christianity

On Materialism – Wage the War

bible, christian, spiritual formation

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

There I was, leaving another store with more unnecessary purchases. As I was walking to my car, struggling to get my keys while holding this big shopping bag, a man walked up to me.

“Excuse me, do you have any spare change?” he asked.

As I looked up at him, my mouth said what it had learned to do over the years when strangers would come near. I immediately blurted out, “I’m sorry, I don’t.”

As I looked him in his light blue eyes, with a face revealing slight discouragement, he said, “That’s okay ma’am. I am sorry to have bothered you.” Then he walked away.

I got in my car and just sat there for a moment then realized I had $5 cash in my wallet. But when I looked back to find him, he was gone.

That was the day after Black Friday. A day where thousands across the country, including myself, woke up at ungodly hours to bombard stores for their “irresistible” deals on items we, or the people we are buying them for, will probably forget about in 6 months to a year.

On a daily basis, we see deals, advertisements, promo videos, and influencers tell us about all of the things we “need”. That, until we buy them, we won’t be happy or on trend. These voices we feed ourselves with overtime create a hunger for more. For more material things that we think will bring feelings they cannot actually sustain. Feelings like joy, purpose, belonging, or contentment.

Now, those types of feelings that our hearts long for are good. For those are what we are designed to experience. But the material-based propaganda we see all over social media, websites, commercials, and on billboards are not the means to fulfillment in those desires.

Within the last two weeks, the story of the rich man in Mark 10 has been one I heard in a book, at church, and on a podcast. I am in no way close to rich, but I must admit this story has repetitively convicted me over the recent days.

In Mark 10:17, we see a man run up the Jesus, falling at his feet and begging for the answer to a question I feel we all ask at some point in our lives, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus could have answered in so many different ways knowing the sinful nature this man had. But out of intention and love (v. 21) He told him he lacks just one thing. His tight grip on his possessions and his dependency on them for his identity, security, and purpose were barriers between him and Christ that only he could make the decision to move.

“Go”, Jesus said, “sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” (v. 21).

Was Jesus claiming wealth is bad? Certainly not. But having it as an idol is.

I want to dive into this response more deeply. We see that the man’s heart was troubled at the thought of giving up all he had. Before we judge him, having that be the first interaction with the One everyone in town was calling a “Savior” would have left me baffled as well. Honestly, I still would be shaken at the thought of having to give up everything I own now.

But instead of questions, this man just left sad and with a fallen face. The outcome of his decision wasn’t stated, but surely it is clear that selling all his things and following Jesus was too much to commit to at the moment.

That brings us to the second portion of the statement. So the purpose of Christ’s call to leave behind the idol of wealth was because the throne of our life cannot be filled with two things. Jesus will not share the title of “Lord” in your heart. And rightly so.

But I want to highlight that the selling of possessions was not the path to eternal life. How do we know? Because Jesus didn’t end on that note. That was simply to clear the priority position in his life, that he may now focus completely on the true God, the path to what his heart so desperately sought out.

“Then come, follow me.” (v.21)

So very simple in words, yet incredibly difficult and serious in action.

There is reason for that.

We were created for a life in unity with a loving, perfect God. With that comes a hearts longing for things like hope, purpose, sense of belonging, joy, and fulfillment. Yet because we live in a world that rejects God, we grow up believing we must strive to reproduce what we think will satisfy our desires. But none of it can.

The rich man asked Jesus one question and Jesus responded clearly and straightforward. Selling his possessions and giving to those God loves (all people), is what Jesus promised produces treasure in Heaven…but not life. Following Christ is the only path to inherit eternal life.

I believe John Mark Comer explained this concept very well as he states in one of his books:

“If you’re not on board with Jesus’ view of money, it could be that you, like many Christians in the West (myself included until quite recently and with frequent relapses), don’t actually believe the gospel of the kingdom – the good news that the life you’ve always wanted is fully available to you right where you are through Jesus. Through Him you have access to the Father’s loving presence. Nothing – not your income level or stage of life or health or relational status – nothing is standing between you and the ‘life that is truly life’.”

Was I wrong to immediately say no to that man asking me for money? Some may say no, for safety reasons, but I would argue I was.

I allowed this self-centered way of thinking to become so rooted in my heart and brain that I did not even hesitate to check my wallet at his request. Who cares what he will use it for? Should one impostor homeless person who uses the money for bad things ruin the giving Spirit in the rest of humanity? If so, we are a lost cause. For all churches should shut down considering the number of hypocrites (including myself at times) that sit in the pews each weekend taking advantage of the benefits the church offers.

Since when did giving become such a particular thing? Who are we to determine who does and does not deserve our pennies? In fact, they’re not even ours. We are but stewards of the finances God blesses us with, despite how much or little that may be.

My heart still aches as I wish I acted differently.

The man left after saying, “I am sorry to have bothered you.”

I am unsure of how much he meant that, but those words wrecked me. Why do humans think asking for help from another is a bother? I considered how much I say that when I seek assistance from others and nearly every time, I receive a, “don’t worry at all” or “it’s not a problem”. Yet somehow I still feel bad to have people help me with anything.

I fear people in his position, receive a lot of no’s. And what I pray is that he doesn’t let that word, “bother”, be how he sees himself.

Giving is not a practice that is done between the “have’s” and “have-nots”. We are not on two sides where only one gives and the other takes. That man is fully capable of knowing Jesus and following Him. Eternal life is available to him as much as it was to the rich man. Yet the point I wish to identify, is that my struggle with materialism prevented a potentially fruitful conversation.

Fixing our focus on things that will not last or matter in 5, 10, or 50 years get in the way of God-honoring experiences countless times on a daily basis as we remain complacent in our bondage to the material world.

David Platt clarifies the severity of this problem in our society as he says, “The lesson I learned is that the war against materialism in our hearts is exactly that: a war. It is a constant battle to resist the temptation to have more luxuries to acquire more stuff, and to live more comfortably. It requires strong and steady resolve to live out the gospel in the middle of an American dream that identifies success as moving up the ladder, getting the bigger house, purchasing the nicer car, buying the better clothes, eating the finer food and acquiring more things.”

My dear friend, it was not the items I purchased that day that stopped me from helping the man. It was the idea of giving him something that I could use to get more things with. Some needs, some unnecessary. But regardless, my reaction revealed the reality of my skewed priorities as my own security and longing for more was what first came to mind instead of how I ought to love the people God made so intricately, reflecting His own image.

Materials are not the problem. The war is far beyond flesh. But it is a war we cannot ignore, as it could be the very thing blocking us from what our souls and the souls around us need so badly; eternal life, or in more clear words, Jesus, our only Savior.

Thoughts To Consider:

Do material things or ideas have a hold on you in any area of your life?

How can you practically remind yourself of the things that really matter? The things you were created for?

Let go of the striving to produce what only God can give. What are some of the root reasons you may struggle with that?

Consider the impact you could be a part of and experience as you begin living, loving, and giving the way Jesus did, regardless of your fears of insecurity or having enough.

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

Because He First Loved Us

bible, Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” – Numbers 6:24-26

Devotion is such a strange concept. As we battle pride every day, it is difficult to joyfully claim we want to “devote” ourselves to something unless we know it will be highly successful. The meaning of this term is to give up a great portion of one of our most valuable possessions; time. As difficult as it can be to willingly choose to live devoted to something like the way of Jesus, we live devoted to something everyday whether we intend to or not. What we prioritize, focus on, and spend much time mastering or working at is what we devote our lives to. Maybe not your whole life, but definitely the season of life you are in now.

Pride, however, can create a conflict in our minds as we long to be the dictator of our own life while simultaneously hunger to be a part of something greater than ourselves. To leave a mark that lasts far beyond our last breath.

When I was in 5th grade, I was accepted into a middle school that was focused on marine biology. I was set on that being my future career. But after having to attend a different middle school, I was introduced to a lot of nonprofits. The work that I saw Christian leaders do through running organizations for the benefit of those in need around the world became my everything. I went into high school with the belief I would start the next being faith-based nonprofit of my generation. And when my high school launched a business track in place of our electives, I took that route all the way through senior year. I graduated high school having completed that track alongside an associates degree in organizational management. Then I went to college and was challenged more spiritually than ever before.

After only a year and a half, I had changed my major countless times from intercultural studies, to journalism, to business, to Christian community development, until I finally settled with communication and a concentration in internet and social media.

Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to do. And even when plans changed, it was never on a whim or without thought. I had reasons and dreams outlined behind every decision to change what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. But I can’t promise you that I had prayer behind those choices.

I felt the inclination to pursue writing early into college. The creation of this blog really helped me confirm my love for it. But in the back of my mind, I could not fully commit to it. I always had to have a backup plan, and that was evident in my indecisiveness regarding what I was studying.

But after college tested, crumbled, and eventually led me to rebuild my relationship with Jesus, I came to the realization that what I studied was not the dictator of my life. As a lover of knowledge, I had discovered how much I idolized my studies. Not for good grades but rather for the ability to feel prepared for the next step in life. The ability to overcome my great fear of inadequacy. Specifically, inadequacy in what I grew up hearing the world say our “everything” was supposed to be; our career.

I was so very devoted. But not out of joy. More so, out of fear of what would happen if I wasn’t dedicated and disciplined.

Isn’t that strange? I hungered for full control over my future. But I let every second of my younger years be directed by fear.

We as humans were created to worship. To live for something greater. But unfortunately, we are not born with the understanding that what we long for is completely satisfied in Christ. So we grow up spending years and even decades trying to maintain control while we slowly give more and more of ourselves to what we hear everyone tells us means the most. Sometimes that looks like pursuing money through a successful job. Or maybe it looks like finding a partner to quickly marry and build a family with. Or perhaps it looks like obtaining great knowledge through countless degrees, internships, trade schools, etc. And for the Christian desperate to leave a mark in vocational ministry, maybe that looks like building a church overflowing each weekend, spending years overseas on mission, or creating trending worship songs.

Whatever it is that we feel we have been called to spend our lives doing, we must not forget that our devotion first belongs to the Lord. Yes, God gives each of us different talents. But that is not to take first priority over Him.

As I read Numbers 6 this morning, my eyes were opened to the “why” behind a Christian’s devotion.

This chapter begins with the Nazirite vow. This is a commitment an Israelite person could make for a period of time to dedicate themselves wholly to God. There were strict rules to follow with this, and if they were broken, the person would have to restart the process.

Looking at that alone gives us a glimpse of the reality that God is so very holy and our brokenness is not something that we can ignore. We need redemption to be in communion with Him and set apart.

That’s what made the end of this chapter so mesmerizing. It reads, “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them: ‘The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face towards you and give you peace.’ So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.'” (v. 22-27)

If you look back, God did not say only to speak this over those under the Nazirite vow. It was for His people, His broken and sinful people.

With the struggle of wanting to make a name for ourselves through a successful family, job, personal life, and even spiritual walk, it can be easy to forget one critical truth we see in this passage.

The blessing is from God because He loves us.

It is solely and completely His heart and decision that we experience any sort of grace or blessing. Our success or talents in life are not what determine our portion of God’s gifts of grace, mercy, or providence.

Our devotion surely matters, but not for the hope in greater benevolence from the Lord. It matters as it is how we can respond deeply in every aspect of our being to the love God has already shown us. What I mean is that true devotion; the giving up of time and resources spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally ought to be done out of reaction instead of wishful thinking.

We cannot serve enough, tithe enough, or preach enough to earn God’s love. Nothing we do will ever be enough. Yet the greatest news of all is He loves us still.

He loves us after we fall into sin. He loves us when we were battling doubt. He loves us when we are angry and confused. He loves us when we are burnt out.

He loves us so deeply and abundantly that His blessing is not just breath in our lungs right now but His very Spirit in our hearts. When we respond to the love poured out on the cross by Jesus with repentance of our wrongdoings and acceptance of His redemption, the Lord does not just stand at a distance and promise supervision of our lives. He makes a home in our hearts and in turn, we feel a grace, peace, love, purpose, and belonging any and everywhere.

But one of the toughest parts of reality is that the experience of God’s nearness is not delayed because of Him, but us.

We, with our closed off hearts, cynical mindsets, unexpectant perspectives, and complacent lifestyles are the reason we do not live every breath with confidence of the Lord’s love and longing for communion with us.

Devotion is not what earns us this love, but it is what gives our heart the opportunity to have its walls taken down by the gentle, yet mighty hand of God and allows our minds to be opened to the transformative desires of the Spirit.

My dear friend, how much longer will we live a life chasing the things that will but fade away with our last breath? I have grown weary of striving. Though I am not proud of the years I spent devoted to everything I thought would please the world or even the church, I am overwhelmed with joy that I see the ground beneath me is offered to the Lord as fertile ground now; available and open for whatever He pleases. When we begin devoting ourselves to the One who loved us to death and back, we will open our minds and hearts to a transformation no amount of striving could ever bring. Not by our own power or might, but by His grace and love alone. For that is just who He is.

Thoughts To Consider:

How might God use your unmet expectations to redirect your devotion?

Where in your life have you mistaken activity or works for intimacy with God?

What are you training your heart to love by how you spend your time?

Consider the gentleness of a God who asks for devotion, not to burden you, but to free you.

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” – Numbers 6:24-26

On Leviticus: Why Peace Seems To Escape Us

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanliness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.” – Leviticus 15:31

For the last 3 and a half years, I could not understand why my most viewed blog was one that was so specific to a current event in 2022.

When I wrote “Elohim Shomri – God As Our Protector In The Wake Of War“, the conflict between Ukraine and Russia had somewhat just begun. This was written with a reference to the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho. I honestly did not think much would come from it, I mean, after 3.5 years, it has 0 likes and 0 comments…but over 1,000 views. And 681 of those are from this year alone.

I normally do not look that deeply into the stats and I don’t want to make this about numbers, but I could not help but notice that if my blog was viewed at all in a day, that post was typically the reason why.

It intrigued a while back but I couldn’t pinpoint what made it so popular. Then today, while I reading and thinking about what I wish more people realized mattered, it hit me.

Peace.

That blog was about Peace. And I don’t mean just the feeling. I am talk about the One who is the embodiment of it.

It could have been very easy to pick a side and believe that’s what peace would be like. But that’s not Biblical. True peace is not found in a motivational speech, a political statement, or even by overloading ourselves with self-help material. Though sometimes you may get inspiration from those, what humans long for is what we cannot create by our own works.

We have a hole in our hearts and souls that sense the world we live in is broken and needs healing, but no matter how hard we try, nothing lasts. That’s not because peace is impossible. Rather, it’s because we are seeking a thing (or feeling) over a person.

I have been to many churches and I love what a lot of them are doing. But I also grow angry towards some as I recognize a major problem that seems to be so consistent among congregations, yet so ignored.

Perhaps it is ignorance or direct denial, but whatever it is, it is building a barrier between what we as Christian’s are supposed to be focused on. Discipleship is the process of following Christ. But if you were to take a poll in many churches today, unfortunately, we would probably find the majority not serving, not in a small group, inconsistent in their personal quiet time, or having a lack of accountability in their spiritual walk.

I say this not to degrade churches. For I have worked at one and served at 3 others that I would consider a second home. But I cannot deny that there were times I was angry as I served and watched the same people walk in and walk out each Sunday, never seeing them hold a Bible, join a group/service team, or show any outward hunger for God.

As someone who struggled with religiousness when I first became a Christ follower, I don’t want anyone to take what I am saying as “works are what saves you”. For that is not true. But they are evidence of your love for God. And they are the routes we take to make room for God to speak and move in our lives on a daily basis.

Reread that last sentence.

We cannot forget our purpose. Yes, it is to share the Gospel. But first and foremost it is to love our God. And if desire to use the name of Jesus to encourage anyone, we cannot neglect the process of learning His ways. For the Lord’s ways are not the same as ours. We have a sin nature. And what sin is, is anything that goes against God. So if disobedience is in our hearts naturally since the Fall of man, we cannot dare to think we can share God’s love without prioritizing being near to Him in our personal life.

Leviticus, I won’t lie, has been a difficult book to get through. But I found a common theme as I read the end of chapter 15. It says in verse 31, “You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanliness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.“

Now surely, death for uncleanliness may sound a bit harsh. And I always heard that word used to describe God in the Old Testament. But after reading all about these sacrifices and temple regulations, I could not help but see a God so desperate to build a bridge between a sinful, broken people and His Holy, perfect self. He did not do it because He had to, or even because He needed our praise. He made a way in the Old and New Testament because of His love for us.

Yet I look at this modern culture, including myself, and think, “we’d never last in a time like that”. We hunger for immediate satisfaction, a comfortable Sunday service experience, and a convenient personal routine with God. The idea of self-denial, control, and discipline are more reserved for those ambitious for stronger bodies, healthier diets, or a greater financial position. Though those are all good goals, why are Christ followers not the first and most dedicated group of self-discipline people in the world? What better is there to sacrifice for than our Savior?

People long to be better. Most would include “bettering themselves” as a part of their idea of success. But what we often forget is that it takes discipline. And specifically to be like Christ, it takes discipleship.

I cannot count the times I have cried out to God for peace, while neglecting the need to draw near to Him. Leviticus and many other surrounding books are very focused on the law and how to approach God through the temple. His peace and presence are then promised on the other side of the Israelites obedience. And that, I believe, is the part I forget so often.

Yes, Christ made a way for us to connect with the Lord, not needing a temple like the Israelites in Leviticus. But the sacrifice of Jesus did not negate the Holiness of God. For our Lord is still the Lord Most High, the One so perfect and pure. And I fear in an attempt to modernize the Word of God, many today encourage salvation as though it is a “one and done” agreement.

Yet if we read verses 31 again, we might realize His dwelling place was moved from tents to our hearts. So there is no need to “modernize” or “contextualize” the Word of God here as it says His followers ought to remain, “separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanliness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.”

Perhaps if we realized one of the greatest gifts from God is His presence with us now rather than just a heaven waiting for us when we die, we would begin to understand the gravity of discipleship and our need for it. As it is the means to our biggest need: a restored relationship and consistent communion with God.

We could argue all day long, trying to pick sides in this world. But that is not what our souls are desperate for. Being right only fills your pride. It’s being with Peace that restores our broken hopes, wounds, anxieties, and gives us a purpose no one can take away. Not even our own failures.

My dear friend, wholeness is what God longs for you to realize is only found in Him. Our pursuit of peace and contentment can only reach so far in a world so broken. But God’s heart for our redemption could not be more evident in the Old Testament as He placed Himself among us and made a way for our total redemption. We are set apart because of our first love. Not because we are any better than our neighbor. But only because we have come to realize how necessary Jesus is for our every breath. May we stop chasing the idea of peace while ignoring the One it flows out of.

Thoughts To Consider:

Where have you been chasing the feeling of peace instead of seeking the God of peace?

What habits, mindsets, or comforts are you clinging to that keep you from deeper discipleship and true wholeness in Christ?

Do your rhythms in life reflect someone who treasures His presence, or someone surviving on their own?

Consider how your life may change as you acknowledge peace is not discovered, but received in His nearness.

“You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanliness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.” – Leviticus 15:31

Ever Dependent – A Short Word on Relying on God

bible, christian, encouragement

Leviticus 13

It’s a terrible feeling to be clueless. I don’t have a problem admitting I don’t know something, as long as the knowledge is attainable in a somewhat immediate way. But recently there has been a pile of moments growing where I feel helpless. Or plainly put, dumb.

This morning was one of those moments, but as I write this evening, I am grateful for what God is revealing.

I read Leviticus 13 today…

If you know what that’s about, it’s not the most exciting portion of scripture. And this morning, I struggled when I finished. I normally make a final quick prayer of gratitude for God’s Word made available to me and for whatever it was that He taught me. But today, I couldn’t think of a single thing I learned besides to beware of “defiling skin diseases”(v. 2).

I gave thanks, but then I sat there for a minute. A while back, I vowed to get through the whole Bible without commentaries since it’s my first time and because of my past problem with idolizing knowledge over the Word and presence of God Himself. So that was not the option I wanted to resort to. But then, in just a moment, I said something along the lines of, “Holy Spirit, please open my eyes, because I don’t know what you’re trying to say through that. But I believe all your Word is relevant and used for teaching us.”

Honestly, it shocked me that I thought of that. Perhaps that was your first thought to my dilemma, but it surely wasn’t mine. So as the day progressed, and I reflected on a few topics God has placed on my mind lately regarding our dedication to Him, I realized how much I needed that prayer this morning.

This culture is so very individualistic. Now, as an introvert, I don’t mind doing everything myself (my pride thinks I’ll do it better alone anyways). But that is not how we ought to be. That is not how God created us.

We are made for community. And I don’t just mean with other humans, but deep community with God as well.

Spending time with Him is my favorite thing each morning. Somehow, I have managed to do it without coffee now, and I still find it to be my favorite time. But when I skip days, as I unfortunately did the recent weekend, I feel the heaviness of dependency. I feel the weight of not giving my first fruits to God.

I immediately felt great anxiety and hopelessness again and the terrible feeling of being rushed for no reason. Let me be clear, I still struggle with all of those feelings on a weekly basis, but normally the feeling of God’s presences overcomes it all, giving me hope and truth to speak over it. God is still good if the healing isn’t total, for one day it will be.

But today it was different. I felt better, but still confused on His teaching and a few other things I’ve been thinking about. Yet I was at peace. Not because I discovered what was so significant about the skin diseased people in Leviticus 13, but because I realized I was dependent again on God. Not completely, but surely it is my priority again.

I have set boundaries with myself to seek His unexplainable joy and patience at my job, His truth and hope over my mental battles, and His strength and faith in my uncertainties.

My dear friend, dependency on Jesus means so much more than trusting Him in big trials that you can’t control anyways. It is more than giving up your Sunday mornings for church. And it is even more than devoting the first portion of your day to Him. It is all those and then some. We must not let the individualism or complacency of this culture to let us believe we can live a single breath without God. That “self-sufficient” life is not what we were made for and it is only by Him alone we can be made new and better.

So when you consider who He is, as our worthy Lord, and who we are, a helpless sinner, may we grow hungry after a dependent life on Him. For who else defeated our destined condemnation and freed us from chains we sold ourselves to? No one, but Jesus. May He be your everything in every area of your life.

To Know His Nature

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

What a difference it makes in a broken person’s life to understand the nature of Jesus.

Mistakes happen. Some brush it off, some learn from them, and some – well, I fear too many of us – allow them to define them and their way of thinking. Our responses vary based on the severity of our wrong doings, but nevertheless, they often have a greater impact on us than we would like to admit.

In the end of the Gospel of John, we come across the denial from Peter. A man who walked with Christ in the flesh and learned from Him for roughly three years…fell short. When times got tense and his physical life was at stake, he let go of what mattered most for what he thought was more important at the time.

But can we blame him? As much as we want to say that we would have done it differently, is that really true? How often do we break our commitment to obeying God for immediate satisfaction in just the span of one week? We are no different than Peter. For all we have known since our first breath, was life on earth. So it is only natural for us to protect it above all else when it is at risk of being taken. Regardless of how much we believe in eternity, we have yet to experience it. So now, we see that we stand in very similar sandals of this broken, sinful disciple.

We’ve let people down. We’ve said rude things. We have chosen to satisfy ourselves over helping another. We have fallen short. Time and time again. But may we not forget the nature of the loving One we made our commitment to.

After the denial, Peter went back to what he did prior to meeting Jesus. He was fishing with his friends. After trying all night, the morning comes and a man from the shore directs them to cast their nets again. Surely doubtful, yet in obedience, they throw their nets and pull up an abundance. Without much time passing, John recognizes the man was Jesus. In saying it, Peter immediately jumps out of the boat and swims towards Christ.

When they met, Jesus had prepared breakfast for them and we then see one of the most loving moments ever. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. Not once. Not twice. But the same amount of times that he denied Him. After each time, He gave Peter a responsibility. This is an incredible moment, for we see that Jesus, though rejected by his own friend, leads us in how we ought to forgive. Not because He needed to, but because His love for us is so very strong.

In this moment, Peter had two options. He could either say, “I have betrayed you, there is no way I can grow the kingdom.”, and then return to fishing, that which he had known about well and found security in. Or he could pursue the next step in the establishment of the early church, trusting that the new identity and call from Jesus was possible despite his brokenness.

I want to note that it wasn’t a matter of the specific job, it was about the call. Would he let go of what he found purpose in prior to meeting Christ so that he can work towards expanding the kingdom, or will his failure and desire for security and familiarity consume him?

I have always struggled with my immediate thoughts. When I get hurt, I may have learned to hold in my outward expressions, but it is always a battle in my mind. Whether it is bitterness, rude thoughts, a grudge, or the internal planning of my next petty move, I could not seem to change inwardly.

The other day, it occurred to me the type of person I was becoming. A hypocrite. My thoughts were allowed to run wild as long as my outward emotions remained contained because “taking captive every thought” was just too exhausting.

I held onto my brokenness as though it were a part of who I was created to be. But when I recognized that it was the complete opposite of how Christ loved others, I broke down. I could not even finish praying, for I felt so very ashamed. I felt disgusting before the Lord.

I went to sleep that night and awoke with the same empty, shaky feeling in my chest. The same one I felt after every big failure in my life. This was it. This was how I figured I would remain, for how could one altar their immediate thoughts? And if I couldn’t figure it out, how could I ever believe a loving God would want such a bitter person to have a part in His good plans?

Then, my scripture reading for that morning was the story I had just explained. The last chapter of John.

I imagine Peter felt guilt. And maybe he even lost hope in his potential of growing God’s kingdom. But what brought him to a place where he could be made new, was his faith in the nature of Christ. His faith in the One who met him where he was and promised to never leave him.

Peter went after Christ because he understood that Jesus was forgiving. He knew He was the One who makes old become new and the broken, redeemed. But he wouldn’t experience that if he hid in the boat because of his shame.

I sat there after reading that in complete awe. How many times have I avoided time with the Lord because I was ashamed of my actions? I cannot even count how many times I let my fear and my disappointment in myself steal moments I could rest in the forgiving presence of Christ.

The God we serve is the God of new things. I never thought about that deeply until last year when I was at a loss of where my life was going and God spoke, “from death to life” to me. It meant so much. But the expectancy I had for God to do that again has died down. To be transparent, I forgot about it. And in my lack of remembering, I let the lies of the enemy take root.

My disappointment, shame, hopelessness, and guilt drove my life. And for so long, I saw my mistakes as the reason I could not be who God calls us to become. But praise Him, for I was so wrong.

My dear friend, our brokenness is the very thing that God wants us to lay before Him so that He can make us new. Until we believe that He is greater than our mistakes, we will not understand the nature of who He is. For what significance does His forgiveness have if we were not in desperate need of it? His gentle, forgiving response to our failures is the path we must go through to become who He calls us to be. For our brokenness is the seemingly barren ground that He actually longs to make fruitful.

Henri J. M. Nouwen states, “If you are ready to listen from your brokenness then something new can come forth in you.“

Thoughts to Consider:

Is there any area of your life that you are not allowing God to change because you prefer the security it brings you?

Would you recognize God’s voice if it came in a way you didn’t expect? (This comes from time spent learning it.)

How can you take action towards letting God make new what you see as unredeemable?

Consider the life change you could experience and share if you not only knew but whole heartedly believed that God’s nature is one of boundless love.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7