prayer

The Presence Our Soul Calls Home

bible, christian, prayer

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13-14

Many say, “Home is where the heart is.” And all my life, I agreed. But recently I had been thinking and I would say, home is not just where our heart is. It is where the Father is.

I have been living on my own now for nearly two months. And just last week, I left work early on Friday so that I could fly…home.

Not where my mailing address is or the place I pay rent for. But where I found Jesus and where all those who pushed me to Him, are still living. It’s the place my parents are. My grandma is. And the place I attended every Sunday when I lived in the area. Home. At least for me, is not just a person. Or a building. It’s not even the town, for that has changed so much in just the last 2 months. Home is where God built relationships that His glory is evidently moving through.

Yes, my hometown will always be a little city in Florida. But my home is far greater than the streets you can drive on. It is the people who make up the body of Christ that have pushed me to know Him myself.

There is a difference between the places we spend time in and the people who truly point us to Christ.

For instance, I have driven by my high school many times since graduating. Even though I know the campus like the back of my hand, it no longer feels like home. But when I reach out to the teachers who invested in me, it is as if I never aged. I can still tell them every ounce of drama in my life and feel confident they will respond with love, support, and wisdom.

Considering that, one of the things I reflected on before moving was that perhaps I was searching for the wrong thing. I thought if I drove on new roads and had different places to call “the local spots”, that I would be happy.

Yet here I am. Driving on these magical new roads (that have far too many potholes) and slowly collecting the names of coffee shops and book stores to become a regular at. But I still cannot truly say those are the reasons this place is “home” to me. Not I am not claiming it is not. Rather, I am suggesting this place I just moved to, though on a much smaller scale, feels at home too.

And it’s because the Lord is here. He is in the new place I frequent for Sunday sermons, Bible study, and serving at youth. He is in the friendships I am making at work that reflect His love for us. And He is very much in the apartment that has been anointed in prayer and worship by my mother and I.

Home has become so much more than a building. Or a room. It has been beyond a blessing to realize that my home is in so many places as my Heavenly Father has lead me to great relationships and places where His name is praised in song and service.

In Exodus 14, the Israelites face a terrifying sight. After decades of slavery, they had finally been free. Or at least it seemed so. Starting in verse 10, we see the Egyptians hunting the Israelites down. And as they looked at this rough army and turned to see they were but pressed against water, they cried out to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!“

They were scared. They were not sure what God’s plan was, and so they began regretting where they came and who they followed.

But praise God as His heart is expressed through Moses as he replies, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.“

Moses wanted to desperately for the Israelites to see the security they had in God. That the houses they lived in, the places they ate, and the streets they walked on were not their “home” just because they slept and worked there. They had a place designed for them beyond their comprehension. But they refused to trust the giver of that home. So they scrambled and pleaded for what they felt comfortable in. Not because it was good for them, but because it was all they had known.

How often do we flee from things because they are not easy? Or maybe we just don’t like change. I believe some, if you are like myself, want so desperately to hold onto things we were not even designed to prioritize.

The Israelites, fresh out of slavery, in the face of a new form of adversity, were willing to forgive and forget what they endured so that they wouldn’t walk into the “unknown” with God.

Shortly after their panic, God did one of the most incredible and popular events recorded in Scripture; He split the Red Sea. He made a way when there was none. But in doing so, He led them to the wilderness.

The wilderness is the place the Israelites resided for 40 or so years following that. All in route to the “Promised Land”. The place in which the Lord said they would populate and call their own.

I fear too often we see this as just a great representation of a “waiting season”. But may we recognize the revelation and nearness the Lord brought to His people during this time. His Angel was before them and He spoke so passionately to them that they might have come to understand the most valuable thing they could attain was not getting out Egypt, Manna, witnessing miracles, or even reaching the Promised Land. No, the most incredible thing they received was the opportunity to connect with God. The God who saw their flaws and rebellion and still chose to love. The God who stood between them and their enemies when they had no faith in Him. So much happened in those 40 years, but if we don’t recognize that the biggest blessing wasn’t the ending, but the belonging that God gave them the ability to sense even in the wilderness, we will live our lives with the belief that Home has more to do with land, buildings, or specific people rather than Jesus Himself.

My dear friend, your home is not this earth. As one who loves to travel, but suffers from homesickness within 3 or so days, I find that even in the room I spent my teenage years decorating in the most comforting way, a lot of times, I grieved for what I could not see. I longed for God and when I could not seem to understand what He was doing, I felt more homesick than ever.

I am astonished daily at the fact that I am not booking a flight to Florida every weekend. But after much thought, it is so clear that despite leaving everything and everyone that meant the most to me, I am okay still because the One who is greater than all is the One who is walking with me here, now.

May you have peace and a sense of belonging in the family of Christ whether you feel like the Israelites in Egypt, at the shore of the Red Sea, in the wilderness with decades to go, or are rejoicing in the Promise Land God led you to. Your home is more than where your heart is. Because unfortunately, sometimes God doesn’t have the throne of our hearts. But that does not change the deep desire your soul has for His communion.

Home is where the Father is, and may we rejoice in that grace.

Thoughts to Consider:

Where have you been tempted to find “home” apart from God’s presence?

What might change in your perspective if you saw your home not as a destination, but as communion with the Father?

How has Jesus met you in unexpected places and made them feel like home?

Consider the difference in your outlook on life and your current season if you lived out the belonging God wants you to find in Him.

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13-14

When Fear Meets the Table of Grace

bible, christian, prayer

“Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep.” – Genesis 43:30

Every time I read the story of Joseph, God amazes me. But it was not until a few days ago that I saw the significance of this table scene.

If you haven’t read his story, I highly recommend doing that now or directly after reading this. It begins in chapter 37 and runs until chapter 45.

In Genesis 43, Joseph – who had been sold as a slave by his brothers 20 years prior, but is now 2nd in command of Egypt – has yet to reveal himself to his own family.

After coming to Egypt a second time for food, his brothers stood before him, offering gifts and the best products of their land out of fear. They thought their offerings would be enough to please him and forgive them for taking the money they should’ve paid in return for food (however, it was Joseph who ordered the money be given back to them).

They brought their best before Joseph and bowed in fear. But not a single one of them noticed who he was.

I would say that is crazy to not be able to recognize someone like your own brother, as mine looks pretty similar to how he did nearly 20 years ago. But then I think of how often that happens with us and God.

When We Fail to Recognize Him

How often we commit to Christ, claiming we are fascinated by His heart and character. Yet just days, weeks, or months later, we ignore His voice, choose distractions over time with Him, or watch Him do a miracle just to bury its beauty beneath an “I deserved that” mentality.

Since when does God owe us anything? And why is it that we believe we can maintain a “Christ-like lifestyle” without knowing Him?

Their perspective of Joseph was a man who had the power to kill them or put them in jail, and potentially would. Yet in verse 30 of chapter 43, we see him in a different way as it says, “Deeply moved at the sight of His brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep. He went to his private room and wept there.”

The sight of them near him alone brought him to tears. Surely it was no light cry if he had to run away. Here was a man in one of the most successful countries during a famine, with riches and all. But that’s not what he wanted. He wanted his family. He wanted those who should have known him, despite their betrayal decades ago.

Sometimes, I find myself still counting my works in hopes that the Lord will show me favor in my prayers and dreams. Yet if I truly recognized who Christ was and remembered His heart, I would see that none of what I offer is what brings Him to tears. As He invites me to commune with Him, to have a seat of belonging at His table, He shows so clearly that He just wants us. His family. We, humans, who betray Him daily. We are who He died for.

This is such a moving scene because at first, the brothers came carrying fear yet were met with nothing but love. They were invited to feast with Joseph and even still, he was only a stranger to them.

Though Joseph could have revealed himself then, or punished them for their ignorance, he did not. Instead, they enjoyed the feast together.

Let’s pause and unpack that moment for a second. Just after Joseph walks back into the room and says, “Serve the food.”

“They served him by himself, the brothers by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves, because Egyptians could not eat with Hebrews, for that is detestable to Egyptians. 33 The men had been seated before him in the order of their ages, from the firstborn to the youngest; and they looked at each other in astonishment. 34 When portions were served to them from Joseph’s table, Benjamin’s portion was five times as much as anyone else’s. So they feasted and drank freely with him.” – Gen. 43:32-34

They began with a divide. Though not of just Egyptians and Hebrews, but one where Joseph was set apart from both crowds. This, however, did not mean that the food was different. But instead, the brothers were fed from Joseph’s table. What he offered them was an abundance despite there being 11 of them. They then enjoyed the meal together…freely.

Invited to Sit Freely With Christ

I could not help but see the resemblance to moments we have with Jesus. The only One worthy of everything and everyone, calls us to His table. And from there, though He is set apart from us because of His Holiness, He made a way for us to commune with Him. He fed us His portion and to this day, we have not seen it run out. Because of the sacrifice Christ made for us, we can eat together with Him freely.

Not because we deserve it. Not because redemption is easy. And definitely not because we were good enough. It was only by His love and grace.

My dear friend, Christ paid everything for your freedom. And despite the fear and doubt you may approach Him with, He is the embodiment of peace, forgiveness, and love. You can cease the striving of trying to offer “enough” to Him. For that is not what He desires. Our Lord stands before us, inviting us to be with Him. Even when we don’t realize who He is or the significance of what He has done. He wants our heart, for He already poured out His over us.

Thoughts to Consider:

What characteristic of God are you struggling to believe?

How can you practically abide in Christ so that you would not encounter Him and feel as though you are but strangers?

What would it change in your life today if you truly believed that Jesus just wants you at His table?

Meditate on this scripture. Consider the depth of Jesus’ love for you as you read of Joseph’s for his brothers.

“Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep.” – Genesis 43:30

June Musings: Only Our Daily Bread

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

“I am weary, God, but I can prevail.” – Proverbs 30:1

Mere satisfaction seems unattainable in a society where excess is still not enough. Food portions are growing, new clothing is being stocked daily, smartphones are gaining new abilities every year, and social media is reminding you every hour of the things you are missing out on or what must buy to keep up with the trends. In all honesty, it is a draining lifestyle to live. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying eating good food, shopping, or being on Instagram, is terrible. I do every single one of those myself. The point I want to highlight though, is that we live in a place and time where we have so much available to us, that contentment is only found in the abundant fulfillment of our wants. No longer is the satisfaction of our needs enough for us.

Now that certainly creates a problem with materialism, but I want to focus on how that mindset impacts our relationship with God more specifically.

I was reading through Proverbs and came across an incredible chapter. And no, it’s not the infamous chapter 31. It’s the one just before it. The one that starts off with such a vulnerable and comforting statement: “I am weary, God, but I can prevail.“

That quote alone captures the reality of so many of us. But lets be real, sometimes we only can muster up the first four words of that sentence. Whether it be a trial, an internal struggle, or our doubts that wear us down, the truth we hear from God does not always leave us content.

“God, if I could have just one sign/miracle/spiritual encounter/etc.” is a prayer many may be familiar with.

I want to be very clear; seeking any of those is certainly not wrong. But there is a danger we can face when we pray that prayer with the mentality that only the fulfillment of our “wants” is enough.

Read verses 5-9:

“Every word of God is flawless;
    he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
 Do not add to his words,
    or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.
    Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God.”

The author was honest in his struggle at the beginning, though his confidence in his prevail was not because of his own strength, but God’s. In fact, in analyzing his request, we see him start off with reverence to the Lord and submission to His Word being perfect and sufficient.

I find this fascinating because in our current time, we have access to the Word of God via the Bible. A book of living truth – that which is timeless. And though the trials of each of us vary, our purpose and our place of refuge are found in the same source.

However, with the agenda society is pushing, the perfection, wholeness, and truth in God’s Word can be a tough belief to stand firmly behind. Because as much as we believe it is all we need, our wants prevent us from true contentment. Over consumption is all around us and encouraged by many. So it surely has the power to trickle into our perspective on God.

But take a look back at verses 8-9. Here we find the author giving us a key to guarding ourselves from that dangerous way of thinking.

“but give me only my daily bread”…

Similar to the “not my will but Yours be done, oh Lord”, statement we tend to repeat or rephrase in our own prayers as we saw Jesus teach us in Scripture, this plea in Proverbs, for just what we need, ought to be one we mention daily as a defense against the selfish desires we battle with.

It may not change your circumstance or even your mind immediately, but repetitively allowing truth to be spoken over your hearts desires will in fact change you and your perspective, not because of the phrase itself, but the power of the One who you are saying it to. Faith comes when we put belief into action. This kind of prayer is not encouraged for the sake of getting what we want. No, it is a necessity to live a life believing God is truly all you need.

My dear friend, we are tempted so often to raise our bar for what we consider “enough”. But that way of living does not stem from the God we serve. It rises from a broken humanity that believes we not only know what we need, but can attain by our own means. This mentality could not be more wrong. When will we notice our striving for “enough” is the very reason we never find it? Nothing can satisfy us nor provide all we need besides the One who created us and gives us our purpose.

Perhaps then, in the pursuit of our perfect, wholesome, and Holy God, we will realize He not only provides our daily bread, but exceeds our every desire in the way they were intended to be filled.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there any area of your life you find yourself tempted with over consumption?

Has the mentality of always needing more ever influenced your view of or relationship with God – expectations, requests, doubt, etc.?

Are there areas of your life or seasons where you seek what God can give you more than you seek Him as Himself?

Consider the ways you can challenge yourself to daily live out in faith, the belief that God is truly all you need.

“I am weary, God, but I can prevail.” – Proverbs 30:1

May Musings: Humility on the Search for Wisdom

Christian lifestyle, prayer, spiritual formation

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. – Isaiah 55:8

Sitting down and writing these blogs has been a difficult task for me to do lately. The amount of sticky notes with Bible verses, draft titles, and moving quotes on my desk have just been piling up for the last month without any blogs actually being written. If I told you a lack of inspiration was the problem I am facing, you may think I am just being lazy, because the endless papers with ideas on my desk would say otherwise. But indeed, I have come to a place where I feel stuck. The issue though, is that I am not stuck on what to write for this blog, rather, what to write for another project I have been praying about and working on for over a year.

Then it hit me, as conviction typically does in my most anxious moments…Isaiah 55:8, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.’ declares the Lord.”

For the last couple weeks, I have been reading Proverbs while going Timothy Keller’s devotional “God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life”. Now if you know me, I am a very passionate person when it comes to the things I steward, but I am extremely hesitant to make big decisions. Prayer is a discipline I deeply rely on in my decision making process. Though when I finally do come to a sense of peace in a specific pathway, I tend to put all my eggs in that basket and rarely change course by choice.

That, my friend, is what happened last year when I felt guided to start the process of this project I am now stuck on. I prayed for months on end. I felt peace about it. I had the opportunity to start the research. So I did. I put every ounce of hope into it and began altering my lifestyle around being able to work on it. And for a while, it felt right. But unfortunately, that while has come to a halt. I lost inspiration. I could not, for the life of me, put together words or feel confident that the research I was doing was the necessary research I needed. And sure enough, I came to a point where I stood lost, drained, and aggravated with myself for not being able to discern the “right” next move.

Then the word humility flooded my mind.

I have been reading Proverbs for about two an a half weeks now, and kept seeing wisdom described in various ways. It sounded so very intriguing and I thought, “If I could just gain an ounce of this priceless gift, this project could help so many people and be so transformative.” That was until I read chapter 11, verse 2, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Now at this point in Proverbs, humility has shared sentences with wisdom a million times. So this was not shocking news. But it was convicting. Because my alarm had just went off a few days prior that said it was “blog post day”. That goes off every other week due my struggle with meeting deadlines. And if you haven’t noticed, it had a been a while since I posted.

All at once, it finally clicked. I had been so very adamant about this project working, that I rejected every word God has put in my heart to share on this blog because in my eyes, “the project has potential to be more influential, so the blog can wait.” I claimed to be a willing vessel, while filtering what God poured in me – only obeying if I believed it was “worth it.”

I wanted this project to be completed so badly that I refused to accept any other guidance. In my pursuit of what I thought was wisdom, was truly pride. For the beginning of this journey may have been inspired by the Spirit, but at some point, I stopped listening and started demanding wisdom that suited my preference.

Perhaps the greatest struggle of a vision or dream lead by God is that humility along every part of the process is the only way to reach it.

Humility is not just surrendering ourselves to the purposes God has for us. It also means surrendering the our path to get there. Pride has the power to lead us away from God, but it also has the power to tempt us to control what God has called us to simply steward for Him. My conviction with improper stewardship of this blog has opened my eyes to see that, indeed, I may deeply desire this project I am working on to be completed soon because I find great value in it, though that does not change the fact that it was not my vision first. What God has laid on my heart ought to be handled in the way He desires. For what are we to be but humble stewards of every breath God has put in our lungs and every motion He has given our bodies the ability to do?

My dear friend, letting go of control is one of the most difficult things to do. Especially after feeling so much peace in a vision or dream. But do not grow weary of trusting in His time. For the company you are in has a record of having some incredible stories. A few fellow believers who endured the struggle of patience after receiving a word from the Lord were Sarah and Abraham, Joseph, David, Mary and Joseph, Moses, Joshua…and those are just a few. There is hope for the stuck, but we must not forget our duty to obey even if we do not fully understand.

Thoughts to consider:

Is there anything God has placed on your heart that you have turned into an idol?

Do you find yourself praying more about the blessing itself, than the ability to steward the blessing in an honorable way?

Are there any dreams or visions God has placed on your heart that you have given up on because the timeline didn’t match yours?

Consider what it looks like in your personal life to approach every thing that you do with a true dependency on God’s guidance.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

Musings: January

Christian lifestyle, prayer, Worship

At the end of last year, I was struggling a lot. I feared the path in which I was on would no longer be sustainable. The way I was living was not one that seemed connected to this abundant source of life God claimed to be.

I needed something new. And I needed it soon. For all that I knew was running dry and falling short of being enough. The perspective I had was losing root. I become unbearably drained.

As the weeks went on, the war in my mind between what struggle was worth my efforts got more intense. Living life with God is hard. But so is existing without Him.

So I decided to beg.

Slightly embarrassed, I made the decision that the 8 hour car ride alone to this conference I had to go to would be dedicated to pressing God for a word. Not a specific answer to all my problems. Not a vision. Not a miracle. Just a word. One that would help me understand why the Holy Spirit continued to fight my spirit of doubt in my heart.

After 8 long hours, I felt nothing. I had no revelation. And in all honesty, I was disappointed. If that extensive dedication was not enough, what would ever be?

The first night of that conference ended and I went to bed with little hope for the coming day.

I fought worship the next day to be honest. In a room full of 55,000 young people passionately praising God, you would think I was insane to not feel the heat. Yet, I didn’t.

But for some reason, I was compelled to force my body to physically do what my heart refused. I lifted my hands with palms down in surrender and then palms up for reception. This was hard. But then I heard it…

From death to life.

That was it. No further explanation. (Perhaps I should’ve asked God for at least a full sentence). But nonetheless, I knew it was not from me, because simply “life” was the last thing I would’ve told myself was enough to satisfy my desire for a new thing.

It was as if the speakers heard that same phrase, because nearly every message after that had a point or two about that perspective.

From death to life, I repeated.

So short, yet so profound. I spent months trying to figure out what I was feeling and I dodged all descriptions that sounded too far from the bounds of God’s grace. Because, though I struggle to understand His uniquely intentional love for us, I knew if I admitted I felt unredeemable, what then would have the power to pull me back into this “hope” we are called to live in?

Then someone read 1 Corinthians 5: 17-21 to me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

There is a LOT we could pull from this, but track with me for just a moment.

Sin is in fact what God cannot be in the presence of. For it is all He goes against and the opposite of who He is. The price for it is death. Death is the absence of life. As God is life, that means for one to be dead, they are not connected with God. (Speaking in a spiritual sense here).

This, my friend, is why I fought so hard to identify with anything but dead. For it is the place outside His presence.

I was living with a perspective slowly withering away from God’s truth and instead, making root in the enemy’s territory. I believed the true severity of sin, so I caved when I heard the lies that God would not reach as far as I felt.

But praise God for His written Word.

What we see here in 1 Corinthians, is the beauty of His boundless love. A love so passionate that the grave was not too scary to face nor too powerful to keep Him chained.

Jesus endured death to life, testifying no other force could overcome and no place was too far, even that which was supposed to remain apart from Him.

He did it for me and He did it for you.

My dear friend, there is no place more distant than death, and even still, God extends His hand. He meets us where we are. And He calls us to respond through living. To give up all the life-stripping habits we know and to take on what He offers as we are covered in the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice.

From death to life.

This world is hard to endure, but when it seems as though “life” has run its worth, we have only just discovered the true meaning and value behind that four letter word.

Heavenly Father, teach our weary souls to take on the new, true, perspective of life as we let go of everything else that goes against. Let all we are and do become whole-hearted worship for You, oh Lord.