rejection

November Musings – Reflections on Hebrews

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

“These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” – Hebrews 11:39-40

In a world that demands immediate satisfaction, it can be difficult to be on the working end. Surely there are things we request from God, yet understand are shots in the dark, never promised to us in scripture but not irrational to desire. But then there is a kind of waiting to witness the fruit of your long-term tilling and watering after seeing a promise given. That my friend, requires a different kind of patience. One that isn’t based on results, rather, endured through by faith.

The people of the old testament show us the real beauty of faith. As I was reading Hebrews 11, I could not help but be overwhelmed with awe as I read how our God worked through person after person to show His goodness and the value of this thing we call “faith”.

Starting with Abel and moving all the way to the prophets, we see Paul describe the way these believers did more than just good motions. We see their heart for God and hope for His promise drive their every move. This faith gave them a perspective unlike any other group of people on earth. It was more than just wishful thinking. It was the “confidence in what [they] hoped for and assurance about what [they did] not see.” (Hebrews 11:1).

Many of these great followers of God were given promises they altered their whole lives around. Abraham, for example, left the land he knew for one he did not all because of a promise spoken over him. Noah, looked like a fool for a while and dedicated so much time and effort to build an ark all because of a promise he received. And Moses went to the highest in command in Egypt and persistently demanded freedom for his people all because of a promise God gave him.

God promised these broken people incredible things. Not because they themselves were great, but because they were willing. They had open hearts and availability for whatever direction God sought to turn them in.

Not by power, reputation, or perfection did these people follow God. No, strictly, by faith.

Faith that He who had made the promise was more than capable and willing to keep it. (Heb. 11:11).

Now let’s be honest. A part of me looks at that scripture and wants to argue their faith was easier to obtain because they lived in a time where God audibly spoke to people. But then, as I recall the cross, I realize the gift we have now. We have the fruit of a promise they could only hope of their entire lives.

I suppose we each have our own benefits in time. Nonetheless, the significance and meaning of faith does not decrease in either era.

Just past a week, I arrived home from Germany after spending nine or so days witnessing God do incredible things. In and through people, I saw hearts move in ways they didn’t know they could. I saw hope grow. I saw joy and desire for God increase. And in myself, I saw awe overwhelm me in deeper ways than ever as I thought of God and who He is.

I often struggle on trips focused around strictly sharing the Gospel. Not because I fear it, or don’t want to. But because I do not understand what progress or success looks like. And without a goal, the feeling of incompetence and inadequacy creeps its way into my mind rather quickly. Yet, on this last trip, I left with one expectation: to expect the unexpected.

This was a statement I heard long ago and it has eased my anxious thoughts previously, so I had hoped it would do the same on this trip. Surprisingly though, the worst of my days was near the beginning. Normally my battery was not that short, but it did not seem to be getting any better as the days went on.

A part of me was disappointed in myself as I thought of all the opportunities to share God’s love and how they would be stolen by my anxious thoughts…then I stumbled across Hebrews 11.

I encourage you to read the whole chapter, as the “by faith..” statements stir up an awe of God like no other, but for time sake, I wish to highlight the last portion.

Verses 39-40 state, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what they had been promised., since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

Track with me for just a moment.

Each and every one of those old testament saints were spoken a promise to. And yet they, like us, only got to get a glimpse.

It is considered the reality of the “now, and not yet”.

In this broken world, we will see God’s glory, but only a portion. The fullness of who He is will only be revealed to us, and His redemption for us will only be made perfect (meaning complete; whole) over us, when we are finally home – in the presence of our God.

Hope is not out of reach though. This “now” just looks different for us than it did for the Hebrews. All the promises they were given were leading up to Jesus. When He came, He brought a new covenant. One that did not rely on rituals or animal sacrifices, but on faith that Jesus was indeed the Christ and all sufficient for us.

The “now” we live in is that which gives us the opportunity to have a personal relationship with the Lord and the “not yet” our hearts so desperately seek is the perfect eternity that will come on God’s timing.

This sounds easy to accept when you think about yourself. But when we look to the task of testifying to others but rejection or dismissal is the only result, our hearts can get understandably heavy.

When you have a cure for something others are dying from, any human with a heart would long to share it. But the burden of the “now” is that we still live in a broken world. We still live with people who are blinded to God’s goodness because of their pain, pride, or passions. We still live in a world where sometimes, we will only get the opportunity to move rocks for someone else to eventually plant a seed in the soil beneath.

But…the beauty of the “now” is that we still live in a world where God is being accepted into hearts daily. In a world where the Holy spirit is active. In a world where spiritual chains are capable of being broken. And my dear friend, in a world where promises are on their way towards fulfillment.

I want you to reflect on the last part of verse 40. It says, “so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

“Only together”.

Only with the “pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2) and as one body (Big C Church), can our work reveal the glory of who God is and show the value of our faith.

For hope has come. It is attainable. And by the grace of God, we can see many of His promises fulfilled with our every breath.

Once just a word (Messiah) promised to broken people, is now known as Jesus our savior. How true then is the promise that Savior spoke to us going to bring redemption, completion, and fullness to all of humanity when we reach eternity?

My dear friend, when I look at this world, my heart feels a lot. It feels burdened but also hopeful. And the nature we have that seeks immediate satisfaction does not help us grow a patience towards the timing of God. We often want good results and we often want them now. But who are we to demand fruit from seeds just barely sown? And who are we to expect results of a salvation we did not make happen? It is hard to accept, for what we want is a good desire. But may we never get confused about who does the saving in our hearts and our role as one body, who is made complete, only together.

We cannot do it all. And we cannot let our hope be found in that, for we were made to please God. To have faith in who He is and the plan He is unfolding. To hold a confidence in that hope and an assurance of what we cannot see. May we not grow weary in our pursuit of Jesus. Of holding onto a hope that has come and is coming again in the “not yet”. May we learn to let our hearts focus daily on the tasks God has set before us (Acts 20:24) and guard it from the hunger for our own idea of “good” results.

His timing is perfect. His plan is good. He is sufficient for you. And He has you in the place you are in now that you may continue living out the promise of redemption He gave so many generations ago.

You are the fruit of seeds your ancestors planted. You are a result of the family Abraham was promised. And you are the worker, together with every other believer, that is called to continue sowing…whether or not your human eyes will ever see the spring season.

Thoughts to Consider:

How are you involving yourself in “the body” (the church)?

Are you willing and available? What are some strongholds you have?

What is your mindset when sharing the Gospel? Do you struggle with a desire for a certain result?

Consider the way you respond to this broken world and the people living in it and imagine the difference the daily act of living out faith could change how you react.

“These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” – Hebrews 11:39-40

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

Realign me, oh Lord

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

Living in a society that pushes us to “follow whatever your heart desires” can be exciting but oh so very dangerous. As followers of Jesus, we claim to have made the decision to give up the world and follow the God who gave up His son. But often times, we only truly follow that claim to an extent…

With a heart longing for excitement, we let our spiritual boundaries get stepped on, tip toed next to, and even sometimes crossed behind the excuse of “it wasn’t that bad”. But that is not how God called us to live. He didn’t design safety rails in life so that we could hang off the edges. As He is the literal embodiment of all things good, joyful, loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate, etc. We can bet on His boundaries having something to do with His desire for us to stay close to Him and away from everything evil, manipulative, vengeful, and so on.

Though sometimes intriguing and easy to fall into, the “harmless sins” in life are honestly anything but harmless. The one command He emphasized in the new testament was to love God and love people. A life spent loving God cannot be truly lived while intentionally flirting with sin.

So in this new year, may this be our prayer. May we long for a heart so hungry for God that we feel uneasy at just the thought of splitting our attention between Him and the world. May we humbly ask the Holy Spirit to rid our hearts of anything and everything that does not glorify God as we desperately thirst for Him to fill us up. May we look at every part of scripture for what it is; the living, breathing word of God and may it enrich our souls so much so that we feel weak after just a day spent away from it. The enemy may be no match for our Lord, but on our own, we stand no chance against the things he throws at us. We need revival. We need redemption. We need a spirit made new. So my dear friend, please never forget amidst the pleasure of life…we NEED Jesus. And I mean ALL of Him, not just on Sundays, but in every second of every day. Consistently live for a soul that prays this over every step, breath, and thought throughout your life.

I belong to You… – My commitment to Jesus & New Tattoo

christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:9-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The moment that girls began stressing about the brand of their jeans, the smoothness of their hair, and how much attention they could get from the guys around them, was the same moment I felt as though I lost all sense of belonging.

Growing up, I was content with who I was. I didn’t know Christ but my young thoughts never ran deep enough to see how unstable the foundation of my identity was. That was until I began hearing the whispers and the giggles of the boys and girls around me as I would walk through the halls of my school.

Belonging. What a simple word yet so complicated to find in one’s personal life.

For years after I gave my life to Christ, the struggle of never feeling like I “fit in” loomed over me like a heavy cloud, blocking any vision of hope. I lived every day surrounded by people, but feeling so uncomfortable and lonely inside. In my head, if I could just buy the right clothes, get my hair to be straight enough, or know when to talk and when to stay silent, I could maybe, just maybe, find a sense of community. A group of people who loved me and thought I was cool. But that group never came.

I am not saying my friends were not good friends or my family lacked in comforting me. I’m saying that regardless of who I met, I was never fulfilled in the way I longed to be. I never felt like I could be myself without carrying the massive weight of my fear of judgement.

During my years of attending church and youth group, I heard over and over again of how personal and authentic our relationship with God should be, but it wasn’t until I hit a deep low in the summer of 2019 that my eyes were opened to what it meant to be a CHILD of God. A chosen, beloved, and redeemed child of the most genuine and compassionate Father.

For the first time in my life, as I fell to my knees during worship, I realized who I was and what I was made for BECAUSE of WHOSE was. It was as though God sat directly beside me, giving me a big hug while I balled my eyes out in front of all of the other students at church camp that summer.

“I belong to you” was now the joyous statement I could proclaim without an ounce of doubt. And the deeper I thought about my identity, the more I found truth in that surrendering.

Iron bell Music has a song with that very title. And by the mercy of God, I am reminded of the walls that crumbled, the chains that broke, and my heart that was lifted into the perfect hands of the Father on that random day at church camp when I broke down in a way I never had before. It was no longer tears of pain, emptiness, anger, and confusion that would flood my eyes every night. It was tears of fulfillment, humility, peace, comfort…and belonging.

After experiencing so many days of joyful belonging in Christ, I realized that this is a statement of surrendering that I NEVER want to let slip my mind for even a minute. My loving Father has done a miracle in my heart. He brought a healing I never thought was possible. And so I am delighted to share with you, the beauty of His grace in my life and cant wait to testify it to every open heart I meet as everything I do, from my heart to my hands, flows from remembering His goodness.

I am not of this world. I was never made to be filled by the brokenness it brings. And even though I may struggle in finding genuine community, I don’t have to feel empty or lonely because I can rest assured that I will always fully belong to my beautiful Heavenly Father.

God-Ordained Identity – Finding Yourself In Jesus

christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle

The struggle to maintain a stable identity must surely be on the top 10 reasons behind the most regretful actions people take. We live in a time where coming to know who you are is seen as a lifelong process. It is as though we become a new person every couple of years. Although, my ever changing Pinterest page would tell you I aspire to be a completely new person every few weeks. The struggle is real. Society has it’s fads and we are often a victim of their lifespan.

This summer will probably go in the books as one of the most aggravating summers in history. After a crazy pandemic, with all the “hiring now” signs, you’d think finding a job would be easy. Well, such was not the case. I applied to 27 jobs. Two of them responded. After interviewing with both companies, due to my short time left before college, they told me “we apologize, but we are not looking for temporary workers at the moment.” Crushing. Not only did I waste a full face of make-up products, a gallon of gas, and sleep (both interviews were at 7am-8am), I also left a large chunk of my pride in the lobby of those restaurants I vowed to never step foot in again due to my embarrassment and rejection.

Unqualified. That’s the word that flooded my mind as I drove in silence back home. Although they told me the rejection was due to my short time-frame of being in town, I was convinced it was much deeper. Maybe it was the way I introduced myself. Or that my laugh was too loud. Or that I hesitated when they asked about my skills. Every potential reason that someone could be rejected for a job is exactly what I told myself happened with me. And just like that, I found it very hard to have sympathy for any business claiming they are short staffed. I knew I shouldn’t have grown bitter, but I did.

A few thousand years ago, there was a king who experienced a similar event, he was rejected. His name was David. He asked a fellow man in power if he would be so kind and supply some food and water to his people. When the man, Nabal, heard David’s request, not only did he deny it, but he humiliated him. He asked his people “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” Ouch. In response, David prepared to have a comeback. He and 400 soldiers went on their way to kill Nabal and his family. Yet their trek was put on pause as a woman by the name of Abigail intervened. She was the wife of Nabal. Rather than trying to justify the actions of her husband, she empathized with David. She explained how Nabal is a fool in all aspects of his life, including at home with her. She reminded him of the work God has done through him and reminded him of His value to God. No longer did the weight of rejection have to loom over David’s head because Abigail reminded him of the only truth that mattered. God’s truth. She put her life on the line so that her husband and friends did not have to die. In the words of Lysa TerKeurst, Abigail “spoke her words of truth in the tone of grace.”

After experiencing rejection from the 25 jobs that refused to even call me back on top of the 2 that claimed two months was too short of a time, I was struggling to believe that I had value in any company. My hopes of getting an internship in the media field this school year were crushed. I had a small list of companies I wanted to reach out to but for weeks after those rejections, I told myself there was no point. In my hurt, I allowed others to tell me who I was.

But thank goodness our God cares for us even when we give our identity to the world. When we find ourselves in what others say about us, we lose our sense of worth. Like David, we push away all that we knew and resort to bitterness. No longer do the words of scripture matter to us because we allow the temptation of anger and resentment to take over the moment we encounter someone who was rude to us, or in my case, didn’t give me what I thought I needed.

It is no easy task to constantly remind yourself of God’s truth. Because in all honesty, the conviction that comes with it can hurt. But as we look at stories that reveal the power of the truth in our consistent God, like that of Abigail and David, it becomes clear that who we think we are affects what we do, and what we do REALLY matters. God calls us to live set apart. He calls us to be peace makers and share His love with humility. It is typically when we try to push for the things WE think we need, that we find ourselves burdened by the opinions of others.

In a time where the world is tempting you to find yourself in thousands of different things during your journey of life, we have to realize our identity is too important to be unstable. Because all we do flows from who we aim to be deep down, it is undoubtedly one of the most important things we as Christians need to surrender to God as our source.

It may feel good to be bitter in the moment as we try to justify ourselves. But in the long run, the weight begins to add up and it only leads you farther and farther from the great plans God has for you. He wants you to live loved so you can share it with others. Sweet friend, the next time the enemy tempts you to grow anything but love, grace, and forgiveness towards those who hurt you, remind yourself of who you are in God’s eyes. Remembering is the way in which we can be filled in a circumstance that tries to drain you. It is through that discipline that we can take life step by step in the way God designed us to. You have a God-ordained identity. Do not trade it for the unstable worlds’ opinion.