christian woman

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

Beautifully Desperate

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement

“For she said, ‘If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.'” – Mark 5:28

One of the most overlooked feelings, I have come to notice, is desperation. In a world constantly promoting independence and self-sustainability, being desperate is often one of the last ways a person would probably hope to be described as. But in the eyes of a God wanting nothing but the best for their child, no characteristic could be so critical.

There once was a woman with a hurt that seemed to have no end. Day after day, year after year, her illness remained persistent, but so did her humble heart. The moment that the Messiah was rumored to be passing through her town, she did what she had to do to reach Him. Even if it was just for a glimpse.

With the crowd growing and the judgment of those around her, knowing the unclean illness she had, this was no easy journey, but it was one that she believed would result in a life-changing blessing. She was desperate for the presence of God and she refused to allow the people or circumstances around her keep her from experiencing it.

I heard this quote the other day that said what we truly need is “an expectation that is willing to wait in His presence and a desperation that is willing to take action when He says to move.”

Chills. I know. And what a beautiful picture we see of that exact posture as we unpack this ill woman’s story.

With every step came concern and anxiousness, I am sure, as there is always the thought of rejection deep in the mind of those who act in desperation. But this was different. Within moments, a far away glimpse turned into a gentle contact with the One that so many have proclaimed to be the Messiah. What was once known as life was divided into the past and made into a new thing. In an act following her inward desperation for God and all the good things that He is, she was healed and freed from the identity society gave her as the “sick woman”.

Because of Jesus, she walked with a new name. Her steps were light as she allowed Him to take up her burdens. In her great desperation, came a great redemption.

My dear friend, there is a never ending supply of grace and freedom in the hands of Jesus. But until you empty your own hands and choose the humble path of a soul desperate for it’s maker, you will never give yourself the opportunity to experience that awe-striking presence of God.

As NON-self-sufficient as it may sound, a desperate heart after God’s own is a posture that one should pursue as long as they breathe.

It’s LOVE Day!

Christian lifestyle

“for God so LOVED the world, that He gave His one and only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

It’s Valentines Day! This day, I feel, has a mixed response from many. Some are over joyed to spend the day with their significant other. Some simply go about the day just as any other. Some celebrate with their family or friends. And some grieve as they remember their lost loved ones.

I realize the sensitivity of this day is the same as many other holidays dedicated to celebrating certain people. But as I contemplated the way in which one could be happy on this day regardless of their circumstance, I had a thought.

What if we disciplined ourselves to express TRUE love to absolutely everyone we encounter this day?

The kind of love that is patient, forgiving, selfless, encouraging, comforting, etc. What kind of transformation would the lives of those around you have if you showed them a glimpse of the most real love?

I am sure you have heard people say “you should treat your significant other like its Valentine’s Day everyday” or “you should show Gods love everyday”. But the reality is, we are not perfect. There are days where expressing the kind of patient and unconditional love we are commanded to share is the LAST thing we want to do. Not to say that as an excuse, I am simply pointing out the flaw of being human.

So what if instead, we challenged ourselves REALLY hard to do it today?

I believe the impact that the Holy Spirit on our heart always results in change. When a person truly acknowledges the love of Christ, there is no reason they should remain just as they were before. With that being true, if we express that same love that Christ showed us, even for just one day, should it not lead to change and a renewal of the heart?

My dear friend, whether you are excited, sad, or neutral about Valentine’s Day, the love God has for you remains consistent. The comfort and wholeness that He gives you does not change based on your circumstances.

The greatest expression of love is revealed in the verse above. So when you wake up today and think about the heart posture you will have as you pass everyone celebrating this beautiful thing called love, think about the impact you could have if you let yourself be powered by the same love God revealed on the cross.

The result of God’s love brought life. I pray you not only feel that today but work your hardest to share it with others. You never know how much it could mean to the strangers you encounter today.

Realign me, oh Lord

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

Living in a society that pushes us to “follow whatever your heart desires” can be exciting but oh so very dangerous. As followers of Jesus, we claim to have made the decision to give up the world and follow the God who gave up His son. But often times, we only truly follow that claim to an extent…

With a heart longing for excitement, we let our spiritual boundaries get stepped on, tip toed next to, and even sometimes crossed behind the excuse of “it wasn’t that bad”. But that is not how God called us to live. He didn’t design safety rails in life so that we could hang off the edges. As He is the literal embodiment of all things good, joyful, loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate, etc. We can bet on His boundaries having something to do with His desire for us to stay close to Him and away from everything evil, manipulative, vengeful, and so on.

Though sometimes intriguing and easy to fall into, the “harmless sins” in life are honestly anything but harmless. The one command He emphasized in the new testament was to love God and love people. A life spent loving God cannot be truly lived while intentionally flirting with sin.

So in this new year, may this be our prayer. May we long for a heart so hungry for God that we feel uneasy at just the thought of splitting our attention between Him and the world. May we humbly ask the Holy Spirit to rid our hearts of anything and everything that does not glorify God as we desperately thirst for Him to fill us up. May we look at every part of scripture for what it is; the living, breathing word of God and may it enrich our souls so much so that we feel weak after just a day spent away from it. The enemy may be no match for our Lord, but on our own, we stand no chance against the things he throws at us. We need revival. We need redemption. We need a spirit made new. So my dear friend, please never forget amidst the pleasure of life…we NEED Jesus. And I mean ALL of Him, not just on Sundays, but in every second of every day. Consistently live for a soul that prays this over every step, breath, and thought throughout your life.