prayer

A Heart That Endures

bible, Christian lifestyle, easter, prayer

 “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” – 2 Corinthians 1:5

As Easter came and went, I have been thinking about one particular part of scripture more than usual.

Last week was Passion week. And as you may know, more specifically, last Friday was Good Friday. This was the day Jesus was crucified for our sake. Though a gruesome day, many take delight as they know the resurrection is coming. But for some reason, I couldn’t get past the thought of the pain Jesus experienced. Indeed, the lashing and beatings were a part of the suffering, but what honestly took hold of the majority of my thoughts was the night before His crucifixion.

Jesus was known to draw away from the crowd to pray often, but this night was different. After the last supper, He makes his way up to a place called the Mount of Olives. Here, He departs from His disciples and finds a secluded spot to connect once more with God the Father. And this my friend, was where one of the most relatable moments (in my opinion) of Jesus was recorded.

“Father…”, He cries in a mixture of anguish and hope, “…if you are willing…”, as blood begins to take the place of His sweat, “…take this cup from Me…”

In the most raw form, Jesus expresses this heart seeking a way around the coming trial. But as He and all other believers knew, the only way to eternally redeem what has been broken by sin, was through overcoming death. The suffering was inevitable.

With trust in His Father and an overwhelming love for us, Jesus chose to take up a suffering He did not deserve.

And so with great love, He continues His prayer, “…yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

I can only imagine the weight Jesus felt pressing down on Him during this prayer. But nonetheless, He endured.

I speak not of an enduring that simply accepts the future with despair, but with the same endurance Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 1.

The Greek word used for endurance in verse 6 is hupomone. This refers to an enduring that lives through the suffering with a vibrant form of hope that keeps a person from being crushed under the weight of the trial.

Often times, I find myself in a mindset that relates so much to the first part of Jesus’ prayer. As I imagine what the future holds, I think, is this truly what the days ahead entail? As waves of despair continue to knock me over day after day, how is it that I can keep going?

Your trials may seem different than mine, but we find commonality in the fact that none of us, not one, can fully escape these troubles as long as we live in this broken world.

But thank God we are offered more comfort than simply community within broken people. May it be the love of God that gives us the hope to endure in the way Paul speaks of.

Jesus Understands Us

Because Christ suffered and experienced temptation, He knows the thoughts that flow through our mind and the pressures we are put under. He not only knows, but He understands that we have a natural desire to lean into the things that lead us away from Him because of our sin nature. While He understands we will never be perfect, He still loves us. He still pursues us. And He longs for us to rest in His comfort when we feel as though the burdens are far too heavy.

Verses 3-4 reveal the gentle heart of God as it says, “Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…”

It is clear God knows the kind of lives we will experience here on earth. And yet even in our mistakes, confusion, frustrations, and moments of despair, He shows us His love by assuring us that He too, the God above all things, has suffered and is saddened by our hurts. But because He has overcome, we no longer have to endure as if we are “a victim in a dentist’s chair” (David Guzik). May the striving cease as we learn to accept the real identity God gave us…redeemed, not perfect.

Jesus Still Delivers Us

It is common to feel distressed and worn down amidst great trials. Especially when they have lasted for so long already. But as we reflect back on the week we just recently celebrated, we can hold on to hope because Jesus has indeed resurrected. In verses 8-10, Paul speaks of a great trouble he has been facing. So great, in fact, that he “despaired of life itself.” Though experiencing great suffering, he goes on to remind us that it is through these pains that we are reminded to rely not on ourselves, but on the only one who has claimed victory over death; Jesus.

Verses 9-10 emphasize the truth that we must engrain in our minds and hearts so that when spiritual warfare comes, it is the voice of God that prevails. God has, still, and will deliver us, not because we are worthy, but because He is the God of mercy and grace. I heard this song once say we should have “the kind of daring expectation, that every prayer [we] make is on an empty grave.”

What a beautiful truth to rest in after celebrating Easter.

Jesus Turns Evil For Good

But perhaps beauty is not in your near sight as you continue to suffer. My dear friend, I feel deeply for your longsuffering. But if there is anything we can rest on amidst this temptation of falling into hopelessness, it is that we serve a God whose plans are ALWAYS good and beautiful. What I have experienced in many of my trials is that sometimes, what we learn in our pain can result in the freedom of others.

I know it is not always easy to watch others be healed when it is all you could ever dream of, but I want you to listen closely today. Jesus endured the suffering of all our sin, with a vibrant hope, for us…not Himself. And Paul, alongside many other patriarchs of the faith, have endured in the same hope-driven way. Many of them actually died as a martyr. Meaning their suffering only saw it’s peace and healing in Heaven.

Nonetheless, God used them as vessels to extend His love to generations to come. All throughout this section of scripture, Paul chooses to take delight in his suffering for the possibility of being a blessing to others. May that be our prayer and our hope. For the sake of glorifying a God worthy of it all, may we pray for a heart that endures as we finish our prayer of lament the same way Jesus does; “…yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

at a loss.

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I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

Realign me, oh Lord

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Living in a society that pushes us to “follow whatever your heart desires” can be exciting but oh so very dangerous. As followers of Jesus, we claim to have made the decision to give up the world and follow the God who gave up His son. But often times, we only truly follow that claim to an extent…

With a heart longing for excitement, we let our spiritual boundaries get stepped on, tip toed next to, and even sometimes crossed behind the excuse of “it wasn’t that bad”. But that is not how God called us to live. He didn’t design safety rails in life so that we could hang off the edges. As He is the literal embodiment of all things good, joyful, loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate, etc. We can bet on His boundaries having something to do with His desire for us to stay close to Him and away from everything evil, manipulative, vengeful, and so on.

Though sometimes intriguing and easy to fall into, the “harmless sins” in life are honestly anything but harmless. The one command He emphasized in the new testament was to love God and love people. A life spent loving God cannot be truly lived while intentionally flirting with sin.

So in this new year, may this be our prayer. May we long for a heart so hungry for God that we feel uneasy at just the thought of splitting our attention between Him and the world. May we humbly ask the Holy Spirit to rid our hearts of anything and everything that does not glorify God as we desperately thirst for Him to fill us up. May we look at every part of scripture for what it is; the living, breathing word of God and may it enrich our souls so much so that we feel weak after just a day spent away from it. The enemy may be no match for our Lord, but on our own, we stand no chance against the things he throws at us. We need revival. We need redemption. We need a spirit made new. So my dear friend, please never forget amidst the pleasure of life…we NEED Jesus. And I mean ALL of Him, not just on Sundays, but in every second of every day. Consistently live for a soul that prays this over every step, breath, and thought throughout your life.

Made to Worship

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Towards the end of 2022, I began this infatuation with a few phrases. I forced myself to memorize them in an attempt to prevent myself from falling back into my old ways when I would feel upset. And one of those phrases was “Made to Worship”. This phrase caught my attention when I first saw it printed on a sweater while scrolling through instagram. And after that, I have run into signs, stickers, and other posts stating those very same 3 words.

As I contemplate the kind of changes I hope to make this year in order to accomplish my “new years resolutions”, I find this phrase running laps in my head. Made. To. Worship. So simple yet so powerful. It is a phrase that gives us identity, purpose, and hope.

Aiming to pursue a Christ-like character while trying to balance the responsibilities God has given me, I have often found it easy to stumble into seeking my identity through my success or status in things like my blog, school, or social life. But this phrase, I would argue, captures the message of WHO we are to God and why things like our successes, failures, titles, or awards have no place in determining our value. We were simply made to worship. Not to become rich, or have the best family, or be the valedictorian, or have the most friends. Not to say those are wrong, but that’s not who we are. We are children of the one true God who sees us as free, loved, chosen, cherished, and beautiful. Who we are ought to be based on the identity our Creator gives us. And honestly, I believe that can be described as a beloved worshiper in every circumstance and every new day God brings us into.

Yet our identity is not where God stops. He proceeds to go deeper in our value so that we may see ourselves through His same lens. He gives us purpose. A reason to keep going. To keep cultivating life. Though our individual journeys can be completely different, we collectively have the same thing driving us. We have been given the purpose of worshiping God in all we do. Through every season, we have the responsibility to praise Him and bring glory to His name. When we begin living with the mindset of “how can I fulfill my purpose by glorifying God today?”, we begin living in the most prosperous way. It no longer remains all about you or the goods you can store here on earth, rather, it becomes truly Christ-centered. This kingdom mindset is not just a great lifestyle, it is essential to living in the way you were designed. You were made to bring glory and worship. It is your purpose and embedded in the very core of who you were made to become.

What a beautiful life it is to live humble yet confident in the fruit that you produce simply because you rest assured in the faithfulness of your Creator. There is an overflowing well of peace that floods the hearts of those who live a life dedicated to following their purpose because of their identity. In 2022, life felt like it went up, down, and even in some spirals. To say the least, my circumstances changed an unimaginable amount of times. But one thing that remained the same was who God was to me and who I was to Him. The consistency behind His character and design allowed me to collect these random phrases I would find, like “made to worship”, and be confident that their meaning was timeless. Meditating on the word of God is a spiritual discipline EVERY Christian ought to implement in their lives. These day-to-day reminders may seem a bit agitating and in some cases, the last thing you want to hear during a trial, but my dear friend, it is worth everything. As we begin to see the world and ourselves more and more like God sees it all, His beautiful plan becomes so much more exciting to follow and reliable in the hard times. It is just the beginning of His limitless hope.

In the new year, people tend to seem most inspired. This is the time where journals, planners, and anything related to working out is at its peak selling point. Why? Because to most, having something to live for is important. It gives value, joy, and peace in knowing we have reason behind our breath. So as you enter into the first few weeks of this fresh start, hunger for spiritual growth. Seek to develop the habits and mindset to praise in every scenario. Dear Christian, you are made to worship. May you see that as an honor instead of a responsibility this new year.

Intentionally Interruptible – Part 2

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When God speaks, how confidently do you listen?

This past week I spent my time in a foreign land. Though incredible, my heart faced one of the most spiritually refining moments it has had in a while. Time after time, I stumbled into situations that called for a new perspective and humble obedience. These scenarios required genuine listening. The kind of listening that you not only seek understanding for and prayerfully discern, but the kind that you feel compelled to follow through with in faith-driven confidence.

The trip I went on was one that required a lot of flexibility. The daily plans were not extremely clear until the day before and the stories we heard from others were unimaginable. To say the least, this was a trip full of the unexpected. I knew that very well before I ever signed up for it, and before going, I even prayed God would keep it unpredictable. But when each new day arose, I struggled to properly get my heart prepared.

As you may know, I am a heavy-duty planner. I thrive in routine and consistency. But as I was on the first flight, I heard this song called, “When you walk into the room” by Bryan and Katie Torwalt. The lyrics go a little like this:

When You walk into the room
Everything changes
Darkness starts to tremble
At the light that You bring
And when You walk into the room
Every heart starts burning
And nothing matters more

When You walk into the room
Sickness starts to vanish
Every hopeless situation ceases to exist
And when You walk into the room
The dead begin to rise
‘Cause there is resurrection life in all You do

Moral of the message, when God enters a situation, the unexpected in bound to happen. But the good kind of unexpected. The kind that brings light and life in ways we could’ve never fathomed. But what I have come to realize on this trip is that we must hunger for the heart and perspective of the Father if we wish to see the same goodness He sees in the “unplanned”. We must live intentionally interruptible. Not only by our neighbors as I discussed in part 1 of this series, but also by God and the unpaved, yet beautiful, roads He wants to take us on.

There were many accounts in this week that left me in baffled positions. I didn’t know what to say, do, or how to turn something into a good and glorifying thing. But on the first flight to my destination, I challenged myself to pray through. Praying through is something Mark Batterson often promotes in his book “Circle Maker”. It is when one prays with a humility in their humanity and a strong confidence in their God. It is when you choose to praise God for His faithfulness in the past as well as the faithfulness He promises to hold in the future regardless of how long the waiting takes. So in each and every moment of anxiety, confusion, heartache, frustration, and impatience, I prayed through.

I refused to allow my circumstances cloud the miracles and wonders God was unraveling in the unexpected. This called for proper lamenting. To lament is to be completely honest in your feelings but never dismissing the authority of God. As I said before, I love good consistency, and thank heavens, God is just that. In His unchanging character, we are able to find rest and peace that even though the world may sprout out a million crazy scenarios, when we tune into the guidance of the Lord, He will help us see how He turns it for our good and His glory. But again, I emphasize the honesty of your feelings. Without this, there can be no change in the position or perspective of your heart because in an attempt to “have it all together”, you build walls between God and the most vulnerable parts of your heart. Vulnerability is what allows growth to occur. And with growth, comes peaceful availability as you begin to become more comfortable with your life laying fully in the hands of the Father.

But PLEASE understand I am not saying this is easy. I told you earlier that this week was a big spiritually refining moment in my life. And believe me when I say, refining is no easy or fun task. Like a sword being welded, the fire is always hot and the molding is always extremely uncomfortable. But the end result is nothing short of beautiful. This is the process I experienced, not once, twice, or even just three times, but probably around once every day on this trip. It was humbling, but also freeing.

To know that we do NOT have to have it all in our own control and to know that even in the unexpected, our God remains consistent in His character, there is a peace unlike any other that begins to cultivate in your heart. Making each new refinement, not always less painful, but most definitely more hopeful.

So my dear friend, as you challenge yourself to pray through, lament, and respond in a faithful confidence (again, in the Lord’s power, not your own), I assure you it will be a greater blessing than a hardship. We must not underestimate the power of responding to the voice of God with a genuinely listening heart and soul. Your mind can run a million miles an hour in times of anxiety, frustration, confusion, etc. Do not let that be what drives your actions.

We are called followers of Jesus for a reason. Followers obey. But to do so correctly, they must listen and trust. May hunger for the Father flood your heart and may it mold you in a way that establishes a life eager for the unexpected. I pray you come to a point where you can confidently predict God to be unpredictable in your every day life. So Christian, again I ask you, how confidently do you listen to God when He speaks? Are you willing to make the changes in your heart that turn your life into one that thrives in the interruptions of the Father?