christian

March Musings – On Colossians and Gratitude

christian, spiritual formation

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” – Colossians 4:2

We hear the concept of thankfulness a lot in the Church. Gratitude is no unfamiliar term for the Christian who has experienced nearly any worship service recently. But as I have been studying Colossians, I have some new insights on this practice.

As someone who finds it easier to see the glass half empty, thanksgiving isn’t the first thought that pops in my head during any given day. In fact, most days begin with frustration towards my alarm clock ringing at ungodly hours in the morning. Nonetheless, I have found it to be more important than I had originally thought.

I want to place these terms in your mind before going on: Grace. Thankfulness. Peace. Freedom.

In the beginning of Colossians, we see prayer tied together with thanksgiving. Paul begins his letter with the mention of the gratitude he expresses in his prayer life for the believers in Colossae. We then move on and see it again in reference to the way they ought to act towards the Father for the inheritance of the Holy Spirit (v. 12).

This is no accidental pattern. Paul was aware of something I myself often forget: God owes us nothing, yet He gave us everything. The way we act should flow from the response of God’s love in our hearts. So if we begin recognizing all God has done for us, it should be impossible for thanksgiving to NOT flow from our words, actions, and thoughts.

However, we are human. This is why, I believe, Paul mentioned the prayer he continued to pray over the believers in verses 9-11 saying, “We continuously ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.”

This prayer, I like to think, is partly because Paul was aware of our lack of understanding towards God’s grace. Grace is a beautiful thing. I wouldn’t have included in my blog’s name if I didn’t think it held any significance. However, I will admit, it isn’t the easiest term to move from our heads to our hearts.

What I mean by this, is that grace, or undeserved kindness, is often thrown around in conversation or on inspiration mugs and journals, yet misunderstood in bridge between our mind and heart. What we see in this very first chapter alone, is that humanity has a problem with follow through. The true Gospel has been shared and heard by countless, yet what reveals the difference between hearing it and believing it is the fruit we produce.

Fruit is often taught as the actions we are compelled to do based on the seeds we are cultivating inside of us. I wholeheartedly believe this to be true, but I would argue it includes something else as well. Something I haven’t felt great conviction for until recently.

This section of Colossians 1 brings up the Spirit and the way He redirects us to do things that glorify God. Yet I have found it also is referring to the way we understand salvation.

Morton Kelsey, in his book “Reaching”, discusses that humanity can tend to look at salvation as a path to eternity, yet dismiss the reality that it also brings freedom from what aims to kill us (spiritually). We look at this broken world, and see the hurting people around us and choose to do one of two things: accept it or claim it as discipline from God. Yet that would be completely unlike the God of the Bible, to inflict evil on humanity, for evil was the very thing He endured the cross for to rise over three days later. Our God, rather, “can use the afflictions of evil to work good, but a loving God does not send evil.” (Kelsey)

This is more relevant than I thought as I realized Colossians encourages a seeking attitude towards the Father, the Holy Spirit, and the freedom Christ gave us so that we may be able to truly live in grace.

It is no coincidence Paul begins and ends speaking grace over them. For if you cannot understand grace, God’s grace, you will continue striving for it all your life. Chasing it rather than God Himself.

So, we come to the point of verse 13.

It reads, “For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

The sacrifice of Christ was to reconcile us to Him for eternity, yes, but it was also to give us the opportunity to live for God without being bound by the chains of our sin. Grace was given, and that includes the way we are free to walk in. That being, peace.

In the latter part of Colossians we see our new call to be peace-makers. Acting in love and living a life where we allow Christ’s sacrifice to be enough for our sin. For until that truth moves from our heads to our hearts, we will but always walk with unnecessary burdens and allow God’s desires and direction for us be affected by the weight of chains God already broke.

For longer than I can remember, I have struggled with an anxious and downcast heart that I am often incapable to explaining. This has prevented a lot of growth towards God, not because of Him, but the lies I have caved into and gave the power to cripple me. Yet as I struggle still, I have found bits of Truth that have proved the complete victory Christ claimed over the powers that are seeking to kill me. This, I believe is part of the truth Paul is getting at here.

We so often become content with the suffering world that we neglect the freedom that comes with Christ in the here and now. Our God is a healing God. He is a loving God. He is a peaceful God. And until we recognize that truth and allow it to absorb into our heart and soul, we won’t understand the reason we ought to be thankful in all circumstances.

The verse I highlighted at the beginning of this blog was not discussed, but I wanted you to read it because I believe it is the way in which we come to a place, confident of the new life God offers through Jesus. Prayer is our direct line to the God who loves us beyond our comprehension. Though we must seek a place of total dependency on Him for our lives to take in and pour out true love, peace, and grace to others.

My dear friend, our joy does not have to begin when we reach eternity. The hope we believe in has a name. That hope, Jesus, is calling us to a new life right now. For all we find to be threatening to our spirit, He has already defeated. Nothing, my friend, can separate you from His love. So, I ask, when will you decide gratitude is more than just a good lyric in a song, and begin letting it be what your life sings out each and every moment of your days?

Thoughts to Consider:

Is thankfulness something you find easy to practice every day?

How can you practically discipline yourself to live in gratitude?

What are the situations in your life you find harder to be thankful during?

Consider if we followed the words of the great, Charlie Brown, “What if, today, we were grateful for everything?”

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” – Colossians 4:2

The God Who Can & Did

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.'” – Luke 5:12

There is a lot of disunity in our world because of the power people have allowed mistakes, disabilities, and differences to have over someone’s identity. When someone does or experiences something beyond what is considered acceptable or normal, judgement is passed on them and in result, changes their worth.

I have seen students shun others for not having material things that are “trendy”. I have heard rude comments mumbled by strangers aggravated at another person, solely because of their differences in race or social class. And I have witnessed some introduce their “friends” by highlighting their disability or disease.

It is as though who we are is strictly determined by what we endure or do. Got sick? Now you’re “that one guy or girl with the disease.” Got hurt? Oh, now you’re known as the limp or weak one. Got betrayed? Now everyone talks behind your back with pity or mockery. Messed up? All you are to others now is a let down.

It is as though we forever have a mark of our wounds or mistakes in life. And if you haven’t felt the weight of these things on your identity yet, then perhaps yours will come in the future or you have just missed the quiet whispers around you.

People have been on a pursuit of tearing others down since the fall in Eden. Why? Because of pride.

Pride causes friends to stab one another in the back. It’s lead families to cut ties off with members who “are too far gone”. It has resulted in crushed dreams of individuals who have been told they’ve hit their peak in life due to a new diagnosis or injury.

Pride hurts others. Sometimes, it even kills.

But pride doesn’t just degrade others. It stops us from becoming who we were made to be. We may assume that it is the route to maximum potential. When in reality, it is but a wrong and limited perspective of success, freedom, and value.

In Luke 5:12, we see a man who is sick. A man isolated, not by his own will, but because the community determined him as worthless. This man had a disease, and a contagious one at that. Knowing this, some today may use that as justification for rejecting him and stripping him of dignity. But as the God of all creation walks by him, we see a different response.

He looks at the man who calls on Him. He reaches out. And He says one of the most tough statements for us today to say to someone we consider unclean, worthless, or broken. He says, “I am willing.”

Willing to heal. To love. To speak to. To befriend. To forgive. To hear from. To spend time with. To perceive as one who is redeemed.

This man who was sick and crying out to Jesus had pride. Not in himself, but in the one he called “Lord”.

By falling at the feet of Jesus, he broke free from the binds his community put on him. He pushed past the identity everyone told him he had. He did not stay silent. He did not stay far away. He ran to God, believing there was a new identity, purpose, and hope for him. Not because of who he was, the life he lived, or the disease he had. He had pride in Jesus because he believed He was the God who could and the God who would.

How long have you believed the purpose for your life is but a pipe dream? How long have you stared in the mirror, seeing only the identity others gave you? How many people have you treated as worth less than the value God gave them, just because you cannot see it?

Jesus was willing to reach for us. And I am not just talking about this story in Luke 5. I am challenging you to consider the reach Jesus took from the throne in Heaven to the rugged, wooden cross.

Since man sinned, we have continued to run from God. We have sought out other loves. And we have rejected the reality of being one made in God’s image.

This man who was healed was told to keep his miracle rather quiet. But scripture tells us; “Yet the news about him spread all the more.” This individual saw the wonders of God. He saw the heart of Christ. And considering the pain he probably endured as a reject from society, it is incredibly shocking that he chose to speak of this new found hope to the same people who called him an outcast for so long.

Oh how beautiful this world would be if we saw one another through the loving eyes of Christ, with a heart burdened for every single persons salvation, even our enemies, like this man had.

When Jesus gave His life for you and I, it was without regret and in hope to impact everyone. John 3:16 tells us there is not one person God desires to perish. Not one. Yet we still find ourselves driven by pride and hurting others.

My dear friend, there is a God who has authority and power over everyone and everything. He is the One who determines your identity and purpose. And as justified as He would be to call you worthless and a let down, He chose to reach out in love and take the consequences of our actions. This God is named Jesus. No one else could do what He has done for you. So not only is He the One who could, but He is the willing One who did.

He did free you. He did redeem you. He did call you made new. He did take your penalty for every one of your sins. He did make a restored path to commune with Him. He did it all. And He did it all for you.

For. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

I pray you learn to let go of the pride in yourself and begin seeing yourself, your neighbor, your family, your enemies, and everyone you pass by, through His eyes. Will you reflect His love and reach out, touching the untouchable?

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you struggle to see yourself the way God sees you? Consider the lengths He went through for you.

Who in your life is it hard to believe God redeemed too? Pray for them.

What is holding you back from believing the God who can, did in fact do everything to redeem us?

Consider the way others could see God’s willing heart for them if you began treating them with the value God speaks over them instead of what society calls them.

“When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.'” – Luke 5:12

January Musings – The God of His Word

bible, christian, encouragement

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

I had a pitiful moment the other day. Just after I had done what some may consider an awesome thing, the same feeling of hopelessness flooded my mind that typically does after I teach others about God.

I cannot tell you what exactly sparks this feeling, but I can assure you that it always comes shortly after God has done something incredible in my life. It is a feeling of “this is far too good to be true”.

And I don’t mean in terms of what I am doing by my own power, but solely in regards to what God has done. Sometimes, if I am honest, it feels as though I have received something He intended for another. Perhaps someone who appreciates all things and can agree that “God is good” to them without a shadow of a doubt.

Unfortunately, as I much as I wish and aspire to be that person, I have yet to get there.

So, after I had taught a group of people about Jesus, I could not handle my thoughts. It was as though a flood of anxiety rushed over my whole body. Paralyzing my every attempt at distracting myself with mindless actions.

As I laid on my bed after work that day, I tried to force my body to get up and do something, anything, to stop the thinking. They were the kind of thoughts that I cannot even communicate into words. All I can describe it as was the very presence of anxiety. The same way I would describe experiencing God as the very presence of peace and hope. This was anything but that.

I raced through ideas of what I could possibly do to force myself – my whole being – to get out of this slump, and suddenly, like a small candle in a pitch black room, one thought containing some hope came to mind. That was to force myself into a posture of surrendering to God.

1 Peter 5:7 was spoken like a whisper breaking painful silence in my heart. So, I ran with it.

I grabbed a book about living for Jesus, put worship music in my air pods, got on my bike and ran out the door.

It was only about 2 songs in until I ran out of energy, as I am not the most fit person in the world, so I parked my bike at a random bench a few blocks from my house and sat down, staring at the grass. It was like the old days. The days in college, where blogs like “Finding Your Quiet Place” was written. It was a place of peace.

And I do not just mean the grassy patch I found, though that was nice. But more so, the space made clear in my heart. I ached for God. As much as I wanted to curl up in a ball and let my anxieties bring me to the place of hopelessness, that I know far too well, something in me knew that wasn’t the place I was in anymore, and it wasn’t a place I would give God room in.

After a couple minutes, I pulled out the book, “Practicing the Way”, (..that I definitely have not been “reading” for like the last year..) and I focused all I could on every word. John Mark Comer is a believer I greatly admire, and though I was intrigued by his writing, it had me pause a lot and realize the way God was moving. Not just in the past, but right now. In this place, on that bench, at that moment.

The suffocating feeling my soul felt from this inexplicable anxiety was slowly being relieved. Not completely gone, but definitely on its way.

I sat there some more, just looking around and realized the problem with our society. Well, if I am being real, the problem with me. Our culture is so loud. And as much as I have been disciplining my actions to stay a safe distance away from this world of distraction, I have hardly focused on my thoughts consistently. Only every so often would I consider the weight of my thoughts in regards to the distraction I experience from God.

There is more to a disciplined life seeking the quiet if your goal is to hear the whisper and experience the nearness of the Lord. It is more than setting restrictions on your social media, setting aside quiet time alone, or making boundaries with those around you. It is about the stillness you allow God to move through in your mind and heart as well. It is about the casting of your worries, your cares, your dreams, your hopes…dear believer, it is the casting of all things that run across your mind. The casting of them to God.

1 Peter 5:7-9 says this:

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”

I am only going to pull out verse 7 but I thought the surrounding words may be a blessing to read for some.

Verse 7 says that we ought to cast ALL our anxiety on Him. Not because we will die or be smote by Him if we don’t, but simply because He cares for you. And part of the humility spoken in verse 6 is understanding He is more powerful than your anxieties combined. And only when they are placed in His hands, will they be used to bring Him glory and us good.

This verse is intriguing to see in that context because this passage was written for the elders of the Church and their flock. Many would assume that the Christian walk brings you on a smoother path than others, but that is not true, and this verse reveals that. To the people pursuing God, they are told that rather than a smooth journey through life, they will receive the companionship of God Himself in every step of the way. As they walk through this chaotic life of many trials, He is close and He is caring. Hoping we see the beauty and blessing of casting all to Him.

I said I was only focusing on verse 7, but I feel that the one following it is relevant to this point.

In verse 8, it calls believers to be sober minded. This means something along the lines of being free from intoxicating influences. Though that could mean material things, I would argue the could cover internal toxic things as well, such as our thoughts.

Now I am no master at controlling my thoughts. I have grown from where I was, but still there remains a struggle. One of the most common toxic thoughts in my mind is that which I stated at the beginning, “this is far too good to be true”.

When I was growing up, I heard of how powerful and great God was. I heard that we were but sinners unable to do anything truly good without Him. So as I went through life and experienced things, there were moments I felt very uncomfortable. Those were moments of good things. At every award or opportunity received, I would feel good for a second and then hear this voice that weighed me down like a ball and chain…

…”You don’t deserve this. Someone better should be in your shoes. You are a sinner and only deserve Hell”.

This thought became my mindset towards every good thing I was a part of. But what I now know, is that is only half the truth.

Yes. We are all sinners. Technically, we all deserved Hell. That is true. But what is also true is that Jesus Christ paid the price of our sin, so we could run free with Him for eternity.

I had heard what Jesus did for me since I was in 5th grade. But it took believing God is a God of His Word for me to stop the toxic thoughts that the half truth stirred up in my mind. For until I did, my mind was fogged by lies born out of the only truth I believed – that I was a sinner and deserved nothing but Hell.

My dear friend, allowing those lies to grow does not equal a sober mind. For it just leads to the decaying of the hope in your heart and soul. It leads to a life where you think you can control what you cannot and a place of unnecessary hopelessness. Believing in the whole truth, God’s Word, that His sacrifice was enough, does not mean you now deserve goodness. It simply opens your heart up to accepting His grace and living by His will. It makes your whole being available to whatever He calls you to. Not because you deserve, are good enough, or worthy of anything. But simply because He is the God who cares. So take Him at His Word.

Thoughts to Consider:

How would you describe the state of your mind/thoughts/anxieties?

What are the things, in any of area of your life, that you need to cast to God? (Not meaning disregarding things, but giving control of them to God).

List the lies you have been believing, even if they are half-truths, and find scripture that combats them.

Consider the transformation you can have for God if you began believing He was a God of His Word.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

December Musings: On What Works

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Every one of us needs to find our own unique way of reaching the universe of increased awareness. I have come to be quite certain that no one way is any better than another. Whatever leads each of us to our destination of relationship with the Divine Lover, with the central core of meaning in the universe, is the best one for us.” – Reaching by Morton Kelsey

For months, I have been collecting portions of practices from pastors, teachers, and writers on what is considered to be the right way to pray. To go to God in full surrender with a heart that seeks true communion. To come honestly, but never disregarding His authority and the reverence we ought to maintain for Him.

I have personally been seeking this out since I came to Christ, but much more practically recently for the sake of developing some sort of guidance for those just entering the faith.

What I thought was going to be a quick list of ten or so practical tips became an exhaustive journey. What I have found is that prayer is so very simple in terms of doing, yet so complex internally.

It goes far beyond spoken words. It is a practice that requires the attention of the mind, heart, and soul. A practice that prioritizes posture over knowledge. It is not about the fancy words but honesty and humility tied in with confidence in whom you are speaking to.

Perhaps in our pursuit of what is practically correct, we have lost the very point of seeking and have drowned out the sensation of our deep need for our Savior.

These thoughts have been running as I have been trying to form my new year resolutions. Some may scoff at these shallow promises so many make to themselves, but I find them rather important.

The end of things is something God works through. The end of something gives us the opportunity to reflect on why it is ending and why it lasted as long as it did. So as a year comes to an end, I find it to be the perfect time to reflect on the things God has chosen to teach us in the time frame He designed.

Good or bad, from our perspective, is still purposeful. Not to say we will understand or come to know that purpose right now, but to know that is to value each experience. It is to not disregard any moment as one God can’t be glorified in.

This is why I reflect and this is why I make new year resolutions.

That being said, prayer has been on my mind because for nearly the last year, I have written my prayers down each night. It is something I have not done before, or at least consistently. And now that close to a year has passed, I recognize the growth and benefit from it, but I see its limitations as well.

This then led me to seek out more. More practices I could add to my routine to form the perfect or best “quiet time with God”.

In my hunt for new disciplines, I struggled a lot. I came across so many that I either did not understand or could not do without feeling unlike myself.

Then I stumbled across this book. The quote is something similar to what I have heard in Richard Foster’s book, Celebration of Discipline. He warned prior to beginning the description of each spiritual discipline that if we are not careful, we risk becoming fools following routines rather than true seekers of the Lord.

That thought paired with the ideas of Morton Kelsey made me think of what it means to be a seeker of God. One who desires Him. Not just knowledge of or gifts from Him, but simply Him.

As we near the beginning of yet another cycle around the sun, perhaps it is not specific practices or routines we ought to be focused on. Rather, maybe it is about the perspective we have and the heart posture we uphold. One that seeks out God, no matter what that looks like.

Allow me to give you an example. I began writing my prayers in February of 2024. It began well, but a month or so in, I fell into the temptation of pride. Pride in my discipline.

I hadn’t noticed that until I missed a few days and recognized the anger and disappointment I had in myself. The loss of opportunity to communicate with God was not my reason for anger. It was my own failure.

That’s when I changed my approach. I began praying out loud first and once I was nearly done, I would write my prayers down. This was due to my struggle of being too tired or rushed. Some days I managed to verbally pray, but fell asleep before I could write anything down.

If anyone were to look at the dates of my prayer journal, they’d assume I missed a day, but I had not. I simply did what worked in that point in time. Not what was routinely scheduled.

This softened my heart to remember the point of it all. The point being to consistently be in communication with God, not to go through as many journals as I could in a year. It was to draw near to Him and slow down, forcing every one of my senses to focus on my time with Him; my hands wrote words to Him, my eyes envisioned each new word, my smell focused on the paper and ink I am using to communicate with Him, and my hearing dedicated to being sensitive to His quiet voice while I wrote in silence.

This one practice changed over the last year. Not in physical form, but internally. I still write in the same format, with the same type of black pen, in the same cursive, and in the same brand of notebooks as I started with in February. But my purpose for it and value in it has changed as I have stopped worrying about what is the “right” way and started considering what was the way that works.

Works: Not in tangible success, for I honestly don’t even know what that would look like, but in terms of spiritual awareness of who I am speaking to, His character, His heart for me, what His voice is like, and the need I have for Him in my soul.

My dear friend, there are a million different ways people will tell you your prayer life should look like. I have told you a small part of what mine looks like. But I want to remind you the love God has given me for words. The deep value I hold for capturing wild emotions and thoughts into orderly letters. This works for me because of the way God designed me. It may not be beneficial to you at all. And if that is the case, then now, at the end of this year and the beginning of the next, I encourage you to analyze what God has taught you and how you can discipline yourself in a way that grows you close to Him. Not doing a discipline because it is easy or simple or even popular by others. No, rather, doing it because it brings you into deeper communion with the Father. Practice what transforms your whole being into one that is more sensitive to the Spirit and more aware of your need for our savior.

Thoughts to Consider:

What brought growth in your spiritual life in the last year?

What stunted you from drawing closer to God in 2024?

How will you teach your mind to walk into 2025 with a new year perspective/heart posture?

Consider the way God has made you unique and imagine the deeper bond you could have with Him if you allowed Him to speak through the passions and personality He created you with?

“Every one of us needs to find our own unique way of reaching the universe of increased awareness. I have come to be quite certain that no one way is any better than another. Whatever leads each of us to our destination of relationship with the Divine Lover, with the central core of meaning in the universe, is the best one for us.” – Reaching by Morton Kelsey

August Musings – God’s Timeless Truth

bible, christian, encouragement

This is a special time of the year. August is the month I launched this blog three years ago. August 26th, 2021 to be exact.

I had been thinking of what to write for a while now. But it seems as though writers block has had a hold on me for weeks. There are currently 3 drafts that are half-written with the same title, “August Musings”, on my computer at the moment. I know, I suppose they hadn’t truly been my “musings” this month if I can’t finish a single one of them. Nonetheless, there is one common topic that I found myself mentioning…

Reminiscing.

To reminisce is to “indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events”. What I felt was not regret, but I have definitely been spending a lot of present time wishing I could relive the past. The reason being, to be completely honest, is because I feel like I was a better writer when I began this blog than the one I am now.

As I reread old posts and remember the ease I had in typing up a 1500 word piece that included Bible breakdowns, humor, and contemplative thoughts, I have been dreading posting anything lately. Especially considering the milestone of three years is a day away. I couldn’t help but feel like nothing was good enough anymore.

I sat with this burden for weeks. But how funny is God to place a word of peace on my heart the night before this anniversary.

In January, I wrote a post called “January Musings“. It was about a word of hope that I will never forget. It was truly one of the most freeing moments in my life and I am so thankful for the transformation it has brought. But as I reread it a few nights ago, I thought about the struggle I have been facing and the way I kept wishing I could go back in time and write like the old days. To be frank, I thought my heart would be justified in it’s sorrow because I thought that blog would make me recognize how far I have come in my writing skills…in a bad a way. But as I look back, thank the Lord that is not what happened.

Was I reassured of my talent? Not really. But I was enlightened!

What I saw in that blog was not skill, but a word of hope from God that had no expiration. It was a word that brought life back into my heart in the beginning of this year and was still capable of doing the same now. In this moment. This place. This agonizing stage of my writing career.

“From death to life” was the phrase I received. As someone who finds much comfort in melancholic environments and moods, this was tough to hear. Because whether or not I wanted to change, I knew that life – that which brings glory to God and love to those around me – was only possible if I stopped making my bed in the grave. It meant I needed to live out the word of a “new thing” I had felt God press on my heart.

When I say “new thing”, I do not mean a shiny, successful, easy new season I just chose waltz into. I meant a new perspective. A new outlook on what was worth dedicating my life to. No longer could I justify the days I ignored the world for my own “peace” of mind or the weeks I chose to bury myself in the habits that only cultivated despair.

Now I am not going to lie, it has been tough. Truly one of the hardest things is denying every urge in your body and mind from resorting back to the place you thought brought comfort, because more than the comfort, it brought death. Literally? Surely it could have been a possibility in the long run, but I am more so speaking about spiritual death. I knew the truth though, and when I didn’t feel like what I knew was enough, I forced myself to search deeper. And praise God, for every time I looked, I found His heart to be even greater than I could originally fathom.

But amidst the spiritual growth I had since January, was the discouragement I faced in my writing. I took a hiatus from social media at the end of 2023 and did not return until just about two months ago. I thought it would be good for this blog and my other writing projects. And it was, to an extent. But I could not help but feel like I should have done more in my time away. Since my return to social media, I have felt off. I felt like everyone expected greater things and more resources and writings offered. But instead, this blog became bi-weekly rather than the weekly one it had been a year ago. That means half as much content as before.

But as I read the post from January, I realized a beautiful thing about God.

I realized His timing is perfect.

I know I have heard that before, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wrote about it before. But I want to point out that I am not just talking about the things He brings into action. The doors He opens. The people He introduces us to. Or the miracles He does before us.

What I noticed about His timing was that He knows exactly what we need to endure and for how long we ought to live in that place before we hear a new word. He knows why the words we hear come at the “last moment” and the freedom we experience happens after a specific amount of days, weeks, or even years. His timing in our blessings is surely perfect, but so are the moments He chooses to speak a simple word to us.

This blog originally began with the intention to share “whatever God shared with me this week”. You’d think I would run out of topics, well so did I. But miraculously, God brought specific words to me at specific times. Sometimes it was at the start of the week, where I had time to chew on it for 6 days before blogging. While other times, I recall hectically scrambling to type up a post in the short hour and a half break I had between class and work because that was the moment I heard God give me a new thing.

So as I reminisce, admiring my old work, and deep down wishing I hadn’t lost that talent – I find a sense of peace. Not in the promise that I will ever write like that again, but that perhaps, the words, though received farther apart than they had been three years ago, are still life-giving. Though they seem harder to organize, they are undoubtedly glorifying the Lord. And after all, what more was this blog to be than a vessel of whatever word God desired to share in whatever way He saw best?

My dear friend, life will have it’s moments of doubt. There will be times when everything you thought was supposed to be happening, just isn’t. But that does not mean God’s faithfulness, hope, and purpose He revealed in scripture and in your past is expired. It just means that the words you have received so far are sufficient for the time you are in now. Continue hoping. And when it seems like it is not enough, continue seeking. For God promises that all who seek Him with their whole heart, will indeed find Him. If there is a chance to move your bed from the depths of the grave to the peace of His presence, why would you continue looking for any form of living among the dead?

“Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us.” – 2 Corinthians 1:9-10