meant to be beautiful. Friendships have become shallow, work has become an idol, and our status has dictated our worth and purpose for far too long. When I looked at the world, I struggled for a long time to see how others could spot the joy so easily. But as I began this passage of God’s Word, I found it captivating that a book like this was written by a man whose wisdom was rooted in God and who had attained nearly everything riches could purchase. He had it all material-wise. But more importantly, He had insight on what God considered truly rich.

It was not money, a career, a social status, nor ignorance that lead to a hopeful life in such a broken world. Rather, it was the fact that our hearts were designed for something greater, and that greater thing is fully in reach because of Christ. We may not see it in full glory on this side of Heaven, but perhaps that allows us to find joy in the glimpses of His Grace as it reveals His heart for us, even as we are now. Maybe, in our pursuit of sanctification, one of the greatest things we could acquire is a perspective of unconditional love and compassion towards and amidst all that is broken.

My dear friend, it is not easy to wipe the sorrow off your face. Constant disappointment often rids our soul of every ounce of hope we manage to scrounge up. But may you be encouraged that the grief felt over a lost world presses on God’s heart too. He mourns over what is broken, for it did not used to be that way. Though may you also be aware of the two powerful paths grief can lead you towards…

As disappointment takes a toll on one’s heart, it is your decision to allow despair to take root and cultivate shame or to respond in lament towards the God who provides the greater hope we so desperately long for.

“Baptism begins in your heart”…transformation must begin at the core of who we are. The desires we have must be disciplined to wait for satisfaction by God alone. For until we recognize that our longing for more originates from what we truly once had, we will never be lead to pursue anything beyond what we see offered by the world.

A greater hope was what we were created for. And by the grace of God, it is in reach, even as we stand in the grave, because of Jesus, the One who reached out first. Your soul’s desire is justified, but how you satisfy it determines whether you establish a hope in all that is meaningless, or in the only thing that is everlasting.

Praise God, for He welcomes the weary and offers a hope that we don’t even realize our whole being is starving for.

In True Awe of Jesus

Christian lifestyle, easter, Worship

“May I never lose the wonder of Your presence. May I always stand in awe of who You are.” – Fall Like Rain by Passion

The idea of being an offering has been on my mind for a while now. I have heard song after song reference that concept and a lot of the portions of Scripture that I have been reading lately have been reflecting that as well. Though I see great value in living that way, I kept thinking about how I would ever actually explain that value of offering our whole selves for God to someone.

Every time I thought about it, I would try to build an argument in my head with reasons that, I eventually realized, always led back to the death and resurrection of Jesus. The root of every reason I had to pursue Him came from His sacrifice. But not just because of what it did for me, more so, what that revealed about His desire for me. His heart that longed deeply for community…with me.

After weeks of making mental notes of the blessings, miracles, and purpose I have witnessed God give to myself and others throughout my life, it hit me. Though those things are powerful testimonies, at the root of why we ought to give our all to this God we cannot physically see is because of 1 John 4:19…”we love because He first loved us”.

As cynical as I can be, no amount of historical, scientific, or logical evidence gave me more reason to sacrifice all I desired, than hearing about the offering God chose to give for me. There is a way that truth fulfills my soul that nothing else can replicate.

I found it quite humorous that the timing of this realization came during Holy Week.

The Gospel message, to many, seems so obviously critical to drawing people to God. But for some reason, it took me weeks to come back to that awe. I am not proud of the complacency I have allowed myself to live with. Though, what a blessing it has been to see the death and resurrection as new again.

My dear friend, the blessings and miracles and words spoken over our lives are such beautiful moments that leave us in awe of God’s power. But may Holy Week remind us that our awe of His offering – His portrayal of His love for us – is what’s brings us back to the heart of it all. Of why we love Him. Of why we too, in imitation of our good Father, offer ourselves in love.

It is so easy to normalize the feeling of redemption after you hear the same message time and time again. But perhaps humanity has allowed repetition to wear things down rather than letting it cultivate deeper, richer roots our hearts.

Being in awe of something means to perceive it with admiration, reverence, and even some fear. Was there ever a point that we came closer to achieving glory by our own means? Or did God’s authority become less worthy of our dedication? For only those reasons would justify our complacency in our view of God.

During this Good Friday, still Saturday, and resurrection Sunday, may our eyes desperately seek to be in awe again of who God is as we remember what He has done. And may our souls seek greater dependency on His Spirit as we bring ourselves back to a place of offering. Back to the altar. Back in true awe.

On the Significance of God’s Righteousness

bible, Christian lifestyle

“God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭25‬-‭26‬ ‭

Shame has been on my mind lately. It is an quite an interesting concept when broken down.

Though our bodies have a survival instinct, when shame is present, it is as if we give that up. Rather than fighting for life, we give into fighting ourselves into this belief that we are not worthy of good, and sometimes, not even worthy of life itself.

Shame holds the power to turn a soul against itself.

Now we have heard the value of God’s love preached a million times over. His love is what drove Him to fight for us even when we rejected Him. But what I recently came across was the significance of His righteousness. His justice. The characteristic that demands the virtuous thing. The just thing.

When I read this verse above, it was not just the cost of my sin that seemed to be forgiven, but also the effects of my sin that were overcome.

Yes, God loves us, and we can rest in that truth. But God also demonstrated His justice on the cross and through the empty tomb.

The cross paid the debt. The cost of our wrongdoings. The punishment we were responsible for.

And the empty tomb revealed that death, and it’s grip on our lives, has no power over those redeemed by Christ.

My dear friend, shame speaks death that has already been defeated. It is rooted in a punishment that has already been paid. And it bounds us in chains that are already broken.

The sacrifice and resurrection was not just the perfect display of love, but the perfect act of righteousness for the sake of making freedom available to those who did not deserve it.

Shame will come often. And as our hearts tends to forget the significance of God’s righteousness, shame tends to distract us from the reality we now live in; the reality of redemption and grace.

This is not that we may walk in our own pride, as Paul says in verse 27, “Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded.”

No, rather, we walk in confidence of the perfect atonement for our sins – being just that…perfect. Forgiveness for our straying, and freedom for our bounded souls.

February Musings: Reflection Of Luke’s Gospel

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?” – Luke 24:5

I finished reading the Gospel of Luke two days ago. Though there were so many rich parts, this stopped me in my tracks for quite a while.

Over the last two years, I have prayed more than ever for a change. Not so much in the circumstances of life, but in my heart. Yet month after month, I felt despair gain it’s grip on my spirit. I thought, surely, this cannot be what God desires. I was told He fights for me. He loves me. He faced death for me. Yet what I endured, honestly tempted me to doubt all of that. It began seeming as though His grace did in fact have a boundary, and justifiably so, I stood just inches outside of it.

The reason I read Luke was because I knew a LOT about the Bible. I know a lot about the old testament, the history, context, and timeline of it all, but my relationship with God felt no deeper than that between a history teacher and I. I learned through what His Word said. I grew excitement over the stories that were told. But as a teacher holds a higher, distant relationship with their students, the more I learned, the more I felt the firmness of those walls between us.

Reading Luke without any commentary or elders walking me through it, I saw God in a new light.

[ I want to be honest in the reality of my struggle though. As I type this out, praying I word this correctly, in a way that points to the glory of the Lord like I want it to, I fight with myself. I fight still with the thoughts I had before reading Luke and I fight with the fear that what I say now may not highlight something that lasts. Though perhaps that is just what life is; a constant battle to choose Jesus over all else, even if our new knowledge does not erase our old feelings. ]

The new light I saw God in was not a feeling, though it is often classified as one. My dear friend, what I saw was God as Love.

I saw Jesus fight for our spirit (4:35), be patient in our frustration (5: 10), comfort us in sorrow (7:13), defend us in our brokenness (7:47), call us towards Him (10:42), rejoice over our return (15:5), relentlessly pursue us (19:10), delight in eternity with us (23:43), and my personal favorite…I saw Jesus willingly reach for us despite all we are (5:13).

Yet even after all I saw, my heart stumbles in confidence as I try to believe I am included in those He fights for.

Though just as real as my feelings are, the resurrection of Jesus is too. The only difference is that one lasts in truth and one lies in shame that has already been overcome.

By the grace of God, we get to choose how we walk in life.

But one thing you must understand is that your choice in how you walk determines everything…and there is no grey area. You either choose to walk in life or death. In no place will you find them truly co-existing. You may trip in your pursuit of life, but that does not mean you change your direction. The beauty of God’s mercy is that we get to walk in life even as broken people. Actually, what is even more fascinating than that, is that God Himself promises to walk that path WITH us.

Luke 24:5 was the response of the Angels standing outside of Jesus’ tomb when the women went to visit. “Why do you look for the living among the dead?” they said.

We may see this and think, “Of course, only a fool would expect life from a casket.” But do we not do that very same thing as we pray God cultivates life-giving fruit while we live with a mindset and walk that feeds death?

If there is anything I desire for you from the journey through Luke, it is that you long to know God over all else.

For when you pursue the One who is Life and Love, you will only find more truth to defend against your death-seeking nature. The things of Heaven bear what lasts. Over feelings. Over hardships. Over sorrow. Over confusion. Over all sin, is the consistent conquering of Love.

The resurrection was enough. It has to be. And as much as you may fight it, as I do quite often, it always will be enough. So why, my dear friend, are you seeking glimpses of life from anything else? For only a fool seeks life while watering what is dead.