lifestyle

The Difference Between Leaving and Following

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“So do whatever God has told you” – Genesis 31:16

I saw this post on Instagram where the audio was stating how everyone ought to move to a place they’ve never been to during their 20’s. To say you did it. What is “it” exactly? I suppose one could say succeeded, proved their independence, exercised their freedom, experienced true choice…made a decision that proved they did in fact have control over this chaotic thing we call life.

But why in our 20’s? I am unsure. I would assume it had to do with the new freedom from one’s teenage responsibilities and also the typical fact that many in their early 20’s have no dependents. They only have themselves to care for.

When The World Says “Go“

I must admit, when I first saw this, I felt validated. For that was exactly what I was in the process of doing. Just two weeks ago, I packed my bags and moved to another state where I don’t know anyone, starting a job at a school I never visited while living in an apartment I never had the chance to tour. That video made me feel good. As though maybe my big move wasn’t so crazy after all.

I held that mentality for a little while. And after I finally got moved in, I saw another Instagram reel with that same audio. I smiled, because I felt I had accomplished just that. And then I suddenly felt different.

I hadn’t moved here to “get away”, exercise my free will, or even just to start fresh. I came here because years ago, I had given my prayer to God, that He would bring me north of Florida. I will admit, my reasons were selfish when I first prayed that prayer. But after years of being deeply humbled by the Lord, He began planting a seed of hope in my heart about a year and a half ago. Not that it was time yet, but that He would lead me on a new journey soon. Soon wasn’t very clear, but I knew it meant leaving all I had grown up around.

So for roughly a year and a half after that feeling, I continued praying for a “go now“.

But praise the Lord He humbles the proud. For I thought I knew all I needed and what I was going to do. But over that time, God opened my eyes to the beautiful reality of seasons. Of letting go. Of stewarding well what is in my hands right now. And of finding contentment wherever and whenever He led me. Not because it was an answer to my dream, but because He promised to offer His presence during all of it.

So as I sat on my janky couch in my new apartment and watched that Instagram reel, hearing that audio again, all I wanted to tell every person who saw that was: No. Do not just go. Do not mask your attempt to run away from your current life by calling it “freedom because you are young.” Or a season of exploration when you are simply seeking an escape. Sit. Quiet yourself. And listen for the Shepherd’s call.

Not just because you may want change in your life, but because it means that every step you take is with, for, and from the Lord.

When God Says “Go”

In Genesis, we see that the word “Go” was rarely spoken on a whim. Nor was it something people eagerly waited to hear. Rather, it was a calling from God that was typically followed by the promise that He, the Almighty, “will be with you.”

We find this in the story of Noah starting in chapter 7, and with Abraham in chapter 12, as well as with Jacob in chapter 31. Though each have remarkable stories, I want to focus more on Jacob. All of these individuals mentioned have been led by God to do some incredible things. But also, some very hard things.

Noah was called to believe in a world-wide flood and obey in building a massive ark with two of every kind of animal. I cannot imagine preparing to watch everything and everyone around you get washed away. Abraham was directed to sacrifice his beloved son. God ended up providing a sacrifice in place of him, but not until Abraham was just a few seconds from offering his greatest blessing back to God. And Jacob experienced countless years of labor due to the manipulation of his eventual father-in-law who later refused to let him leave. I think this clarifies that a life with God does not mean we are free from difficulties. In fact, I would argue that following Jesus leads us to experience even more pressures and troubles because we are living for the One this world despises.

Yet we who know Christ still choose to endure.

I have a fear that the popular message today is that we can just up and leave when hardship comes. The world claims it is not out of weakness, but rather, out of “doing what is right for yourself.” But friend, if you follow Christ, how can this be? How is it that we can claim we know, on such a whim and with little to no godly counsel, what is right for ourselves while simultaneously claiming the Lord is on the throne of our heart?

Hurry is not from the Lord. It is not His nature, nor is it how we grow closer to Him.

All of these individuals I mentioned from Genesis have either spent years or decades devoting themselves to the Lord and shaping their lives in a way that proved their commitment to Him. Yes, I mean living in such a way where their word not only claimed to be associated with God, but their lifestyle emitted the heart of God as well.

Today, we have the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus to reference to when we question our “why.”

The life of Jesus opened our eyes to the fact that we, even standing beside God in flesh, still fall short. Yet, even failing before the Son of God did not out weigh His love for us. Instead, He lived the life we should have. He served, loved, obeyed, and worshipped the Father, showing us what we ought to pursue.

The death of Jesus revealed that He is a God of Justice, but communion with us was worth paying going to death and back for. He took on our punishment, atoning for all we have done and will do, so that we may be reconciled to the Father.

The resurrection of Jesus proved that every chain, weight, and temptation stands no chance against the power of God. His love and grace was greater than our sin and His Word is the one we can boldly trust.

Jacob’s Call

Now in Genesis 27, we see Jacob steal Esau’s blessing. Not a great start for him, but if you flip to chapter 31, we come across a verse that sounds so simple, yet I felt may be overlooked often…”So do whatever God has told you.” (v. 16)

For context, Jacob had just heard the words that I explained I was waiting on before…”Go, now.” He had been working with his father-in-law for decades at this point and was quite successful. But in verse 3, we see God call Jacob to go back to the land his father (Isaac) was in. Yet that is not all He said. God ended with “and I will be with you.”

After hearing that, Jacob immediately went to tell his wives what God had said. And despite them having 11 kids and tons of animals and supplies, the response of Rachel and Leah were; “So do whatever God has told you.”

How often is our nearness to God so evident in our lives that the support of God-fearing people around us is so easily received?

Jacob heard his way out. He could have just up and left. But instead, he brought it to those closest to him and shared that it was from the Lord. And like the favor God showed Joseph (Jacobs son) through Potiphar, the jailor, and the Pharoah, the Lord filled those around Jacob with peace so that he could begin his journey. I fear that is the part we dismiss or delay today.

Everyone has dreams and plans. But not all of them are from the Lord, or perhaps they are just not for “right now”. Yet our current culture is not one that promotes patience. We want things and we want them now. And unfortunately, God doesn’t do prime shipping in regards to our plans. He may, but often times, there is a season of preparation before the promise land.

So this brings us back to that Instagram reel.

The opportunity to move was there, but very unclear and extremely risky 2 years ago. And if you asked me why I wanted to go, the true and honest answer was because I felt that I had to escape my hometown at that moment or I never would. I had started college online and every job I thought could lead me to become an author was non-existent unless I drove nearly an hour or more. I felt hopeless and I felt like I would have to settle in a city that only catered to families with toddlers and the elderly while searching for any job that gave me the most opportunity to write on the side. I was scared. And I was nervous my chances of ever accomplishing any of my dreams would end in one of my greatest concerns: failure.

I had that view since I was in high school and it did not chance until just over a year and a half ago when I recognized I just needed God to be near to satisfy my desperate heart. I was finally content for once.

I still considered moving, but it was no longer a factor that determined my “success” in life. It was just a change of environment. A new place to experience blessing and hopefully be a blessing.

It was then that I found so much joy in my job and in the final courses of college. It was then when graduation seemed attainable after years of doubt. It was then that my job was more than just a way to get paid, but a community God had blessed me to grow with. And it was then that I would lay in bed at night and simply thank God for being under the same roof as my parents for yet another day.

The “go, now” was not what I was eagerly waiting on anymore. All I wanted, and all I needed, was to know God was with me in each moment.

And as I have been settling in at my own place now, I have sadness for the distance between my family and church, but my tears of joy for the love and support I have had from them outweigh every upset part of my heart.

My dear friend, do not be so eager for the next thing. God has a reason for the place you are in. But what I find even more exciting is that He promises to be with us. To meet us where we are. This world is so hurried for little reason. It is not a race. And when we push for doors God has not opened for us, we forfeit the peace and support of those around us. For those who know the Lord will discern when you are running after something not with, from, or for Him. May you wait on the Good Shepherd to call you to “go, now” and surround you with friends, family, or counsel who see Him so evidently close to you that they have no response besides, “do whatever God has told you.”

Thoughts to Consider:

Where might the Lord be inviting you to see beauty and purpose in the season you’re in right now?

What steps can you take to seek the Lord’s guidance before making a major change in your life?

How have you let the culture’s love for hurry influence you? How can you prevent it?

Consider the way God could move in and around you when you find true contentment in the “here” and peace in the “go, now”.

“So do whatever God has told you.” – Genesis 31:16

Just His Presence & Somehow, That’s Enough

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart.

As I prepare to make a drastic change in my life; moving to a new city in a new state, I can’t help but constantly find myself stunned at reality.

It is though I am on a boat with still waters, yet no land in sight. The tank is full, I have resources, but the map is only highlighting the destination. Not quite the route.

Anxiety, doubt, and hopelessness are no strangers to me. Many of their causes are unknown. But that’s okay. I came to a point in my life where I stopped asking “why” and God began opening my eyes to “how”. Specifically, how to see Him in all of it.

The last few months has had its ups and downs, but one thing I noticed was that I was talking my heart into trusting my mind more than I was needing to persuade myself to look for God in those anxious times.

This was not because I doubted that I would see God in my troubles, but because I knew He was already there. I knew that when I asked Him to walk with me on every step of this journey back when it was just a dream, the faithful God I serve would remain near. Not because I deserved it, but because that is who He is. The One who stays.

So as tensions rose and the voices of doubt flooded my heart, it was but surrender that I needed. Surrendering of my feelings.

When You’re Unsure If You Can Trust Your Heart

When we are caught between what we feel and what we know, it’s easy for our hope to waiver and our fears to rise.

I feel a lot and I feel deeply. But what I have witnessed God do has fortified the truth that my mind grips so tightly to. My heart struggles to agree many times, but the God I know and He who knows me, is One who is faithful.

I want to clarify that surrendering is not to manipulate yourself. But it is to reveal that reality you are living is different than that which you knew before Christ.

Before we were reconciled with God, we were a slave to sin. Maybe it defined you, drained you, filled you with shame, or bound you in addiction. Whatever it did, you were not free. And the feelings of weariness surely could consume you.

But once you have accepted Christ as your sacrifice, you are now given the freedom of new life. A new reality. It is not a hope we only dream of for eternity, but it is the very life we now live. You are free.

I say that to provide reasoning in the surrendering of our feelings. We as humans are far from understanding the entirety of living as free as we actually are. That is because we struggle with the symptoms of sin in the world and the habits we have yet to break from our past. And the beautiful truth is that God is fully aware of this.

So He asks us to cast them on Him. Our anxieties. Our doubts. Our fears. Our shame. All of it, He wants to make new. He wants to show us that we can live in a world of brokenness and trials while remaining in constant communion with Him.

So, how is that attainable?

Learning to Surrender Emotions and Trust God’s Presence

Surrender begins by recognizing its purpose: to open our hearts toward the One greater than all things, including our feelings.

That begins with knowing who you serve. We cannot logically give up our most valuable things (time, devotion, service, idols, etc.) to something or someone we do not believe is worth it. We may say that we do, but God knows our hearts. You are only hurting yourself when you hide who or what the “lord” of your life truly is. So we must read His Word and be in prayer with Him. About all things, we must communicate with Him.

Then, we must listen. There is no point in seeking God if you are only interested in having someone to rant to. For God to truly lead, discipline, and speak to you, you need to give Him room for that. That can come in various ways, but do not assume He will write it on a sign for you if you never devote intentional time to hearing the voice of your shepherd. For only when you know that, can you as His sheep, see how far He has come to reach you and bring you home.

When we know the voice of our God, it makes it ever so slightly easier to know what He is and is not in. I fear we beg God for His blessings more than His presence. It broke my heart to realize not too long ago that the love and peace described in Scripture is what He is the very embodiment of. For I cannot count how many years I have rejoiced over the love of God like a boost in my esteem, not acknowledging it was His presence longing to meet me where I was. His gentle voice was something I ignored, as I simply took the blessings of His nearness.

Is is not good to live with a disconnection like that. God is not a genie and we must recognize that if we ever desire to understand the point of His sacrifice on the cross.

However, none of the above is any good if we do not apply it through action. And although serving others is part of it, I want to focus more on the molding of our personal character. As we are drawn to the Lord and our eyes are opened more to His being, we must do as Christ commanded; obey.

Much of our outward obedience actually depends greatly on our inward discipline. For if you feel the conviction of God in an area of your life and choose to ignore it, your service to others is but an attempt to either make up for the lack of inward trust in God or the lack of true reverence for Him. Christ did not come to encourage the hypocrites in their sinful ways. For if He did, the Pharisees wouldn’t have dragged Him to His death.

But this is also the step that may require the most communication within multiple parts of yourself and God. This is the position I often find myself deeply struggling with. I actually found the outward disciplines quite simple, though when I am convicted to forgive, to let go of control, to have hope in trials, to show compassion to my enemies, to cast my anxieties before the Lord…I am in constant warfare. My mind knows what is true and right. But my heart is consumed by the feelings I often find too complicated to understand.

So I go into battle. But I never leave out the Spirit. The Holy Spirit comes to abide within all believers and I have found out the hard way that I am not supposed to fight Him or to justify my ways to Him, but to partner with Him. For He is the One speaking life when I cannot. He is the One pointing me to what the reality of redemption looks like when I try to flirt with the chains of sin that bounded me in my past.

So for the one desiring practical applications; do not tell yourself that your feelings are dumb. Or pointless. For we are humans made to feel. Sometimes they are just out of proportion. But definitely do not convince yourself that “this is just how you are”. For the Spirit is the presence of God. The very embodiment of love, peace, and hope is within you. So be honest. Explain everything to the Lord. And then rest in His presence. Yes, literally sit in silence. I advise you to go somewhere you can see creation. For putting yourself in a position where you see the evidence of God’s power, beauty, and love plays a role in reminding your heart what your mind and the Holy Spirit know to be true.

And when you hear a word from the Lord; perhaps it is something just encouraging you to trust in God’s plan, act on it. Put it into action by believing it with your heart first, and then walking it out as you love on others.

Finding Peace When You Don’t Know Where God Is Leading You

We are bound to wrestle within ourselves and sometimes even against the ways God is guiding. But may we never forget the kind of God He is.

As I envision myself on that boat, with calm seas, unclear of the route I will be taking, I remain confident of the One leading me. Yet, I struggle. Yes, to not trust my heart at times. For it is but fearful of the uncertainty it was so used to living through before knowing Christ.

I must not attempt to take control, for I know that the Truth and the presence of the Lord are the only reasons the seas are calm.

My dear friend, do not get so distracted with the concerns in which your Heavenly Father has already resolved. Take a step back, recognize His pace is perfect. His blessings are not your first desire, rather, simply may His presence be more than enough for you.

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart, but may we still rejoice for we know the One who stays with us forever is oh so very faithful.

Thoughts to Consider:

What prevents you from bringing your doubts, concerns, or troubles to God? He is not angry nor annoyed, for He went to death and back for the chance that you might seek a relationship with Him.

Is there an area of your life that you have buried and masked with outward obedience to avoid the inward change that God is calling you to?

What part of your morning will you let be an intentional time to spend getting to know the presence of God? Set your alarm and find a place away from others.

Consider the impact and love you could have with others if you began living in the reality the Holy Spirit longs for you to see.

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

The Significance of Being Teachable

bible, christian, lifestyle

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:25-27

I was on a run today and a car was coming down the same road. Immediately, a panic went on in my mind…”Move”, “Turn at the street just before they pass”, “Fix your posture”, “Run faster”. These were all the thoughts that raced through my mind as they always tend to when I encounter literally anyone while running outside. Not out of fear for my safety, but because of my fear of judgment.

It has been years since I have considered myself as someone who is fit, or conditioned enough to run a mile or two. But recently I have taken up the challenge of caring for my physical health with the same intention and discipline I put towards my spiritual health. It is very much a work in progress, but one of the biggest struggles I have faced has not been the actual physical part of it at all. Yes, my body hurts after and sometimes I rather just lay in bed, but what takes the most effort out of me is not caring about the people who drive or run by me.

But today was different. Today, I didn’t stop. I didn’t turn at the nearest road. I may have put my head down and pulled the bill of my hat a little lower, but I continued down the road that the car was driving on. Despite it feeling like they took 20 years to pass me, I kept going.

It was the first time since I have been running that my route has not been changed or cut short because of people driving or running down the same street I was planning on going down. I ran 1.01 miles today – without a single detour.

The thoughts I stated above surely flooded my mind, but not enough to drown out this one thought in particular: “I am here to please God, and to care for what He cares for.” That being, in that specific moment, the strengthening of my body, also known as His temple…something I have neglected for years.

As I have been reading through the Gospel of John recently, this verse stood out to me a lot. It somewhat summarized the pattern I have been noticing in the chapters prior; to live for Christ is to die to the flesh. To this world. To everything that does not glorify Him or encourage our obedience to His greatest command of loving others.

John 14:25-27 was spoken as Jesus was still on earth. This was told to people who physically saw Him, but it was written too for those who He knew would not have that opportunity. It was written in a way that, I believe, perfectly articulates this concept: To the end of the age, we are His.

To belong is to be a part of His family. To be fully known and fully loved. There is great significance in us being His.

But there is also a great trouble for humanity when attempting to live in that truth. It costs us the world.

The world that everyone says we need. It is what claims to offer the best of the best. The most fulfillment. The place we are supposed to find our purpose. The riches of materials, the public attention, and the ladder to the biggest reputation is what we hunger for. But friend, it is also the death of us. For after spending every breath on what is advertised, we still come short. Time cuts us off before we can reach enough.

Why is it then that we continue falling for the world’s lie? I wish I could tell you more reason beyond the fact that we are broken humans seeking immediate satisfaction. No one is immune to this temptation around us. And yet Jesus still claims we can live in peace, and unafraid. (v. 27)

The beauty of being fully known by God is being understood in our shortcomings. He is not calling us to perfection. He is calling us to let the Spirit change us.

Verse 26 says, “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.”

We are to be life-long learners. Receptive to the transforming of the Spirit, and humble enough to let Him remind us of the truth Christ spoke. I love that it says “remind“. This is evidence of God recognizing our human limitations, as we often forget His truth or allow the voices of the world to be louder. Yet I want to be clear; He is understanding our flaws, but not condoning them. For if it were not a problem, there would be no need to redirect us on the right things.

God understands how we are and He sees us through the lens of perfect love. He looks at us and desires a real relationship.

But unfortunately, so often, we fall in the trap of the spiritual attacks on our minds. With every detour I took during my past runs, I allowed myself to be consumed by the pressures of this world. Of what I thought was most important. So important in fact, that I abandoned the pursuit of caring for the body God gave me because I was scared of the judgment of those around me because….”What if they thought I wasn’t toned enough?” “What if they laughed at me because my pace is over 11 minutes per mile?” “What if they thought my outfit looked goofy?”

What if. Two simple words that can transform the direction one follows in their lives despite all truth. So how then does one hold fast when the doubts, fears, and lies are so very loud?

Well, praise God for John 15.

Here we come across a “how-to” for all Jesus had been discussing previously. In the analogy of a vine and fruit, He shows us that abiding is our “how”. It is not about perfection, but His presence. How we find this peace and freedom from fear is through the consistent, intentional connection with God. Like a fruit grows and fulfills its purpose from an overflow of nutrients taken in, we too fulfill our purpose and live a life experiencing His truth through a growing relationship with the great Giver Himself.

Through the Holy Spirit, our Advocate (John 24:26), we are given an incredible opportunity. The blessing of loving direction. His guidance isn’t always the easiest to follow. Sometimes we don’t understand it for months. But when we do understand the character of God as loving, it gives us the courage and hope to take the steps of faith that the Spirit is calling us to make.

Before I followed Jesus, I was completely consumed in what the world considered worth my attention and devotion. There was no mental battle. It was simply a mission to try to be good enough. Now that I have come to know the character and ways of Jesus, I find myself in countless arguments between my head and heart. I used to think that was a terrible position to be in, but as I wrestle more, I find it easier to hope.

My dear friend, recognizing the character of God and the endless stretches He makes to reach you is the beginning of a life where His grace, mercy, love, compassion, forgiveness, and hope is your reality. You do not have to live in shame. You do not have to keep striving to please a world your Savior was brutally rejected by. You have a divine purpose. And as tough as the war in your mind may feel, you have an Advocate fighting for you to see the truth. You have a Heavenly Father who longs for you to realize that to the end of the age, you are His.

Thoughts to Consider:

Would you consider yourself a teachable and humble person in regards to the conviction of the Holy Spirit? How so?

What is an area in your life that you typically fall into the world’s temptation? Mental or physical.

How can you make a practical change in your life that points you back to God when you are in difficult trials?

Consider the way you can exhibit Christ more if you were to let go of your strongholds in the world and submit to His truth.

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:25-27

Lay It All Down…Again (Pt. 2)

bible, christian, lifestyle

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog about the need for giving up control. In other words, surrendering it all to God. And strange enough, God brought that topic back into my memory, though this time, from a new perspective.

Our ruthless grip on control can often stem from anxiety in others potentially failing us or a major pride issue. As someone who struggled with both of those problems, after a year of following the strategies I wrote about previously, I find myself at yet another road block. The wretched feeling of just wanting to give up.

I was reading other blogs about this topic recently and I have come to find that this view of making surrendering and “throwing in the towel” interchangeable is actually not that uncommon. Though, that does not make it right.

I get it. You prayed. You read the Bible. You joined the groups. And you tried your best to replace the voice of your anxious heart with the truth of the Spirit. But none of it has led to the weight being lifted or any vision/hope of a purpose-filled future.

But let me tell you a story.

There was a woman who had quite a past. Even the leaders of the synagogue knew of her sinful ways. Yet she heard that Jesus was passing nearby, so she did what she could to get to him. Having no gold or riches to offer, she brings her most expensive alabaster jar of perfume. With the eyes of the high leaders looking down on her, she lays at the feet of Jesus. In material sacrifice, she pours out her perfume on His feet. And in physical sacrifice, she uses her tears and hair to cleanse and dry them.

We are not told of the sins this woman has committed. Nor are we told about the future she lived. But by three simple phrases, Jesus sends her back into the same situation she came from.

“Your sins are forgiven.”…”Your faith has saved you.”…”Go in peace.”

We live in a world that claims we ought to live this life to the fullest because happiness is our main priority. But when did God ever say that? Let me save you from skimming through 66 books looking for it…He never said our purpose was to be happy. He said we were designed for His glory. To worship Him. To be an expression of His love.

Happiness is a fleeting feeling that society connects all too closely and all to often with success. But friends, that way of thinking will only lead to a life of disappointment.

Earlier, I listed a few “disciplines” or faith-based “practices” that the church typically encourages us to follow. These actions are intended to help us grow closer to God, direct us towards worship, and put us on a path that makes us available for sanctification (transforming to reflect Christ more). But again, what happens when it just leads to being drained, wanting to give up?

“Giving up control to God” can raise our hopes to expect something great to happen immediately after. It is a big sacrifice to lay down what we value so much; all our life. And when nothing changes, even after you have given so much, it is understandable to feel discouraged. Though the dangerous thing about feeling this way is that we can get so overwhelmed by the discouragement that our hope fades and our feelings resort to numbing.

In battles of the past, and in many movies, we see a white flag symbolize the act of surrendering. The moment the flag is waved, victory is claimed over one party and the ways of the winner are typically in forced over the opponent.

The losing team is left hopeless, and without any voice.

If I am being honest, when I began the steps people claim help us surrender to God, after a while, I felt the same way. Hopeless.

I did all the “right” things and yet I found myself seeing little to no change in anything. In fact, it felt like my circumstances got worse. There were so many days that I didn’t understand the point of reading the scripture I did, task after task piled up which would lead to me missing days with God and feeling like a failure, and I seemed to lose the enjoyment I had in being involved in the things I was a part of.

So I waved the white flag.

For a moment, I let go of the striving and settled with the fact that I was bound to the infertile soil I seemed to be rooted in. I didn’t pray. I stopped reading scripture with the expectation of receiving anything. And I fell deeper and deeper into the pit of despair I spent so long trying to get out of.

I “surrendered”. Threw in the towel. Raised the flag with the last bit of strength I could bare to give.

What used to be shouts in desperation for God at night turned into silent staring at the ceiling, wishing I could just muster out one tear to know I did not lose my capability of feeling when I lost my hope.

Then I started to hear it.

Through frustrated conversations, honesty in other believers’ blogs, and the small sections of Luke I have been forcing myself to still read for the sake of finally finishing a Gospel…I heard it.

Rather, I saw it.

Through His word in Luke chapter 7 and the words of His children in life-giving conversations, God revealed the critical steps I had missed in the blog about surrender from nearly 2 years ago.

Looking at this passage we see a few important aspects about the woman.

Though she was living in shame from others, she was alert. She was persistent in her desire to encounter Christ, and when He finally came to her town, she went. Because she was faithful in the seemingly fruitless season, she was prepared to move when the opportunity to meet Jesus came up.

My dear friend, it is frustrating to not know God’s timing, but the discipline does not go wasted. The last thing we want is to not notice the hand God is extending towards us because we never spent time getting to know what that would look like, or never built a faith to know it could go beyond than our natural perspective.

When the woman came to see Jesus, she actually came to give before receiving. Presenting no direct plead, she kneels at his feet and pours out her cherished possessions. She came to the alter bringing glory to God. The very thing we were designed to do.

We have no idea the situation this woman endures at home. But we do know that whatever it looked like, had no relevance when it came to what she knew she was to do before God. Whether you are in a great place or the worst in your life, part of truly surrendering our whole being is to offer all we have before God, whatever that may look like. Not because the amount we have represents His level of goodness, but because He is still worthy despite it all. Abundant or barren, we must recognize that praising God is our purpose more than focusing on any other thing in our life.

Sometimes, falling on our knees in tears may be the only offering we can give. And praise Jesus that is enough.

Judging from the pharisees disgust with her, we can assume she was no perfectionist of religious traditions. But, she knew what was more valuable than any of the others who were giving her a dirty look from their high horse.

Not just because she knew what to bring to God, but because she knew the worth behind what she received from Him.

In verses 48-50, we see those beautiful 3 phrases:

“Your sins are forgiven”…“Your faith has saved you.”…“Go in peace.”

Did she expect to receive anything from Jesus? Who knows. But regardless, she got a response. And the sweet thing about these phrases is that we too have been told these when we accepted Christ. Not because of what we have done. Not because we deserved it. But because He loves us so dearly that He chose to make Himself available through our simple surrender.

Yep. I said it. Simple surrender.

Surrender is not burning yourself out until you are forced to wave the white flag. Nor is it hopelessly going through the motions just because people say you should.

Surrender is made simple, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sacrificial. As we read in this passage, it requires all we are and results in a non-tangible gift.

Jesus just wants you to come. To return back to the calling and purpose you were given as you were so intricately woven in your mothers womb. And what He wants to give you may not look like a new circumstance, but it is a new perspective. A new shot at life that is forgiven, protected, and fully covered in eternal grace. And that, my dear friend, is worth more than all the success and happiness in the world.

For it is a life we cannot fail in and do not have to carry on our own. Praise God and to Him be the glory as we lay it all down…again…and again…and again as each new day arises and He reveals His love more clearly to us.

The Danger of Little Depth

christian, lifestyle, prayer

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it.” – Matthew 7:14

Over the last year, I have been considering the true depth of my faith and relationship with God more than ever before. Unfortunately, however, it was not until recently I understood the value of diving that deep. In fear of either disappointment or a crumbled pride, I pushed away the potential of not being as close to God as I thought, which in turn, lead to a spiral of self-loathing. Though in this search, He who is faithful has done nothing but reveal His sweet and compassionate character time and time again.

Matthew 7:7 begins a section on the opportunity we as believers have to seek from God with confidence. Of course recognizing His authority over ours first, this scripture describes the desire God has for us to ask, seek, and knock. Like a child in awe, yet confused of the world around them, we have the freedom to bring our concerns to God. And like a loving father who reveals truth with grace, so our God does with us.

Deconstruction of the faith has been a topic recently repeated by those around me. Though, not in the way it is commonly known. Rather than the layered demolition of one’s belief in God, I have been contemplating the potentially beautiful outcome of something like deconstruction, but with the goal of developing a more genuine personal faith. I feel as though questions in the Church and amongst our Christian friends have been iced over with superficial encouragement or peer-pressured manipulation to believe in something your mind considers unreasonable in every sense.

This journey I am looking into, and softly challenging you to, is not just asking your general questions you could google and answer in 3 sentences. No. My dear friend, I am speaking about the deep, honest search of our heart, soul, and mind that breaks through strongholds, lights up our hidden doubts, and reveals our greatest fears. This, I have come to believe, may be the kind of journey that brings a freedom we never knew existed. And honestly, perhaps the life we were made to live.

Fear of disappointment may be what prevents us from moving towards this in-depth search through our faith. But if God is who He claims and the sacrifice Christ made for us was enough, this kind journey will only lead to a better understanding our ourselves, God’s heart for us, and an even greater perspective of His faithfulness.

The passage after the one about seeking begins in Matthew 7:13 and reveals one of the most motivational (in my opinion) set of verses for taking on this specific challenge. Questions and honesty in our misunderstanding’s may be swept under the mat by those around you, but I do not believe the placement of these verses was a coincidence.

Just as Jesus explains the way in which we ought to come to Him with honesty, regardless of where we are in our walk, He goes on to reveal a critical note for those who claim to follow Him…

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

Note that the difference between those who go through the broad gate vs the narrow is that they simply enter through the broad, but must find the narrow.

The cost of living for Jesus is dying to ourselves. Why? Because all that we are without Him is sinful. Our flesh longs for immediate satisfaction and ruthless pride. And unfortunately, our world has normalized it to where we so often overlook it’s traces that run deep within our hearts.

My dear friend, it is a tough journey because it is a convicting and humbling one. But it is better to cultivate an authentic faith that leads to life than one requiring no deeper thought as you follow the crowd on the road to destruction.