bible

From Heart to Hands & Back to Heart.

bible, Christian lifestyle

“May we never forget how we felt before Jesus…” – my pastor

Empty. Desperate. Longing for more.

When we are saved, we are taught that the love we experience should move from our hearts to our hands. Luke 3 records the crowd of commoners asking John the Baptist what they ought to do now, and he replies with; “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.” James 2 tells us that faith without works is dead. And Jesus Himself tells us in Mark 12 to, “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Clearly, the acts we make towards others and the way we love those around us plays a major role in being a follower of Christ. A major role, yes, but not our first priority.

In my journey of trying to get closer to God, I realize I may have done quite the opposite. Though there is immense value in serving others, the mission was not designed to be powered by ourselves. For we need Jesus just as much as the unbeliever.

I believe amidst my hope to love on others, I have become my own barrier between God’s love.

Before John the Baptist was even asked what the people should do, he exclaimed, “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.” Before James discusses the need for works, he reveals that one must have faith to compel them towards action. And before Jesus talks about loving others like ourselves, He says that we need to first “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

Our relationship with God must be first in all we do. I know, you are probably saying “well obviously…” but I am sure that I am not the only one who has let this simple, yet life-giving truth slip my mind. I have written about this struggle of mine in the past, but I feel as though there is one principle I have continued to dismiss.

The love God gives is unconditional, sacrificial, and the only thing that will fulfill me.

For so long, between leading small groups, serving at church, creating blogs, and doing everything in my power to love on others the best I can, I have noticed my connection with God was for the sake of being able to help those around me, completely ignoring my own need for Him.

In what I thought was a humble lifestyle, I have leaned on my own strength and pride more than anything.

So, my dear friend, I am delighted to tell you that if you feel the same, there is indeed a better path. A path not dependent on our capabilities, confidence, or work capacity. Rather, it is a path that is lifted in the hands of our sovereign Lord. Saturated in a love so great we are not even able to imagine it’s bounds. And this path is not only offered to you and I, but it was the only path we were designed for.

Living a life where the love of God flows from our hearts to our hands and stops there is truly no life at all. God’s love was made to flow through us in an endless cycle. For how can we properly show God’s love and care to others without letting Him teach us daily?

Before coming to faith, maybe your heart was so desperately hoping for something that would fill it. So heavy with an emptiness as you realized you were too weak on our own. Or so hungry for something that would last beyond the setting of the sun. For me, I felt all of these ways. And after walking with God for a few years, I hope that thirst for fulfillment never dies now that I know where to look.

Beloved Christian, there is a love waiting to overflow in you from a God who wants nothing but you first. Come as you are. For His love knows no bounds. Let it flow from your heart to your hands and back to your heart again and again.

The Gentleness of Jehovah Jireh

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, encouragement, Worship

Burnout. I am sure that is a familiar feeling many of us have experienced at some point in our lives. As the responsibilities, classes, workload, bills, and expectations from others pile up so high beyond our vision, there comes a time where the way things are can no longer continue without paying the cost of ourselves. Whether it be our health, time, or sanity, we often trade in a hefty portion of our beings out of fear or for the burden of control.

But what happens when the pile begins to lean? We lose grip. Despite our desire to maintain held together, the weight has become unbearable. We fall. And we fall hard.

The contents in this pile may be from the Lord. They may have been given with great clarity and have resulted in much fruit. But as time went on and our arms began to shake, at just a whisper of temptation and deceit from the enemy, the stack of good things trembles as our fear takes over.

This, my friend, is not a feeling only you have felt. Flip back to 1 Kings 18 and 19 with me…

Elijah, a great prophet of the Lord, faced seemingly one of the hardest days of his life. But surprisingly, it did not follow a trial, loss, or anything of the sort. Rather, it came just after one of the greatest showdowns in history. In chapter 18, Elijah goes to Israel to correct those worshiping foreign deities (baal). In doing so, the prophets of these gods came face to face with Elijah on Mount Carmel to have a challenge. Whichever deity brought fire on the altar they made was the one who they deemed worthy to worship. Long story short, baal did not even make the wind warm, meanwhile God brought a fire so powerful that it engulfed the trench of water surrounding it.

After an awe-striking event like the one just described, you would assume that Elijah was not only amazed, but joyful over the power and faithfulness of his God. But such was not the case.

At the beginning of chapter 19, Elijah is threatened to be hunted and killed by an evil lady named Jezebel. Even after such an incredible act of God, Elijah was fearful. So much so that after running and finding a tree to lay under, he “prayed that he might die.” The verse goes on to say, “I have done enough, Lord…Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”

How heartbreaking. But also, how similar has it been for some of us to get so overwhelmed and drained that even though we are confident in the power of God, we fall into the taunts of the enemy to give up. To leave it all behind. Or if you’re like me, just numb it all out and seclude yourself.

However it is that we handle our moments of feeling overwhelmed, I want you to pay very close attention to how God responds to Elijah.

After being completely honest with God in his despair, Elijah did not wait for a response, instead, he actually just fell asleep. (verse 5)

But thank goodness we serve a God who is not only powerful, but the most gentle provider. Jehovah Jireh means “the God who provides”. Though this characteristic is often used in reference to the story of Abraham, I feel as though it is also so beautifully exhibited in this scene to come…

Hearing His child cry and seek comfort under the shadow of a tree, scripture immediately goes into revealing the caring heart of
God as the verse reads, “all at once an angel touched him and said, ‘get up and eat.'” with bread appearing over hot coals and a jar of water lying beside it. And so, Elijah did. Then shortly after, he fell back asleep. Honestly, I find this so sweet that with such peace and comfort in the presence of the working hand of God, Elijah doesn’t ask questions or try to pay God back. He just accepts the care and food provided and continues resting.

It is so nice to know that when we come to God, our striving can cease. He knows we cannot properly handle this whole life thing on our own, so my dear friend, please stop making yourself carry a weight not meant for your limited capacity.

Moving on to verse 7, it begins with a patience so wholesome. Revealing God’s understanding of us and our drained hearts, He does not make His angel force Elijah to stay awake after eating and drinking. Instead, there is a moment where God gives Elijah time to sleep before the verse stated, “The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.'”

Wow. I pray in your moments of feeling scattered and empty, you may rest in the loving care of God. He does not condemn us for how we feel. Rather, He does everything He knows will bring comfort and true life into our dying hope.

I encourage you to go on reading through chapter 19 as God eventually ends up speaking in a soft, gentle whisper after Elijah feels strengthened. But for this blog, if you take anything, I pray it is openness you pursue towards the things God wishes to fill you with. Not to preach the false health, wealth, and prosperity gospel, but for the sake of remembering who truly has control.

It wasn’t until Elijah began fearing Jezebel’s threat based on his own strength that he felt overwhelmed and in despair. His focus was lost. Whether it be a common struggle we have to rest in the hope of God’s provision or not, I warn you fellow Christian, that the enemy can so easily slip into even the smallest of cracks in our unbelief. But when, not if, you find yourself in this position of fear or despair, do not push aside the only source of strength and love that is capable of restoring your hope.

God understands your flaws and limits. Yet He still desperately pursues a relationship with you. I pray that you, my dear friend, take heart in the gentleness of Jehovah Jireh. For no other can provide your every need in the same perfectly compassionate approach of Him who came off His throne for you to have a path to redemption.

The Blessings In Questions

bible, Christian lifestyle, prayer

Asking questions has always been one of my favorite things. This was, however, with the exception of asking God any questions. It wasn’t because I was afraid of the answer, or of His response. Rather, I didn’t believe it was my place, nor did it resemble the kind of blind, yet strong, faith that I assumed those around me had growing up. But recently, it has been very different.

Amidst my walk with Christ, I came to the point where I couldn’t handle not throwing up a few questions to God anymore. If you read my “at a loss” blog, you can see this change in a decently raw form. Was it easy? Not in the slightest.

To me, asking God questions always made me feel as though I was doubting who He was or had a weak faith that couldn’t just accept the way things are. But my dear friend, I am delighted to tell you; after a long walk of shamefully seeking answers to the questions I had been ignorantly shoving under the rug, I have come to believe, and I mean truly hold onto with great gratitude, the truth that God welcomes our questions without condemnation.

One of my favorites books in the Bible is Habakkuk. I like it because he asks a lot of questions and God’s response is still so sweet. He isn’t angry, annoyed, or shocked. Nor does He make Habakkuk feel dumb for asking anything. Instead, Habakkuk is reminded of the faithful character of God, the power of His hand, and the perfect timing of the Lord’s judgement and grace. Read along with me.

In the very start of the book, Habakkuk cries out; “How long, LORD, must I call for help…”

In all honesty, this resonates deeply. So many times, especially recently on this hunt for various answers and a better understanding of God, the waiting has felt endless. And in some cases, pointless. I’d jot down a concern or a promise I struggled to understand how it could be accessible, and months would go by with no response…or so I thought.

We see chapter 1 split into 3 sections; Habakkuk’s first complaint, God’s answer, and Habakkuk’s second complaint. When I first read those titles, I was shocked that after hearing from God like Habakkuk did, he would dare to have a second round of questions. But after looking back over these last few months, I can’t shame this man, for I have done the very same thing.

What took me so long to notice, and friend, I hope you listen closely to this, is that amidst my hunt for a big answer, God gave me countless little answers and truths that He knew my heart needed before arriving to the one I asked for.

Isn’t it incredible to have a God who knows what we need and when the best time to receive it is? We can sometimes think it is best to have all the cards of life before us, but honestly, if we did, I do not believe we would make the right decisions with them. Just look in each of our pasts.

So as we walk along in this thing called life, without all the cards, we are left with an unclear future. And without clarity, comes questions. Could God truly have a specific path for me? How is His good revealed in grief? Where is He when everything we know to be “best for us” is falling apart? Why does He seemingly stand idle while our hearts slip and smash into millions of pieces?..

The questions could go on and on. And some will tell you to just read the Bible more. I agree. But my friend, Jesus didn’t die strictly so that you would be compelled to finish that “read the whole Bible in a year” challenge. He died so you and God could have a personal, everlasting relationship with one another. One that needs no intercessor besides the Son and Spirit of God Himself. There is an insane amount of intimacy God longs to have with us. And honestly, as someone who gets shy from the judgement of others when I ask biblical questions, I am beyond thankful for the individual, private relationship we are offered.

It took a VERY long time for me to feel the freedom of seeking greater knowledge and wisdom through my misunderstandings, doubts, and worries. Though it began as a shameful walk, it is now a blessing I couldn’t imagine going without for any longer than I already have. Yes, I stumble. Yes, I ask a million follow-up questions. Yes, I ask for more details on the promises He makes decently clear in Scripture. And yes, I plead with God to answer quicker for the sake of my sanity. But on my journey to learning how to ask questions while having complete trust in His perfectly formed and timed answers, I have seen nothing but a patient and gracious God.

Habakkuk ends his last prayer as a word of praise. Not yet seeing the answer completely fulfilled, this man so similar in his questions as you and I, says this; “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food. Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength;”

Life, I think, was not meant to be aimlessly walked through. I believe God reveals Himself in more mesmerizing ways every time we seek a deeper understanding of who He is and how He acts. Not just for our own sake, but also for those we get the honor of doing life with. Questions bring answers that build knowledge. And knowledge gives us the ability to grow wisdom. And a wise life, dear Christian, is one that God can use radically for His will and kingdom.

The more we know about our loving God, the deeper rooted our faith becomes and the greater our confidence in God can be during our weakness. Not by our own means, but through His grace alone. Lean in, layout your questions, and let God reveal His wonders within the process.

A Heart That Endures

bible, Christian lifestyle, easter, prayer

 “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” – 2 Corinthians 1:5

As Easter came and went, I have been thinking about one particular part of scripture more than usual.

Last week was Passion week. And as you may know, more specifically, last Friday was Good Friday. This was the day Jesus was crucified for our sake. Though a gruesome day, many take delight as they know the resurrection is coming. But for some reason, I couldn’t get past the thought of the pain Jesus experienced. Indeed, the lashing and beatings were a part of the suffering, but what honestly took hold of the majority of my thoughts was the night before His crucifixion.

Jesus was known to draw away from the crowd to pray often, but this night was different. After the last supper, He makes his way up to a place called the Mount of Olives. Here, He departs from His disciples and finds a secluded spot to connect once more with God the Father. And this my friend, was where one of the most relatable moments (in my opinion) of Jesus was recorded.

“Father…”, He cries in a mixture of anguish and hope, “…if you are willing…”, as blood begins to take the place of His sweat, “…take this cup from Me…”

In the most raw form, Jesus expresses this heart seeking a way around the coming trial. But as He and all other believers knew, the only way to eternally redeem what has been broken by sin, was through overcoming death. The suffering was inevitable.

With trust in His Father and an overwhelming love for us, Jesus chose to take up a suffering He did not deserve.

And so with great love, He continues His prayer, “…yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

I can only imagine the weight Jesus felt pressing down on Him during this prayer. But nonetheless, He endured.

I speak not of an enduring that simply accepts the future with despair, but with the same endurance Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 1.

The Greek word used for endurance in verse 6 is hupomone. This refers to an enduring that lives through the suffering with a vibrant form of hope that keeps a person from being crushed under the weight of the trial.

Often times, I find myself in a mindset that relates so much to the first part of Jesus’ prayer. As I imagine what the future holds, I think, is this truly what the days ahead entail? As waves of despair continue to knock me over day after day, how is it that I can keep going?

Your trials may seem different than mine, but we find commonality in the fact that none of us, not one, can fully escape these troubles as long as we live in this broken world.

But thank God we are offered more comfort than simply community within broken people. May it be the love of God that gives us the hope to endure in the way Paul speaks of.

Jesus Understands Us

Because Christ suffered and experienced temptation, He knows the thoughts that flow through our mind and the pressures we are put under. He not only knows, but He understands that we have a natural desire to lean into the things that lead us away from Him because of our sin nature. While He understands we will never be perfect, He still loves us. He still pursues us. And He longs for us to rest in His comfort when we feel as though the burdens are far too heavy.

Verses 3-4 reveal the gentle heart of God as it says, “Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…”

It is clear God knows the kind of lives we will experience here on earth. And yet even in our mistakes, confusion, frustrations, and moments of despair, He shows us His love by assuring us that He too, the God above all things, has suffered and is saddened by our hurts. But because He has overcome, we no longer have to endure as if we are “a victim in a dentist’s chair” (David Guzik). May the striving cease as we learn to accept the real identity God gave us…redeemed, not perfect.

Jesus Still Delivers Us

It is common to feel distressed and worn down amidst great trials. Especially when they have lasted for so long already. But as we reflect back on the week we just recently celebrated, we can hold on to hope because Jesus has indeed resurrected. In verses 8-10, Paul speaks of a great trouble he has been facing. So great, in fact, that he “despaired of life itself.” Though experiencing great suffering, he goes on to remind us that it is through these pains that we are reminded to rely not on ourselves, but on the only one who has claimed victory over death; Jesus.

Verses 9-10 emphasize the truth that we must engrain in our minds and hearts so that when spiritual warfare comes, it is the voice of God that prevails. God has, still, and will deliver us, not because we are worthy, but because He is the God of mercy and grace. I heard this song once say we should have “the kind of daring expectation, that every prayer [we] make is on an empty grave.”

What a beautiful truth to rest in after celebrating Easter.

Jesus Turns Evil For Good

But perhaps beauty is not in your near sight as you continue to suffer. My dear friend, I feel deeply for your longsuffering. But if there is anything we can rest on amidst this temptation of falling into hopelessness, it is that we serve a God whose plans are ALWAYS good and beautiful. What I have experienced in many of my trials is that sometimes, what we learn in our pain can result in the freedom of others.

I know it is not always easy to watch others be healed when it is all you could ever dream of, but I want you to listen closely today. Jesus endured the suffering of all our sin, with a vibrant hope, for us…not Himself. And Paul, alongside many other patriarchs of the faith, have endured in the same hope-driven way. Many of them actually died as a martyr. Meaning their suffering only saw it’s peace and healing in Heaven.

Nonetheless, God used them as vessels to extend His love to generations to come. All throughout this section of scripture, Paul chooses to take delight in his suffering for the possibility of being a blessing to others. May that be our prayer and our hope. For the sake of glorifying a God worthy of it all, may we pray for a heart that endures as we finish our prayer of lament the same way Jesus does; “…yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

at a loss.

bible, christian, Christian lifestyle, easter, encouragement, lifestyle, prayer, Worship

I don’t really want to write anything right now. Like if I could hide away in my room for the next few years, or maybe decades, I totally would.

I write this blog on Monday, March 27th, 2023. Four days before I put down my best friend. My baby. My beloved 14 year old pekingese, Macho. I didn’t want to write anything because I didn’t want anyone to ask about him or ask how I am doing because it will just make me feel worse. But for some aggravating reason, God keeps weighing this post on my mind. And yes, I say aggravating because I REALLY don’t want to think about it, much less write and post about it. But maybe God wants to speak to someone besides me, or maybe it is just for me to look back on as the encouragement I may desperately need in the coming weeks. I guess we shall see.

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I struggle a lot with being joyful. But recently, when I would think about what I have to do in four days, God has been reminding me that there is ALWAYS good to find. Crazy, I know. Believe me, He knows I think it is absolutely insane to see any glimpse of goodness in this time. But He persisted with this promise every time I would try to negotiate Him giving Macho 20 more years of life in exchange for literally anything I could give up. In all honesty, it was kind of annoying. As I said, I struggle with being joyful quite a bit. Not because I can’t see it, but because after so many disappointments in my life, I tend to not even try to look.

But that’s just it. If Jesus, in all His glory, is standing 1 foot away from me, but I keep my eyes and ears closed in the name of “protecting my heart from another disappointment”, it is not His fault that I cannot see His goodness.

I heard this song by Hannah McClure called “Always good”. I love that song…usually. But when I was thinking about what is about to happen, all the song did was make me mad. How can God ALWAYS be good, or turn things for good, if things like this have to happen? Like why even exhaust myself trying to see this glimpse of glory if it is only a result of the massive storm of pain?

Then my mind reminded my heart of this: John 3:16. Genesis 37. Genesis 6-9. Ruth. Daniel 3. and so on.

In each and every one of those stories, there was a devastating or super scary experience or event that happened just before God revealed exactly where His goodness had been the whole time. And yes, Jesus is included in the list. God Himself, lost His Son. Not by natural death, but by sacrifice because He knew it was the most loving expression anyone could do.

Ironically, Easter is in just a few weeks. But three days before that is a day that should be very dark. It’s the day Jesus died. The day that Heaven went silent, in a mixture of mourning and anticipation for the promise of the coming goodness. We call it Good Friday only because we can testify of the genuine goodness that followed that devastating event.

But what about times like now? Where the only thing in sight is the devastation. The loss. The event that honestly seems impossible to be turned in any other direction besides depressing.

My dear friend, if those are your thoughts, I am right there with you. But I have learned some stuff recently. And although I am slow to wanting to feel gratitude towards anything right now, I have to say, I believe God has prepared me for this moment with snippets of truth He brought me through the blessing of others over the last few months:

Joy is a choice. You can be joyful without feeling happy. It is okay to be sad, God designed us with emotions, but it is not okay to let the sadness be louder than the truth from the voice of the Spirit. The mind can know truth without the heart believing it. In this case, choosing to surrender your heart to God even when it feels pointless is your most important task. And lastly, God is ALWAYS good. His plans are good and beautiful regardless of the mess you feel entangled in.

Again I say, joy, and honestly, experiencing anything pertaining to the character of God, IS. A. CHOICE.

It is a choice that only you can make. And it is a choice that requires discipline over motivation. Wisdom over feelings. And faith over sight.

This is definitely not the first time I have felt this way about life and the goodness of God and honestly, I am pretty sure it is no where near the last time. But that is just it. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, not because God’s goodness changes, but because we fail to choose consistent faith in who He is.

Like a roller coaster about to make it’s big drop, we close our eyes in fear of what lies ahead. We scream in chaos because we are overwhelmed by the experience. But friend, the longer you close your eyes and the louder you scream, the more time you will spend shutting out the potential goodness Jesus want’s to show you and the less you will hear the voice of truth and peace that the Spirit wants to whisper to you.

Dear tender-hearted reader…and future me, I know goodness is the last thing you want someone to tell you to “try to see”. I know numbing emotions, sulking, or distracting yourself may seem a lot more intriguing. But worldly solutions were not meant to heal a heart designed and crafted in Heaven. Only our gracious, and yes, very good, Creator can properly handle that beautiful, yet broken heart in a way that will last.

Be honest in your pain. But do not misplace your desperation when searching for healing. You belong to God. And oh boy, is there so much great freedom in that.

Choose to believe the fruit will one day bloom from your soil that seems to only be getting tilled right now.

So…where do I see the goodness in losing my dog? Well, the truth is, I don’t. But perhaps the glory of this moment will come to life after my own. Perhaps the goodness was meant to be seen in the life he lived. Or perhaps it is in the fact that he no longer has to suffer. Whatever it is, wherever it is, does not change the truth that it is somewhere. So may worship continue according to the truth I know, as God is still always good, even when I can’t see it.