prayer

Safety In His Shadow

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

“Every child of God looks towards the inner sanctuary and mercy-seat, yet all do not dwell in the most holy place; they run to it at times, and enjoy occasional approaches, but they do not habitually reside in the mysterious presence.” – Spurgeon

I recently heard someone describe the transformation in their life after going from the mentality of “knowing of God” to “knowing God”. The pivot point from one lifestyle to the other was the decision to abide.

As I heard their story and did some further research on the practice of abiding, I realized how difficult that actually is. To choose Jesus as our savior from the bondage of sin is one thing, but to choose, consistently, God as our refuge is all the more challenging.

There is the tendency to let feelings dictate quite a lot in our lives. It determines our decisions, the way we treat others, how much time we give to God, and most of all, what is considered our “safe place”. The intensity of our commitment to God rises and falls by what, deep down, we truly place our trust in.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.’”

Psalm 91:1-2

[ Now please understand that I too come from a place desperately trying to learn how to still abide. My heart longs for you to join this journey, not to feel shame if the place that you are at is not where you had hoped. ]

I would like for you to take another moment and re-read that verse above, giving yourself a few seconds after each line.

Consider the way the verse is worded. It’s primary focus is to highlight the reliant heart on God. On who and how He is.

If I am being honest, for the past few weeks, I found myself praying with my hope set on the goodness of God’s plans, the promise of His purpose for me, and the so called “calling” He instilled in me. Then it hit me…

I pray this was more obvious to you than it was to me; but perhaps our focus should be more on trusting God Himself and His committed presence with us before trying to persuade ourselves of His good plans for us.

“You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”

Psalm 91:5-6

The Lord’s plans surely are good and beautiful. But I think in the attempt to override our anxious thoughts and control-hungry minds, we feed those desires and priorities with the assurance of God’s perfect and unlimited capabilities rather than restructuring our hearts to long for what it ought to…and honestly, what it was made for…a deep, authentic, relationship with God as our Lord. And perhaps then, as we live intentionally intimate with God, pursuing Him over His ability to satisfy our control issues, the rest will come with peace. Peace that remains in the “terror of the night”, amidst “the arrow that flies by day”, against “the pestilence that stalks in darkness”, and during the “destruction that wastes at noonday.”

As we strive to abide in God first, learning His character and investing in the type of relationship He desires and encourages throughout Scripture, then we too, like the one I described in the beginning, can be transformed from knowing of God to truly knowing Him. For He does not just do good, true, and beautiful things…my dear friend, that is who He is. And as you draw near to Him, choosing to let your heart dwell in His presence, all that He is will be what we trust, as we learn to peacefully rest under His shadow.

We must not feed into the belief that God’s power alone can persuade our trust in Him. For if our hearts are rooted in this conditional perspective, the moment we cannot understand His “big plan” or see the goodness in our circumstance, then our vision of a future, purpose, and refuge are put in great danger of crumbling. As much as we want to force our trust in God during desperate times, unless a sheep truly knows it’s Shepherd’s voice, it cannot confidently follow when the path becomes foggy.

Simply Yours, Oh Lord

Christian lifestyle, encouragement, prayer

“My hard heart breaks to confess, that even while you hold me as I cry on the floor, I still don’t know how to be yours…” – Chris Renzema

At one point in my stumble towards Christ, I came to a place where I could not bear to pray. The thought of God not only listening, but deeply caring about my life seemed too good to be true after how bad my doubts began to get. So, I ignored Him.

More than I wanted to be healed, I was afraid of being disappointed. The fear of reality being true to what my worrisome mindset envisioned, made me turn anywhere besides the direction of the One who had a justified reason to give up on me.

The other day I had to honor of attending a concert by Chris Renzema. I heard the song quoted above a million times before. Many times, these words actually filled the silence in my prayers when I could not bring myself to say what I wanted.

Or perhaps that was what I wanted to say all along.

About a year and a half ago, I came across the definition of lamenting. A practice done by many in Old Testament times. As someone who thought God would be upset the more I let myself sit in my feelings, this was transformative to hear.

Lamenting, in the words of Bethany H. Hoang and Kristen Deede Johnson, is prayer “that honors the honesty of pain and anger while also honoring the truth that God is the one who reigns and whose hesed love never fails.”

“Come As You Are” – For the Non & Life-Long Believers
“Come As You Are” goes deeper into the practice of lamenting and touches on Psalm 88.

It wasn’t until I was standing in that massive room with hundreds of people singing the words quoted by Chris Renzema that it hit me…

So many people don’t know how to accept the love God so freely offers. They, or we, don’t know how to be His.

It broke my heart to think about the pain behind each person’s voice singing those lyrics, but then Chris Renzema did something I failed to do every time I heard this song before.

He honored the truth of God and His unconditional love. With songs of praise, words of truth, and the turning of his feelings towards God, I found the missing piece. The flaw in my sulking. The crack in the grip depression held over me…

Addison Bevere once said, “Merely running in the opposite direction of a lie does not necessary lead us to the Father’s house of Truth.”

When we feel the weight of an anxious mind telling us lies about God, we ought not run from feelings as a whole. For we will only ever become a numb being. No, we must instead run, stumble, crawl, whatever it takes, towards God. By the blood of Christ, our identity, purpose, and freedom overcame death and all the lies that once lead you to be nothing more than a dead man walking.

My dear friend, you may not know how to be His. Even I still struggle as I retreat to the heart-style of an orphan. But at some point, we must recognize the life of a child of God calls for the renewing of our mind, body, and soul.

How much longer must we allow our hopelessness to be louder than our God? Our insecurity greater than the blood Jesus spilled? Or our fear stronger than the One who left the empty grave and broken chains?

Prayer, when you feel like a disappointment, is hard. Reading the Bible when you feel unworthy is gut-wrenching. And walking in faith when you have twice as much doubt is dreadful. But all of these turn our feelings, that were designed by God, towards Him so that they may honor Him and He may work His goodness through them.

For when we don’t know how to be…He who is, is faithful indeed.

Consistency in Chaos

bible, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, prayer

When life piles up, the circumstances we are in typically end up determining so much more than we may realize. They alter how we hope, what we expect, and how we steward our time. And unfortunately, our faith and relationship with God falls victim to our seasons as well.

But what if that wasn’t how it had to be? What if the consistency in which we long to maintain in our connection and perspective of God could last and stand firm amidst the everchanging uncertainties of life?

In the last few weeks, I have endured quite some change. And allow me to level with you real quick, I absolutely despise change. Or at least major changes. But nonetheless, things happened and my first reaction regarding how it affected my time, energy, and faith in God, was to justify my distracted mind with a saying that I have heard and said a million times before, “When everything settles again, I will get back on track…”

Oh, but that is just it. As we enter into this fall season, school starts again, more holidays come, we join new churches, we live in new places, and we have loads of new responsibilities.

In an attempt to give ourselves peace, we mask our overwhelmed hearts by justifying improper stewardship.

Stewardship is the management of things that do not belong to oneself. I say that because despite the work we do, what we have is ultimately from God, including our time. And what we do with our time is supposed to be for God. So my friend, how is it that you steward your life for His glory?

Because of the lack of accountability we often hold ourselves to, our relationship with God tends to be one of the first priorities in our lives that gets put on hold during changing seasons. Perhaps it is because God will not verbally scold us if we dismiss Him. Or maybe we think we have to come 100% “ready” or it’s pointless. Or honestly, we just think it can wait because…”God understands the pressure we are enduring right now.”

Whatever it may be that excuses our behavior, we live in a culture that promotes “me-time” before “God time”.

Though, I want you to trace back with me and look at the goals we are often pursuing when we build a mindset of believing God can be put on hold…

For me, it’s typically peace. But it could also be a longing for hope in working out the most prevalent things at the moment. Or it could be the desire for grace and acceptance as we begin realizing we have a lot of tasks to do with little time and draining energy. It could be one or all of these things. But my dear friend, I hope you can stop and take a breath as you realize these things; peace, hope, and acceptance, are all abundantly sourced in God first.

Typically, during the weeks preceding major changes, I plan a LOT. Because despite the fact that the majority of things remain outside of my control, an agenda tends to bring a sense of peace in my mind as I name and categorize all of the chaos. This is my skewed idea of stewardship as I seek God through faulty vessels.

Planning is not a sin by any means. But when we go about it in a way that does not first tune into the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, we are building a foundation of life without the presence of God being invited in. And without His presence, we so easily lose sight of our purpose, identity, and vision of hope.

The high school worship band at my church wrote a song called “Faith of Convenience” with lyrics that will truly make you consider this very discussion.

Could it be, that amidst even the most ordinary parts of our lives…the things we see as simple “everyday responsibilities” have the capability of being stewarded in a way that points to Jesus? And is it possible to remain faithful in our journey with God during the chaos?

I strongly believe so. And with that, my friend, as you begin a new season, or perhaps reevaluate your current one, I challenge you to ask these questions during your planning: Does your life honor God? Does it bring Him glory? Does it push you further in the pursuit of sanctification? Is your quiet time with Him established before all other things?

Consistency in the uncertainty is not impossible. As Christ made His heart and mission known in every aspect of His being, I encourage you that the Holy Spirit can cultivate a transformation that does just that…in the chaos and the mundane.

“Faith of Convenience” – MVMNT Music

The Danger of Little Depth

christian, lifestyle, prayer

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it.” – Matthew 7:14

Over the last year, I have been considering the true depth of my faith and relationship with God more than ever before. Unfortunately, however, it was not until recently I understood the value of diving that deep. In fear of either disappointment or a crumbled pride, I pushed away the potential of not being as close to God as I thought, which in turn, lead to a spiral of self-loathing. Though in this search, He who is faithful has done nothing but reveal His sweet and compassionate character time and time again.

Matthew 7:7 begins a section on the opportunity we as believers have to seek from God with confidence. Of course recognizing His authority over ours first, this scripture describes the desire God has for us to ask, seek, and knock. Like a child in awe, yet confused of the world around them, we have the freedom to bring our concerns to God. And like a loving father who reveals truth with grace, so our God does with us.

Deconstruction of the faith has been a topic recently repeated by those around me. Though, not in the way it is commonly known. Rather than the layered demolition of one’s belief in God, I have been contemplating the potentially beautiful outcome of something like deconstruction, but with the goal of developing a more genuine personal faith. I feel as though questions in the Church and amongst our Christian friends have been iced over with superficial encouragement or peer-pressured manipulation to believe in something your mind considers unreasonable in every sense.

This journey I am looking into, and softly challenging you to, is not just asking your general questions you could google and answer in 3 sentences. No. My dear friend, I am speaking about the deep, honest search of our heart, soul, and mind that breaks through strongholds, lights up our hidden doubts, and reveals our greatest fears. This, I have come to believe, may be the kind of journey that brings a freedom we never knew existed. And honestly, perhaps the life we were made to live.

Fear of disappointment may be what prevents us from moving towards this in-depth search through our faith. But if God is who He claims and the sacrifice Christ made for us was enough, this kind journey will only lead to a better understanding our ourselves, God’s heart for us, and an even greater perspective of His faithfulness.

The passage after the one about seeking begins in Matthew 7:13 and reveals one of the most motivational (in my opinion) set of verses for taking on this specific challenge. Questions and honesty in our misunderstanding’s may be swept under the mat by those around you, but I do not believe the placement of these verses was a coincidence.

Just as Jesus explains the way in which we ought to come to Him with honesty, regardless of where we are in our walk, He goes on to reveal a critical note for those who claim to follow Him…

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

Note that the difference between those who go through the broad gate vs the narrow is that they simply enter through the broad, but must find the narrow.

The cost of living for Jesus is dying to ourselves. Why? Because all that we are without Him is sinful. Our flesh longs for immediate satisfaction and ruthless pride. And unfortunately, our world has normalized it to where we so often overlook it’s traces that run deep within our hearts.

My dear friend, it is a tough journey because it is a convicting and humbling one. But it is better to cultivate an authentic faith that leads to life than one requiring no deeper thought as you follow the crowd on the road to destruction.

The Blessings In Questions

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

Asking questions has always been one of my favorite things. This was, however, with the exception of asking God any questions. It wasn’t because I was afraid of the answer, or of His response. Rather, I didn’t believe it was my place, nor did it resemble the kind of blind, yet strong, faith that I assumed those around me had growing up. But recently, it has been very different.

Amidst my walk with Christ, I came to the point where I couldn’t handle not throwing up a few questions to God anymore. If you read my “at a loss” blog, you can see this change in a decently raw form. Was it easy? Not in the slightest.

To me, asking God questions always made me feel as though I was doubting who He was or had a weak faith that couldn’t just accept the way things are. But my dear friend, I am delighted to tell you; after a long walk of shamefully seeking answers to the questions I had been ignorantly shoving under the rug, I have come to believe, and I mean truly hold onto with great gratitude, the truth that God welcomes our questions without condemnation.

One of my favorites books in the Bible is Habakkuk. I like it because he asks a lot of questions and God’s response is still so sweet. He isn’t angry, annoyed, or shocked. Nor does He make Habakkuk feel dumb for asking anything. Instead, Habakkuk is reminded of the faithful character of God, the power of His hand, and the perfect timing of the Lord’s judgement and grace. Read along with me.

In the very start of the book, Habakkuk cries out; “How long, LORD, must I call for help…”

In all honesty, this resonates deeply. So many times, especially recently on this hunt for various answers and a better understanding of God, the waiting has felt endless. And in some cases, pointless. I’d jot down a concern or a promise I struggled to understand how it could be accessible, and months would go by with no response…or so I thought.

We see chapter 1 split into 3 sections; Habakkuk’s first complaint, God’s answer, and Habakkuk’s second complaint. When I first read those titles, I was shocked that after hearing from God like Habakkuk did, he would dare to have a second round of questions. But after looking back over these last few months, I can’t shame this man, for I have done the very same thing.

What took me so long to notice, and friend, I hope you listen closely to this, is that amidst my hunt for a big answer, God gave me countless little answers and truths that He knew my heart needed before arriving to the one I asked for.

Isn’t it incredible to have a God who knows what we need and when the best time to receive it is? We can sometimes think it is best to have all the cards of life before us, but honestly, if we did, I do not believe we would make the right decisions with them. Just look in each of our pasts.

So as we walk along in this thing called life, without all the cards, we are left with an unclear future. And without clarity, comes questions. Could God truly have a specific path for me? How is His good revealed in grief? Where is He when everything we know to be “best for us” is falling apart? Why does He seemingly stand idle while our hearts slip and smash into millions of pieces?..

The questions could go on and on. And some will tell you to just read the Bible more. I agree. But my friend, Jesus didn’t die strictly so that you would be compelled to finish that “read the whole Bible in a year” challenge. He died so you and God could have a personal, everlasting relationship with one another. One that needs no intercessor besides the Son and Spirit of God Himself. There is an insane amount of intimacy God longs to have with us. And honestly, as someone who gets shy from the judgement of others when I ask biblical questions, I am beyond thankful for the individual, private relationship we are offered.

It took a VERY long time for me to feel the freedom of seeking greater knowledge and wisdom through my misunderstandings, doubts, and worries. Though it began as a shameful walk, it is now a blessing I couldn’t imagine going without for any longer than I already have. Yes, I stumble. Yes, I ask a million follow-up questions. Yes, I ask for more details on the promises He makes decently clear in Scripture. And yes, I plead with God to answer quicker for the sake of my sanity. But on my journey to learning how to ask questions while having complete trust in His perfectly formed and timed answers, I have seen nothing but a patient and gracious God.

Habakkuk ends his last prayer as a word of praise. Not yet seeing the answer completely fulfilled, this man so similar in his questions as you and I, says this; “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food. Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength;”

Life, I think, was not meant to be aimlessly walked through. I believe God reveals Himself in more mesmerizing ways every time we seek a deeper understanding of who He is and how He acts. Not just for our own sake, but also for those we get the honor of doing life with. Questions bring answers that build knowledge. And knowledge gives us the ability to grow wisdom. And a wise life, dear Christian, is one that God can use radically for His will and kingdom.

The more we know about our loving God, the deeper rooted our faith becomes and the greater our confidence in God can be during our weakness. Not by our own means, but through His grace alone. Lean in, layout your questions, and let God reveal His wonders within the process.