spiritual formation

To Know His Nature

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

What a difference it makes in a broken person’s life to understand the nature of Jesus.

Mistakes happen. Some brush it off, some learn from them, and some – well, I fear too many of us – allow them to define them and their way of thinking. Our responses vary based on the severity of our wrong doings, but nevertheless, they often have a greater impact on us than we would like to admit.

In the end of the Gospel of John, we come across the denial from Peter. A man who walked with Christ in the flesh and learned from Him for roughly three years…fell short. When times got tense and his physical life was at stake, he let go of what mattered most for what he thought was more important at the time.

But can we blame him? As much as we want to say that we would have done it differently, is that really true? How often do we break our commitment to obeying God for immediate satisfaction in just the span of one week? We are no different than Peter. For all we have known since our first breath, was life on earth. So it is only natural for us to protect it above all else when it is at risk of being taken. Regardless of how much we believe in eternity, we have yet to experience it. So now, we see that we stand in very similar sandals of this broken, sinful disciple.

We’ve let people down. We’ve said rude things. We have chosen to satisfy ourselves over helping another. We have fallen short. Time and time again. But may we not forget the nature of the loving One we made our commitment to.

After the denial, Peter went back to what he did prior to meeting Jesus. He was fishing with his friends. After trying all night, the morning comes and a man from the shore directs them to cast their nets again. Surely doubtful, yet in obedience, they throw their nets and pull up an abundance. Without much time passing, John recognizes the man was Jesus. In saying it, Peter immediately jumps out of the boat and swims towards Christ.

When they met, Jesus had prepared breakfast for them and we then see one of the most loving moments ever. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. Not once. Not twice. But the same amount of times that he denied Him. After each time, He gave Peter a responsibility. This is an incredible moment, for we see that Jesus, though rejected by his own friend, leads us in how we ought to forgive. Not because He needed to, but because His love for us is so very strong.

In this moment, Peter had two options. He could either say, “I have betrayed you, there is no way I can grow the kingdom.”, and then return to fishing, that which he had known about well and found security in. Or he could pursue the next step in the establishment of the early church, trusting that the new identity and call from Jesus was possible despite his brokenness.

I want to note that it wasn’t a matter of the specific job, it was about the call. Would he let go of what he found purpose in prior to meeting Christ so that he can work towards expanding the kingdom, or will his failure and desire for security and familiarity consume him?

I have always struggled with my immediate thoughts. When I get hurt, I may have learned to hold in my outward expressions, but it is always a battle in my mind. Whether it is bitterness, rude thoughts, a grudge, or the internal planning of my next petty move, I could not seem to change inwardly.

The other day, it occurred to me the type of person I was becoming. A hypocrite. My thoughts were allowed to run wild as long as my outward emotions remained contained because “taking captive every thought” was just too exhausting.

I held onto my brokenness as though it were a part of who I was created to be. But when I recognized that it was the complete opposite of how Christ loved others, I broke down. I could not even finish praying, for I felt so very ashamed. I felt disgusting before the Lord.

I went to sleep that night and awoke with the same empty, shaky feeling in my chest. The same one I felt after every big failure in my life. This was it. This was how I figured I would remain, for how could one altar their immediate thoughts? And if I couldn’t figure it out, how could I ever believe a loving God would want such a bitter person to have a part in His good plans?

Then, my scripture reading for that morning was the story I had just explained. The last chapter of John.

I imagine Peter felt guilt. And maybe he even lost hope in his potential of growing God’s kingdom. But what brought him to a place where he could be made new, was his faith in the nature of Christ. His faith in the One who met him where he was and promised to never leave him.

Peter went after Christ because he understood that Jesus was forgiving. He knew He was the One who makes old become new and the broken, redeemed. But he wouldn’t experience that if he hid in the boat because of his shame.

I sat there after reading that in complete awe. How many times have I avoided time with the Lord because I was ashamed of my actions? I cannot even count how many times I let my fear and my disappointment in myself steal moments I could rest in the forgiving presence of Christ.

The God we serve is the God of new things. I never thought about that deeply until last year when I was at a loss of where my life was going and God spoke, “from death to life” to me. It meant so much. But the expectancy I had for God to do that again has died down. To be transparent, I forgot about it. And in my lack of remembering, I let the lies of the enemy take root.

My disappointment, shame, hopelessness, and guilt drove my life. And for so long, I saw my mistakes as the reason I could not be who God calls us to become. But praise Him, for I was so wrong.

My dear friend, our brokenness is the very thing that God wants us to lay before Him so that He can make us new. Until we believe that He is greater than our mistakes, we will not understand the nature of who He is. For what significance does His forgiveness have if we were not in desperate need of it? His gentle, forgiving response to our failures is the path we must go through to become who He calls us to be. For our brokenness is the seemingly barren ground that He actually longs to make fruitful.

Henri J. M. Nouwen states, “If you are ready to listen from your brokenness then something new can come forth in you.“

Thoughts to Consider:

Is there any area of your life that you are not allowing God to change because you prefer the security it brings you?

Would you recognize God’s voice if it came in a way you didn’t expect? (This comes from time spent learning it.)

How can you take action towards letting God make new what you see as unredeemable?

Consider the life change you could experience and share if you not only knew but whole heartedly believed that God’s nature is one of boundless love.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

The Lord Will Provide

bible, psychology, spiritual formation

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

God as our provider has become a lot more of a reality to me as I walk into new seasons of life. I had always heard that He supplies us with all our needs, and I can testify to many. Though it never crossed my mind as much as it does now.

I have been an “adult” now, according to society, for nearly five years, but it is just now feeling as though that title is actually being expected from me. In certain areas of my life, I feel like I am years more mature than others my age, while in different areas I feel like I have the mental capacity to take on the responsibilities but not the actual resources, intelligence, or experience to act as a real adult. I just feel stuck in the pit of inadequacy.

As I was reading this book the other day, I learned about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It was fascinating. But what I found leaving me in true awe was that it identified the very things human beings were seemingly created to long for and seek out…which just so happens to match exactly with what God freely offers us.

Let’s look at the book of Philippians for a moment. In the final chapter, we see the writer encourage believers to pursue all that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (v. 8). It is in those very things, he writes, that when a believer sets their mind to them, the God of peace will be with them.

Not just the peace of God. But the great Giver Himself. Of all the names the writer could have called the Lord, I find it fascinating that he chose; the One who is perfect peace.

This matters because he did not say that presence of God was dependent on the circumstance of the believer. Nor was it dependent on the achievements of the one who is seeking God. It is simply based on whether the believer chooses to direct their mind and heart to the Giver or not.

Peace is a gift that can easily be overlooked. It is defined as, “free from disturbance; tranquility”. Or in the words of Christianity.com , “the harmony and calmness of body, mind, and spirit that supersedes earthly circumstances.”

It is often in situations of great anger or fear that compels people to ask for peace. But recently I have found that we need this in every waking moment if we long to live in a way that truly believes God is greater than all things and worth fully devoting ourselves to. For it’s not just the peace God offers that we should live for, but His presence itself.

Maslow’s theory identifies, in a hierarchy format, what humans as a species are wired to pursue. The status of those achievements or the security in those things, is what we often allow to determine our value or level of success in life.

This theory was broken down in the book I am reading for the sake of helping others understand how to communicate better. That includes how to communicate the following: helpful responses based on another’s stage in the pyramid, ways of influencing others based on their current motivations in life, and what drives people to act the way they are acting.

Although I find those goals intriguing, I could not help but feel one of the most valuable results of understanding this theory is the ability to help others feel heard and see potential for growth.

That brings us to the mind blowing point; is the word and being of God not sufficient for each and every stage of this hierarchy?

Track with me here. If the only way one can move onto the next stage of Maslow’s hierarchy pyramid is to feel security in the previous stage, then the contentment we see encouraged in Philippians must mean that God not only understands our needs and meets us where we are, but He also provides fulfillment for every single one of those needs.

Our God is sufficient for us. Him alone.

We can sometimes get so caught up in the things we think we need from God, but friends, He is offering something far greater…His presence; unity with Him. What more can we long for than the One who makes all things whole and redeemed?

At the end of Philippians 4, we see the writers response to the faithful believers who were helping him on his missions. After he expressed his gratitude, he left them with this word of encouragement, “and my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” (v. 19)

These people were believers in Jesus and knew there was value in spreading the Gospel. All that they gave the writer was not because they wanted glory for themselves, but in verse 18 the writer calls their giving, “a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice pleasing to God.” An offering of that kind was not just spare change they didn’t mind giving to God’s cause, but a true sacrifice, something that costed them. For the only sacrifices “pleasing to God” when He originally called for such a practice, were those from a believer who was aware of their need for Him, repentant of their disobedience, and honest in their love for Him.

So in response to such great devotion to the Kingdom of God, the writer reminds them of the God they are entrusting with great offerings. He will supply every need. Not want. Not what the world says we need. But what we were designed to need for the sake of bringing glory to God.

Maslow’s theory highlights these needs: physiological (food, air, water, etc.), safety (employment, property, health, etc.), love and belonging (friendship, family, connection, etc.), esteem (respect, status, freedom, etc.), and self-actualization (purpose).

As I read further on each of these and the response people have when these needs are not met, I was dumbfounded that I could see how clearly God was aware of these. It had never crossed my mind before, until I read about;

…the need for physiological security and recalled how God has dressed the lilies and provided food for the birds, that we may be all the more sure of His care and providence for us. (Luke 12)

…the need for safety and remembered how God has given us a Spirit, not of fear, but of life and peace for each and every second we breathe, for who can be against the one God is for? (Romans 8)

…the need for love and belonging and recalled how God has promised us time and time again to be with us as His children and friends of Christ, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28/John 15)

…the need for esteem and remembered the freedom found in the resurrection of Christ and the new creation we are now because our value is not determined by our works, but He who defeated death itself. (1 Corinthians 15)

…the need for self-actualization and recalled the purpose God had ordained for us far before we were even created, that which no failure or other power may strip from us, for we are made new and made alive for good in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Ephesians 2:10)

God knows what we need because He wove every piece of us together. As much as we may feel misunderstood sometimes, let His Word remind you that you are never too lost or inadequate for His purpose. For all He has tasked you to focus is not because you are good enough, but because He wants to work through you as a willing vessel.

My dear friend, the Lord knows what we long for. He knows what we feel weak in. And He knows the remedy for it all. But no one can force another to experience the presence of the God of peace. Only you can choose to direct your heart and mind to Him. Will you let Him be sufficient for you?

Thoughts to Consider:

Where do you feel you are on the pyramid of Maslow’s theory of needs?

Is there one stage you feel deficient in? Why?

How can you begin letting God’s presence and Word impact your idea of fulfillment in life?

Consider the contentment and freedom you can find as you truly acknowledge God as the Lord that will provide.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

April Musings: The Cost of Misunderstanding in Faith

bible, christian, easter, spiritual formation

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34

“Does that make sense?”…is surely one of the sayings those around me hear quite often.

As much as I love words and on certain topics, I can speak a lot, I select my words very intentionally and carefully. Not because I want to sound smart or fancy, but because I believe each and every word either glorifies myself or God. Scripture’s description of people who blabber has convicted me immensely over the last couple years.

Nonetheless, despite my effort to produce the most clear statements or questions, I find myself longing for the assurance of being understood.

I never really noticed this until I had been teaching and my students would get frustrated with my extended pauses as I searched for the right words to say and then asked if all made sense. Though they see boredom in the silence, deep down, I know I spared them valuable time being wasted on listening to words I would have to restate in countless other ways as I pressed my brain to communicate clearly without any order.

Though some appreciate the intentionality, others have yet to see the point, and in fact still demand immediate satisfaction. They demand knowledge without giving room for understanding. For I cannot begin to explain how often someone has told me to inform them of something just to be able to claim they are in “the know”. Not knowing the value, worth, or purpose of the information received, they are still somehow content.

And unfortunately, I am not just referring to children I have met. Even grown adults I know seem driven by a hunger of pride, pressuring them to run with information they do not understand.

For some reason this past week or so my heart has felt heavy towards many people I spoke with because I felt my words went in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t quite grasp why it affected me more recently, as this is something I have grown used to. But it really hurt this last few weeks.

I never found out why it was more painful, but I did find out, or at least a partial reason as to why it grieves me when I am not understood.

In the rising conflict of Jesus’ life, we see a little story discussed in Mark that hints to how the character of God is.

In a town called Bethany, Jesus and the disciples were gathering for a meal at a man named Simon’s house. As they were eating, a woman came in with a very expensive jar of perfume. Surely, one of her most valuable possessions. Yet, without hesitation before the Messiah, she broke the jar and anointed Jesus by pouring it over him.

Immediately, she was judged. Not by Jesus, but by his companions. Those who have walked with him and followed him for roughly three years now, were annoyed at what she had just done. “Why is this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” they scolded her (v. 4-5).

Though that statement has some good intention, Jesus expresses something critical here.

He responded, “She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the Gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (v. 8-9).

Around Jesus in this moment were two types of people. One who understood what He had been teaching them and foreshadowing, and one group who heard all He had said, but did not understand it.

As we look through Scripture, we see Jesus is gentle, humble, loving, merciful, forgiving, compassionate, truthful, and just. And we see prophetic word of what He came to do way before He even walked this earth. Yet somehow, though all that information was received in the heads of the disciples, they were slow to comprehend what was coming.

Now I am not saying they didn’t understand any thing He taught, but it is clear in this account that they were not aware of the cost Christ was going to cover for them. It was worth everything. And that woman who gave up her time, resources, and pride revealed what Jesus wanted us to understand.

Nothing, no reputation or material thing is worth more than Him, nor should anything be held from being offered for Him.

In our lives now, that truth is the same, though it may look different for us. I am not telling you to smash your Miss Dior perfume or Sauvage cologne and pour it out, but I am encouraging you to assess your greatest possessions, dreams, and talents and consider if you have cast them to the Lord, willing to let Him use them or take them away in any manner He pleases.

This woman was rebuked by the disciples, those who were supposed to reflect God’s gentle spirit, and yet she did not give up. In fact, she let her actions speak for her devotion to Jesus. Why? Because she understood Him.

When I think of Jesus in this moment, I can’t help but imagine He is a little bit sad that after everything, his closest friends still did not understand what was to come.

This is the very moment in Mark that I realized why we grow weary when our words are not given time to be processed. If anyone lived a life where every word they spoke had great purpose, it was Jesus Christ. Yet He was misunderstood by so many, so often.

That was it. Perhaps why my heart was so down recently was because of my lack of noticing how much God just seeks understanding. Not for pride, but because He knows what is best. He knows what will lead us to eternity with Him. And He knows what we do now matters beyond the so many decades we are walking this earth.

It was then that I realized sometimes we long for things and get frustrated, expecting to receive certain things we do not even give to God.

As I have mentioned in my past blogs, I began writing my prayers last, and I believe one struggle I still face often is the rushing of “listening time”. As I write, I am thinking and saying all I desire to God, though once I put the period after “amen”, I find myself giving little time for allowing God to help me truly understand Him and His ways more deeply.

But what a blessing it is to have a merciful God.

My spirit grieved, perhaps because the Holy Spirit wanted me to see that I long for the very thing I sometimes refuse to give God time for. Understanding is something that comes only with intentionality.

Today is Good Friday. As I was praying about what to write for this blog, truly I couldn’t think of how to approach this day or even mention it. Especially, since some of you may read this at a later time.

Though I have just been reminded of something I believe can add to our understanding of who God is.

In Luke 23:34, Jesus had just been crucified and beaten. This was a time I would deem justifiable for Him to be angry or disappointed at those who hurt and mocked Him. But thank the Lord, He has a more merciful heart than me. Of all the things He could have said, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Read that again.

“They” is referring to the ones who put Him there. Not just physically, but because of their sin. That means…us to.

Each and every one of the sins we commit point back to the cross and why we needed Jesus to endure it. But not one of them stopped Him from following through…

My dear friend, what more could we ask from a God than one driven by love to endure the consequences of our actions all because we let pride move us rather than seeking understanding.

We didn’t understand how obeying Him in the garden was more important than power. We didn’t understand His desire for us to be free and together with Him in the Exodus. We didn’t understand serving Him was more important than all our possessions, our dreams, our reputation when He walked this earth. And even still today, we struggle to understand the value of the cross and the grave He overcame for us.

He didn’t go through that just so we could laugh together. Nor that we could walk around with a title that sets us apart from others. Jesus Christ came, suffered, loved, served, died, and rose so that we may have eternal communion with Him. That our lives may be a living sacrifice to Him and our eternity may be rich with His love and grace.

There is no middle ground or casual Christianity. Perhaps we must begin seeking a greater understanding of what a life – and I am referring to every breath from salvation to your death – looks like when Christ is truly the Lord over everything else in your world.

I pray you begin to understand Jesus more deeply so that nothing is considered more great in your life than Him.

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you make room in your life to stop the talking and find rest in seeking knowledge so that you can focus on truly understanding who God is and what matters most?

What are the things you hold onto that may be preventing your quiet time or intentional longing for grasping the purpose of God’s call in your life?

How can you begin implementing a time focused on understanding Him in your daily routine?

Consider the weight of His sacrifice for you and how all good things we desire first come from the perfect portion of desires in God.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34

March Musings – On Colossians and Gratitude

christian, spiritual formation

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” – Colossians 4:2

We hear the concept of thankfulness a lot in the Church. Gratitude is no unfamiliar term for the Christian who has experienced nearly any worship service recently. But as I have been studying Colossians, I have some new insights on this practice.

As someone who finds it easier to see the glass half empty, thanksgiving isn’t the first thought that pops in my head during any given day. In fact, most days begin with frustration towards my alarm clock ringing at ungodly hours in the morning. Nonetheless, I have found it to be more important than I had originally thought.

I want to place these terms in your mind before going on: Grace. Thankfulness. Peace. Freedom.

In the beginning of Colossians, we see prayer tied together with thanksgiving. Paul begins his letter with the mention of the gratitude he expresses in his prayer life for the believers in Colossae. We then move on and see it again in reference to the way they ought to act towards the Father for the inheritance of the Holy Spirit (v. 12).

This is no accidental pattern. Paul was aware of something I myself often forget: God owes us nothing, yet He gave us everything. The way we act should flow from the response of God’s love in our hearts. So if we begin recognizing all God has done for us, it should be impossible for thanksgiving to NOT flow from our words, actions, and thoughts.

However, we are human. This is why, I believe, Paul mentioned the prayer he continued to pray over the believers in verses 9-11 saying, “We continuously ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.”

This prayer, I like to think, is partly because Paul was aware of our lack of understanding towards God’s grace. Grace is a beautiful thing. I wouldn’t have included in my blog’s name if I didn’t think it held any significance. However, I will admit, it isn’t the easiest term to move from our heads to our hearts.

What I mean by this, is that grace, or undeserved kindness, is often thrown around in conversation or on inspiration mugs and journals, yet misunderstood in bridge between our mind and heart. What we see in this very first chapter alone, is that humanity has a problem with follow through. The true Gospel has been shared and heard by countless, yet what reveals the difference between hearing it and believing it is the fruit we produce.

Fruit is often taught as the actions we are compelled to do based on the seeds we are cultivating inside of us. I wholeheartedly believe this to be true, but I would argue it includes something else as well. Something I haven’t felt great conviction for until recently.

This section of Colossians 1 brings up the Spirit and the way He redirects us to do things that glorify God. Yet I have found it also is referring to the way we understand salvation.

Morton Kelsey, in his book “Reaching”, discusses that humanity can tend to look at salvation as a path to eternity, yet dismiss the reality that it also brings freedom from what aims to kill us (spiritually). We look at this broken world, and see the hurting people around us and choose to do one of two things: accept it or claim it as discipline from God. Yet that would be completely unlike the God of the Bible, to inflict evil on humanity, for evil was the very thing He endured the cross for to rise over three days later. Our God, rather, “can use the afflictions of evil to work good, but a loving God does not send evil.” (Kelsey)

This is more relevant than I thought as I realized Colossians encourages a seeking attitude towards the Father, the Holy Spirit, and the freedom Christ gave us so that we may be able to truly live in grace.

It is no coincidence Paul begins and ends speaking grace over them. For if you cannot understand grace, God’s grace, you will continue striving for it all your life. Chasing it rather than God Himself.

So, we come to the point of verse 13.

It reads, “For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

The sacrifice of Christ was to reconcile us to Him for eternity, yes, but it was also to give us the opportunity to live for God without being bound by the chains of our sin. Grace was given, and that includes the way we are free to walk in. That being, peace.

In the latter part of Colossians we see our new call to be peace-makers. Acting in love and living a life where we allow Christ’s sacrifice to be enough for our sin. For until that truth moves from our heads to our hearts, we will but always walk with unnecessary burdens and allow God’s desires and direction for us be affected by the weight of chains God already broke.

For longer than I can remember, I have struggled with an anxious and downcast heart that I am often incapable to explaining. This has prevented a lot of growth towards God, not because of Him, but the lies I have caved into and gave the power to cripple me. Yet as I struggle still, I have found bits of Truth that have proved the complete victory Christ claimed over the powers that are seeking to kill me. This, I believe is part of the truth Paul is getting at here.

We so often become content with the suffering world that we neglect the freedom that comes with Christ in the here and now. Our God is a healing God. He is a loving God. He is a peaceful God. And until we recognize that truth and allow it to absorb into our heart and soul, we won’t understand the reason we ought to be thankful in all circumstances.

The verse I highlighted at the beginning of this blog was not discussed, but I wanted you to read it because I believe it is the way in which we come to a place, confident of the new life God offers through Jesus. Prayer is our direct line to the God who loves us beyond our comprehension. Though we must seek a place of total dependency on Him for our lives to take in and pour out true love, peace, and grace to others.

My dear friend, our joy does not have to begin when we reach eternity. The hope we believe in has a name. That hope, Jesus, is calling us to a new life right now. For all we find to be threatening to our spirit, He has already defeated. Nothing, my friend, can separate you from His love. So, I ask, when will you decide gratitude is more than just a good lyric in a song, and begin letting it be what your life sings out each and every moment of your days?

Thoughts to Consider:

Is thankfulness something you find easy to practice every day?

How can you practically discipline yourself to live in gratitude?

What are the situations in your life you find harder to be thankful during?

Consider if we followed the words of the great, Charlie Brown, “What if, today, we were grateful for everything?”

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” – Colossians 4:2

Quit the Molding

Christian lifestyle, spiritual formation

For a while now, I have been working towards the development of a “morning routine” that first and foremost devoted time to God.

I am by no means a “morning person”, and frankly, I find it hard to believe many people naturally are. Nonetheless, studying the practices of others, I decided I would force myself to be one.

After spending 30-40 minutes with God nearly each morning, (yes, I have missed days here and there), I started to notice something…

It doesn’t get any easier. In fact, the reason I missed some days was due to the thought that I could wake up later, get ready for work first, and then do my quiet time. Yet, each and every time, I failed.

But alongside learning that, I also learned that the reason I have not quit and moved it all back to be a part of my nighttime routine, was because my heart hungered for it first thing in the morning.

When I would skip it, I would be angry and easily tempted into justify the sins that would result from that. But just a few hours later, I would find myself drowning in shame.

It was as though many soul developed a need for this time, this experience with God, before all else. So much so, that it would battle its old self and the new self all day long.

The old self would not mind if I had missed this time for weeks, as long as no one found out. Yet my new, redeemed, and Holy-Spirit filled soul knows there is better. Better when I devote my first fruits to God and invite Him into my every moment from the moment my eyes open to when they close at night.

I am aware this sounds silly or typical coming from a church worker, but I have found nothing calls me to this disciplined way besides the call of being a Christ follower. The fact that my family believes in Jesus does not compel me to spend more time in prayer. The fact that I work in ministry does not force me to read my Bible, for how would they know if I did not? And the “christian-writer” dream I have does not require me to devote my mornings to worshipping God.

No thing and no one has the power to dictate what I spend my free time doing. That is, and always will be, my responsibility. For my word can say one thing and my actions another.

The call I have decided to take on when I accepted Christ was one that would only be lived out through my personal devotion in spirit and acts to God.

So how and why then, do I say we ought to stop the molding?

I fear this society has acquired a mentality that what we want to do with our lives can be accomplished while simultaneously remaining inconvenienced.

We hear it all the time, some have even heard it from me in the past, “Find the time that best works for your schedule and section off 5-20 minutes to spend time with God.”

…I take back that advise if I have said it to you before.

What I have noticed is that our souls have a deep hunger and longing for the presence of God in every moment our lives and it’s going to take a lot more than 10 minutes of us reading a couple verses at night while we are half-asleep.

The Lord deserves more than that. And your soul, my friend, cannot survive like that forever.

We should not, and cannot, continue molding God around our lives.

We often hear the verse about giving our “first fruits” to God in relation to our money. That is what we call the tithe, our first 10% of our income.

But I would argue this should be applied in all we do. There is a lack of awareness of our soul’s needs that we cannot understand or even explain because it is so deep that we are sometimes left like babies, crying for a need, but incapable of expressing it in words.

This is not because we are dumb, but simply unaware. Our perspectives are limited, and unfortunately will remain that way without the leaning on the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 3:5-6 is quoted all over the place. We see it on a plaque at the church, printed on your grandma’s coffee mug, and surely you have seen it on a woman’s t-shirt before.

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”

Encouraging and sweet words that reveal the caring and wise heart of God, yet we still find ourselves only tuning into that source (God/Holy Spirit) for a few minutes at night.

I do not mean to be against the nighttime study crowd, but I am seeking to challenge you.

One of the biggest reasons people have told me, and even a reason that I used to say, was that the quietest time and the most free time one has, is at night, while all others are asleep, or after a hard days work.

But as I brutally force myself to continue waking up at these ungodly hours of the morning to pray and read before I begin getting ready for work, I have found I would not go back to the main quiet time being at night.

First, in the morning, one is going from full sleep, the most unaware state and gradually, with the help of God’s great gift: coffee, into a state of greater awareness. Some may take longer than others, but if you begin with being asleep, you can only ever continue becoming more awake.

Additionally, our culture struggles, including myself, with stewarding time. One of the reasons I miss my quiet time when I save it for the last part of my morning routine, is because I find myself taking too long in finding an outfit to wear or doing my hair, that I steal the minutes of quiet time and end up rushing to work before even glancing at my Bible.

This time, instead, is protected when you make it your first task.

What this also does, is train yourself to not avoid the consequences of your own actions. If you wake up late, you begin quiet time, and end up going to work late, you will think twice about choosing to enjoy those extra 15 minutes of sleep again. Yet, if you wake up, and instead, cut the quiet time for the sake of getting ready on time, you protect yourself from the consequences (being late) that you rightfully deserve. Thus, leading you to justify your bad decisions because the only person who knows you skipped your God time is you and God.

It is hard but it is necessary if you desire to grow. For what you spend your time doing is, and always will be, up to you and your responsibility to be used for God’s glory.

After all, the Lord calls us to take up our cross daily…a cross was a never a comfortable thing to endure. It was one that represented death. And how else does one live as a new creation without putting to death the old flesh and old ways?

One’s “first fruits” are those that are picked before the rest. They are not the leftovers nor the ones picked after one has gotten their filling. They are given first and foremost.

When linking this idea with the responsibility we as Christ followers have to steward our time well, it only makes sense that our every breath should be first devoted to God alone and then to the things He has placed before us.

As everyone’s jobs and mornings look differently, the amount of time one devotes in the morning may look different, as well as where exactly they spend this time at.

But what I have found, is that despite the hour we must leave for work or begin our daily tasks, we can always wake up earlier. Due to my struggle of deep feelings, I cannot get less than a certain amount of sleep or I suffer greatly, so as old as this may make me sound, I try very hard most nights to be asleep by 9-9:30pm so that I can stay around the eight hour mark. This means saying “no” sometimes to late night outings with friends and it means I must steward my nighttime chores and such to be completed by that time. In doing that, it makes less excuses available for me in the morning.

At the end of the day, this is not written in stone nor in scripture. But there is a hunger and desire written on our hearts and deep in our soul that I find, suffers, when we save but a taste of God for the night, as we drift in and out of sleepiness.

My dear friend, in your schedule, you hold the power to determine what kind of God you worship. One of convenience, that you believe you can know deeply through a five minute conversation at night, or the One of the Bible, that which may call for inconvenience, yet will grow you and fill you in ways you never knew your soul needed. Our time is considered one of the most valuable things to us, so where will your first fruits go? How long will you continue trying to mold God around the precious gift in which He gave you?

Thoughts to Consider:

What obstacles are currently preventing more time in community with God?

If you have implemented this practice in your morning, in what ways have you seen growth and what are the distractions pulling you to fall for the temptation of convenience?

How can you reschedule your priorities to protect that time in the presence of God?

Consider the growth your relationship with God could experience and how much your soul has been hungering for greater unity with Him unknowingly.