Godly living

Safety In His Shadow

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

“Every child of God looks towards the inner sanctuary and mercy-seat, yet all do not dwell in the most holy place; they run to it at times, and enjoy occasional approaches, but they do not habitually reside in the mysterious presence.” – Spurgeon

I recently heard someone describe the transformation in their life after going from the mentality of “knowing of God” to “knowing God”. The pivot point from one lifestyle to the other was the decision to abide.

As I heard their story and did some further research on the practice of abiding, I realized how difficult that actually is. To choose Jesus as our savior from the bondage of sin is one thing, but to choose, consistently, God as our refuge is all the more challenging.

There is the tendency to let feelings dictate quite a lot in our lives. It determines our decisions, the way we treat others, how much time we give to God, and most of all, what is considered our “safe place”. The intensity of our commitment to God rises and falls by what, deep down, we truly place our trust in.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.’”

Psalm 91:1-2

[ Now please understand that I too come from a place desperately trying to learn how to still abide. My heart longs for you to join this journey, not to feel shame if the place that you are at is not where you had hoped. ]

I would like for you to take another moment and re-read that verse above, giving yourself a few seconds after each line.

Consider the way the verse is worded. It’s primary focus is to highlight the reliant heart on God. On who and how He is.

If I am being honest, for the past few weeks, I found myself praying with my hope set on the goodness of God’s plans, the promise of His purpose for me, and the so called “calling” He instilled in me. Then it hit me…

I pray this was more obvious to you than it was to me; but perhaps our focus should be more on trusting God Himself and His committed presence with us before trying to persuade ourselves of His good plans for us.

“You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Psalm 91:5-6

The Lord’s plans surely are good and beautiful. But I think in the attempt to override our anxious thoughts and control-hungry minds, we feed those desires and priorities with the assurance of God’s perfect and unlimited capabilities rather than restructuring our hearts to long for what it ought to…and honestly, what it was made for…a deep, authentic, relationship with God as our Lord. And perhaps then, as we live intentionally intimate with God, pursuing Him over His ability to satisfy our control issues, the rest will come with peace. Peace that remains in the “terror of the night”, amidst “the arrow that flies by day”, against “the pestilence that stalks in darkness”, and during the “destruction that wastes at noonday.”

As we strive to abide in God first, learning His character and investing in the type of relationship He desires and encourages throughout Scripture, then we too, like the one I described in the beginning, can be transformed from knowing of God to truly knowing Him. For He does not just do good, true, and beautiful things…my dear friend, that is who He is. And as you draw near to Him, choosing to let your heart dwell in His presence, all that He is will be what we trust, as we learn to peacefully rest under His shadow.

We must not feed into the belief that God’s power alone can persuade our trust in Him. For if our hearts are rooted in this conditional perspective, the moment we cannot understand His “big plan” or see the goodness in our circumstance, then our vision of a future, purpose, and refuge are put in great danger of crumbling. As much as we want to force our trust in God during desperate times, unless a sheep truly knows it’s Shepherd’s voice, it cannot confidently follow when the path becomes foggy.

Simply Yours, Oh Lord

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, prayer

“My hard heart breaks to confess, that even while you hold me as I cry on the floor, I still don’t know how to be yours…” – Chris Renzema

At one point in my stumble towards Christ, I came to a place where I could not bear to pray. The thought of God not only listening, but deeply caring about my life seemed too good to be true after how bad my doubts began to get. So, I ignored Him.

More than I wanted to be healed, I was afraid of being disappointed. The fear of reality being true to what my worrisome mindset envisioned, made me turn anywhere besides the direction of the One who had a justified reason to give up on me.

The other day I had to honor of attending a concert by Chris Renzema. I heard the song quoted above a million times before. Many times, these words actually filled the silence in my prayers when I could not bring myself to say what I wanted.

Or perhaps that was what I wanted to say all along.

About a year and a half ago, I came across the definition of lamenting. A practice done by many in Old Testament times. As someone who thought God would be upset the more I let myself sit in my feelings, this was transformative to hear.

Lamenting, in the words of Bethany H. Hoang and Kristen Deede Johnson, is prayer “that honors the honesty of pain and anger while also honoring the truth that God is the one who reigns and whose hesed love never fails.”

“Come As You Are” – For the Non & Life-Long Believers
“Come As You Are” goes deeper into the practice of lamenting and touches on Psalm 88.

It wasn’t until I was standing in that massive room with hundreds of people singing the words quoted by Chris Renzema that it hit me…

So many people don’t know how to accept the love God so freely offers. They, or we, don’t know how to be His.

It broke my heart to think about the pain behind each person’s voice singing those lyrics, but then Chris Renzema did something I failed to do every time I heard this song before.

He honored the truth of God and His unconditional love. With songs of praise, words of truth, and the turning of his feelings towards God, I found the missing piece. The flaw in my sulking. The crack in the grip depression held over me…

Addison Bevere once said, “Merely running in the opposite direction of a lie does not necessary lead us to the Father’s house of Truth.”

When we feel the weight of an anxious mind telling us lies about God, we ought not run from feelings as a whole. For we will only ever become a numb being. No, we must instead run, stumble, crawl, whatever it takes, towards God. By the blood of Christ, our identity, purpose, and freedom overcame death and all the lies that once lead you to be nothing more than a dead man walking.

My dear friend, you may not know how to be His. Even I still struggle as I retreat to the heart-style of an orphan. But at some point, we must recognize the life of a child of God calls for the renewing of our mind, body, and soul.

How much longer must we allow our hopelessness to be louder than our God? Our insecurity greater than the blood Jesus spilled? Or our fear stronger than the One who left the empty grave and broken chains?

Prayer, when you feel like a disappointment, is hard. Reading the Bible when you feel unworthy is gut-wrenching. And walking in faith when you have twice as much doubt is dreadful. But all of these turn our feelings, that were designed by God, towards Him so that they may honor Him and He may work His goodness through them.

For when we don’t know how to be…He who is, is faithful indeed.

Daily Death For Eternal Life

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.” – C. S. Lewis

I think the mind can often draw us towards two extreme ways of thinking. Either we fall into a place where we see ourselves as god, or we see the things, people, and opinions around us as god. Both, despite sounding like polar opposites, are ultimately places of pride.

Whether we feel inferior or superior in the world we live in, we are constantly being pulled away from the one place we belong, and in turn, tempted to rely on anything BUT God.

I think what makes the idea of living in humble confidence under God so difficult to wrap our minds around completely is because we are called to be surrendered, and in result, raised up and set apart.

When I stumbled across this quote by C.S Lewis, I was honestly not sure how to approach it.

Not having the original context, I struggled to understand if it we ought to take this as a freedom call, from the shame and bondage of sin from our past that we are attacked by, or perhaps, it is meant to be a daily call of repentance from the pride we are tempted to lean into as we long for ultimate control of our lives.

Though I feel both could be broken down, I am going to run with the latter interpretation.

I have heard the saying “rejoice, mercies are new every morning!” as Lamentations 3:22-23 suggest. But lately I have been wondering why we ought to rest in that so much.

Honestly, I have come to notice that I am quite the cautious believer. I don’t take pride in the lack of child-like faith I have, but it is the way my mind works. So, I rather challenge the lies in my head and be sure of truth than try to manipulate myself when I know my brain requires a little more time to catch up to my heart.

So as this verse had been running through my head over the last few weeks, I realized it wasn’t because I felt inspired in my faith by it…no, unfortunately, I actually felt aggravated.

Mercy from God? Okay, I saw that displayed on the cross. Understandable. But NEW mercies. Every. Single. Day? Trying to believe that stirred nothing but guilt. I began feeling the weight of inadequacy, and because of that, a lack of faith that the verse actually included me among those who God desired to forgive.

But then I saw this quote from C.S Lewis that rocked everything.

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.”

God provides new mercies every morning because He knew we would need it.

Track with me here…

Our heart longs for what only God provides. But because of our sin-nature of pride and hunger for immediate satisfaction, we sacrifice God’s plans for our own. We may not notice at first, but that decision means that we sacrifice life for death.

Death is existence apart from God. In a just court, we would be ruled guilty of rejecting Him and in turn, rightfully condemned.

Oh but what a loving God we serve…

Paving a way to be free from the ruling of death, by the sacrifice of Jesus, God revealed His grace on the cross.

But He knew that wouldn’t mean perfection for our future, nor did He expect it to on this side of Heaven.

He knew, that because of our brokenness, there would be times where we would still choose ourselves over Him.

He knew, that even though we love Him, we would cave under the temptation to reject Him.

And He knew, that no matter how hard we tried, we would never be strong enough to live the life He called us to alone.

So God gives new mercies…every single morning. Why? Because He knew we would experience new temptations…every single morning.

When C.S Lewis calls us to rely on Jesus as if nothing had yet been done, I realize it is a call to open our eyes to the reality of the war going on every single day.

Every day we are given the choice of life or death. Truth or lies. Forgiveness or bitterness. Love or shame. Trust or control.

Spiritual warfare is not just in big trials. It is unfortunately the ground our hearts reside in until we see Heaven.

My dear friend, you have your choice in battle. You have a loving God who wants to protect, nourish, and redeem you in this war, for He has already claimed victory.

But the choice is yours. Every. Single. Day.

May we never get complacent in our relationship with Jesus. May we strive, for nothing else, but to be closer to Him day by day. And with all my heart, I pray that we may rejoice in His mercies being new every morning…for if He held back for even just one day, we would never see the glory of true life.

So, will you make relying on God a daily act of surrender?

The Deep Need for Community – Don’t Cultivate a Heart in Fear of Rejection

bible, Christian lifestyle, Worship

“…let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” – Hebrews 10:24-25

In all honesty, community has always been a difficult area of my life. I did not grow up in the church, and when I did end up joining a group, I consistently felt out of place.

Outcasted. Not just because of our general differences, as middle schoolers tend to have, but mainly because of the lies I planted in my heart; that I was spiritually behind everyone else and, therefore, had no hope of ever being a part of a community pursuing growth together. I believed I was the weakest link and so I lived as though I was. Distant. Removed. Isolated, for the sake of not dragging others down in their faith.

It hurt to live this way. It was not what I wanted, but it was the only life I could see myself living without being a burden to those trying to live for Christ around me.

Fast forward to my college years, it was just as difficult, if not more, to find this community. There were kind-hearted people with genuinely good intentions all around me. But because of the seed of inadequacy that I had been cultivating for years now, I refused to pour authentic faith and hope into any form of community. Again, I thought, “I ought to spare those around me from feeling like they must stoop low to help me up.” In what I thought was a purely selfless act, I began living one of the most self-centered lifestyles I could.

“I don’t need community if I have Jesus. I can connect with Him myself.”

Deep down, I was simply a heart in great fear of rejection. I knew that community was encouraged through scripture and the church, but it was not until I began dissecting Paul’s work in a Bible class that I recognized the severity of warfare we face and the desperate need for fellowship that our hearts have.

Romans 7-8 talks a lot about the realities in our minds as our flesh ruthlessly attacks our hearts for Christ. Breaking this down, I finally saw that the individualistic mindset I developed regarding my walk with God was only sabotaging the potential depth of my relationship.

Community is not just encouraged…it is essential. Following Jesus calls us to unity, accountability, and disciplined character so that Christ may be glorified from our hearts to others.

My dear friend, as someone who has desperately tried to avoid tainting the walk of others due to an overwhelming feeling of shame…there is a different life, not bound by the chains of fear. Developing Christian friends, whom you learn to adopt as family, is one of the most challenging acts as it requires a lot of trust, understanding, and humility. But that risk is far more worth it than the risk of standing amidst spiritual warfare alone.

Let the pride crumble and the self-earning mindset come to rest. Jesus lived, died, and rose so that you may be called a Child among countless other misfits like yourself. Not because you deserve it, but because you needed it and God loves you too much to watch you get trampled in a war you would never be strong enough to win on your own.

So take the risk and join the church group. The Bible study you won’t know anyone at. And if you don’t see an opportunity to join one…make one yourself. Do whatever it takes to not give up on meeting together with believers. We all need the love and encouragement.

The Danger of Little Depth

christian, lifestyle, prayer

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it.” – Matthew 7:14

Over the last year, I have been considering the true depth of my faith and relationship with God more than ever before. Unfortunately, however, it was not until recently I understood the value of diving that deep. In fear of either disappointment or a crumbled pride, I pushed away the potential of not being as close to God as I thought, which in turn, lead to a spiral of self-loathing. Though in this search, He who is faithful has done nothing but reveal His sweet and compassionate character time and time again.

Matthew 7:7 begins a section on the opportunity we as believers have to seek from God with confidence. Of course recognizing His authority over ours first, this scripture describes the desire God has for us to ask, seek, and knock. Like a child in awe, yet confused of the world around them, we have the freedom to bring our concerns to God. And like a loving father who reveals truth with grace, so our God does with us.

Deconstruction of the faith has been a topic recently repeated by those around me. Though, not in the way it is commonly known. Rather than the layered demolition of one’s belief in God, I have been contemplating the potentially beautiful outcome of something like deconstruction, but with the goal of developing a more genuine personal faith. I feel as though questions in the Church and amongst our Christian friends have been iced over with superficial encouragement or peer-pressured manipulation to believe in something your mind considers unreasonable in every sense.

This journey I am looking into, and softly challenging you to, is not just asking your general questions you could google and answer in 3 sentences. No. My dear friend, I am speaking about the deep, honest search of our heart, soul, and mind that breaks through strongholds, lights up our hidden doubts, and reveals our greatest fears. This, I have come to believe, may be the kind of journey that brings a freedom we never knew existed. And honestly, perhaps the life we were made to live.

Fear of disappointment may be what prevents us from moving towards this in-depth search through our faith. But if God is who He claims and the sacrifice Christ made for us was enough, this kind journey will only lead to a better understanding our ourselves, God’s heart for us, and an even greater perspective of His faithfulness.

The passage after the one about seeking begins in Matthew 7:13 and reveals one of the most motivational (in my opinion) set of verses for taking on this specific challenge. Questions and honesty in our misunderstanding’s may be swept under the mat by those around you, but I do not believe the placement of these verses was a coincidence.

Just as Jesus explains the way in which we ought to come to Him with honesty, regardless of where we are in our walk, He goes on to reveal a critical note for those who claim to follow Him…

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

Note that the difference between those who go through the broad gate vs the narrow is that they simply enter through the broad, but must find the narrow.

The cost of living for Jesus is dying to ourselves. Why? Because all that we are without Him is sinful. Our flesh longs for immediate satisfaction and ruthless pride. And unfortunately, our world has normalized it to where we so often overlook it’s traces that run deep within our hearts.

My dear friend, it is a tough journey because it is a convicting and humbling one. But it is better to cultivate an authentic faith that leads to life than one requiring no deeper thought as you follow the crowd on the road to destruction.