Forgiveness

Quit the Molding

Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

For a while now, I have been working towards the development of a “morning routine” that first and foremost devoted time to God.

I am by no means a “morning person”, and frankly, I find it hard to believe many people naturally are. Nonetheless, studying the practices of others, I decided I would force myself to be one.

After spending 30-40 minutes with God nearly each morning, (yes, I have missed days here and there), I started to notice something…

It doesn’t get any easier. In fact, the reason I missed some days was due to the thought that I could wake up later, get ready for work first, and then do my quiet time. Yet, each and every time, I failed.

But alongside learning that, I also learned that the reason I have not quit and moved it all back to be a part of my nighttime routine, was because my heart hungered for it first thing in the morning.

When I would skip it, I would be angry and easily tempted into justify the sins that would result from that. But just a few hours later, I would find myself drowning in shame.

It was as though many soul developed a need for this time, this experience with God, before all else. So much so, that it would battle its old self and the new self all day long.

The old self would not mind if I had missed this time for weeks, as long as no one found out. Yet my new, redeemed, and Holy-Spirit filled soul knows there is better. Better when I devote my first fruits to God and invite Him into my every moment from the moment my eyes open to when they close at night.

I am aware this sounds silly or typical coming from a church worker, but I have found nothing calls me to this disciplined way besides the call of being a Christ follower. The fact that my family believes in Jesus does not compel me to spend more time in prayer. The fact that I work in ministry does not force me to read my Bible, for how would they know if I did not? And the “christian-writer” dream I have does not require me to devote my mornings to worshipping God.

No thing and no one has the power to dictate what I spend my free time doing. That is, and always will be, my responsibility. For my word can say one thing and my actions another.

The call I have decided to take on when I accepted Christ was one that would only be lived out through my personal devotion in spirit and acts to God.

So how and why then, do I say we ought to stop the molding?

I fear this society has acquired a mentality that what we want to do with our lives can be accomplished while simultaneously remaining inconvenienced.

We hear it all the time, some have even heard it from me in the past, “Find the time that best works for your schedule and section off 5-20 minutes to spend time with God.”

…I take back that advise if I have said it to you before.

What I have noticed is that our souls have a deep hunger and longing for the presence of God in every moment our lives and it’s going to take a lot more than 10 minutes of us reading a couple verses at night while we are half-asleep.

The Lord deserves more than that. And your soul, my friend, cannot survive like that forever.

We should not, and cannot, continue molding God around our lives.

We often hear the verse about giving our “first fruits” to God in relation to our money. That is what we call the tithe, our first 10% of our income.

But I would argue this should be applied in all we do. There is a lack of awareness of our soul’s needs that we cannot understand or even explain because it is so deep that we are sometimes left like babies, crying for a need, but incapable of expressing it in words.

This is not because we are dumb, but simply unaware. Our perspectives are limited, and unfortunately will remain that way without the leaning on the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 3:5-6 is quoted all over the place. We see it on a plaque at the church, printed on your grandma’s coffee mug, and surely you have seen it on a woman’s t-shirt before.

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Encouraging and sweet words that reveal the caring and wise heart of God, yet we still find ourselves only tuning into that source (God/Holy Spirit) for a few minutes at night.

I do not mean to be against the nighttime study crowd, but I am seeking to challenge you.

One of the biggest reasons people have told me, and even a reason that I used to say, was that the quietest time and the most free time one has, is at night, while all others are asleep, or after a hard days work.

But as I brutally force myself to continue waking up at these ungodly hours of the morning to pray and read before I begin getting ready for work, I have found I would not go back to the main quiet time being at night.

First, in the morning, one is going from full sleep, the most unaware state and gradually, with the help of God’s great gift: coffee, into a state of greater awareness. Some may take longer than others, but if you begin with being asleep, you can only ever continue becoming more awake.

Additionally, our culture struggles, including myself, with stewarding time. One of the reasons I miss my quiet time when I save it for the last part of my morning routine, is because I find myself taking too long in finding an outfit to wear or doing my hair, that I steal the minutes of quiet time and end up rushing to work before even glancing at my Bible.

This time, instead, is protected when you make it your first task.

What this also does, is train yourself to not avoid the consequences of your own actions. If you wake up late, you begin quiet time, and end up going to work late, you will think twice about choosing to enjoy those extra 15 minutes of sleep again. Yet, if you wake up, and instead, cut the quiet time for the sake of getting ready on time, you protect yourself from the consequences (being late) that you rightfully deserve. Thus, leading you to justify your bad decisions because the only person who knows you skipped your God time is you and God.

It is hard but it is necessary if you desire to grow. For what you spend your time doing is, and always will be, up to you and your responsibility to be used for God’s glory.

After all, the Lord calls us to take up our cross daily…a cross was a never a comfortable thing to endure. It was one that represented death. And how else does one live as a new creation without putting to death the old flesh and old ways?

One’s “first fruits” are those that are picked before the rest. They are not the leftovers nor the ones picked after one has gotten their filling. They are given first and foremost.

When linking this idea with the responsibility we as Christ followers have to steward our time well, it only makes sense that our every breath should be first devoted to God alone and then to the things He has placed before us.

As everyone’s jobs and mornings look differently, the amount of time one devotes in the morning may look different, as well as where exactly they spend this time at.

But what I have found, is that despite the hour we must leave for work or begin our daily tasks, we can always wake up earlier. Due to my struggle of deep feelings, I cannot get less than a certain amount of sleep or I suffer greatly, so as old as this may make me sound, I try very hard most nights to be asleep by 9-9:30pm so that I can stay around the eight hour mark. This means saying “no” sometimes to late night outings with friends and it means I must steward my nighttime chores and such to be completed by that time. In doing that, it makes less excuses available for me in the morning.

At the end of the day, this is not written in stone nor in scripture. But there is a hunger and desire written on our hearts and deep in our soul that I find, suffers, when we save but a taste of God for the night, as we drift in and out of sleepiness.

My dear friend, in your schedule, you hold the power to determine what kind of God you worship. One of convenience, that you believe you can know deeply through a five minute conversation at night, or the One of the Bible, that which may call for inconvenience, yet will grow you and fill you in ways you never knew your soul needed. Our time is considered one of the most valuable things to us, so where will your first fruits go? How long will you continue trying to mold God around the precious gift in which He gave you?

Thoughts to Consider:

What obstacles are currently preventing more time in community with God?

If you have implemented this practice in your morning, in what ways have you seen growth and what are the distractions pulling you to fall for the temptation of convenience?

How can you reschedule your priorities to protect that time in the presence of God?

Consider the growth your relationship with God could experience and how much your soul has been hungering for greater unity with Him unknowingly.

The God Who Can & Did

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.'” – Luke 5:12

There is a lot of disunity in our world because of the power people have allowed mistakes, disabilities, and differences to have over someone’s identity. When someone does or experiences something beyond what is considered acceptable or normal, judgement is passed on them and in result, changes their worth.

I have seen students shun others for not having material things that are “trendy”. I have heard rude comments mumbled by strangers aggravated at another person, solely because of their differences in race or social class. And I have witnessed some introduce their “friends” by highlighting their disability or disease.

It is as though who we are is strictly determined by what we endure or do. Got sick? Now you’re “that one guy or girl with the disease.” Got hurt? Oh, now you’re known as the limp or weak one. Got betrayed? Now everyone talks behind your back with pity or mockery. Messed up? All you are to others now is a let down.

It is as though we forever have a mark of our wounds or mistakes in life. And if you haven’t felt the weight of these things on your identity yet, then perhaps yours will come in the future or you have just missed the quiet whispers around you.

People have been on a pursuit of tearing others down since the fall in Eden. Why? Because of pride.

Pride causes friends to stab one another in the back. It’s lead families to cut ties off with members who “are too far gone”. It has resulted in crushed dreams of individuals who have been told they’ve hit their peak in life due to a new diagnosis or injury.

Pride hurts others. Sometimes, it even kills.

But pride doesn’t just degrade others. It stops us from becoming who we were made to be. We may assume that it is the route to maximum potential. When in reality, it is but a wrong and limited perspective of success, freedom, and value.

In Luke 5:12, we see a man who is sick. A man isolated, not by his own will, but because the community determined him as worthless. This man had a disease, and a contagious one at that. Knowing this, some today may use that as justification for rejecting him and stripping him of dignity. But as the God of all creation walks by him, we see a different response.

He looks at the man who calls on Him. He reaches out. And He says one of the most tough statements for us today to say to someone we consider unclean, worthless, or broken. He says, “I am willing.”

Willing to heal. To love. To speak to. To befriend. To forgive. To hear from. To spend time with. To perceive as one who is redeemed.

This man who was sick and crying out to Jesus had pride. Not in himself, but in the one he called “Lord”.

By falling at the feet of Jesus, he broke free from the binds his community put on him. He pushed past the identity everyone told him he had. He did not stay silent. He did not stay far away. He ran to God, believing there was a new identity, purpose, and hope for him. Not because of who he was, the life he lived, or the disease he had. He had pride in Jesus because he believed He was the God who could and the God who would.

How long have you believed the purpose for your life is but a pipe dream? How long have you stared in the mirror, seeing only the identity others gave you? How many people have you treated as worth less than the value God gave them, just because you cannot see it?

Jesus was willing to reach for us. And I am not just talking about this story in Luke 5. I am challenging you to consider the reach Jesus took from the throne in Heaven to the rugged, wooden cross.

Since man sinned, we have continued to run from God. We have sought out other loves. And we have rejected the reality of being one made in God’s image.

This man who was healed was told to keep his miracle rather quiet. But scripture tells us; “Yet the news about him spread all the more.” This individual saw the wonders of God. He saw the heart of Christ. And considering the pain he probably endured as a reject from society, it is incredibly shocking that he chose to speak of this new found hope to the same people who called him an outcast for so long.

Oh how beautiful this world would be if we saw one another through the loving eyes of Christ, with a heart burdened for every single persons salvation, even our enemies, like this man had.

When Jesus gave His life for you and I, it was without regret and in hope to impact everyone. John 3:16 tells us there is not one person God desires to perish. Not one. Yet we still find ourselves driven by pride and hurting others.

My dear friend, there is a God who has authority and power over everyone and everything. He is the One who determines your identity and purpose. And as justified as He would be to call you worthless and a let down, He chose to reach out in love and take the consequences of our actions. This God is named Jesus. No one else could do what He has done for you. So not only is He the One who could, but He is the willing One who did.

He did free you. He did redeem you. He did call you made new. He did take your penalty for every one of your sins. He did make a restored path to commune with Him. He did it all. And He did it all for you.

For. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

I pray you learn to let go of the pride in yourself and begin seeing yourself, your neighbor, your family, your enemies, and everyone you pass by, through His eyes. Will you reflect His love and reach out, touching the untouchable?

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you struggle to see yourself the way God sees you? Consider the lengths He went through for you.

Who in your life is it hard to believe God redeemed too? Pray for them.

What is holding you back from believing the God who can, did in fact do everything to redeem us?

Consider the way others could see God’s willing heart for them if you began treating them with the value God speaks over them instead of what society calls them.

“When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.'” – Luke 5:12

Lay It All Down…Again (Pt. 2)

bible, christian, lifestyle

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog about the need for giving up control. In other words, surrendering it all to God. And strange enough, God brought that topic back into my memory, though this time, from a new perspective.

Our ruthless grip on control can often stem from anxiety in others potentially failing us or a major pride issue. As someone who struggled with both of those problems, after a year of following the strategies I wrote about previously, I find myself at yet another road block. The wretched feeling of just wanting to give up.

I was reading other blogs about this topic recently and I have come to find that this view of making surrendering and “throwing in the towel” interchangeable is actually not that uncommon. Though, that does not make it right.

I get it. You prayed. You read the Bible. You joined the groups. And you tried your best to replace the voice of your anxious heart with the truth of the Spirit. But none of it has led to the weight being lifted or any vision/hope of a purpose-filled future.

But let me tell you a story.

There was a woman who had quite a past. Even the leaders of the synagogue knew of her sinful ways. Yet she heard that Jesus was passing nearby, so she did what she could to get to him. Having no gold or riches to offer, she brings her most expensive alabaster jar of perfume. With the eyes of the high leaders looking down on her, she lays at the feet of Jesus. In material sacrifice, she pours out her perfume on His feet. And in physical sacrifice, she uses her tears and hair to cleanse and dry them.

We are not told of the sins this woman has committed. Nor are we told about the future she lived. But by three simple phrases, Jesus sends her back into the same situation she came from.

“Your sins are forgiven.”…”Your faith has saved you.”…”Go in peace.”

We live in a world that claims we ought to live this life to the fullest because happiness is our main priority. But when did God ever say that? Let me save you from skimming through 66 books looking for it…He never said our purpose was to be happy. He said we were designed for His glory. To worship Him. To be an expression of His love.

Happiness is a fleeting feeling that society connects all too closely and all to often with success. But friends, that way of thinking will only lead to a life of disappointment.

Earlier, I listed a few “disciplines” or faith-based “practices” that the church typically encourages us to follow. These actions are intended to help us grow closer to God, direct us towards worship, and put us on a path that makes us available for sanctification (transforming to reflect Christ more). But again, what happens when it just leads to being drained, wanting to give up?

“Giving up control to God” can raise our hopes to expect something great to happen immediately after. It is a big sacrifice to lay down what we value so much; all our life. And when nothing changes, even after you have given so much, it is understandable to feel discouraged. Though the dangerous thing about feeling this way is that we can get so overwhelmed by the discouragement that our hope fades and our feelings resort to numbing.

In battles of the past, and in many movies, we see a white flag symbolize the act of surrendering. The moment the flag is waved, victory is claimed over one party and the ways of the winner are typically in forced over the opponent.

The losing team is left hopeless, and without any voice.

If I am being honest, when I began the steps people claim help us surrender to God, after a while, I felt the same way. Hopeless.

I did all the “right” things and yet I found myself seeing little to no change in anything. In fact, it felt like my circumstances got worse. There were so many days that I didn’t understand the point of reading the scripture I did, task after task piled up which would lead to me missing days with God and feeling like a failure, and I seemed to lose the enjoyment I had in being involved in the things I was a part of.

So I waved the white flag.

For a moment, I let go of the striving and settled with the fact that I was bound to the infertile soil I seemed to be rooted in. I didn’t pray. I stopped reading scripture with the expectation of receiving anything. And I fell deeper and deeper into the pit of despair I spent so long trying to get out of.

I “surrendered”. Threw in the towel. Raised the flag with the last bit of strength I could bare to give.

What used to be shouts in desperation for God at night turned into silent staring at the ceiling, wishing I could just muster out one tear to know I did not lose my capability of feeling when I lost my hope.

Then I started to hear it.

Through frustrated conversations, honesty in other believers’ blogs, and the small sections of Luke I have been forcing myself to still read for the sake of finally finishing a Gospel…I heard it.

Rather, I saw it.

Through His word in Luke chapter 7 and the words of His children in life-giving conversations, God revealed the critical steps I had missed in the blog about surrender from nearly 2 years ago.

Looking at this passage we see a few important aspects about the woman.

Though she was living in shame from others, she was alert. She was persistent in her desire to encounter Christ, and when He finally came to her town, she went. Because she was faithful in the seemingly fruitless season, she was prepared to move when the opportunity to meet Jesus came up.

My dear friend, it is frustrating to not know God’s timing, but the discipline does not go wasted. The last thing we want is to not notice the hand God is extending towards us because we never spent time getting to know what that would look like, or never built a faith to know it could go beyond than our natural perspective.

When the woman came to see Jesus, she actually came to give before receiving. Presenting no direct plead, she kneels at his feet and pours out her cherished possessions. She came to the alter bringing glory to God. The very thing we were designed to do.

We have no idea the situation this woman endures at home. But we do know that whatever it looked like, had no relevance when it came to what she knew she was to do before God. Whether you are in a great place or the worst in your life, part of truly surrendering our whole being is to offer all we have before God, whatever that may look like. Not because the amount we have represents His level of goodness, but because He is still worthy despite it all. Abundant or barren, we must recognize that praising God is our purpose more than focusing on any other thing in our life.

Sometimes, falling on our knees in tears may be the only offering we can give. And praise Jesus that is enough.

Judging from the pharisees disgust with her, we can assume she was no perfectionist of religious traditions. But, she knew what was more valuable than any of the others who were giving her a dirty look from their high horse.

Not just because she knew what to bring to God, but because she knew the worth behind what she received from Him.

In verses 48-50, we see those beautiful 3 phrases:

“Your sins are forgiven”…“Your faith has saved you.”…“Go in peace.”

Did she expect to receive anything from Jesus? Who knows. But regardless, she got a response. And the sweet thing about these phrases is that we too have been told these when we accepted Christ. Not because of what we have done. Not because we deserved it. But because He loves us so dearly that He chose to make Himself available through our simple surrender.

Yep. I said it. Simple surrender.

Surrender is not burning yourself out until you are forced to wave the white flag. Nor is it hopelessly going through the motions just because people say you should.

Surrender is made simple, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sacrificial. As we read in this passage, it requires all we are and results in a non-tangible gift.

Jesus just wants you to come. To return back to the calling and purpose you were given as you were so intricately woven in your mothers womb. And what He wants to give you may not look like a new circumstance, but it is a new perspective. A new shot at life that is forgiven, protected, and fully covered in eternal grace. And that, my dear friend, is worth more than all the success and happiness in the world.

For it is a life we cannot fail in and do not have to carry on our own. Praise God and to Him be the glory as we lay it all down…again…and again…and again as each new day arises and He reveals His love more clearly to us.

Daily Death For Eternal Life

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.” – C. S. Lewis

I think the mind can often draw us towards two extreme ways of thinking. Either we fall into a place where we see ourselves as god, or we see the things, people, and opinions around us as god. Both, despite sounding like polar opposites, are ultimately places of pride.

Whether we feel inferior or superior in the world we live in, we are constantly being pulled away from the one place we belong, and in turn, tempted to rely on anything BUT God.

I think what makes the idea of living in humble confidence under God so difficult to wrap our minds around completely is because we are called to be surrendered, and in result, raised up and set apart.

When I stumbled across this quote by C.S Lewis, I was honestly not sure how to approach it.

Not having the original context, I struggled to understand if it we ought to take this as a freedom call, from the shame and bondage of sin from our past that we are attacked by, or perhaps, it is meant to be a daily call of repentance from the pride we are tempted to lean into as we long for ultimate control of our lives.

Though I feel both could be broken down, I am going to run with the latter interpretation.

I have heard the saying “rejoice, mercies are new every morning!” as Lamentations 3:22-23 suggest. But lately I have been wondering why we ought to rest in that so much.

Honestly, I have come to notice that I am quite the cautious believer. I don’t take pride in the lack of child-like faith I have, but it is the way my mind works. So, I rather challenge the lies in my head and be sure of truth than try to manipulate myself when I know my brain requires a little more time to catch up to my heart.

So as this verse had been running through my head over the last few weeks, I realized it wasn’t because I felt inspired in my faith by it…no, unfortunately, I actually felt aggravated.

Mercy from God? Okay, I saw that displayed on the cross. Understandable. But NEW mercies. Every. Single. Day? Trying to believe that stirred nothing but guilt. I began feeling the weight of inadequacy, and because of that, a lack of faith that the verse actually included me among those who God desired to forgive.

But then I saw this quote from C.S Lewis that rocked everything.

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.”

God provides new mercies every morning because He knew we would need it.

Track with me here…

Our heart longs for what only God provides. But because of our sin-nature of pride and hunger for immediate satisfaction, we sacrifice God’s plans for our own. We may not notice at first, but that decision means that we sacrifice life for death.

Death is existence apart from God. In a just court, we would be ruled guilty of rejecting Him and in turn, rightfully condemned.

Oh but what a loving God we serve…

Paving a way to be free from the ruling of death, by the sacrifice of Jesus, God revealed His grace on the cross.

But He knew that wouldn’t mean perfection for our future, nor did He expect it to on this side of Heaven.

He knew, that because of our brokenness, there would be times where we would still choose ourselves over Him.

He knew, that even though we love Him, we would cave under the temptation to reject Him.

And He knew, that no matter how hard we tried, we would never be strong enough to live the life He called us to alone.

So God gives new mercies…every single morning. Why? Because He knew we would experience new temptations…every single morning.

When C.S Lewis calls us to rely on Jesus as if nothing had yet been done, I realize it is a call to open our eyes to the reality of the war going on every single day.

Every day we are given the choice of life or death. Truth or lies. Forgiveness or bitterness. Love or shame. Trust or control.

Spiritual warfare is not just in big trials. It is unfortunately the ground our hearts reside in until we see Heaven.

My dear friend, you have your choice in battle. You have a loving God who wants to protect, nourish, and redeem you in this war, for He has already claimed victory.

But the choice is yours. Every. Single. Day.

May we never get complacent in our relationship with Jesus. May we strive, for nothing else, but to be closer to Him day by day. And with all my heart, I pray that we may rejoice in His mercies being new every morning…for if He held back for even just one day, we would never see the glory of true life.

So, will you make relying on God a daily act of surrender?

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.