The Unexpected Warfare

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

Over the recent weeks, I have taken on the challenge of becoming infatuated with who Jesus is.

As I said in my last blog, I struggle with getting caught up in the works and service I can do for God instead of who He is as my Savior, Lord, and honestly, my everything. So as I have desperately been on a mission to truly fall in love with the being of God, I have realized that it is a lot harder than I thought.

Seeing how great He is and understanding How worthy He is of praise is not the hard part, rather, for me, the most challenging time is when I seek His love and my own flesh tries to stop me.

Sometimes the inner battle stems from a feeling of not being allowed to accept His love. Other times it is because I do not believe I can represent Him well if I actually do receive the beautiful gift of His adoption and grace. And many times, I simply feel as though I have gone too far for too long to even consider living in the love He offers. Ultimately, what I have come to realize is the severity of the warfare in my mind because all that I feel is completely the opposite of all God fights and stands for.

One of the first steps I thought I would take on this mission to refocus my attention on what- or shall I say who – really matters most, was to read the Gospels again.

I have heard people describe them as love letters. Pages of endless grace. Words that not only speak truth, but fill our souls as we allow the Spirit to mold us. So I figured it was a decent place to begin.

This time however, I did not read it as though I have read other books of the Bible; Enduring Word Commentary open alongside 2 other translations and a pile of sticky notes. Instead, I read it like a story. A story of the love my God revealed 2000 years ago as He spoke to confused, hurting, broken people, just like me.

I began with Luke. The only Gospel that was written from a gentile. An outsider. Or at least that was what his people felt like before Jesus. And can I just say, the nuggets of goodness I have experienced during this time was unlike anything else.

But more than anything, what I wish to share with you, as I wait to speak on Luke for when I finish, is this…

Our flesh so desperately longs for more than this world can offer. And for some reason, immediate satisfaction, though temporary, seems to hold a great grip on us. But greater than that hold is the weight of God’s love for us. More than ever I have witnessed the impact of spiritual warfare in the heart of those pursuing a deeper relationship with God. In others and in myself.

But my dear friend, the battle is worth it all. The God who stepped off His throne to “reach out His hand and touch” the one with leprosy (Luke 5:13). The God who left Heaven to reach the nations no one else cared about (4:43). And the very God who laid down His life for the joy of knowing us forever (23:46) is the same God who is fighting for you in this seemingly hopeless battle.

I know this war with ourselves is hard. It is crazy to think that out of all of the things pulling us from God, our own lies we have lived in for so long could be the most powerful stronghold of them all.

Weary traveler, there is hope, and I am sure you know, but I dare you to live like it is attainable. Like the love isn’t just for everyone else. I dare you to die to yourself so that the voice of God can be the one filling your lungs with genuine praise and your heart with unshakable peace.

Perhaps it begins with a baby step. Do not fear, for the Holy Spirit can bring transformation with even just a change in where you turn your eyes.

“When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man…Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” – Luke 5:8,10

Beloved Christian, there is a “from now on you will…” for you as well. And Jesus, knowing all that you have and will face, calls you to delight and obey without fear. Your battle is real and strong, I am sure, but the God who loves you so dearly is stronger.

The Blessings In Questions

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

Asking questions has always been one of my favorite things. This was, however, with the exception of asking God any questions. It wasn’t because I was afraid of the answer, or of His response. Rather, I didn’t believe it was my place, nor did it resemble the kind of blind, yet strong, faith that I assumed those around me had growing up. But recently, it has been very different.

Amidst my walk with Christ, I came to the point where I couldn’t handle not throwing up a few questions to God anymore. If you read my “at a loss” blog, you can see this change in a decently raw form. Was it easy? Not in the slightest.

To me, asking God questions always made me feel as though I was doubting who He was or had a weak faith that couldn’t just accept the way things are. But my dear friend, I am delighted to tell you; after a long walk of shamefully seeking answers to the questions I had been ignorantly shoving under the rug, I have come to believe, and I mean truly hold onto with great gratitude, the truth that God welcomes our questions without condemnation.

One of my favorites books in the Bible is Habakkuk. I like it because he asks a lot of questions and God’s response is still so sweet. He isn’t angry, annoyed, or shocked. Nor does He make Habakkuk feel dumb for asking anything. Instead, Habakkuk is reminded of the faithful character of God, the power of His hand, and the perfect timing of the Lord’s judgement and grace. Read along with me.

In the very start of the book, Habakkuk cries out; “How long, LORD, must I call for help…”

In all honesty, this resonates deeply. So many times, especially recently on this hunt for various answers and a better understanding of God, the waiting has felt endless. And in some cases, pointless. I’d jot down a concern or a promise I struggled to understand how it could be accessible, and months would go by with no response…or so I thought.

We see chapter 1 split into 3 sections; Habakkuk’s first complaint, God’s answer, and Habakkuk’s second complaint. When I first read those titles, I was shocked that after hearing from God like Habakkuk did, he would dare to have a second round of questions. But after looking back over these last few months, I can’t shame this man, for I have done the very same thing.

What took me so long to notice, and friend, I hope you listen closely to this, is that amidst my hunt for a big answer, God gave me countless little answers and truths that He knew my heart needed before arriving to the one I asked for.

Isn’t it incredible to have a God who knows what we need and when the best time to receive it is? We can sometimes think it is best to have all the cards of life before us, but honestly, if we did, I do not believe we would make the right decisions with them. Just look in each of our pasts.

So as we walk along in this thing called life, without all the cards, we are left with an unclear future. And without clarity, comes questions. Could God truly have a specific path for me? How is His good revealed in grief? Where is He when everything we know to be “best for us” is falling apart? Why does He seemingly stand idle while our hearts slip and smash into millions of pieces?..

The questions could go on and on. And some will tell you to just read the Bible more. I agree. But my friend, Jesus didn’t die strictly so that you would be compelled to finish that “read the whole Bible in a year” challenge. He died so you and God could have a personal, everlasting relationship with one another. One that needs no intercessor besides the Son and Spirit of God Himself. There is an insane amount of intimacy God longs to have with us. And honestly, as someone who gets shy from the judgement of others when I ask biblical questions, I am beyond thankful for the individual, private relationship we are offered.

It took a VERY long time for me to feel the freedom of seeking greater knowledge and wisdom through my misunderstandings, doubts, and worries. Though it began as a shameful walk, it is now a blessing I couldn’t imagine going without for any longer than I already have. Yes, I stumble. Yes, I ask a million follow-up questions. Yes, I ask for more details on the promises He makes decently clear in Scripture. And yes, I plead with God to answer quicker for the sake of my sanity. But on my journey to learning how to ask questions while having complete trust in His perfectly formed and timed answers, I have seen nothing but a patient and gracious God.

Habakkuk ends his last prayer as a word of praise. Not yet seeing the answer completely fulfilled, this man so similar in his questions as you and I, says this; “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food. Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength;

Life, I think, was not meant to be aimlessly walked through. I believe God reveals Himself in more mesmerizing ways every time we seek a deeper understanding of who He is and how He acts. Not just for our own sake, but also for those we get the honor of doing life with. Questions bring answers that build knowledge. And knowledge gives us the ability to grow wisdom. And a wise life, dear Christian, is one that God can use radically for His will and kingdom.

The more we know about our loving God, the deeper rooted our faith becomes and the greater our confidence in God can be during our weakness. Not by our own means, but through His grace alone. Lean in, layout your questions, and let God reveal His wonders within the process.