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The Unexpected Warfare

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

Over the recent weeks, I have taken on the challenge of becoming infatuated with who Jesus is.

As I said in my last blog, I struggle with getting caught up in the works and service I can do for God instead of who He is as my Savior, Lord, and honestly, my everything. So as I have desperately been on a mission to truly fall in love with the being of God, I have realized that it is a lot harder than I thought.

Seeing how great He is and understanding How worthy He is of praise is not the hard part, rather, for me, the most challenging time is when I seek His love and my own flesh tries to stop me.

Sometimes the inner battle stems from a feeling of not being allowed to accept His love. Other times it is because I do not believe I can represent Him well if I actually do receive the beautiful gift of His adoption and grace. And many times, I simply feel as though I have gone too far for too long to even consider living in the love He offers. Ultimately, what I have come to realize is the severity of the warfare in my mind because all that I feel is completely the opposite of all God fights and stands for.

One of the first steps I thought I would take on this mission to refocus my attention on what- or shall I say who – really matters most, was to read the Gospels again.

I have heard people describe them as love letters. Pages of endless grace. Words that not only speak truth, but fill our souls as we allow the Spirit to mold us. So I figured it was a decent place to begin.

This time however, I did not read it as though I have read other books of the Bible; Enduring Word Commentary open alongside 2 other translations and a pile of sticky notes. Instead, I read it like a story. A story of the love my God revealed 2000 years ago as He spoke to confused, hurting, broken people, just like me.

I began with Luke. The only Gospel that was written from a gentile. An outsider. Or at least that was what his people felt like before Jesus. And can I just say, the nuggets of goodness I have experienced during this time was unlike anything else.

But more than anything, what I wish to share with you, as I wait to speak on Luke for when I finish, is this…

Our flesh so desperately longs for more than this world can offer. And for some reason, immediate satisfaction, though temporary, seems to hold a great grip on us. But greater than that hold is the weight of God’s love for us. More than ever I have witnessed the impact of spiritual warfare in the heart of those pursuing a deeper relationship with God. In others and in myself.

But my dear friend, the battle is worth it all. The God who stepped off His throne to “reach out His hand and touch” the one with leprosy (Luke 5:13). The God who left Heaven to reach the nations no one else cared about (4:43). And the very God who laid down His life for the joy of knowing us forever (23:46) is the same God who is fighting for you in this seemingly hopeless battle.

I know this war with ourselves is hard. It is crazy to think that out of all of the things pulling us from God, our own lies we have lived in for so long could be the most powerful stronghold of them all.

Weary traveler, there is hope, and I am sure you know, but I dare you to live like it is attainable. Like the love isn’t just for everyone else. I dare you to die to yourself so that the voice of God can be the one filling your lungs with genuine praise and your heart with unshakable peace.

Perhaps it begins with a baby step. Do not fear, for the Holy Spirit can bring transformation with even just a change in where you turn your eyes.

“When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man…Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” – Luke 5:8,10

Beloved Christian, there is a “from now on you will…” for you as well. And Jesus, knowing all that you have and will face, calls you to delight and obey without fear. Your battle is real and strong, I am sure, but the God who loves you so dearly is stronger.

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

It’s LOVE Day!

Christian lifestyle

“for God so LOVED the world, that He gave His one and only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

It’s Valentines Day! This day, I feel, has a mixed response from many. Some are over joyed to spend the day with their significant other. Some simply go about the day just as any other. Some celebrate with their family or friends. And some grieve as they remember their lost loved ones.

I realize the sensitivity of this day is the same as many other holidays dedicated to celebrating certain people. But as I contemplated the way in which one could be happy on this day regardless of their circumstance, I had a thought.

What if we disciplined ourselves to express TRUE love to absolutely everyone we encounter this day?

The kind of love that is patient, forgiving, selfless, encouraging, comforting, etc. What kind of transformation would the lives of those around you have if you showed them a glimpse of the most real love?

I am sure you have heard people say “you should treat your significant other like its Valentine’s Day everyday” or “you should show Gods love everyday”. But the reality is, we are not perfect. There are days where expressing the kind of patient and unconditional love we are commanded to share is the LAST thing we want to do. Not to say that as an excuse, I am simply pointing out the flaw of being human.

So what if instead, we challenged ourselves REALLY hard to do it today?

I believe the impact that the Holy Spirit on our heart always results in change. When a person truly acknowledges the love of Christ, there is no reason they should remain just as they were before. With that being true, if we express that same love that Christ showed us, even for just one day, should it not lead to change and a renewal of the heart?

My dear friend, whether you are excited, sad, or neutral about Valentine’s Day, the love God has for you remains consistent. The comfort and wholeness that He gives you does not change based on your circumstances.

The greatest expression of love is revealed in the verse above. So when you wake up today and think about the heart posture you will have as you pass everyone celebrating this beautiful thing called love, think about the impact you could have if you let yourself be powered by the same love God revealed on the cross.

The result of God’s love brought life. I pray you not only feel that today but work your hardest to share it with others. You never know how much it could mean to the strangers you encounter today.

Realign me, oh Lord

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

Living in a society that pushes us to “follow whatever your heart desires” can be exciting but oh so very dangerous. As followers of Jesus, we claim to have made the decision to give up the world and follow the God who gave up His son. But often times, we only truly follow that claim to an extent…

With a heart longing for excitement, we let our spiritual boundaries get stepped on, tip toed next to, and even sometimes crossed behind the excuse of “it wasn’t that bad”. But that is not how God called us to live. He didn’t design safety rails in life so that we could hang off the edges. As He is the literal embodiment of all things good, joyful, loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate, etc. We can bet on His boundaries having something to do with His desire for us to stay close to Him and away from everything evil, manipulative, vengeful, and so on.

Though sometimes intriguing and easy to fall into, the “harmless sins” in life are honestly anything but harmless. The one command He emphasized in the new testament was to love God and love people. A life spent loving God cannot be truly lived while intentionally flirting with sin.

So in this new year, may this be our prayer. May we long for a heart so hungry for God that we feel uneasy at just the thought of splitting our attention between Him and the world. May we humbly ask the Holy Spirit to rid our hearts of anything and everything that does not glorify God as we desperately thirst for Him to fill us up. May we look at every part of scripture for what it is; the living, breathing word of God and may it enrich our souls so much so that we feel weak after just a day spent away from it. The enemy may be no match for our Lord, but on our own, we stand no chance against the things he throws at us. We need revival. We need redemption. We need a spirit made new. So my dear friend, please never forget amidst the pleasure of life…we NEED Jesus. And I mean ALL of Him, not just on Sundays, but in every second of every day. Consistently live for a soul that prays this over every step, breath, and thought throughout your life.

I belong to You… – My commitment to Jesus & New Tattoo

christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:9-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The moment that girls began stressing about the brand of their jeans, the smoothness of their hair, and how much attention they could get from the guys around them, was the same moment I felt as though I lost all sense of belonging.

Growing up, I was content with who I was. I didn’t know Christ but my young thoughts never ran deep enough to see how unstable the foundation of my identity was. That was until I began hearing the whispers and the giggles of the boys and girls around me as I would walk through the halls of my school.

Belonging. What a simple word yet so complicated to find in one’s personal life.

For years after I gave my life to Christ, the struggle of never feeling like I “fit in” loomed over me like a heavy cloud, blocking any vision of hope. I lived every day surrounded by people, but feeling so uncomfortable and lonely inside. In my head, if I could just buy the right clothes, get my hair to be straight enough, or know when to talk and when to stay silent, I could maybe, just maybe, find a sense of community. A group of people who loved me and thought I was cool. But that group never came.

I am not saying my friends were not good friends or my family lacked in comforting me. I’m saying that regardless of who I met, I was never fulfilled in the way I longed to be. I never felt like I could be myself without carrying the massive weight of my fear of judgement.

During my years of attending church and youth group, I heard over and over again of how personal and authentic our relationship with God should be, but it wasn’t until I hit a deep low in the summer of 2019 that my eyes were opened to what it meant to be a CHILD of God. A chosen, beloved, and redeemed child of the most genuine and compassionate Father.

For the first time in my life, as I fell to my knees during worship, I realized who I was and what I was made for BECAUSE of WHOSE was. It was as though God sat directly beside me, giving me a big hug while I balled my eyes out in front of all of the other students at church camp that summer.

“I belong to you” was now the joyous statement I could proclaim without an ounce of doubt. And the deeper I thought about my identity, the more I found truth in that surrendering.

Iron bell Music has a song with that very title. And by the mercy of God, I am reminded of the walls that crumbled, the chains that broke, and my heart that was lifted into the perfect hands of the Father on that random day at church camp when I broke down in a way I never had before. It was no longer tears of pain, emptiness, anger, and confusion that would flood my eyes every night. It was tears of fulfillment, humility, peace, comfort…and belonging.

After experiencing so many days of joyful belonging in Christ, I realized that this is a statement of surrendering that I NEVER want to let slip my mind for even a minute. My loving Father has done a miracle in my heart. He brought a healing I never thought was possible. And so I am delighted to share with you, the beauty of His grace in my life and cant wait to testify it to every open heart I meet as everything I do, from my heart to my hands, flows from remembering His goodness.

I am not of this world. I was never made to be filled by the brokenness it brings. And even though I may struggle in finding genuine community, I don’t have to feel empty or lonely because I can rest assured that I will always fully belong to my beautiful Heavenly Father.