christian

The Difference Between Leaving and Following

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“So do whatever God has told you” – Genesis 31:16

I saw this post on Instagram where the audio was stating how everyone ought to move to a place they’ve never been to during their 20’s. To say you did it. What is “it” exactly? I suppose one could say succeeded, proved their independence, exercised their freedom, experienced true choice…made a decision that proved they did in fact have control over this chaotic thing we call life.

But why in our 20’s? I am unsure. I would assume it had to do with the new freedom from one’s teenage responsibilities and also the typical fact that many in their early 20’s have no dependents. They only have themselves to care for.

When The World Says “Go“

I must admit, when I first saw this, I felt validated. For that was exactly what I was in the process of doing. Just two weeks ago, I packed my bags and moved to another state where I don’t know anyone, starting a job at a school I never visited while living in an apartment I never had the chance to tour. That video made me feel good. As though maybe my big move wasn’t so crazy after all.

I held that mentality for a little while. And after I finally got moved in, I saw another Instagram reel with that same audio. I smiled, because I felt I had accomplished just that. And then I suddenly felt different.

I hadn’t moved here to “get away”, exercise my free will, or even just to start fresh. I came here because years ago, I had given my prayer to God, that He would bring me north of Florida. I will admit, my reasons were selfish when I first prayed that prayer. But after years of being deeply humbled by the Lord, He began planting a seed of hope in my heart about a year and a half ago. Not that it was time yet, but that He would lead me on a new journey soon. Soon wasn’t very clear, but I knew it meant leaving all I had grown up around.

So for roughly a year and a half after that feeling, I continued praying for a “go now“.

But praise the Lord He humbles the proud. For I thought I knew all I needed and what I was going to do. But over that time, God opened my eyes to the beautiful reality of seasons. Of letting go. Of stewarding well what is in my hands right now. And of finding contentment wherever and whenever He led me. Not because it was an answer to my dream, but because He promised to offer His presence during all of it.

So as I sat on my janky couch in my new apartment and watched that Instagram reel, hearing that audio again, all I wanted to tell every person who saw that was: No. Do not just go. Do not mask your attempt to run away from your current life by calling it “freedom because you are young.” Or a season of exploration when you are simply seeking an escape. Sit. Quiet yourself. And listen for the Shepherd’s call.

Not just because you may want change in your life, but because it means that every step you take is with, for, and from the Lord.

When God Says “Go”

In Genesis, we see that the word “Go” was rarely spoken on a whim. Nor was it something people eagerly waited to hear. Rather, it was a calling from God that was typically followed by the promise that He, the Almighty, “will be with you.”

We find this in the story of Noah starting in chapter 7, and with Abraham in chapter 12, as well as with Jacob in chapter 31. Though each have remarkable stories, I want to focus more on Jacob. All of these individuals mentioned have been led by God to do some incredible things. But also, some very hard things.

Noah was called to believe in a world-wide flood and obey in building a massive ark with two of every kind of animal. I cannot imagine preparing to watch everything and everyone around you get washed away. Abraham was directed to sacrifice his beloved son. God ended up providing a sacrifice in place of him, but not until Abraham was just a few seconds from offering his greatest blessing back to God. And Jacob experienced countless years of labor due to the manipulation of his eventual father-in-law who later refused to let him leave. I think this clarifies that a life with God does not mean we are free from difficulties. In fact, I would argue that following Jesus leads us to experience even more pressures and troubles because we are living for the One this world despises.

Yet we who know Christ still choose to endure.

I have a fear that the popular message today is that we can just up and leave when hardship comes. The world claims it is not out of weakness, but rather, out of “doing what is right for yourself.” But friend, if you follow Christ, how can this be? How is it that we can claim we know, on such a whim and with little to no godly counsel, what is right for ourselves while simultaneously claiming the Lord is on the throne of our heart?

Hurry is not from the Lord. It is not His nature, nor is it how we grow closer to Him.

All of these individuals I mentioned from Genesis have either spent years or decades devoting themselves to the Lord and shaping their lives in a way that proved their commitment to Him. Yes, I mean living in such a way where their word not only claimed to be associated with God, but their lifestyle emitted the heart of God as well.

Today, we have the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus to reference to when we question our “why.”

The life of Jesus opened our eyes to the fact that we, even standing beside God in flesh, still fall short. Yet, even failing before the Son of God did not out weigh His love for us. Instead, He lived the life we should have. He served, loved, obeyed, and worshipped the Father, showing us what we ought to pursue.

The death of Jesus revealed that He is a God of Justice, but communion with us was worth paying going to death and back for. He took on our punishment, atoning for all we have done and will do, so that we may be reconciled to the Father.

The resurrection of Jesus proved that every chain, weight, and temptation stands no chance against the power of God. His love and grace was greater than our sin and His Word is the one we can boldly trust.

Jacob’s Call

Now in Genesis 27, we see Jacob steal Esau’s blessing. Not a great start for him, but if you flip to chapter 31, we come across a verse that sounds so simple, yet I felt may be overlooked often…”So do whatever God has told you.” (v. 16)

For context, Jacob had just heard the words that I explained I was waiting on before…”Go, now.” He had been working with his father-in-law for decades at this point and was quite successful. But in verse 3, we see God call Jacob to go back to the land his father (Isaac) was in. Yet that is not all He said. God ended with “and I will be with you.”

After hearing that, Jacob immediately went to tell his wives what God had said. And despite them having 11 kids and tons of animals and supplies, the response of Rachel and Leah were; “So do whatever God has told you.”

How often is our nearness to God so evident in our lives that the support of God-fearing people around us is so easily received?

Jacob heard his way out. He could have just up and left. But instead, he brought it to those closest to him and shared that it was from the Lord. And like the favor God showed Joseph (Jacobs son) through Potiphar, the jailor, and the Pharoah, the Lord filled those around Jacob with peace so that he could begin his journey. I fear that is the part we dismiss or delay today.

Everyone has dreams and plans. But not all of them are from the Lord, or perhaps they are just not for “right now”. Yet our current culture is not one that promotes patience. We want things and we want them now. And unfortunately, God doesn’t do prime shipping in regards to our plans. He may, but often times, there is a season of preparation before the promise land.

So this brings us back to that Instagram reel.

The opportunity to move was there, but very unclear and extremely risky 2 years ago. And if you asked me why I wanted to go, the true and honest answer was because I felt that I had to escape my hometown at that moment or I never would. I had started college online and every job I thought could lead me to become an author was non-existent unless I drove nearly an hour or more. I felt hopeless and I felt like I would have to settle in a city that only catered to families with toddlers and the elderly while searching for any job that gave me the most opportunity to write on the side. I was scared. And I was nervous my chances of ever accomplishing any of my dreams would end in one of my greatest concerns: failure.

I had that view since I was in high school and it did not chance until just over a year and a half ago when I recognized I just needed God to be near to satisfy my desperate heart. I was finally content for once.

I still considered moving, but it was no longer a factor that determined my “success” in life. It was just a change of environment. A new place to experience blessing and hopefully be a blessing.

It was then that I found so much joy in my job and in the final courses of college. It was then when graduation seemed attainable after years of doubt. It was then that my job was more than just a way to get paid, but a community God had blessed me to grow with. And it was then that I would lay in bed at night and simply thank God for being under the same roof as my parents for yet another day.

The “go, now” was not what I was eagerly waiting on anymore. All I wanted, and all I needed, was to know God was with me in each moment.

And as I have been settling in at my own place now, I have sadness for the distance between my family and church, but my tears of joy for the love and support I have had from them outweigh every upset part of my heart.

My dear friend, do not be so eager for the next thing. God has a reason for the place you are in. But what I find even more exciting is that He promises to be with us. To meet us where we are. This world is so hurried for little reason. It is not a race. And when we push for doors God has not opened for us, we forfeit the peace and support of those around us. For those who know the Lord will discern when you are running after something not with, from, or for Him. May you wait on the Good Shepherd to call you to “go, now” and surround you with friends, family, or counsel who see Him so evidently close to you that they have no response besides, “do whatever God has told you.”

Thoughts to Consider:

Where might the Lord be inviting you to see beauty and purpose in the season you’re in right now?

What steps can you take to seek the Lord’s guidance before making a major change in your life?

How have you let the culture’s love for hurry influence you? How can you prevent it?

Consider the way God could move in and around you when you find true contentment in the “here” and peace in the “go, now”.

“So do whatever God has told you.” – Genesis 31:16

Just His Presence & Somehow, That’s Enough

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart.

As I prepare to make a drastic change in my life; moving to a new city in a new state, I can’t help but constantly find myself stunned at reality.

It is though I am on a boat with still waters, yet no land in sight. The tank is full, I have resources, but the map is only highlighting the destination. Not quite the route.

Anxiety, doubt, and hopelessness are no strangers to me. Many of their causes are unknown. But that’s okay. I came to a point in my life where I stopped asking “why” and God began opening my eyes to “how”. Specifically, how to see Him in all of it.

The last few months has had its ups and downs, but one thing I noticed was that I was talking my heart into trusting my mind more than I was needing to persuade myself to look for God in those anxious times.

This was not because I doubted that I would see God in my troubles, but because I knew He was already there. I knew that when I asked Him to walk with me on every step of this journey back when it was just a dream, the faithful God I serve would remain near. Not because I deserved it, but because that is who He is. The One who stays.

So as tensions rose and the voices of doubt flooded my heart, it was but surrender that I needed. Surrendering of my feelings.

When You’re Unsure If You Can Trust Your Heart

When we are caught between what we feel and what we know, it’s easy for our hope to waiver and our fears to rise.

I feel a lot and I feel deeply. But what I have witnessed God do has fortified the truth that my mind grips so tightly to. My heart struggles to agree many times, but the God I know and He who knows me, is One who is faithful.

I want to clarify that surrendering is not to manipulate yourself. But it is to reveal that reality you are living is different than that which you knew before Christ.

Before we were reconciled with God, we were a slave to sin. Maybe it defined you, drained you, filled you with shame, or bound you in addiction. Whatever it did, you were not free. And the feelings of weariness surely could consume you.

But once you have accepted Christ as your sacrifice, you are now given the freedom of new life. A new reality. It is not a hope we only dream of for eternity, but it is the very life we now live. You are free.

I say that to provide reasoning in the surrendering of our feelings. We as humans are far from understanding the entirety of living as free as we actually are. That is because we struggle with the symptoms of sin in the world and the habits we have yet to break from our past. And the beautiful truth is that God is fully aware of this.

So He asks us to cast them on Him. Our anxieties. Our doubts. Our fears. Our shame. All of it, He wants to make new. He wants to show us that we can live in a world of brokenness and trials while remaining in constant communion with Him.

So, how is that attainable?

Learning to Surrender Emotions and Trust God’s Presence

Surrender begins by recognizing its purpose: to open our hearts toward the One greater than all things, including our feelings.

That begins with knowing who you serve. We cannot logically give up our most valuable things (time, devotion, service, idols, etc.) to something or someone we do not believe is worth it. We may say that we do, but God knows our hearts. You are only hurting yourself when you hide who or what the “lord” of your life truly is. So we must read His Word and be in prayer with Him. About all things, we must communicate with Him.

Then, we must listen. There is no point in seeking God if you are only interested in having someone to rant to. For God to truly lead, discipline, and speak to you, you need to give Him room for that. That can come in various ways, but do not assume He will write it on a sign for you if you never devote intentional time to hearing the voice of your shepherd. For only when you know that, can you as His sheep, see how far He has come to reach you and bring you home.

When we know the voice of our God, it makes it ever so slightly easier to know what He is and is not in. I fear we beg God for His blessings more than His presence. It broke my heart to realize not too long ago that the love and peace described in Scripture is what He is the very embodiment of. For I cannot count how many years I have rejoiced over the love of God like a boost in my esteem, not acknowledging it was His presence longing to meet me where I was. His gentle voice was something I ignored, as I simply took the blessings of His nearness.

Is is not good to live with a disconnection like that. God is not a genie and we must recognize that if we ever desire to understand the point of His sacrifice on the cross.

However, none of the above is any good if we do not apply it through action. And although serving others is part of it, I want to focus more on the molding of our personal character. As we are drawn to the Lord and our eyes are opened more to His being, we must do as Christ commanded; obey.

Much of our outward obedience actually depends greatly on our inward discipline. For if you feel the conviction of God in an area of your life and choose to ignore it, your service to others is but an attempt to either make up for the lack of inward trust in God or the lack of true reverence for Him. Christ did not come to encourage the hypocrites in their sinful ways. For if He did, the Pharisees wouldn’t have dragged Him to His death.

But this is also the step that may require the most communication within multiple parts of yourself and God. This is the position I often find myself deeply struggling with. I actually found the outward disciplines quite simple, though when I am convicted to forgive, to let go of control, to have hope in trials, to show compassion to my enemies, to cast my anxieties before the Lord…I am in constant warfare. My mind knows what is true and right. But my heart is consumed by the feelings I often find too complicated to understand.

So I go into battle. But I never leave out the Spirit. The Holy Spirit comes to abide within all believers and I have found out the hard way that I am not supposed to fight Him or to justify my ways to Him, but to partner with Him. For He is the One speaking life when I cannot. He is the One pointing me to what the reality of redemption looks like when I try to flirt with the chains of sin that bounded me in my past.

So for the one desiring practical applications; do not tell yourself that your feelings are dumb. Or pointless. For we are humans made to feel. Sometimes they are just out of proportion. But definitely do not convince yourself that “this is just how you are”. For the Spirit is the presence of God. The very embodiment of love, peace, and hope is within you. So be honest. Explain everything to the Lord. And then rest in His presence. Yes, literally sit in silence. I advise you to go somewhere you can see creation. For putting yourself in a position where you see the evidence of God’s power, beauty, and love plays a role in reminding your heart what your mind and the Holy Spirit know to be true.

And when you hear a word from the Lord; perhaps it is something just encouraging you to trust in God’s plan, act on it. Put it into action by believing it with your heart first, and then walking it out as you love on others.

Finding Peace When You Don’t Know Where God Is Leading You

We are bound to wrestle within ourselves and sometimes even against the ways God is guiding. But may we never forget the kind of God He is.

As I envision myself on that boat, with calm seas, unclear of the route I will be taking, I remain confident of the One leading me. Yet, I struggle. Yes, to not trust my heart at times. For it is but fearful of the uncertainty it was so used to living through before knowing Christ.

I must not attempt to take control, for I know that the Truth and the presence of the Lord are the only reasons the seas are calm.

My dear friend, do not get so distracted with the concerns in which your Heavenly Father has already resolved. Take a step back, recognize His pace is perfect. His blessings are not your first desire, rather, simply may His presence be more than enough for you.

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart, but may we still rejoice for we know the One who stays with us forever is oh so very faithful.

Thoughts to Consider:

What prevents you from bringing your doubts, concerns, or troubles to God? He is not angry nor annoyed, for He went to death and back for the chance that you might seek a relationship with Him.

Is there an area of your life that you have buried and masked with outward obedience to avoid the inward change that God is calling you to?

What part of your morning will you let be an intentional time to spend getting to know the presence of God? Set your alarm and find a place away from others.

Consider the impact and love you could have with others if you began living in the reality the Holy Spirit longs for you to see.

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

To Know His Nature

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

What a difference it makes in a broken person’s life to understand the nature of Jesus.

Mistakes happen. Some brush it off, some learn from them, and some – well, I fear too many of us – allow them to define them and their way of thinking. Our responses vary based on the severity of our wrong doings, but nevertheless, they often have a greater impact on us than we would like to admit.

In the end of the Gospel of John, we come across the denial from Peter. A man who walked with Christ in the flesh and learned from Him for roughly three years…fell short. When times got tense and his physical life was at stake, he let go of what mattered most for what he thought was more important at the time.

But can we blame him? As much as we want to say that we would have done it differently, is that really true? How often do we break our commitment to obeying God for immediate satisfaction in just the span of one week? We are no different than Peter. For all we have known since our first breath, was life on earth. So it is only natural for us to protect it above all else when it is at risk of being taken. Regardless of how much we believe in eternity, we have yet to experience it. So now, we see that we stand in very similar sandals of this broken, sinful disciple.

We’ve let people down. We’ve said rude things. We have chosen to satisfy ourselves over helping another. We have fallen short. Time and time again. But may we not forget the nature of the loving One we made our commitment to.

After the denial, Peter went back to what he did prior to meeting Jesus. He was fishing with his friends. After trying all night, the morning comes and a man from the shore directs them to cast their nets again. Surely doubtful, yet in obedience, they throw their nets and pull up an abundance. Without much time passing, John recognizes the man was Jesus. In saying it, Peter immediately jumps out of the boat and swims towards Christ.

When they met, Jesus had prepared breakfast for them and we then see one of the most loving moments ever. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. Not once. Not twice. But the same amount of times that he denied Him. After each time, He gave Peter a responsibility. This is an incredible moment, for we see that Jesus, though rejected by his own friend, leads us in how we ought to forgive. Not because He needed to, but because His love for us is so very strong.

In this moment, Peter had two options. He could either say, “I have betrayed you, there is no way I can grow the kingdom.”, and then return to fishing, that which he had known about well and found security in. Or he could pursue the next step in the establishment of the early church, trusting that the new identity and call from Jesus was possible despite his brokenness.

I want to note that it wasn’t a matter of the specific job, it was about the call. Would he let go of what he found purpose in prior to meeting Christ so that he can work towards expanding the kingdom, or will his failure and desire for security and familiarity consume him?

I have always struggled with my immediate thoughts. When I get hurt, I may have learned to hold in my outward expressions, but it is always a battle in my mind. Whether it is bitterness, rude thoughts, a grudge, or the internal planning of my next petty move, I could not seem to change inwardly.

The other day, it occurred to me the type of person I was becoming. A hypocrite. My thoughts were allowed to run wild as long as my outward emotions remained contained because “taking captive every thought” was just too exhausting.

I held onto my brokenness as though it were a part of who I was created to be. But when I recognized that it was the complete opposite of how Christ loved others, I broke down. I could not even finish praying, for I felt so very ashamed. I felt disgusting before the Lord.

I went to sleep that night and awoke with the same empty, shaky feeling in my chest. The same one I felt after every big failure in my life. This was it. This was how I figured I would remain, for how could one altar their immediate thoughts? And if I couldn’t figure it out, how could I ever believe a loving God would want such a bitter person to have a part in His good plans?

Then, my scripture reading for that morning was the story I had just explained. The last chapter of John.

I imagine Peter felt guilt. And maybe he even lost hope in his potential of growing God’s kingdom. But what brought him to a place where he could be made new, was his faith in the nature of Christ. His faith in the One who met him where he was and promised to never leave him.

Peter went after Christ because he understood that Jesus was forgiving. He knew He was the One who makes old become new and the broken, redeemed. But he wouldn’t experience that if he hid in the boat because of his shame.

I sat there after reading that in complete awe. How many times have I avoided time with the Lord because I was ashamed of my actions? I cannot even count how many times I let my fear and my disappointment in myself steal moments I could rest in the forgiving presence of Christ.

The God we serve is the God of new things. I never thought about that deeply until last year when I was at a loss of where my life was going and God spoke, “from death to life” to me. It meant so much. But the expectancy I had for God to do that again has died down. To be transparent, I forgot about it. And in my lack of remembering, I let the lies of the enemy take root.

My disappointment, shame, hopelessness, and guilt drove my life. And for so long, I saw my mistakes as the reason I could not be who God calls us to become. But praise Him, for I was so wrong.

My dear friend, our brokenness is the very thing that God wants us to lay before Him so that He can make us new. Until we believe that He is greater than our mistakes, we will not understand the nature of who He is. For what significance does His forgiveness have if we were not in desperate need of it? His gentle, forgiving response to our failures is the path we must go through to become who He calls us to be. For our brokenness is the seemingly barren ground that He actually longs to make fruitful.

Henri J. M. Nouwen states, “If you are ready to listen from your brokenness then something new can come forth in you.“

Thoughts to Consider:

Is there any area of your life that you are not allowing God to change because you prefer the security it brings you?

Would you recognize God’s voice if it came in a way you didn’t expect? (This comes from time spent learning it.)

How can you take action towards letting God make new what you see as unredeemable?

Consider the life change you could experience and share if you not only knew but whole heartedly believed that God’s nature is one of boundless love.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

The Significance of Being Teachable

bible, christian, lifestyle

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:25-27

I was on a run today and a car was coming down the same road. Immediately, a panic went on in my mind…”Move”, “Turn at the street just before they pass”, “Fix your posture”, “Run faster”. These were all the thoughts that raced through my mind as they always tend to when I encounter literally anyone while running outside. Not out of fear for my safety, but because of my fear of judgment.

It has been years since I have considered myself as someone who is fit, or conditioned enough to run a mile or two. But recently I have taken up the challenge of caring for my physical health with the same intention and discipline I put towards my spiritual health. It is very much a work in progress, but one of the biggest struggles I have faced has not been the actual physical part of it at all. Yes, my body hurts after and sometimes I rather just lay in bed, but what takes the most effort out of me is not caring about the people who drive or run by me.

But today was different. Today, I didn’t stop. I didn’t turn at the nearest road. I may have put my head down and pulled the bill of my hat a little lower, but I continued down the road that the car was driving on. Despite it feeling like they took 20 years to pass me, I kept going.

It was the first time since I have been running that my route has not been changed or cut short because of people driving or running down the same street I was planning on going down. I ran 1.01 miles today – without a single detour.

The thoughts I stated above surely flooded my mind, but not enough to drown out this one thought in particular: “I am here to please God, and to care for what He cares for.” That being, in that specific moment, the strengthening of my body, also known as His temple…something I have neglected for years.

As I have been reading through the Gospel of John recently, this verse stood out to me a lot. It somewhat summarized the pattern I have been noticing in the chapters prior; to live for Christ is to die to the flesh. To this world. To everything that does not glorify Him or encourage our obedience to His greatest command of loving others.

John 14:25-27 was spoken as Jesus was still on earth. This was told to people who physically saw Him, but it was written too for those who He knew would not have that opportunity. It was written in a way that, I believe, perfectly articulates this concept: To the end of the age, we are His.

To belong is to be a part of His family. To be fully known and fully loved. There is great significance in us being His.

But there is also a great trouble for humanity when attempting to live in that truth. It costs us the world.

The world that everyone says we need. It is what claims to offer the best of the best. The most fulfillment. The place we are supposed to find our purpose. The riches of materials, the public attention, and the ladder to the biggest reputation is what we hunger for. But friend, it is also the death of us. For after spending every breath on what is advertised, we still come short. Time cuts us off before we can reach enough.

Why is it then that we continue falling for the world’s lie? I wish I could tell you more reason beyond the fact that we are broken humans seeking immediate satisfaction. No one is immune to this temptation around us. And yet Jesus still claims we can live in peace, and unafraid. (v. 27)

The beauty of being fully known by God is being understood in our shortcomings. He is not calling us to perfection. He is calling us to let the Spirit change us.

Verse 26 says, “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.”

We are to be life-long learners. Receptive to the transforming of the Spirit, and humble enough to let Him remind us of the truth Christ spoke. I love that it says “remind“. This is evidence of God recognizing our human limitations, as we often forget His truth or allow the voices of the world to be louder. Yet I want to be clear; He is understanding our flaws, but not condoning them. For if it were not a problem, there would be no need to redirect us on the right things.

God understands how we are and He sees us through the lens of perfect love. He looks at us and desires a real relationship.

But unfortunately, so often, we fall in the trap of the spiritual attacks on our minds. With every detour I took during my past runs, I allowed myself to be consumed by the pressures of this world. Of what I thought was most important. So important in fact, that I abandoned the pursuit of caring for the body God gave me because I was scared of the judgment of those around me because….”What if they thought I wasn’t toned enough?” “What if they laughed at me because my pace is over 11 minutes per mile?” “What if they thought my outfit looked goofy?”

What if. Two simple words that can transform the direction one follows in their lives despite all truth. So how then does one hold fast when the doubts, fears, and lies are so very loud?

Well, praise God for John 15.

Here we come across a “how-to” for all Jesus had been discussing previously. In the analogy of a vine and fruit, He shows us that abiding is our “how”. It is not about perfection, but His presence. How we find this peace and freedom from fear is through the consistent, intentional connection with God. Like a fruit grows and fulfills its purpose from an overflow of nutrients taken in, we too fulfill our purpose and live a life experiencing His truth through a growing relationship with the great Giver Himself.

Through the Holy Spirit, our Advocate (John 24:26), we are given an incredible opportunity. The blessing of loving direction. His guidance isn’t always the easiest to follow. Sometimes we don’t understand it for months. But when we do understand the character of God as loving, it gives us the courage and hope to take the steps of faith that the Spirit is calling us to make.

Before I followed Jesus, I was completely consumed in what the world considered worth my attention and devotion. There was no mental battle. It was simply a mission to try to be good enough. Now that I have come to know the character and ways of Jesus, I find myself in countless arguments between my head and heart. I used to think that was a terrible position to be in, but as I wrestle more, I find it easier to hope.

My dear friend, recognizing the character of God and the endless stretches He makes to reach you is the beginning of a life where His grace, mercy, love, compassion, forgiveness, and hope is your reality. You do not have to live in shame. You do not have to keep striving to please a world your Savior was brutally rejected by. You have a divine purpose. And as tough as the war in your mind may feel, you have an Advocate fighting for you to see the truth. You have a Heavenly Father who longs for you to realize that to the end of the age, you are His.

Thoughts to Consider:

Would you consider yourself a teachable and humble person in regards to the conviction of the Holy Spirit? How so?

What is an area in your life that you typically fall into the world’s temptation? Mental or physical.

How can you make a practical change in your life that points you back to God when you are in difficult trials?

Consider the way you can exhibit Christ more if you were to let go of your strongholds in the world and submit to His truth.

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:25-27

April Musings: The Cost of Misunderstanding in Faith

bible, christian, easter, spiritual formation

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34

“Does that make sense?”…is surely one of the sayings those around me hear quite often.

As much as I love words and on certain topics, I can speak a lot, I select my words very intentionally and carefully. Not because I want to sound smart or fancy, but because I believe each and every word either glorifies myself or God. Scripture’s description of people who blabber has convicted me immensely over the last couple years.

Nonetheless, despite my effort to produce the most clear statements or questions, I find myself longing for the assurance of being understood.

I never really noticed this until I had been teaching and my students would get frustrated with my extended pauses as I searched for the right words to say and then asked if all made sense. Though they see boredom in the silence, deep down, I know I spared them valuable time being wasted on listening to words I would have to restate in countless other ways as I pressed my brain to communicate clearly without any order.

Though some appreciate the intentionality, others have yet to see the point, and in fact still demand immediate satisfaction. They demand knowledge without giving room for understanding. For I cannot begin to explain how often someone has told me to inform them of something just to be able to claim they are in “the know”. Not knowing the value, worth, or purpose of the information received, they are still somehow content.

And unfortunately, I am not just referring to children I have met. Even grown adults I know seem driven by a hunger of pride, pressuring them to run with information they do not understand.

For some reason this past week or so my heart has felt heavy towards many people I spoke with because I felt my words went in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t quite grasp why it affected me more recently, as this is something I have grown used to. But it really hurt this last few weeks.

I never found out why it was more painful, but I did find out, or at least a partial reason as to why it grieves me when I am not understood.

In the rising conflict of Jesus’ life, we see a little story discussed in Mark that hints to how the character of God is.

In a town called Bethany, Jesus and the disciples were gathering for a meal at a man named Simon’s house. As they were eating, a woman came in with a very expensive jar of perfume. Surely, one of her most valuable possessions. Yet, without hesitation before the Messiah, she broke the jar and anointed Jesus by pouring it over him.

Immediately, she was judged. Not by Jesus, but by his companions. Those who have walked with him and followed him for roughly three years now, were annoyed at what she had just done. “Why is this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” they scolded her (v. 4-5).

Though that statement has some good intention, Jesus expresses something critical here.

He responded, “She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the Gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (v. 8-9).

Around Jesus in this moment were two types of people. One who understood what He had been teaching them and foreshadowing, and one group who heard all He had said, but did not understand it.

As we look through Scripture, we see Jesus is gentle, humble, loving, merciful, forgiving, compassionate, truthful, and just. And we see prophetic word of what He came to do way before He even walked this earth. Yet somehow, though all that information was received in the heads of the disciples, they were slow to comprehend what was coming.

Now I am not saying they didn’t understand any thing He taught, but it is clear in this account that they were not aware of the cost Christ was going to cover for them. It was worth everything. And that woman who gave up her time, resources, and pride revealed what Jesus wanted us to understand.

Nothing, no reputation or material thing is worth more than Him, nor should anything be held from being offered for Him.

In our lives now, that truth is the same, though it may look different for us. I am not telling you to smash your Miss Dior perfume or Sauvage cologne and pour it out, but I am encouraging you to assess your greatest possessions, dreams, and talents and consider if you have cast them to the Lord, willing to let Him use them or take them away in any manner He pleases.

This woman was rebuked by the disciples, those who were supposed to reflect God’s gentle spirit, and yet she did not give up. In fact, she let her actions speak for her devotion to Jesus. Why? Because she understood Him.

When I think of Jesus in this moment, I can’t help but imagine He is a little bit sad that after everything, his closest friends still did not understand what was to come.

This is the very moment in Mark that I realized why we grow weary when our words are not given time to be processed. If anyone lived a life where every word they spoke had great purpose, it was Jesus Christ. Yet He was misunderstood by so many, so often.

That was it. Perhaps why my heart was so down recently was because of my lack of noticing how much God just seeks understanding. Not for pride, but because He knows what is best. He knows what will lead us to eternity with Him. And He knows what we do now matters beyond the so many decades we are walking this earth.

It was then that I realized sometimes we long for things and get frustrated, expecting to receive certain things we do not even give to God.

As I have mentioned in my past blogs, I began writing my prayers last, and I believe one struggle I still face often is the rushing of “listening time”. As I write, I am thinking and saying all I desire to God, though once I put the period after “amen”, I find myself giving little time for allowing God to help me truly understand Him and His ways more deeply.

But what a blessing it is to have a merciful God.

My spirit grieved, perhaps because the Holy Spirit wanted me to see that I long for the very thing I sometimes refuse to give God time for. Understanding is something that comes only with intentionality.

Today is Good Friday. As I was praying about what to write for this blog, truly I couldn’t think of how to approach this day or even mention it. Especially, since some of you may read this at a later time.

Though I have just been reminded of something I believe can add to our understanding of who God is.

In Luke 23:34, Jesus had just been crucified and beaten. This was a time I would deem justifiable for Him to be angry or disappointed at those who hurt and mocked Him. But thank the Lord, He has a more merciful heart than me. Of all the things He could have said, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Read that again.

“They” is referring to the ones who put Him there. Not just physically, but because of their sin. That means…us to.

Each and every one of the sins we commit point back to the cross and why we needed Jesus to endure it. But not one of them stopped Him from following through…

My dear friend, what more could we ask from a God than one driven by love to endure the consequences of our actions all because we let pride move us rather than seeking understanding.

We didn’t understand how obeying Him in the garden was more important than power. We didn’t understand His desire for us to be free and together with Him in the Exodus. We didn’t understand serving Him was more important than all our possessions, our dreams, our reputation when He walked this earth. And even still today, we struggle to understand the value of the cross and the grave He overcame for us.

He didn’t go through that just so we could laugh together. Nor that we could walk around with a title that sets us apart from others. Jesus Christ came, suffered, loved, served, died, and rose so that we may have eternal communion with Him. That our lives may be a living sacrifice to Him and our eternity may be rich with His love and grace.

There is no middle ground or casual Christianity. Perhaps we must begin seeking a greater understanding of what a life – and I am referring to every breath from salvation to your death – looks like when Christ is truly the Lord over everything else in your world.

I pray you begin to understand Jesus more deeply so that nothing is considered more great in your life than Him.

Thoughts to Consider:

Do you make room in your life to stop the talking and find rest in seeking knowledge so that you can focus on truly understanding who God is and what matters most?

What are the things you hold onto that may be preventing your quiet time or intentional longing for grasping the purpose of God’s call in your life?

How can you begin implementing a time focused on understanding Him in your daily routine?

Consider the weight of His sacrifice for you and how all good things we desire first come from the perfect portion of desires in God.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34