Intention

Quit the Molding

Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

For a while now, I have been working towards the development of a “morning routine” that first and foremost devoted time to God.

I am by no means a “morning person”, and frankly, I find it hard to believe many people naturally are. Nonetheless, studying the practices of others, I decided I would force myself to be one.

After spending 30-40 minutes with God nearly each morning, (yes, I have missed days here and there), I started to notice something…

It doesn’t get any easier. In fact, the reason I missed some days was due to the thought that I could wake up later, get ready for work first, and then do my quiet time. Yet, each and every time, I failed.

But alongside learning that, I also learned that the reason I have not quit and moved it all back to be a part of my nighttime routine, was because my heart hungered for it first thing in the morning.

When I would skip it, I would be angry and easily tempted into justify the sins that would result from that. But just a few hours later, I would find myself drowning in shame.

It was as though many soul developed a need for this time, this experience with God, before all else. So much so, that it would battle its old self and the new self all day long.

The old self would not mind if I had missed this time for weeks, as long as no one found out. Yet my new, redeemed, and Holy-Spirit filled soul knows there is better. Better when I devote my first fruits to God and invite Him into my every moment from the moment my eyes open to when they close at night.

I am aware this sounds silly or typical coming from a church worker, but I have found nothing calls me to this disciplined way besides the call of being a Christ follower. The fact that my family believes in Jesus does not compel me to spend more time in prayer. The fact that I work in ministry does not force me to read my Bible, for how would they know if I did not? And the “christian-writer” dream I have does not require me to devote my mornings to worshipping God.

No thing and no one has the power to dictate what I spend my free time doing. That is, and always will be, my responsibility. For my word can say one thing and my actions another.

The call I have decided to take on when I accepted Christ was one that would only be lived out through my personal devotion in spirit and acts to God.

So how and why then, do I say we ought to stop the molding?

I fear this society has acquired a mentality that what we want to do with our lives can be accomplished while simultaneously remaining inconvenienced.

We hear it all the time, some have even heard it from me in the past, “Find the time that best works for your schedule and section off 5-20 minutes to spend time with God.”

…I take back that advise if I have said it to you before.

What I have noticed is that our souls have a deep hunger and longing for the presence of God in every moment our lives and it’s going to take a lot more than 10 minutes of us reading a couple verses at night while we are half-asleep.

The Lord deserves more than that. And your soul, my friend, cannot survive like that forever.

We should not, and cannot, continue molding God around our lives.

We often hear the verse about giving our “first fruits” to God in relation to our money. That is what we call the tithe, our first 10% of our income.

But I would argue this should be applied in all we do. There is a lack of awareness of our soul’s needs that we cannot understand or even explain because it is so deep that we are sometimes left like babies, crying for a need, but incapable of expressing it in words.

This is not because we are dumb, but simply unaware. Our perspectives are limited, and unfortunately will remain that way without the leaning on the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 3:5-6 is quoted all over the place. We see it on a plaque at the church, printed on your grandma’s coffee mug, and surely you have seen it on a woman’s t-shirt before.

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Encouraging and sweet words that reveal the caring and wise heart of God, yet we still find ourselves only tuning into that source (God/Holy Spirit) for a few minutes at night.

I do not mean to be against the nighttime study crowd, but I am seeking to challenge you.

One of the biggest reasons people have told me, and even a reason that I used to say, was that the quietest time and the most free time one has, is at night, while all others are asleep, or after a hard days work.

But as I brutally force myself to continue waking up at these ungodly hours of the morning to pray and read before I begin getting ready for work, I have found I would not go back to the main quiet time being at night.

First, in the morning, one is going from full sleep, the most unaware state and gradually, with the help of God’s great gift: coffee, into a state of greater awareness. Some may take longer than others, but if you begin with being asleep, you can only ever continue becoming more awake.

Additionally, our culture struggles, including myself, with stewarding time. One of the reasons I miss my quiet time when I save it for the last part of my morning routine, is because I find myself taking too long in finding an outfit to wear or doing my hair, that I steal the minutes of quiet time and end up rushing to work before even glancing at my Bible.

This time, instead, is protected when you make it your first task.

What this also does, is train yourself to not avoid the consequences of your own actions. If you wake up late, you begin quiet time, and end up going to work late, you will think twice about choosing to enjoy those extra 15 minutes of sleep again. Yet, if you wake up, and instead, cut the quiet time for the sake of getting ready on time, you protect yourself from the consequences (being late) that you rightfully deserve. Thus, leading you to justify your bad decisions because the only person who knows you skipped your God time is you and God.

It is hard but it is necessary if you desire to grow. For what you spend your time doing is, and always will be, up to you and your responsibility to be used for God’s glory.

After all, the Lord calls us to take up our cross daily…a cross was a never a comfortable thing to endure. It was one that represented death. And how else does one live as a new creation without putting to death the old flesh and old ways?

One’s “first fruits” are those that are picked before the rest. They are not the leftovers nor the ones picked after one has gotten their filling. They are given first and foremost.

When linking this idea with the responsibility we as Christ followers have to steward our time well, it only makes sense that our every breath should be first devoted to God alone and then to the things He has placed before us.

As everyone’s jobs and mornings look differently, the amount of time one devotes in the morning may look different, as well as where exactly they spend this time at.

But what I have found, is that despite the hour we must leave for work or begin our daily tasks, we can always wake up earlier. Due to my struggle of deep feelings, I cannot get less than a certain amount of sleep or I suffer greatly, so as old as this may make me sound, I try very hard most nights to be asleep by 9-9:30pm so that I can stay around the eight hour mark. This means saying “no” sometimes to late night outings with friends and it means I must steward my nighttime chores and such to be completed by that time. In doing that, it makes less excuses available for me in the morning.

At the end of the day, this is not written in stone nor in scripture. But there is a hunger and desire written on our hearts and deep in our soul that I find, suffers, when we save but a taste of God for the night, as we drift in and out of sleepiness.

My dear friend, in your schedule, you hold the power to determine what kind of God you worship. One of convenience, that you believe you can know deeply through a five minute conversation at night, or the One of the Bible, that which may call for inconvenience, yet will grow you and fill you in ways you never knew your soul needed. Our time is considered one of the most valuable things to us, so where will your first fruits go? How long will you continue trying to mold God around the precious gift in which He gave you?

Thoughts to Consider:

What obstacles are currently preventing more time in community with God?

If you have implemented this practice in your morning, in what ways have you seen growth and what are the distractions pulling you to fall for the temptation of convenience?

How can you reschedule your priorities to protect that time in the presence of God?

Consider the growth your relationship with God could experience and how much your soul has been hungering for greater unity with Him unknowingly.

Musings: January

Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

At the end of last year, I was struggling a lot. I feared the path in which I was on would no longer be sustainable. The way I was living was not one that seemed connected to this abundant source of life God claimed to be.

I needed something new. And I needed it soon. For all that I knew was running dry and falling short of being enough. The perspective I had was losing root. I become unbearably drained.

As the weeks went on, the war in my mind between what struggle was worth my efforts got more intense. Living life with God is hard. But so is existing without Him.

So I decided to beg.

Slightly embarrassed, I made the decision that the 8 hour car ride alone to this conference I had to go to would be dedicated to pressing God for a word. Not a specific answer to all my problems. Not a vision. Not a miracle. Just a word. One that would help me understand why the Holy Spirit continued to fight my spirit of doubt in my heart.

After 8 long hours, I felt nothing. I had no revelation. And in all honesty, I was disappointed. If that extensive dedication was not enough, what would ever be?

The first night of that conference ended and I went to bed with little hope for the coming day.

I fought worship the next day to be honest. In a room full of 55,000 young people passionately praising God, you would think I was insane to not feel the heat. Yet, I didn’t.

But for some reason, I was compelled to force my body to physically do what my heart refused. I lifted my hands with palms down in surrender and then palms up for reception. This was hard. But then I heard it…

From death to life.

That was it. No further explanation. (Perhaps I should’ve asked God for at least a full sentence). But nonetheless, I knew it was not from me, because simply “life” was the last thing I would’ve told myself was enough to satisfy my desire for a new thing.

It was as if the speakers heard that same phrase, because nearly every message after that had a point or two about that perspective.

From death to life, I repeated.

So short, yet so profound. I spent months trying to figure out what I was feeling and I dodged all descriptions that sounded too far from the bounds of God’s grace. Because, though I struggle to understand His uniquely intentional love for us, I knew if I admitted I felt unredeemable, what then would have the power to pull me back into this “hope” we are called to live in?

Then someone read 1 Corinthians 5: 17-21 to me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

There is a LOT we could pull from this, but track with me for just a moment.

Sin is in fact what God cannot be in the presence of. For it is all He goes against and the opposite of who He is. The price for it is death. Death is the absence of life. As God is life, that means for one to be dead, they are not connected with God. (Speaking in a spiritual sense here).

This, my friend, is why I fought so hard to identify with anything but dead. For it is the place outside His presence.

I was living with a perspective slowly withering away from God’s truth and instead, making root in the enemy’s territory. I believed the true severity of sin, so I caved when I heard the lies that God would not reach as far as I felt.

But praise God for His written Word.

What we see here in 1 Corinthians, is the beauty of His boundless love. A love so passionate that the grave was not too scary to face nor too powerful to keep Him chained.

Jesus endured death to life, testifying no other force could overcome and no place was too far, even that which was supposed to remain apart from Him.

He did it for me and He did it for you.

My dear friend, there is no place more distant than death, and even still, God extends His hand. He meets us where we are. And He calls us to respond through living. To give up all the life-stripping habits we know and to take on what He offers as we are covered in the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice.

From death to life.

This world is hard to endure, but when it seems as though “life” has run its worth, we have only just discovered the true meaning and value behind that four letter word.

Heavenly Father, teach our weary souls to take on the new, true, perspective of life as we let go of everything else that goes against. Let all we are and do become whole-hearted worship for You, oh Lord.

Daily Death For Eternal Life

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.” – C. S. Lewis

I think the mind can often draw us towards two extreme ways of thinking. Either we fall into a place where we see ourselves as god, or we see the things, people, and opinions around us as god. Both, despite sounding like polar opposites, are ultimately places of pride.

Whether we feel inferior or superior in the world we live in, we are constantly being pulled away from the one place we belong, and in turn, tempted to rely on anything BUT God.

I think what makes the idea of living in humble confidence under God so difficult to wrap our minds around completely is because we are called to be surrendered, and in result, raised up and set apart.

When I stumbled across this quote by C.S Lewis, I was honestly not sure how to approach it.

Not having the original context, I struggled to understand if it we ought to take this as a freedom call, from the shame and bondage of sin from our past that we are attacked by, or perhaps, it is meant to be a daily call of repentance from the pride we are tempted to lean into as we long for ultimate control of our lives.

Though I feel both could be broken down, I am going to run with the latter interpretation.

I have heard the saying “rejoice, mercies are new every morning!” as Lamentations 3:22-23 suggest. But lately I have been wondering why we ought to rest in that so much.

Honestly, I have come to notice that I am quite the cautious believer. I don’t take pride in the lack of child-like faith I have, but it is the way my mind works. So, I rather challenge the lies in my head and be sure of truth than try to manipulate myself when I know my brain requires a little more time to catch up to my heart.

So as this verse had been running through my head over the last few weeks, I realized it wasn’t because I felt inspired in my faith by it…no, unfortunately, I actually felt aggravated.

Mercy from God? Okay, I saw that displayed on the cross. Understandable. But NEW mercies. Every. Single. Day? Trying to believe that stirred nothing but guilt. I began feeling the weight of inadequacy, and because of that, a lack of faith that the verse actually included me among those who God desired to forgive.

But then I saw this quote from C.S Lewis that rocked everything.

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.”

God provides new mercies every morning because He knew we would need it.

Track with me here…

Our heart longs for what only God provides. But because of our sin-nature of pride and hunger for immediate satisfaction, we sacrifice God’s plans for our own. We may not notice at first, but that decision means that we sacrifice life for death.

Death is existence apart from God. In a just court, we would be ruled guilty of rejecting Him and in turn, rightfully condemned.

Oh but what a loving God we serve…

Paving a way to be free from the ruling of death, by the sacrifice of Jesus, God revealed His grace on the cross.

But He knew that wouldn’t mean perfection for our future, nor did He expect it to on this side of Heaven.

He knew, that because of our brokenness, there would be times where we would still choose ourselves over Him.

He knew, that even though we love Him, we would cave under the temptation to reject Him.

And He knew, that no matter how hard we tried, we would never be strong enough to live the life He called us to alone.

So God gives new mercies…every single morning. Why? Because He knew we would experience new temptations…every single morning.

When C.S Lewis calls us to rely on Jesus as if nothing had yet been done, I realize it is a call to open our eyes to the reality of the war going on every single day.

Every day we are given the choice of life or death. Truth or lies. Forgiveness or bitterness. Love or shame. Trust or control.

Spiritual warfare is not just in big trials. It is unfortunately the ground our hearts reside in until we see Heaven.

My dear friend, you have your choice in battle. You have a loving God who wants to protect, nourish, and redeem you in this war, for He has already claimed victory.

But the choice is yours. Every. Single. Day.

May we never get complacent in our relationship with Jesus. May we strive, for nothing else, but to be closer to Him day by day. And with all my heart, I pray that we may rejoice in His mercies being new every morning…for if He held back for even just one day, we would never see the glory of true life.

So, will you make relying on God a daily act of surrender?

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

It’s LOVE Day!

Christian lifestyle

“for God so LOVED the world, that He gave His one and only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

It’s Valentines Day! This day, I feel, has a mixed response from many. Some are over joyed to spend the day with their significant other. Some simply go about the day just as any other. Some celebrate with their family or friends. And some grieve as they remember their lost loved ones.

I realize the sensitivity of this day is the same as many other holidays dedicated to celebrating certain people. But as I contemplated the way in which one could be happy on this day regardless of their circumstance, I had a thought.

What if we disciplined ourselves to express TRUE love to absolutely everyone we encounter this day?

The kind of love that is patient, forgiving, selfless, encouraging, comforting, etc. What kind of transformation would the lives of those around you have if you showed them a glimpse of the most real love?

I am sure you have heard people say “you should treat your significant other like its Valentine’s Day everyday” or “you should show Gods love everyday”. But the reality is, we are not perfect. There are days where expressing the kind of patient and unconditional love we are commanded to share is the LAST thing we want to do. Not to say that as an excuse, I am simply pointing out the flaw of being human.

So what if instead, we challenged ourselves REALLY hard to do it today?

I believe the impact that the Holy Spirit on our heart always results in change. When a person truly acknowledges the love of Christ, there is no reason they should remain just as they were before. With that being true, if we express that same love that Christ showed us, even for just one day, should it not lead to change and a renewal of the heart?

My dear friend, whether you are excited, sad, or neutral about Valentine’s Day, the love God has for you remains consistent. The comfort and wholeness that He gives you does not change based on your circumstances.

The greatest expression of love is revealed in the verse above. So when you wake up today and think about the heart posture you will have as you pass everyone celebrating this beautiful thing called love, think about the impact you could have if you let yourself be powered by the same love God revealed on the cross.

The result of God’s love brought life. I pray you not only feel that today but work your hardest to share it with others. You never know how much it could mean to the strangers you encounter today.