Journaling

Commit It All – Surrendering Your Perspective, Present, and Future to God

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“But I with the voice of thanksgiving
    will sacrifice to You;
what I have vowed I will pay.
    Salvation belongs to the Lord!”

– Jonah 2:9

There was once a man God called out to be the messenger of His salvation in a place called Nineveh. This city was a scary one. They were known for their terrible treatment towards others, especially Israel. To say the least, it seemed like a rather hopeless mission for this one guy to proclaim a truth so far from what the people believed and how they desired to live. Long story short, the man, Jonah, decided to run from God’s call and ended up drowning in the sea. Though this was actually just the beginning of one of the greatest revivals ever. Not just for Nineveh, but for the one with the self-centered perspective as well.

When hearing the story of Jonah and the eventual repentance of the cruel city of Nineveh, it is easy to see their salvation as the main attraction. But I have come to realize, perhaps we missed a very important point in this story. It happens not within the city bounds, but in the belly of the fish Jonah was swallowed by.

The verse stated above was the ending of his prayer to God…

Yes, he said thanks. He gave praise. And crazy enough, he gave surrender. Giving thanks to God in terrible situations has been something we often stumble across in scripture. But I think the most unique part of this verse is the second half.

Jonah surrendered two things to God; his obedience, and the result of that obedience.

As I was thinking about my future a few nights ago, this scripture popped out in a way it never has before. Just last week, my friends did a little breakdown of this passage but even then, it wasn’t clear to me that this verse, or shall I say prayer, was so important.

When a person feels called to something like a career field, it is only natural to get excited about the process and endless possibilities in the future. However, over time, as I have experienced this with writing, I realize that all of the excitement also comes with an overload of anxiety. Whether it be the fear of failure, perfectionism, impatience, or a feeling of inadequacy, when you feel called by God to walk into something so specific, it can be so very taunting.

But what if we began saying this prayer over every feeling of anxiety regarding both the process and future of our call?

What if we not only surrendered our current obedience to God, but also the results to come? It can be hard to relentlessly pursue something in faith when all of the doors seem closed and the call feels like more of a misunderstanding.

The process in which God called Jonah to endure was one that seemed completely irrational. And when God told Jonah to bring a message of life to the ruthless Ninevites, the result God desired was different than that of Jonah’s. Jonah believed these people were too terrible and did not deserve salvation. But after running and witnessing the power of God, Jonah recognized our call is not about our comfort. It is about the love, grace, heart, and truth of God. It is bound by nothing for our God knows no limits. And as long as God is the one empowering us through the process, the end result relies in His will alone.

Whether you feel called to do something life-long, temporary, or for just a few days or weeks, I hope Jonah’s prayer of surrender is one you form a habit of.

Long-suffering is fertile ground for frustration. And unfortunately, because we are not the one who holds the future, we are bound to experience it at some point. But my dear friend, you have the opportunity to tend seeds of hope and faith or seeds of impatience and anxiety. Time will allow for either one to grow, the choice is yours.

From someone who tries to surrender only the obedience in the process but not the result in the future…I assure you, the battle ahead is hard, and certainly not worth fighting on your own. God’s plans are good, beautiful, and unstoppable. The only person you are hurting when trying to take control is yourself.

Living Loved and Leaving the Grave Behind

bible, christian, encouragement, lifestyle

“I am willing…” – Luke 5:13 NIV

This has got to be one of the sweetest things Jesus has said, at least in my opinion.

This was said to a leper. An outcast. A man ignored by society and labeled as unclean, useless, unworthy of any community…a man whom Jesus loved.

Understanding why Jesus loves us so much has been a complicated thing to wrap my head around. He loves us because He chooses to. What compels one to see the rejected and flawed as beautiful and purpose-filled? I could not tell you. But what I can say is that God is so willing and loving despite all that we are.

Yet being broken just like the leper, tax collector, and paralyzed man in Luke 5, why is it that when we come to Jesus and are given a new name, there is a hesitation to leave our grave clothes behind as those 3 men did?

Desperate for God’s Involvement

Could it be a result of not actually wanting healing or perhaps the trouble of unbelief?

The moment the man with leprosy caught a glimpse of Jesus, he collapsed. Not even glancing up towards Jesus’ face, he cried and begged at His feet saying, “Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

This man was desperate for healing and acted out in that desperation. He knew the power and heart of Christ enough to know that He could heal and often would.

But what about in your life? It is critical that we posture ourselves at the feet of Jesus in prayer, putting faith in His power that still moves today and in His heart that we know is abundant in love. As the man offered Jesus access into his situation, Jesus “reached out His hand and touched the man.” What a beautiful joy it is to have a God who steps in and reaches for us.

Through the lepers desperation, Jesus made him new. As someone who finds it quite hard to willingly place myself in a receptive posture, I realize that the new creation God longs for us to become cannot be cultivated unless I give Him access. I know it is hard, but my friend, I pray you see that regardless of whether or not you feel worthy of being loved, God’s goodness is running after you (psalm 23). Not because you did anything to deserve it, but again, because He simply chooses to love.

No longer was the man known as a leper, but rather, he was free to leave that label behind and live clean. May we too be as desperate to leave the grave behind as we are desperate to be healed.

Confidence in God’s Faithfulness

This next passage of scripture is honestly one of the most fascinating events recorded. Jesus was in the middle of His teaching when a few men decided it was now or never for the healing of their friend. With the crowd being impossible to push through, these men put their paralyzed friend on a mat and lowered him down from the ceiling!

These men came to Jesus because they were confident of who He claimed to be. Because of their bold faith, they refused to let this moment pass so they did anything they could to get their friend in Jesus’ presence. Can we just pause for a moment and note that these sweet guys are perfect examples of the kind of friend we ought to become and be looking for.

In response, Jesus saw their hearts and said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” Again God brought new life into the lives of the broken. He sees the depth of our desires and when we long for Him, being bold in our faith, He responds with sweet redemption. Yet this was not the end of the story. After being criticized by the pharisees, Jesus reassured the crowd of the truth in His word. The same truth the men from the roof believed; Jesus is the Son of Man and holds the authority to forgive sin and heal physical ailments. And shortly after, He told the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” And so he did.

Dear Christian, there will be times where the mountain in front of you seems impossible to get through. But may those moments cause us to reflect back and look up towards our faithful God. Sometimes the goodness in the past or in His word is the only clear thing you can see. But let your confidence never waiver for our God is the same loving and willing God as He was in these two passages.

Receptive of God’s Love

Now we come to one of the hardest passages for me to get through. Levi was a man who was shunned by his community, as the jews did not like the tax collectors because they were labeled as selfish traitor’s. He was just a man living in sin, like you and me. But on one random day, Jesus caught sight of this man and said two words to him, “Follow me.” If that wasn’t surprising enough, in what seems like immediately, verse 28 says, “and Levi got up, left everything and followed Him.”

One common theme we see among each of these stories is the obedience of these men as they encounter Jesus. Every single one of them accepted the grace He gave out. Maybe for you that is very easy. But for me, I struggle to understand how they did such a thing. Not one of them tried to explain themselves, make promises to live perfectly for Jesus as repayment, nor were any of them even recorded asking questions of what to do if they became sick, paralyzed, or rejected again. Instead, they openly received the love and mercy of God and went on testifying His goodness.

After Levi started following Jesus, he threw a big banquet at his house. Among the invited were not pharisees and saint’s, but tax collector’s and other sinners. Though that may make our hearts tender to think about, it made the pharisees all the more mad. But again, Jesus defended His love for us as He said in verse 31-32, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

I can only imagine the amount of humility it took to be at that party. The people knew they needed Jesus and were willing to be open to His love, even though they knew they could never repay Him.

May we learn to put aside our worries, doubts, feelings of inadequacy, and any other wall that might block our hearts from giving Jesus full access. He loves because He chooses to. And my dear friend, He is indeed willing to make you new if you let Him in. You may not be fully healed or freed from the things you want in the way you want to, but He will surely work things for your ultimate good and for His glory in His perfect timing.

The life of Jesus was lived out so that we could have a path to salvation, yes, but also for God’s heart to be displayed in front of us, as He stepped out of heaven to be in flesh like us. Delight for He is a sweet savior and thank goodness our circumstances nor brokenness change that truth.

Go ahead, leave those grave clothes where Jesus found you and go on dancing for you have been made new.

The Gentleness of Jehovah Jireh

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, Worship

Burnout. I am sure that is a familiar feeling many of us have experienced at some point in our lives. As the responsibilities, classes, workload, bills, and expectations from others pile up so high beyond our vision, there comes a time where the way things are can no longer continue without paying the cost of ourselves. Whether it be our health, time, or sanity, we often trade in a hefty portion of our beings out of fear or for the burden of control.

But what happens when the pile begins to lean? We lose grip. Despite our desire to maintain held together, the weight has become unbearable. We fall. And we fall hard.

The contents in this pile may be from the Lord. They may have been given with great clarity and have resulted in much fruit. But as time went on and our arms began to shake, at just a whisper of temptation and deceit from the enemy, the stack of good things trembles as our fear takes over.

This, my friend, is not a feeling only you have felt. Flip back to 1 Kings 18 and 19 with me…

Elijah, a great prophet of the Lord, faced seemingly one of the hardest days of his life. But surprisingly, it did not follow a trial, loss, or anything of the sort. Rather, it came just after one of the greatest showdowns in history. In chapter 18, Elijah goes to Israel to correct those worshiping foreign deities (baal). In doing so, the prophets of these gods came face to face with Elijah on Mount Carmel to have a challenge. Whichever deity brought fire on the altar they made was the one who they deemed worthy to worship. Long story short, baal did not even make the wind warm, meanwhile God brought a fire so powerful that it engulfed the trench of water surrounding it.

After an awe-striking event like the one just described, you would assume that Elijah was not only amazed, but joyful over the power and faithfulness of his God. But such was not the case.

At the beginning of chapter 19, Elijah is threatened to be hunted and killed by an evil lady named Jezebel. Even after such an incredible act of God, Elijah was fearful. So much so that after running and finding a tree to lay under, he “prayed that he might die.” The verse goes on to say, “I have done enough, Lord…Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”

How heartbreaking. But also, how similar has it been for some of us to get so overwhelmed and drained that even though we are confident in the power of God, we fall into the taunts of the enemy to give up. To leave it all behind. Or if you’re like me, just numb it all out and seclude yourself.

However it is that we handle our moments of feeling overwhelmed, I want you to pay very close attention to how God responds to Elijah.

After being completely honest with God in his despair, Elijah did not wait for a response, instead, he actually just fell asleep. (verse 5)

But thank goodness we serve a God who is not only powerful, but the most gentle provider. Jehovah Jireh means “the God who provides”. Though this characteristic is often used in reference to the story of Abraham, I feel as though it is also so beautifully exhibited in this scene to come…

Hearing His child cry and seek comfort under the shadow of a tree, scripture immediately goes into revealing the caring heart of
God as the verse reads, “all at once an angel touched him and said, ‘get up and eat.'” with bread appearing over hot coals and a jar of water lying beside it. And so, Elijah did. Then shortly after, he fell back asleep. Honestly, I find this so sweet that with such peace and comfort in the presence of the working hand of God, Elijah doesn’t ask questions or try to pay God back. He just accepts the care and food provided and continues resting.

It is so nice to know that when we come to God, our striving can cease. He knows we cannot properly handle this whole life thing on our own, so my dear friend, please stop making yourself carry a weight not meant for your limited capacity.

Moving on to verse 7, it begins with a patience so wholesome. Revealing God’s understanding of us and our drained hearts, He does not make His angel force Elijah to stay awake after eating and drinking. Instead, there is a moment where God gives Elijah time to sleep before the verse stated, “The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.'”

Wow. I pray in your moments of feeling scattered and empty, you may rest in the loving care of God. He does not condemn us for how we feel. Rather, He does everything He knows will bring comfort and true life into our dying hope.

I encourage you to go on reading through chapter 19 as God eventually ends up speaking in a soft, gentle whisper after Elijah feels strengthened. But for this blog, if you take anything, I pray it is openness you pursue towards the things God wishes to fill you with. Not to preach the false health, wealth, and prosperity gospel, but for the sake of remembering who truly has control.

It wasn’t until Elijah began fearing Jezebel’s threat based on his own strength that he felt overwhelmed and in despair. His focus was lost. Whether it be a common struggle we have to rest in the hope of God’s provision or not, I warn you fellow Christian, that the enemy can so easily slip into even the smallest of cracks in our unbelief. But when, not if, you find yourself in this position of fear or despair, do not push aside the only source of strength and love that is capable of restoring your hope.

God understands your flaws and limits. Yet He still desperately pursues a relationship with you. I pray that you, my dear friend, take heart in the gentleness of Jehovah Jireh. For no other can provide your every need in the same perfectly compassionate approach of Him who came off His throne for you to have a path to redemption.

The Blessings In Questions

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

Asking questions has always been one of my favorite things. This was, however, with the exception of asking God any questions. It wasn’t because I was afraid of the answer, or of His response. Rather, I didn’t believe it was my place, nor did it resemble the kind of blind, yet strong, faith that I assumed those around me had growing up. But recently, it has been very different.

Amidst my walk with Christ, I came to the point where I couldn’t handle not throwing up a few questions to God anymore. If you read my “at a loss” blog, you can see this change in a decently raw form. Was it easy? Not in the slightest.

To me, asking God questions always made me feel as though I was doubting who He was or had a weak faith that couldn’t just accept the way things are. But my dear friend, I am delighted to tell you; after a long walk of shamefully seeking answers to the questions I had been ignorantly shoving under the rug, I have come to believe, and I mean truly hold onto with great gratitude, the truth that God welcomes our questions without condemnation.

One of my favorites books in the Bible is Habakkuk. I like it because he asks a lot of questions and God’s response is still so sweet. He isn’t angry, annoyed, or shocked. Nor does He make Habakkuk feel dumb for asking anything. Instead, Habakkuk is reminded of the faithful character of God, the power of His hand, and the perfect timing of the Lord’s judgement and grace. Read along with me.

In the very start of the book, Habakkuk cries out; “How long, LORD, must I call for help…”

In all honesty, this resonates deeply. So many times, especially recently on this hunt for various answers and a better understanding of God, the waiting has felt endless. And in some cases, pointless. I’d jot down a concern or a promise I struggled to understand how it could be accessible, and months would go by with no response…or so I thought.

We see chapter 1 split into 3 sections; Habakkuk’s first complaint, God’s answer, and Habakkuk’s second complaint. When I first read those titles, I was shocked that after hearing from God like Habakkuk did, he would dare to have a second round of questions. But after looking back over these last few months, I can’t shame this man, for I have done the very same thing.

What took me so long to notice, and friend, I hope you listen closely to this, is that amidst my hunt for a big answer, God gave me countless little answers and truths that He knew my heart needed before arriving to the one I asked for.

Isn’t it incredible to have a God who knows what we need and when the best time to receive it is? We can sometimes think it is best to have all the cards of life before us, but honestly, if we did, I do not believe we would make the right decisions with them. Just look in each of our pasts.

So as we walk along in this thing called life, without all the cards, we are left with an unclear future. And without clarity, comes questions. Could God truly have a specific path for me? How is His good revealed in grief? Where is He when everything we know to be “best for us” is falling apart? Why does He seemingly stand idle while our hearts slip and smash into millions of pieces?..

The questions could go on and on. And some will tell you to just read the Bible more. I agree. But my friend, Jesus didn’t die strictly so that you would be compelled to finish that “read the whole Bible in a year” challenge. He died so you and God could have a personal, everlasting relationship with one another. One that needs no intercessor besides the Son and Spirit of God Himself. There is an insane amount of intimacy God longs to have with us. And honestly, as someone who gets shy from the judgement of others when I ask biblical questions, I am beyond thankful for the individual, private relationship we are offered.

It took a VERY long time for me to feel the freedom of seeking greater knowledge and wisdom through my misunderstandings, doubts, and worries. Though it began as a shameful walk, it is now a blessing I couldn’t imagine going without for any longer than I already have. Yes, I stumble. Yes, I ask a million follow-up questions. Yes, I ask for more details on the promises He makes decently clear in Scripture. And yes, I plead with God to answer quicker for the sake of my sanity. But on my journey to learning how to ask questions while having complete trust in His perfectly formed and timed answers, I have seen nothing but a patient and gracious God.

Habakkuk ends his last prayer as a word of praise. Not yet seeing the answer completely fulfilled, this man so similar in his questions as you and I, says this; “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food. Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength;”

Life, I think, was not meant to be aimlessly walked through. I believe God reveals Himself in more mesmerizing ways every time we seek a deeper understanding of who He is and how He acts. Not just for our own sake, but also for those we get the honor of doing life with. Questions bring answers that build knowledge. And knowledge gives us the ability to grow wisdom. And a wise life, dear Christian, is one that God can use radically for His will and kingdom.

The more we know about our loving God, the deeper rooted our faith becomes and the greater our confidence in God can be during our weakness. Not by our own means, but through His grace alone. Lean in, layout your questions, and let God reveal His wonders within the process.

A Heart That Endures

bible, Christian lifestyle, easter, prayer

 “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” – 2 Corinthians 1:5

As Easter came and went, I have been thinking about one particular part of scripture more than usual.

Last week was Passion week. And as you may know, more specifically, last Friday was Good Friday. This was the day Jesus was crucified for our sake. Though a gruesome day, many take delight as they know the resurrection is coming. But for some reason, I couldn’t get past the thought of the pain Jesus experienced. Indeed, the lashing and beatings were a part of the suffering, but what honestly took hold of the majority of my thoughts was the night before His crucifixion.

Jesus was known to draw away from the crowd to pray often, but this night was different. After the last supper, He makes his way up to a place called the Mount of Olives. Here, He departs from His disciples and finds a secluded spot to connect once more with God the Father. And this my friend, was where one of the most relatable moments (in my opinion) of Jesus was recorded.

“Father…”, He cries in a mixture of anguish and hope, “…if you are willing…”, as blood begins to take the place of His sweat, “…take this cup from Me…”

In the most raw form, Jesus expresses this heart seeking a way around the coming trial. But as He and all other believers knew, the only way to eternally redeem what has been broken by sin, was through overcoming death. The suffering was inevitable.

With trust in His Father and an overwhelming love for us, Jesus chose to take up a suffering He did not deserve.

And so with great love, He continues His prayer, “…yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

I can only imagine the weight Jesus felt pressing down on Him during this prayer. But nonetheless, He endured.

I speak not of an enduring that simply accepts the future with despair, but with the same endurance Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 1.

The Greek word used for endurance in verse 6 is hupomone. This refers to an enduring that lives through the suffering with a vibrant form of hope that keeps a person from being crushed under the weight of the trial.

Often times, I find myself in a mindset that relates so much to the first part of Jesus’ prayer. As I imagine what the future holds, I think, is this truly what the days ahead entail? As waves of despair continue to knock me over day after day, how is it that I can keep going?

Your trials may seem different than mine, but we find commonality in the fact that none of us, not one, can fully escape these troubles as long as we live in this broken world.

But thank God we are offered more comfort than simply community within broken people. May it be the love of God that gives us the hope to endure in the way Paul speaks of.

Jesus Understands Us

Because Christ suffered and experienced temptation, He knows the thoughts that flow through our mind and the pressures we are put under. He not only knows, but He understands that we have a natural desire to lean into the things that lead us away from Him because of our sin nature. While He understands we will never be perfect, He still loves us. He still pursues us. And He longs for us to rest in His comfort when we feel as though the burdens are far too heavy.

Verses 3-4 reveal the gentle heart of God as it says, “Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…”

It is clear God knows the kind of lives we will experience here on earth. And yet even in our mistakes, confusion, frustrations, and moments of despair, He shows us His love by assuring us that He too, the God above all things, has suffered and is saddened by our hurts. But because He has overcome, we no longer have to endure as if we are “a victim in a dentist’s chair” (David Guzik). May the striving cease as we learn to accept the real identity God gave us…redeemed, not perfect.

Jesus Still Delivers Us

It is common to feel distressed and worn down amidst great trials. Especially when they have lasted for so long already. But as we reflect back on the week we just recently celebrated, we can hold on to hope because Jesus has indeed resurrected. In verses 8-10, Paul speaks of a great trouble he has been facing. So great, in fact, that he “despaired of life itself.” Though experiencing great suffering, he goes on to remind us that it is through these pains that we are reminded to rely not on ourselves, but on the only one who has claimed victory over death; Jesus.

Verses 9-10 emphasize the truth that we must engrain in our minds and hearts so that when spiritual warfare comes, it is the voice of God that prevails. God has, still, and will deliver us, not because we are worthy, but because He is the God of mercy and grace. I heard this song once say we should have “the kind of daring expectation, that every prayer [we] make is on an empty grave.”

What a beautiful truth to rest in after celebrating Easter.

Jesus Turns Evil For Good

But perhaps beauty is not in your near sight as you continue to suffer. My dear friend, I feel deeply for your longsuffering. But if there is anything we can rest on amidst this temptation of falling into hopelessness, it is that we serve a God whose plans are ALWAYS good and beautiful. What I have experienced in many of my trials is that sometimes, what we learn in our pain can result in the freedom of others.

I know it is not always easy to watch others be healed when it is all you could ever dream of, but I want you to listen closely today. Jesus endured the suffering of all our sin, with a vibrant hope, for us…not Himself. And Paul, alongside many other patriarchs of the faith, have endured in the same hope-driven way. Many of them actually died as a martyr. Meaning their suffering only saw it’s peace and healing in Heaven.

Nonetheless, God used them as vessels to extend His love to generations to come. All throughout this section of scripture, Paul chooses to take delight in his suffering for the possibility of being a blessing to others. May that be our prayer and our hope. For the sake of glorifying a God worthy of it all, may we pray for a heart that endures as we finish our prayer of lament the same way Jesus does; “…yet not my will, but Yours be done.”