Worship

In True Awe of Jesus

Christian lifestyle, easter, Worship

“May I never lose the wonder of Your presence. May I always stand in awe of who You are.” – Fall Like Rain by Passion

The idea of being an offering has been on my mind for a while now. I have heard song after song reference that concept and a lot of the portions of Scripture that I have been reading lately have been reflecting that as well. Though I see great value in living that way, I kept thinking about how I would ever actually explain that value of offering our whole selves for God to someone.

Every time I thought about it, I would try to build an argument in my head with reasons that, I eventually realized, always led back to the death and resurrection of Jesus. The root of every reason I had to pursue Him came from His sacrifice. But not just because of what it did for me, more so, what that revealed about His desire for me. His heart that longed deeply for community…with me.

After weeks of making mental notes of the blessings, miracles, and purpose I have witnessed God give to myself and others throughout my life, it hit me. Though those things are powerful testimonies, at the root of why we ought to give our all to this God we cannot physically see is because of 1 John 4:19…”we love because He first loved us”.

As cynical as I can be, no amount of historical, scientific, or logical evidence gave me more reason to sacrifice all I desired, than hearing about the offering God chose to give for me. There is a way that truth fulfills my soul that nothing else can replicate.

I found it quite humorous that the timing of this realization came during Holy Week.

The Gospel message, to many, seems so obviously critical to drawing people to God. But for some reason, it took me weeks to come back to that awe. I am not proud of the complacency I have allowed myself to live with. Though, what a blessing it has been to see the death and resurrection as new again.

My dear friend, the blessings and miracles and words spoken over our lives are such beautiful moments that leave us in awe of God’s power. But may Holy Week remind us that our awe of His offering – His portrayal of His love for us – is what’s brings us back to the heart of it all. Of why we love Him. Of why we too, in imitation of our good Father, offer ourselves in love.

It is so easy to normalize the feeling of redemption after you hear the same message time and time again. But perhaps humanity has allowed repetition to wear things down rather than letting it cultivate deeper, richer roots our hearts.

Being in awe of something means to perceive it with admiration, reverence, and even some fear. Was there ever a point that we came closer to achieving glory by our own means? Or did God’s authority become less worthy of our dedication? For only those reasons would justify our complacency in our view of God.

During this Good Friday, still Saturday, and resurrection Sunday, may our eyes desperately seek to be in awe again of who God is as we remember what He has done. And may our souls seek greater dependency on His Spirit as we bring ourselves back to a place of offering. Back to the altar. Back in true awe.

Musings: January

Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

At the end of last year, I was struggling a lot. I feared the path in which I was on would no longer be sustainable. The way I was living was not one that seemed connected to this abundant source of life God claimed to be.

I needed something new. And I needed it soon. For all that I knew was running dry and falling short of being enough. The perspective I had was losing root. I become unbearably drained.

As the weeks went on, the war in my mind between what struggle was worth my efforts got more intense. Living life with God is hard. But so is existing without Him.

So I decided to beg.

Slightly embarrassed, I made the decision that the 8 hour car ride alone to this conference I had to go to would be dedicated to pressing God for a word. Not a specific answer to all my problems. Not a vision. Not a miracle. Just a word. One that would help me understand why the Holy Spirit continued to fight my spirit of doubt in my heart.

After 8 long hours, I felt nothing. I had no revelation. And in all honesty, I was disappointed. If that extensive dedication was not enough, what would ever be?

The first night of that conference ended and I went to bed with little hope for the coming day.

I fought worship the next day to be honest. In a room full of 55,000 young people passionately praising God, you would think I was insane to not feel the heat. Yet, I didn’t.

But for some reason, I was compelled to force my body to physically do what my heart refused. I lifted my hands with palms down in surrender and then palms up for reception. This was hard. But then I heard it…

From death to life.

That was it. No further explanation. (Perhaps I should’ve asked God for at least a full sentence). But nonetheless, I knew it was not from me, because simply “life” was the last thing I would’ve told myself was enough to satisfy my desire for a new thing.

It was as if the speakers heard that same phrase, because nearly every message after that had a point or two about that perspective.

From death to life, I repeated.

So short, yet so profound. I spent months trying to figure out what I was feeling and I dodged all descriptions that sounded too far from the bounds of God’s grace. Because, though I struggle to understand His uniquely intentional love for us, I knew if I admitted I felt unredeemable, what then would have the power to pull me back into this “hope” we are called to live in?

Then someone read 1 Corinthians 5: 17-21 to me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

There is a LOT we could pull from this, but track with me for just a moment.

Sin is in fact what God cannot be in the presence of. For it is all He goes against and the opposite of who He is. The price for it is death. Death is the absence of life. As God is life, that means for one to be dead, they are not connected with God. (Speaking in a spiritual sense here).

This, my friend, is why I fought so hard to identify with anything but dead. For it is the place outside His presence.

I was living with a perspective slowly withering away from God’s truth and instead, making root in the enemy’s territory. I believed the true severity of sin, so I caved when I heard the lies that God would not reach as far as I felt.

But praise God for His written Word.

What we see here in 1 Corinthians, is the beauty of His boundless love. A love so passionate that the grave was not too scary to face nor too powerful to keep Him chained.

Jesus endured death to life, testifying no other force could overcome and no place was too far, even that which was supposed to remain apart from Him.

He did it for me and He did it for you.

My dear friend, there is no place more distant than death, and even still, God extends His hand. He meets us where we are. And He calls us to respond through living. To give up all the life-stripping habits we know and to take on what He offers as we are covered in the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice.

From death to life.

This world is hard to endure, but when it seems as though “life” has run its worth, we have only just discovered the true meaning and value behind that four letter word.

Heavenly Father, teach our weary souls to take on the new, true, perspective of life as we let go of everything else that goes against. Let all we are and do become whole-hearted worship for You, oh Lord.

Safety In His Shadow

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

“Every child of God looks towards the inner sanctuary and mercy-seat, yet all do not dwell in the most holy place; they run to it at times, and enjoy occasional approaches, but they do not habitually reside in the mysterious presence.” – Spurgeon

I recently heard someone describe the transformation in their life after going from the mentality of “knowing of God” to “knowing God”. The pivot point from one lifestyle to the other was the decision to abide.

As I heard their story and did some further research on the practice of abiding, I realized how difficult that actually is. To choose Jesus as our savior from the bondage of sin is one thing, but to choose, consistently, God as our refuge is all the more challenging.

There is the tendency to let feelings dictate quite a lot in our lives. It determines our decisions, the way we treat others, how much time we give to God, and most of all, what is considered our “safe place”. The intensity of our commitment to God rises and falls by what, deep down, we truly place our trust in.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.’”

Psalm 91:1-2

[ Now please understand that I too come from a place desperately trying to learn how to still abide. My heart longs for you to join this journey, not to feel shame if the place that you are at is not where you had hoped. ]

I would like for you to take another moment and re-read that verse above, giving yourself a few seconds after each line.

Consider the way the verse is worded. It’s primary focus is to highlight the reliant heart on God. On who and how He is.

If I am being honest, for the past few weeks, I found myself praying with my hope set on the goodness of God’s plans, the promise of His purpose for me, and the so called “calling” He instilled in me. Then it hit me…

I pray this was more obvious to you than it was to me; but perhaps our focus should be more on trusting God Himself and His committed presence with us before trying to persuade ourselves of His good plans for us.

“You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Psalm 91:5-6

The Lord’s plans surely are good and beautiful. But I think in the attempt to override our anxious thoughts and control-hungry minds, we feed those desires and priorities with the assurance of God’s perfect and unlimited capabilities rather than restructuring our hearts to long for what it ought to…and honestly, what it was made for…a deep, authentic, relationship with God as our Lord. And perhaps then, as we live intentionally intimate with God, pursuing Him over His ability to satisfy our control issues, the rest will come with peace. Peace that remains in the “terror of the night”, amidst “the arrow that flies by day”, against “the pestilence that stalks in darkness”, and during the “destruction that wastes at noonday.”

As we strive to abide in God first, learning His character and investing in the type of relationship He desires and encourages throughout Scripture, then we too, like the one I described in the beginning, can be transformed from knowing of God to truly knowing Him. For He does not just do good, true, and beautiful things…my dear friend, that is who He is. And as you draw near to Him, choosing to let your heart dwell in His presence, all that He is will be what we trust, as we learn to peacefully rest under His shadow.

We must not feed into the belief that God’s power alone can persuade our trust in Him. For if our hearts are rooted in this conditional perspective, the moment we cannot understand His “big plan” or see the goodness in our circumstance, then our vision of a future, purpose, and refuge are put in great danger of crumbling. As much as we want to force our trust in God during desperate times, unless a sheep truly knows it’s Shepherd’s voice, it cannot confidently follow when the path becomes foggy.

The Deep Need for Community – Don’t Cultivate a Heart in Fear of Rejection

bible, Christian lifestyle, Worship

“…let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” – Hebrews 10:24-25

In all honesty, community has always been a difficult area of my life. I did not grow up in the church, and when I did end up joining a group, I consistently felt out of place.

Outcasted. Not just because of our general differences, as middle schoolers tend to have, but mainly because of the lies I planted in my heart; that I was spiritually behind everyone else and, therefore, had no hope of ever being a part of a community pursuing growth together. I believed I was the weakest link and so I lived as though I was. Distant. Removed. Isolated, for the sake of not dragging others down in their faith.

It hurt to live this way. It was not what I wanted, but it was the only life I could see myself living without being a burden to those trying to live for Christ around me.

Fast forward to my college years, it was just as difficult, if not more, to find this community. There were kind-hearted people with genuinely good intentions all around me. But because of the seed of inadequacy that I had been cultivating for years now, I refused to pour authentic faith and hope into any form of community. Again, I thought, “I ought to spare those around me from feeling like they must stoop low to help me up.” In what I thought was a purely selfless act, I began living one of the most self-centered lifestyles I could.

“I don’t need community if I have Jesus. I can connect with Him myself.”

Deep down, I was simply a heart in great fear of rejection. I knew that community was encouraged through scripture and the church, but it was not until I began dissecting Paul’s work in a Bible class that I recognized the severity of warfare we face and the desperate need for fellowship that our hearts have.

Romans 7-8 talks a lot about the realities in our minds as our flesh ruthlessly attacks our hearts for Christ. Breaking this down, I finally saw that the individualistic mindset I developed regarding my walk with God was only sabotaging the potential depth of my relationship.

Community is not just encouraged…it is essential. Following Jesus calls us to unity, accountability, and disciplined character so that Christ may be glorified from our hearts to others.

My dear friend, as someone who has desperately tried to avoid tainting the walk of others due to an overwhelming feeling of shame…there is a different life, not bound by the chains of fear. Developing Christian friends, whom you learn to adopt as family, is one of the most challenging acts as it requires a lot of trust, understanding, and humility. But that risk is far more worth it than the risk of standing amidst spiritual warfare alone.

Let the pride crumble and the self-earning mindset come to rest. Jesus lived, died, and rose so that you may be called a Child among countless other misfits like yourself. Not because you deserve it, but because you needed it and God loves you too much to watch you get trampled in a war you would never be strong enough to win on your own.

So take the risk and join the church group. The Bible study you won’t know anyone at. And if you don’t see an opportunity to join one…make one yourself. Do whatever it takes to not give up on meeting together with believers. We all need the love and encouragement.

Hidden Glory – A Short Word on Gratitude & Contentment

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, Worship

Start…

Again and again the world pushes us into this race to the next big thing. Maybe it’s school. Maybe its marriage. Maybe its a career. What ever, it is always the future.

But how long must we pursue the future before we recognize it only leads to longing for the past?

So perhaps we don’t start that next big thing. Perhaps we simply experience. Exist in this moment as we are…

Perhaps we take on each day pursuing the one thing that matters… becoming more like Christ.

In that pursuit, along the way, we lose the deep desire of what has yet to come for what is.

We begin to see the glory of God in every fine detail of our day. The beauty of the garden leaves us in awe not just because of the grand display of flowers, but because we see God’s heart in even the weeds.

My dear friend, the future is delightful and God is certainly in it. But how much longer must it become our past to finally admire it?

In what way is your current place in life one of true gratitude?

The Lord does not just bring peace and hope where He treads. He is that embodied. It is who He is and how He is that gives us the freedom to hope in the wilderness. To love in the hurting. To trust in the confusion. And to rejoice in the now. No matter what that looks like. Not because we have to. But because the peace of having Jesus lead our steps means we get to, without a burden of shame, love and be loved.

So perhaps instead of starting the next big thing, we start seeking God in the place we are now. Dare to hope and look deep for the hidden glory dear friend.