Godly Women

On the Significance of God’s Righteousness

bible, Christian lifestyle

“God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭25‬-‭26‬ ‭

Shame has been on my mind lately. It is an quite an interesting concept when broken down.

Though our bodies have a survival instinct, when shame is present, it is as if we give that up. Rather than fighting for life, we give into fighting ourselves into this belief that we are not worthy of good, and sometimes, not even worthy of life itself.

Shame holds the power to turn a soul against itself.

Now we have heard the value of God’s love preached a million times over. His love is what drove Him to fight for us even when we rejected Him. But what I recently came across was the significance of His righteousness. His justice. The characteristic that demands the virtuous thing. The just thing.

When I read this verse above, it was not just the cost of my sin that seemed to be forgiven, but also the effects of my sin that were overcome.

Yes, God loves us, and we can rest in that truth. But God also demonstrated His justice on the cross and through the empty tomb.

The cross paid the debt. The cost of our wrongdoings. The punishment we were responsible for.

And the empty tomb revealed that death, and it’s grip on our lives, has no power over those redeemed by Christ.

My dear friend, shame speaks death that has already been defeated. It is rooted in a punishment that has already been paid. And it bounds us in chains that are already broken.

The sacrifice and resurrection was not just the perfect display of love, but the perfect act of righteousness for the sake of making freedom available to those who did not deserve it.

Shame will come often. And as our hearts tends to forget the significance of God’s righteousness, shame tends to distract us from the reality we now live in; the reality of redemption and grace.

This is not that we may walk in our own pride, as Paul says in verse 27, “Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded.”

No, rather, we walk in confidence of the perfect atonement for our sins – being just that…perfect. Forgiveness for our straying, and freedom for our bounded souls.

Lay It All Down…Again (Pt. 2)

bible, christian, lifestyle

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog about the need for giving up control. In other words, surrendering it all to God. And strange enough, God brought that topic back into my memory, though this time, from a new perspective.

Our ruthless grip on control can often stem from anxiety in others potentially failing us or a major pride issue. As someone who struggled with both of those problems, after a year of following the strategies I wrote about previously, I find myself at yet another road block. The wretched feeling of just wanting to give up.

I was reading other blogs about this topic recently and I have come to find that this view of making surrendering and “throwing in the towel” interchangeable is actually not that uncommon. Though, that does not make it right.

I get it. You prayed. You read the Bible. You joined the groups. And you tried your best to replace the voice of your anxious heart with the truth of the Spirit. But none of it has led to the weight being lifted or any vision/hope of a purpose-filled future.

But let me tell you a story.

There was a woman who had quite a past. Even the leaders of the synagogue knew of her sinful ways. Yet she heard that Jesus was passing nearby, so she did what she could to get to him. Having no gold or riches to offer, she brings her most expensive alabaster jar of perfume. With the eyes of the high leaders looking down on her, she lays at the feet of Jesus. In material sacrifice, she pours out her perfume on His feet. And in physical sacrifice, she uses her tears and hair to cleanse and dry them.

We are not told of the sins this woman has committed. Nor are we told about the future she lived. But by three simple phrases, Jesus sends her back into the same situation she came from.

“Your sins are forgiven.”…”Your faith has saved you.”…”Go in peace.”

We live in a world that claims we ought to live this life to the fullest because happiness is our main priority. But when did God ever say that? Let me save you from skimming through 66 books looking for it…He never said our purpose was to be happy. He said we were designed for His glory. To worship Him. To be an expression of His love.

Happiness is a fleeting feeling that society connects all too closely and all to often with success. But friends, that way of thinking will only lead to a life of disappointment.

Earlier, I listed a few “disciplines” or faith-based “practices” that the church typically encourages us to follow. These actions are intended to help us grow closer to God, direct us towards worship, and put us on a path that makes us available for sanctification (transforming to reflect Christ more). But again, what happens when it just leads to being drained, wanting to give up?

“Giving up control to God” can raise our hopes to expect something great to happen immediately after. It is a big sacrifice to lay down what we value so much; all our life. And when nothing changes, even after you have given so much, it is understandable to feel discouraged. Though the dangerous thing about feeling this way is that we can get so overwhelmed by the discouragement that our hope fades and our feelings resort to numbing.

In battles of the past, and in many movies, we see a white flag symbolize the act of surrendering. The moment the flag is waved, victory is claimed over one party and the ways of the winner are typically in forced over the opponent.

The losing team is left hopeless, and without any voice.

If I am being honest, when I began the steps people claim help us surrender to God, after a while, I felt the same way. Hopeless.

I did all the “right” things and yet I found myself seeing little to no change in anything. In fact, it felt like my circumstances got worse. There were so many days that I didn’t understand the point of reading the scripture I did, task after task piled up which would lead to me missing days with God and feeling like a failure, and I seemed to lose the enjoyment I had in being involved in the things I was a part of.

So I waved the white flag.

For a moment, I let go of the striving and settled with the fact that I was bound to the infertile soil I seemed to be rooted in. I didn’t pray. I stopped reading scripture with the expectation of receiving anything. And I fell deeper and deeper into the pit of despair I spent so long trying to get out of.

I “surrendered”. Threw in the towel. Raised the flag with the last bit of strength I could bare to give.

What used to be shouts in desperation for God at night turned into silent staring at the ceiling, wishing I could just muster out one tear to know I did not lose my capability of feeling when I lost my hope.

Then I started to hear it.

Through frustrated conversations, honesty in other believers’ blogs, and the small sections of Luke I have been forcing myself to still read for the sake of finally finishing a Gospel…I heard it.

Rather, I saw it.

Through His word in Luke chapter 7 and the words of His children in life-giving conversations, God revealed the critical steps I had missed in the blog about surrender from nearly 2 years ago.

Looking at this passage we see a few important aspects about the woman.

Though she was living in shame from others, she was alert. She was persistent in her desire to encounter Christ, and when He finally came to her town, she went. Because she was faithful in the seemingly fruitless season, she was prepared to move when the opportunity to meet Jesus came up.

My dear friend, it is frustrating to not know God’s timing, but the discipline does not go wasted. The last thing we want is to not notice the hand God is extending towards us because we never spent time getting to know what that would look like, or never built a faith to know it could go beyond than our natural perspective.

When the woman came to see Jesus, she actually came to give before receiving. Presenting no direct plead, she kneels at his feet and pours out her cherished possessions. She came to the alter bringing glory to God. The very thing we were designed to do.

We have no idea the situation this woman endures at home. But we do know that whatever it looked like, had no relevance when it came to what she knew she was to do before God. Whether you are in a great place or the worst in your life, part of truly surrendering our whole being is to offer all we have before God, whatever that may look like. Not because the amount we have represents His level of goodness, but because He is still worthy despite it all. Abundant or barren, we must recognize that praising God is our purpose more than focusing on any other thing in our life.

Sometimes, falling on our knees in tears may be the only offering we can give. And praise Jesus that is enough.

Judging from the pharisees disgust with her, we can assume she was no perfectionist of religious traditions. But, she knew what was more valuable than any of the others who were giving her a dirty look from their high horse.

Not just because she knew what to bring to God, but because she knew the worth behind what she received from Him.

In verses 48-50, we see those beautiful 3 phrases:

“Your sins are forgiven”…“Your faith has saved you.”…“Go in peace.”

Did she expect to receive anything from Jesus? Who knows. But regardless, she got a response. And the sweet thing about these phrases is that we too have been told these when we accepted Christ. Not because of what we have done. Not because we deserved it. But because He loves us so dearly that He chose to make Himself available through our simple surrender.

Yep. I said it. Simple surrender.

Surrender is not burning yourself out until you are forced to wave the white flag. Nor is it hopelessly going through the motions just because people say you should.

Surrender is made simple, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sacrificial. As we read in this passage, it requires all we are and results in a non-tangible gift.

Jesus just wants you to come. To return back to the calling and purpose you were given as you were so intricately woven in your mothers womb. And what He wants to give you may not look like a new circumstance, but it is a new perspective. A new shot at life that is forgiven, protected, and fully covered in eternal grace. And that, my dear friend, is worth more than all the success and happiness in the world.

For it is a life we cannot fail in and do not have to carry on our own. Praise God and to Him be the glory as we lay it all down…again…and again…and again as each new day arises and He reveals His love more clearly to us.

Musings: January

Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

At the end of last year, I was struggling a lot. I feared the path in which I was on would no longer be sustainable. The way I was living was not one that seemed connected to this abundant source of life God claimed to be.

I needed something new. And I needed it soon. For all that I knew was running dry and falling short of being enough. The perspective I had was losing root. I become unbearably drained.

As the weeks went on, the war in my mind between what struggle was worth my efforts got more intense. Living life with God is hard. But so is existing without Him.

So I decided to beg.

Slightly embarrassed, I made the decision that the 8 hour car ride alone to this conference I had to go to would be dedicated to pressing God for a word. Not a specific answer to all my problems. Not a vision. Not a miracle. Just a word. One that would help me understand why the Holy Spirit continued to fight my spirit of doubt in my heart.

After 8 long hours, I felt nothing. I had no revelation. And in all honesty, I was disappointed. If that extensive dedication was not enough, what would ever be?

The first night of that conference ended and I went to bed with little hope for the coming day.

I fought worship the next day to be honest. In a room full of 55,000 young people passionately praising God, you would think I was insane to not feel the heat. Yet, I didn’t.

But for some reason, I was compelled to force my body to physically do what my heart refused. I lifted my hands with palms down in surrender and then palms up for reception. This was hard. But then I heard it…

From death to life.

That was it. No further explanation. (Perhaps I should’ve asked God for at least a full sentence). But nonetheless, I knew it was not from me, because simply “life” was the last thing I would’ve told myself was enough to satisfy my desire for a new thing.

It was as if the speakers heard that same phrase, because nearly every message after that had a point or two about that perspective.

From death to life, I repeated.

So short, yet so profound. I spent months trying to figure out what I was feeling and I dodged all descriptions that sounded too far from the bounds of God’s grace. Because, though I struggle to understand His uniquely intentional love for us, I knew if I admitted I felt unredeemable, what then would have the power to pull me back into this “hope” we are called to live in?

Then someone read 1 Corinthians 5: 17-21 to me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

There is a LOT we could pull from this, but track with me for just a moment.

Sin is in fact what God cannot be in the presence of. For it is all He goes against and the opposite of who He is. The price for it is death. Death is the absence of life. As God is life, that means for one to be dead, they are not connected with God. (Speaking in a spiritual sense here).

This, my friend, is why I fought so hard to identify with anything but dead. For it is the place outside His presence.

I was living with a perspective slowly withering away from God’s truth and instead, making root in the enemy’s territory. I believed the true severity of sin, so I caved when I heard the lies that God would not reach as far as I felt.

But praise God for His written Word.

What we see here in 1 Corinthians, is the beauty of His boundless love. A love so passionate that the grave was not too scary to face nor too powerful to keep Him chained.

Jesus endured death to life, testifying no other force could overcome and no place was too far, even that which was supposed to remain apart from Him.

He did it for me and He did it for you.

My dear friend, there is no place more distant than death, and even still, God extends His hand. He meets us where we are. And He calls us to respond through living. To give up all the life-stripping habits we know and to take on what He offers as we are covered in the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice.

From death to life.

This world is hard to endure, but when it seems as though “life” has run its worth, we have only just discovered the true meaning and value behind that four letter word.

Heavenly Father, teach our weary souls to take on the new, true, perspective of life as we let go of everything else that goes against. Let all we are and do become whole-hearted worship for You, oh Lord.

Safety In His Shadow

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

“Every child of God looks towards the inner sanctuary and mercy-seat, yet all do not dwell in the most holy place; they run to it at times, and enjoy occasional approaches, but they do not habitually reside in the mysterious presence.” – Spurgeon

I recently heard someone describe the transformation in their life after going from the mentality of “knowing of God” to “knowing God”. The pivot point from one lifestyle to the other was the decision to abide.

As I heard their story and did some further research on the practice of abiding, I realized how difficult that actually is. To choose Jesus as our savior from the bondage of sin is one thing, but to choose, consistently, God as our refuge is all the more challenging.

There is the tendency to let feelings dictate quite a lot in our lives. It determines our decisions, the way we treat others, how much time we give to God, and most of all, what is considered our “safe place”. The intensity of our commitment to God rises and falls by what, deep down, we truly place our trust in.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.’”

Psalm 91:1-2

[ Now please understand that I too come from a place desperately trying to learn how to still abide. My heart longs for you to join this journey, not to feel shame if the place that you are at is not where you had hoped. ]

I would like for you to take another moment and re-read that verse above, giving yourself a few seconds after each line.

Consider the way the verse is worded. It’s primary focus is to highlight the reliant heart on God. On who and how He is.

If I am being honest, for the past few weeks, I found myself praying with my hope set on the goodness of God’s plans, the promise of His purpose for me, and the so called “calling” He instilled in me. Then it hit me…

I pray this was more obvious to you than it was to me; but perhaps our focus should be more on trusting God Himself and His committed presence with us before trying to persuade ourselves of His good plans for us.

“You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Psalm 91:5-6

The Lord’s plans surely are good and beautiful. But I think in the attempt to override our anxious thoughts and control-hungry minds, we feed those desires and priorities with the assurance of God’s perfect and unlimited capabilities rather than restructuring our hearts to long for what it ought to…and honestly, what it was made for…a deep, authentic, relationship with God as our Lord. And perhaps then, as we live intentionally intimate with God, pursuing Him over His ability to satisfy our control issues, the rest will come with peace. Peace that remains in the “terror of the night”, amidst “the arrow that flies by day”, against “the pestilence that stalks in darkness”, and during the “destruction that wastes at noonday.”

As we strive to abide in God first, learning His character and investing in the type of relationship He desires and encourages throughout Scripture, then we too, like the one I described in the beginning, can be transformed from knowing of God to truly knowing Him. For He does not just do good, true, and beautiful things…my dear friend, that is who He is. And as you draw near to Him, choosing to let your heart dwell in His presence, all that He is will be what we trust, as we learn to peacefully rest under His shadow.

We must not feed into the belief that God’s power alone can persuade our trust in Him. For if our hearts are rooted in this conditional perspective, the moment we cannot understand His “big plan” or see the goodness in our circumstance, then our vision of a future, purpose, and refuge are put in great danger of crumbling. As much as we want to force our trust in God during desperate times, unless a sheep truly knows it’s Shepherd’s voice, it cannot confidently follow when the path becomes foggy.

Simply Yours, Oh Lord

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, prayer

“My hard heart breaks to confess, that even while you hold me as I cry on the floor, I still don’t know how to be yours…” – Chris Renzema

At one point in my stumble towards Christ, I came to a place where I could not bear to pray. The thought of God not only listening, but deeply caring about my life seemed too good to be true after how bad my doubts began to get. So, I ignored Him.

More than I wanted to be healed, I was afraid of being disappointed. The fear of reality being true to what my worrisome mindset envisioned, made me turn anywhere besides the direction of the One who had a justified reason to give up on me.

The other day I had to honor of attending a concert by Chris Renzema. I heard the song quoted above a million times before. Many times, these words actually filled the silence in my prayers when I could not bring myself to say what I wanted.

Or perhaps that was what I wanted to say all along.

About a year and a half ago, I came across the definition of lamenting. A practice done by many in Old Testament times. As someone who thought God would be upset the more I let myself sit in my feelings, this was transformative to hear.

Lamenting, in the words of Bethany H. Hoang and Kristen Deede Johnson, is prayer “that honors the honesty of pain and anger while also honoring the truth that God is the one who reigns and whose hesed love never fails.”

“Come As You Are” – For the Non & Life-Long Believers
“Come As You Are” goes deeper into the practice of lamenting and touches on Psalm 88.

It wasn’t until I was standing in that massive room with hundreds of people singing the words quoted by Chris Renzema that it hit me…

So many people don’t know how to accept the love God so freely offers. They, or we, don’t know how to be His.

It broke my heart to think about the pain behind each person’s voice singing those lyrics, but then Chris Renzema did something I failed to do every time I heard this song before.

He honored the truth of God and His unconditional love. With songs of praise, words of truth, and the turning of his feelings towards God, I found the missing piece. The flaw in my sulking. The crack in the grip depression held over me…

Addison Bevere once said, “Merely running in the opposite direction of a lie does not necessary lead us to the Father’s house of Truth.”

When we feel the weight of an anxious mind telling us lies about God, we ought not run from feelings as a whole. For we will only ever become a numb being. No, we must instead run, stumble, crawl, whatever it takes, towards God. By the blood of Christ, our identity, purpose, and freedom overcame death and all the lies that once lead you to be nothing more than a dead man walking.

My dear friend, you may not know how to be His. Even I still struggle as I retreat to the heart-style of an orphan. But at some point, we must recognize the life of a child of God calls for the renewing of our mind, body, and soul.

How much longer must we allow our hopelessness to be louder than our God? Our insecurity greater than the blood Jesus spilled? Or our fear stronger than the One who left the empty grave and broken chains?

Prayer, when you feel like a disappointment, is hard. Reading the Bible when you feel unworthy is gut-wrenching. And walking in faith when you have twice as much doubt is dreadful. But all of these turn our feelings, that were designed by God, towards Him so that they may honor Him and He may work His goodness through them.

For when we don’t know how to be…He who is, is faithful indeed.