easter

April Musings: The Cost of Misunderstanding in Faith

bible, christian, easter, spiritual formation

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34

“Does that make sense?”…is surely one of the sayings those around me hear quite often.

As much as I love words and on certain topics, I can speak a lot, I select my words very intentionally and carefully. Not because I want to sound smart or fancy, but because I believe each and every word either glorifies myself or God. Scripture’s description of people who blabber has convicted me immensely over the last couple years.

Nonetheless, despite my effort to produce the most clear statements or questions, I find myself longing for the assurance of being understood.

I never really noticed this until I had been teaching and my students would get frustrated with my extended pauses as I searched for the right words to say and then asked if all made sense. Though they see boredom in the silence, deep down, I know I spared them valuable time being wasted on listening to words I would have to restate in countless other ways as I pressed my brain to communicate clearly without any order.

Though some appreciate the intentionality, others have yet to see the point, and in fact still demand immediate satisfaction. They demand knowledge without giving room for understanding. For I cannot begin to explain how often someone has told me to inform them of something just to be able to claim they are in “the know”. Not knowing the value, worth, or purpose of the information received, they are still somehow content.

And unfortunately, I am not just referring to children I have met. Even grown adults I know seem driven by a hunger of pride, pressuring them to run with information they do not understand.

For some reason this past week or so my heart has felt heavy towards many people I spoke with because I felt my words went in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t quite grasp why it affected me more recently, as this is something I have grown used to. But it really hurt this last few weeks.

I never found out why it was more painful, but I did find out, or at least a partial reason as to why it grieves me when I am not understood.

In the rising conflict of Jesus’ life, we see a little story discussed in Mark that hints to how the character of God is.

In a town called Bethany, Jesus and the disciples were gathering for a meal at a man named Simon’s house. As they were eating, a woman came in with a very expensive jar of perfume. Surely, one of her most valuable possessions. Yet, without hesitation before the Messiah, she broke the jar and anointed Jesus by pouring it over him.

Immediately, she was judged. Not by Jesus, but by his companions. Those who have walked with him and followed him for roughly three years now, were annoyed at what she had just done. “Why is this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” they scolded her (v. 4-5).

Though that statement has some good intention, Jesus expresses something critical here.

He responded, “She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the Gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (v. 8-9).

Around Jesus in this moment were two types of people. One who understood what He had been teaching them and foreshadowing, and one group who heard all He had said, but did not understand it.

As we look through Scripture, we see Jesus is gentle, humble, loving, merciful, forgiving, compassionate, truthful, and just. And we see prophetic word of what He came to do way before He even walked this earth. Yet somehow, though all that information was received in the heads of the disciples, they were slow to comprehend what was coming.

Now I am not saying they didn’t understand any thing He taught, but it is clear in this account that they were not aware of the cost Christ was going to cover for them. It was worth everything. And that woman who gave up her time, resources, and pride revealed what Jesus wanted us to understand.

Nothing, no reputation or material thing is worth more than Him, nor should anything be held from being offered for Him.

In our lives now, that truth is the same, though it may look different for us. I am not telling you to smash your Miss Dior perfume or Sauvage cologne and pour it out, but I am encouraging you to assess your greatest possessions, dreams, and talents and consider if you have cast them to the Lord, willing to let Him use them or take them away in any manner He pleases.

This woman was rebuked by the disciples, those who were supposed to reflect God’s gentle spirit, and yet she did not give up. In fact, she let her actions speak for her devotion to Jesus. Why? Because she understood Him.

When I think of Jesus in this moment, I can’t help but imagine He is a little bit sad that after everything, his closest friends still did not understand what was to come.

This is the very moment in Mark that I realized why we grow weary when our words are not given time to be processed. If anyone lived a life where every word they spoke had great purpose, it was Jesus Christ. Yet He was misunderstood by so many, so often.

That was it. Perhaps why my heart was so down recently was because of my lack of noticing how much God just seeks understanding. Not for pride, but because He knows what is best. He knows what will lead us to eternity with Him. And He knows what we do now matters beyond the so many decades we are walking this earth.

It was then that I realized sometimes we long for things and get frustrated, expecting to receive certain things we do not even give to God.

As I have mentioned in my past blogs, I began writing my prayers last, and I believe one struggle I still face often is the rushing of “listening time”. As I write, I am thinking and saying all I desire to God, though once I put the period after “amen”, I find myself giving little time for allowing God to help me truly understand Him and His ways more deeply.

But what a blessing it is to have a merciful God.

My spirit grieved, perhaps because the Holy Spirit wanted me to see that I long for the very thing I sometimes refuse to give God time for. Understanding is something that comes only with intentionality.

Today is Good Friday. As I was praying about what to write for this blog, truly I couldn’t think of how to approach this day or even mention it. Especially, since some of you may read this at a later time.

Though I have just been reminded of something I believe can add to our understanding of who God is.

In Luke 23:34, Jesus had just been crucified and beaten. This was a time I would deem justifiable for Him to be angry or disappointed at those who hurt and mocked Him. But thank the Lord, He has a more merciful heart than me. Of all the things He could have said, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Read that again.

“They” is referring to the ones who put Him there. Not just physically, but because of their sin. That means…us to.

Each and every one of the sins we commit point back to the cross and why we needed Jesus to endure it. But not one of them stopped Him from following through…

My dear friend, what more could we ask from a God than one driven by love to endure the consequences of our actions all because we let pride move us rather than seeking understanding.

We didn’t understand how obeying Him in the garden was more important than power. We didn’t understand His desire for us to be free and together with Him in the Exodus. We didn’t understand serving Him was more important than all our possessions, our dreams, our reputation when He walked this earth. And even still today, we struggle to understand the value of the cross and the grave He overcame for us.

He didn’t go through that just so we could laugh together. Nor that we could walk around with a title that sets us apart from others. Jesus Christ came, suffered, loved, served, died, and rose so that we may have eternal communion with Him. That our lives may be a living sacrifice to Him and our eternity may be rich with His love and grace.

There is no middle ground or casual Christianity. Perhaps we must begin seeking a greater understanding of what a life – and I am referring to every breath from salvation to your death – looks like when Christ is truly the Lord over everything else in your world.

I pray you begin to understand Jesus more deeply so that nothing is considered more great in your life than Him.

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you make room in your life to stop the talking and find rest in seeking knowledge so that you can focus on truly understanding who God is and what matters most?

What are the things you hold onto that may be preventing your quiet time or intentional longing for grasping the purpose of God’s call in your life?

How can you begin implementing a time focused on understanding Him in your daily routine?

Consider the weight of His sacrifice for you and how all good things we desire first come from the perfect portion of desires in God.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34

In True Awe of Jesus

Christian lifestyle, easter, Worship

“May I never lose the wonder of Your presence. May I always stand in awe of who You are.” – Fall Like Rain by Passion

The idea of being an offering has been on my mind for a while now. I have heard song after song reference that concept and a lot of the portions of Scripture that I have been reading lately have been reflecting that as well. Though I see great value in living that way, I kept thinking about how I would ever actually explain that value of offering our whole selves for God to someone.

Every time I thought about it, I would try to build an argument in my head with reasons that, I eventually realized, always led back to the death and resurrection of Jesus. The root of every reason I had to pursue Him came from His sacrifice. But not just because of what it did for me, more so, what that revealed about His desire for me. His heart that longed deeply for community…with me.

After weeks of making mental notes of the blessings, miracles, and purpose I have witnessed God give to myself and others throughout my life, it hit me. Though those things are powerful testimonies, at the root of why we ought to give our all to this God we cannot physically see is because of 1 John 4:19…”we love because He first loved us”.

As cynical as I can be, no amount of historical, scientific, or logical evidence gave me more reason to sacrifice all I desired, than hearing about the offering God chose to give for me. There is a way that truth fulfills my soul that nothing else can replicate.

I found it quite humorous that the timing of this realization came during Holy Week.

The Gospel message, to many, seems so obviously critical to drawing people to God. But for some reason, it took me weeks to come back to that awe. I am not proud of the complacency I have allowed myself to live with. Though, what a blessing it has been to see the death and resurrection as new again.

My dear friend, the blessings and miracles and words spoken over our lives are such beautiful moments that leave us in awe of God’s power. But may Holy Week remind us that our awe of His offering – His portrayal of His love for us – is what’s brings us back to the heart of it all. Of why we love Him. Of why we too, in imitation of our good Father, offer ourselves in love.

It is so easy to normalize the feeling of redemption after you hear the same message time and time again. But perhaps humanity has allowed repetition to wear things down rather than letting it cultivate deeper, richer roots our hearts.

Being in awe of something means to perceive it with admiration, reverence, and even some fear. Was there ever a point that we came closer to achieving glory by our own means? Or did God’s authority become less worthy of our dedication? For only those reasons would justify our complacency in our view of God.

During this Good Friday, still Saturday, and resurrection Sunday, may our eyes desperately seek to be in awe again of who God is as we remember what He has done. And may our souls seek greater dependency on His Spirit as we bring ourselves back to a place of offering. Back to the altar. Back in true awe.

A Heart That Endures

bible, Christian lifestyle, easter, prayer

 “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” – 2 Corinthians 1:5

As Easter came and went, I have been thinking about one particular part of scripture more than usual.

Last week was Passion week. And as you may know, more specifically, last Friday was Good Friday. This was the day Jesus was crucified for our sake. Though a gruesome day, many take delight as they know the resurrection is coming. But for some reason, I couldn’t get past the thought of the pain Jesus experienced. Indeed, the lashing and beatings were a part of the suffering, but what honestly took hold of the majority of my thoughts was the night before His crucifixion.

Jesus was known to draw away from the crowd to pray often, but this night was different. After the last supper, He makes his way up to a place called the Mount of Olives. Here, He departs from His disciples and finds a secluded spot to connect once more with God the Father. And this my friend, was where one of the most relatable moments (in my opinion) of Jesus was recorded.

“Father…”, He cries in a mixture of anguish and hope, “…if you are willing…”, as blood begins to take the place of His sweat, “…take this cup from Me…”

In the most raw form, Jesus expresses this heart seeking a way around the coming trial. But as He and all other believers knew, the only way to eternally redeem what has been broken by sin, was through overcoming death. The suffering was inevitable.

With trust in His Father and an overwhelming love for us, Jesus chose to take up a suffering He did not deserve.

And so with great love, He continues His prayer, “…yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

I can only imagine the weight Jesus felt pressing down on Him during this prayer. But nonetheless, He endured.

I speak not of an enduring that simply accepts the future with despair, but with the same endurance Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 1.

The Greek word used for endurance in verse 6 is hupomone. This refers to an enduring that lives through the suffering with a vibrant form of hope that keeps a person from being crushed under the weight of the trial.

Often times, I find myself in a mindset that relates so much to the first part of Jesus’ prayer. As I imagine what the future holds, I think, is this truly what the days ahead entail? As waves of despair continue to knock me over day after day, how is it that I can keep going?

Your trials may seem different than mine, but we find commonality in the fact that none of us, not one, can fully escape these troubles as long as we live in this broken world.

But thank God we are offered more comfort than simply community within broken people. May it be the love of God that gives us the hope to endure in the way Paul speaks of.

Jesus Understands Us

Because Christ suffered and experienced temptation, He knows the thoughts that flow through our mind and the pressures we are put under. He not only knows, but He understands that we have a natural desire to lean into the things that lead us away from Him because of our sin nature. While He understands we will never be perfect, He still loves us. He still pursues us. And He longs for us to rest in His comfort when we feel as though the burdens are far too heavy.

Verses 3-4 reveal the gentle heart of God as it says, “Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…”

It is clear God knows the kind of lives we will experience here on earth. And yet even in our mistakes, confusion, frustrations, and moments of despair, He shows us His love by assuring us that He too, the God above all things, has suffered and is saddened by our hurts. But because He has overcome, we no longer have to endure as if we are “a victim in a dentist’s chair” (David Guzik). May the striving cease as we learn to accept the real identity God gave us…redeemed, not perfect.

Jesus Still Delivers Us

It is common to feel distressed and worn down amidst great trials. Especially when they have lasted for so long already. But as we reflect back on the week we just recently celebrated, we can hold on to hope because Jesus has indeed resurrected. In verses 8-10, Paul speaks of a great trouble he has been facing. So great, in fact, that he “despaired of life itself.” Though experiencing great suffering, he goes on to remind us that it is through these pains that we are reminded to rely not on ourselves, but on the only one who has claimed victory over death; Jesus.

Verses 9-10 emphasize the truth that we must engrain in our minds and hearts so that when spiritual warfare comes, it is the voice of God that prevails. God has, still, and will deliver us, not because we are worthy, but because He is the God of mercy and grace. I heard this song once say we should have “the kind of daring expectation, that every prayer [we] make is on an empty grave.”

What a beautiful truth to rest in after celebrating Easter.

Jesus Turns Evil For Good

But perhaps beauty is not in your near sight as you continue to suffer. My dear friend, I feel deeply for your longsuffering. But if there is anything we can rest on amidst this temptation of falling into hopelessness, it is that we serve a God whose plans are ALWAYS good and beautiful. What I have experienced in many of my trials is that sometimes, what we learn in our pain can result in the freedom of others.

I know it is not always easy to watch others be healed when it is all you could ever dream of, but I want you to listen closely today. Jesus endured the suffering of all our sin, with a vibrant hope, for us…not Himself. And Paul, alongside many other patriarchs of the faith, have endured in the same hope-driven way. Many of them actually died as a martyr. Meaning their suffering only saw it’s peace and healing in Heaven.

Nonetheless, God used them as vessels to extend His love to generations to come. All throughout this section of scripture, Paul chooses to take delight in his suffering for the possibility of being a blessing to others. May that be our prayer and our hope. For the sake of glorifying a God worthy of it all, may we pray for a heart that endures as we finish our prayer of lament the same way Jesus does; “…yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.

Silence – Giving God the Chance to Speak

christian, easter, encouragement, lifestyle

The past few weeks have been absolutely insane if I am going to be completely honest. After starting my job, I have been on a tight schedule, dedicating any and all of my free time to school. I wish I could say that I manage things well, but lately, I have been slacking on posting these blogs at the right time, reading the books I need for class, and finding time to do what I am doing now…sitting at the park I talked about in the “finding your quiet place” blog.

It seems as though every hour I have has been strictly set for work, school, or church. And truthfully, it is exhausting. I love church and serving at youth, but that’s about it. School has been draining and work has been killing my body. But the other day, I realized something absolutely crazy. For the past week or so, I have been getting ready for the day, driving, doing homework, and eating in SILENCE. Not a single beat of a song. Not even instrumental music!!

For some, this may not seem that big of a deal, but for me, it is HUGE. I like to live my life like I am in a movie. I have songs blasting in my ears almost every hour of the day. But not recently. Why did I start doing this? I have no clue. I didn’t realize it until I finished getting ready one morning and was humming a song, then realized there was nothing playing! I found this to be the case again and again after that. I honestly never thought I would be one who enjoyed silence, but with so much on my mind, and so many to-do’s, silence has become my saving grace. The only time I feel like I can breathe and remember that I am a human being, not a human doing.

After taking the last few days enjoying my silence as I get ready or drive somewhere, I remembered this park I am at now. The one that I use to come to just a few months ago to hear God and just talk with Him, not worrying about any distractions. It honestly ached my heart to realize how long it has been since I last came here.

So this morning, I had no idea I would end up here, but after being denied entry at chapel because they were full, I felt the immediate hunger for these towering trees, perfectly short grass, and countless leaves that often hit me in my face because of the wind. So I stuffed my fat face with some chicken pot pie in the cafeteria and then headed out.

On my way here, again I drove in silence. Somewhat talking to God then singing some worship songs that have been stuck in my head, then talking to Him again. During that time, I realized how easy it is for us to stop prioritizing the things that we say mean the most. I asked God for this job at Chipotle, but not too long after, I spent weeks obsessed with the blessing He gave me, but not Him. The multiple hours a week that I used to spend with Him turned into maybe 3 hours total. I forgot about Him unless I was struggling or coming back from church.

Terrible. I know. But as I found this great value in silence and became more aware of it, I started tuning into His voice more. I began saying short prayers and leaving the rest of the time for Him to speak. And Holy smoking macaroni! It has been so good. It’s not like I heard His literal voice, but I felt His peace. I was reminded of verses I haven’t read in a while. I thought about songs that I often forget the lyrics too. God showed up big time.

His faithfulness is something I knew always existed and I have seen before. But recently, my church has been talking about God being the Good Shepard. The one who will consistently search for His sheep, regardless of how far and long they wander. And wowza. I can joyfully vouch for Him on that. I was so worried and focused on my own things in life, that I didn’t realize how far out I was grazing. But oh what a beautiful and loving God we have. He knows us by name, face, and personality. He seeks nothing but our trust and love.

With silence, God had room to speak. Not room that He had to force me to give Him, but room He gladly filled as I offered it to Him.

Too often we get bombarded with our daily obligations. We get so jam packed with work, school, family, etc. But I pray you do not forget your source of true life. I pray you do not forget your first love.

Silence has never been something I liked, but as I realized the value it can have when I lay it in God’s hands, it has become all that I long for. I may never see a bush on fire while a loud voice speaks my name, but living in silence that is dedicated to God (get that? not just plain old silence, but that in which you intentionally lay in God’s hands) has filled my life in so many more ways than music ever could. It has made my heart more aware of the moment and more sensitive to His guidance.

I am so happy because in the last blog, you can see that I struggled to realize the time has gone so fast that passion week is already here, yet in the last few days, I could not be more joyful that THIS was the lesson God showed me this week.

Easter is just around the corner. Amidst the egg hunting and family visits, I encourage you to make room for God to move and speak to your heart.

Whether you have five minutes or five hours, will you give your heart a chance to rest in the hands of it’s beautiful creator?