Author: Aliyah Belen Dan

The Presence Our Soul Calls Home

bible, christian, prayer

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13-14

Many say, “Home is where the heart is.” And all my life, I agreed. But recently I had been thinking and I would say, home is not just where our heart is. It is where the Father is.

I have been living on my own now for nearly two months. And just last week, I left work early on Friday so that I could fly…home.

Not where my mailing address is or the place I pay rent for. But where I found Jesus and where all those who pushed me to Him, are still living. It’s the place my parents are. My grandma is. And the place I attended every Sunday when I lived in the area. Home. At least for me, is not just a person. Or a building. It’s not even the town, for that has changed so much in just the last 2 months. Home is where God built relationships that His glory is evidently moving through.

Yes, my hometown will always be a little city in Florida. But my home is far greater than the streets you can drive on. It is the people who make up the body of Christ that have pushed me to know Him myself.

There is a difference between the places we spend time in and the people who truly point us to Christ.

For instance, I have driven by my high school many times since graduating. Even though I know the campus like the back of my hand, it no longer feels like home. But when I reach out to the teachers who invested in me, it is as if I never aged. I can still tell them every ounce of drama in my life and feel confident they will respond with love, support, and wisdom.

Considering that, one of the things I reflected on before moving was that perhaps I was searching for the wrong thing. I thought if I drove on new roads and had different places to call “the local spots”, that I would be happy.

Yet here I am. Driving on these magical new roads (that have far too many potholes) and slowly collecting the names of coffee shops and book stores to become a regular at. But I still cannot truly say those are the reasons this place is “home” to me. Not I am not claiming it is not. Rather, I am suggesting this place I just moved to, though on a much smaller scale, feels at home too.

And it’s because the Lord is here. He is in the new place I frequent for Sunday sermons, Bible study, and serving at youth. He is in the friendships I am making at work that reflect His love for us. And He is very much in the apartment that has been anointed in prayer and worship by my mother and I.

Home has become so much more than a building. Or a room. It has been beyond a blessing to realize that my home is in so many places as my Heavenly Father has lead me to great relationships and places where His name is praised in song and service.

In Exodus 14, the Israelites face a terrifying sight. After decades of slavery, they had finally been free. Or at least it seemed so. Starting in verse 10, we see the Egyptians hunting the Israelites down. And as they looked at this rough army and turned to see they were but pressed against water, they cried out to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!“

They were scared. They were not sure what God’s plan was, and so they began regretting where they came and who they followed.

But praise God as His heart is expressed through Moses as he replies, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.“

Moses wanted to desperately for the Israelites to see the security they had in God. That the houses they lived in, the places they ate, and the streets they walked on were not their “home” just because they slept and worked there. They had a place designed for them beyond their comprehension. But they refused to trust the giver of that home. So they scrambled and pleaded for what they felt comfortable in. Not because it was good for them, but because it was all they had known.

How often do we flee from things because they are not easy? Or maybe we just don’t like change. I believe some, if you are like myself, want so desperately to hold onto things we were not even designed to prioritize.

The Israelites, fresh out of slavery, in the face of a new form of adversity, were willing to forgive and forget what they endured so that they wouldn’t walk into the “unknown” with God.

Shortly after their panic, God did one of the most incredible and popular events recorded in Scripture; He split the Red Sea. He made a way when there was none. But in doing so, He led them to the wilderness.

The wilderness is the place the Israelites resided for 40 or so years following that. All in route to the “Promised Land”. The place in which the Lord said they would populate and call their own.

I fear too often we see this as just a great representation of a “waiting season”. But may we recognize the revelation and nearness the Lord brought to His people during this time. His Angel was before them and He spoke so passionately to them that they might have come to understand the most valuable thing they could attain was not getting out Egypt, Manna, witnessing miracles, or even reaching the Promised Land. No, the most incredible thing they received was the opportunity to connect with God. The God who saw their flaws and rebellion and still chose to love. The God who stood between them and their enemies when they had no faith in Him. So much happened in those 40 years, but if we don’t recognize that the biggest blessing wasn’t the ending, but the belonging that God gave them the ability to sense even in the wilderness, we will live our lives with the belief that Home has more to do with land, buildings, or specific people rather than Jesus Himself.

My dear friend, your home is not this earth. As one who loves to travel, but suffers from homesickness within 3 or so days, I find that even in the room I spent my teenage years decorating in the most comforting way, a lot of times, I grieved for what I could not see. I longed for God and when I could not seem to understand what He was doing, I felt more homesick than ever.

I am astonished daily at the fact that I am not booking a flight to Florida every weekend. But after much thought, it is so clear that despite leaving everything and everyone that meant the most to me, I am okay still because the One who is greater than all is the One who is walking with me here, now.

May you have peace and a sense of belonging in the family of Christ whether you feel like the Israelites in Egypt, at the shore of the Red Sea, in the wilderness with decades to go, or are rejoicing in the Promise Land God led you to. Your home is more than where your heart is. Because unfortunately, sometimes God doesn’t have the throne of our hearts. But that does not change the deep desire your soul has for His communion.

Home is where the Father is, and may we rejoice in that grace.

Thoughts to Consider:

Where have you been tempted to find “home” apart from God’s presence?

What might change in your perspective if you saw your home not as a destination, but as communion with the Father?

How has Jesus met you in unexpected places and made them feel like home?

Consider the difference in your outlook on life and your current season if you lived out the belonging God wants you to find in Him.

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13-14

When Fear Meets the Table of Grace

bible, christian, prayer

“Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep.” – Genesis 43:30

Every time I read the story of Joseph, God amazes me. But it was not until a few days ago that I saw the significance of this table scene.

If you haven’t read his story, I highly recommend doing that now or directly after reading this. It begins in chapter 37 and runs until chapter 45.

In Genesis 43, Joseph – who had been sold as a slave by his brothers 20 years prior, but is now 2nd in command of Egypt – has yet to reveal himself to his own family.

After coming to Egypt a second time for food, his brothers stood before him, offering gifts and the best products of their land out of fear. They thought their offerings would be enough to please him and forgive them for taking the money they should’ve paid in return for food (however, it was Joseph who ordered the money be given back to them).

They brought their best before Joseph and bowed in fear. But not a single one of them noticed who he was.

I would say that is crazy to not be able to recognize someone like your own brother, as mine looks pretty similar to how he did nearly 20 years ago. But then I think of how often that happens with us and God.

When We Fail to Recognize Him

How often we commit to Christ, claiming we are fascinated by His heart and character. Yet just days, weeks, or months later, we ignore His voice, choose distractions over time with Him, or watch Him do a miracle just to bury its beauty beneath an “I deserved that” mentality.

Since when does God owe us anything? And why is it that we believe we can maintain a “Christ-like lifestyle” without knowing Him?

Their perspective of Joseph was a man who had the power to kill them or put them in jail, and potentially would. Yet in verse 30 of chapter 43, we see him in a different way as it says, “Deeply moved at the sight of His brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep. He went to his private room and wept there.”

The sight of them near him alone brought him to tears. Surely it was no light cry if he had to run away. Here was a man in one of the most successful countries during a famine, with riches and all. But that’s not what he wanted. He wanted his family. He wanted those who should have known him, despite their betrayal decades ago.

Sometimes, I find myself still counting my works in hopes that the Lord will show me favor in my prayers and dreams. Yet if I truly recognized who Christ was and remembered His heart, I would see that none of what I offer is what brings Him to tears. As He invites me to commune with Him, to have a seat of belonging at His table, He shows so clearly that He just wants us. His family. We, humans, who betray Him daily. We are who He died for.

This is such a moving scene because at first, the brothers came carrying fear yet were met with nothing but love. They were invited to feast with Joseph and even still, he was only a stranger to them.

Though Joseph could have revealed himself then, or punished them for their ignorance, he did not. Instead, they enjoyed the feast together.

Let’s pause and unpack that moment for a second. Just after Joseph walks back into the room and says, “Serve the food.”

“They served him by himself, the brothers by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves, because Egyptians could not eat with Hebrews, for that is detestable to Egyptians. 33 The men had been seated before him in the order of their ages, from the firstborn to the youngest; and they looked at each other in astonishment. 34 When portions were served to them from Joseph’s table, Benjamin’s portion was five times as much as anyone else’s. So they feasted and drank freely with him.” – Gen. 43:32-34

They began with a divide. Though not of just Egyptians and Hebrews, but one where Joseph was set apart from both crowds. This, however, did not mean that the food was different. But instead, the brothers were fed from Joseph’s table. What he offered them was an abundance despite there being 11 of them. They then enjoyed the meal together…freely.

Invited to Sit Freely With Christ

I could not help but see the resemblance to moments we have with Jesus. The only One worthy of everything and everyone, calls us to His table. And from there, though He is set apart from us because of His Holiness, He made a way for us to commune with Him. He fed us His portion and to this day, we have not seen it run out. Because of the sacrifice Christ made for us, we can eat together with Him freely.

Not because we deserve it. Not because redemption is easy. And definitely not because we were good enough. It was only by His love and grace.

My dear friend, Christ paid everything for your freedom. And despite the fear and doubt you may approach Him with, He is the embodiment of peace, forgiveness, and love. You can cease the striving of trying to offer “enough” to Him. For that is not what He desires. Our Lord stands before us, inviting us to be with Him. Even when we don’t realize who He is or the significance of what He has done. He wants our heart, for He already poured out His over us.

Thoughts to Consider:

What characteristic of God are you struggling to believe?

How can you practically abide in Christ so that you would not encounter Him and feel as though you are but strangers?

What would it change in your life today if you truly believed that Jesus just wants you at His table?

Meditate on this scripture. Consider the depth of Jesus’ love for you as you read of Joseph’s for his brothers.

“Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep.” – Genesis 43:30

The Difference Between Leaving and Following

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“So do whatever God has told you” – Genesis 31:16

I saw this post on Instagram where the audio was stating how everyone ought to move to a place they’ve never been to during their 20’s. To say you did it. What is “it” exactly? I suppose one could say succeeded, proved their independence, exercised their freedom, experienced true choice…made a decision that proved they did in fact have control over this chaotic thing we call life.

But why in our 20’s? I am unsure. I would assume it had to do with the new freedom from one’s teenage responsibilities and also the typical fact that many in their early 20’s have no dependents. They only have themselves to care for.

When The World Says “Go“

I must admit, when I first saw this, I felt validated. For that was exactly what I was in the process of doing. Just two weeks ago, I packed my bags and moved to another state where I don’t know anyone, starting a job at a school I never visited while living in an apartment I never had the chance to tour. That video made me feel good. As though maybe my big move wasn’t so crazy after all.

I held that mentality for a little while. And after I finally got moved in, I saw another Instagram reel with that same audio. I smiled, because I felt I had accomplished just that. And then I suddenly felt different.

I hadn’t moved here to “get away”, exercise my free will, or even just to start fresh. I came here because years ago, I had given my prayer to God, that He would bring me north of Florida. I will admit, my reasons were selfish when I first prayed that prayer. But after years of being deeply humbled by the Lord, He began planting a seed of hope in my heart about a year and a half ago. Not that it was time yet, but that He would lead me on a new journey soon. Soon wasn’t very clear, but I knew it meant leaving all I had grown up around.

So for roughly a year and a half after that feeling, I continued praying for a “go now“.

But praise the Lord He humbles the proud. For I thought I knew all I needed and what I was going to do. But over that time, God opened my eyes to the beautiful reality of seasons. Of letting go. Of stewarding well what is in my hands right now. And of finding contentment wherever and whenever He led me. Not because it was an answer to my dream, but because He promised to offer His presence during all of it.

So as I sat on my janky couch in my new apartment and watched that Instagram reel, hearing that audio again, all I wanted to tell every person who saw that was: No. Do not just go. Do not mask your attempt to run away from your current life by calling it “freedom because you are young.” Or a season of exploration when you are simply seeking an escape. Sit. Quiet yourself. And listen for the Shepherd’s call.

Not just because you may want change in your life, but because it means that every step you take is with, for, and from the Lord.

When God Says “Go”

In Genesis, we see that the word “Go” was rarely spoken on a whim. Nor was it something people eagerly waited to hear. Rather, it was a calling from God that was typically followed by the promise that He, the Almighty, “will be with you.”

We find this in the story of Noah starting in chapter 7, and with Abraham in chapter 12, as well as with Jacob in chapter 31. Though each have remarkable stories, I want to focus more on Jacob. All of these individuals mentioned have been led by God to do some incredible things. But also, some very hard things.

Noah was called to believe in a world-wide flood and obey in building a massive ark with two of every kind of animal. I cannot imagine preparing to watch everything and everyone around you get washed away. Abraham was directed to sacrifice his beloved son. God ended up providing a sacrifice in place of him, but not until Abraham was just a few seconds from offering his greatest blessing back to God. And Jacob experienced countless years of labor due to the manipulation of his eventual father-in-law who later refused to let him leave. I think this clarifies that a life with God does not mean we are free from difficulties. In fact, I would argue that following Jesus leads us to experience even more pressures and troubles because we are living for the One this world despises.

Yet we who know Christ still choose to endure.

I have a fear that the popular message today is that we can just up and leave when hardship comes. The world claims it is not out of weakness, but rather, out of “doing what is right for yourself.” But friend, if you follow Christ, how can this be? How is it that we can claim we know, on such a whim and with little to no godly counsel, what is right for ourselves while simultaneously claiming the Lord is on the throne of our heart?

Hurry is not from the Lord. It is not His nature, nor is it how we grow closer to Him.

All of these individuals I mentioned from Genesis have either spent years or decades devoting themselves to the Lord and shaping their lives in a way that proved their commitment to Him. Yes, I mean living in such a way where their word not only claimed to be associated with God, but their lifestyle emitted the heart of God as well.

Today, we have the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus to reference to when we question our “why.”

The life of Jesus opened our eyes to the fact that we, even standing beside God in flesh, still fall short. Yet, even failing before the Son of God did not out weigh His love for us. Instead, He lived the life we should have. He served, loved, obeyed, and worshipped the Father, showing us what we ought to pursue.

The death of Jesus revealed that He is a God of Justice, but communion with us was worth paying going to death and back for. He took on our punishment, atoning for all we have done and will do, so that we may be reconciled to the Father.

The resurrection of Jesus proved that every chain, weight, and temptation stands no chance against the power of God. His love and grace was greater than our sin and His Word is the one we can boldly trust.

Jacob’s Call

Now in Genesis 27, we see Jacob steal Esau’s blessing. Not a great start for him, but if you flip to chapter 31, we come across a verse that sounds so simple, yet I felt may be overlooked often…”So do whatever God has told you.” (v. 16)

For context, Jacob had just heard the words that I explained I was waiting on before…”Go, now.” He had been working with his father-in-law for decades at this point and was quite successful. But in verse 3, we see God call Jacob to go back to the land his father (Isaac) was in. Yet that is not all He said. God ended with “and I will be with you.”

After hearing that, Jacob immediately went to tell his wives what God had said. And despite them having 11 kids and tons of animals and supplies, the response of Rachel and Leah were; “So do whatever God has told you.”

How often is our nearness to God so evident in our lives that the support of God-fearing people around us is so easily received?

Jacob heard his way out. He could have just up and left. But instead, he brought it to those closest to him and shared that it was from the Lord. And like the favor God showed Joseph (Jacobs son) through Potiphar, the jailor, and the Pharoah, the Lord filled those around Jacob with peace so that he could begin his journey. I fear that is the part we dismiss or delay today.

Everyone has dreams and plans. But not all of them are from the Lord, or perhaps they are just not for “right now”. Yet our current culture is not one that promotes patience. We want things and we want them now. And unfortunately, God doesn’t do prime shipping in regards to our plans. He may, but often times, there is a season of preparation before the promise land.

So this brings us back to that Instagram reel.

The opportunity to move was there, but very unclear and extremely risky 2 years ago. And if you asked me why I wanted to go, the true and honest answer was because I felt that I had to escape my hometown at that moment or I never would. I had started college online and every job I thought could lead me to become an author was non-existent unless I drove nearly an hour or more. I felt hopeless and I felt like I would have to settle in a city that only catered to families with toddlers and the elderly while searching for any job that gave me the most opportunity to write on the side. I was scared. And I was nervous my chances of ever accomplishing any of my dreams would end in one of my greatest concerns: failure.

I had that view since I was in high school and it did not chance until just over a year and a half ago when I recognized I just needed God to be near to satisfy my desperate heart. I was finally content for once.

I still considered moving, but it was no longer a factor that determined my “success” in life. It was just a change of environment. A new place to experience blessing and hopefully be a blessing.

It was then that I found so much joy in my job and in the final courses of college. It was then when graduation seemed attainable after years of doubt. It was then that my job was more than just a way to get paid, but a community God had blessed me to grow with. And it was then that I would lay in bed at night and simply thank God for being under the same roof as my parents for yet another day.

The “go, now” was not what I was eagerly waiting on anymore. All I wanted, and all I needed, was to know God was with me in each moment.

And as I have been settling in at my own place now, I have sadness for the distance between my family and church, but my tears of joy for the love and support I have had from them outweigh every upset part of my heart.

My dear friend, do not be so eager for the next thing. God has a reason for the place you are in. But what I find even more exciting is that He promises to be with us. To meet us where we are. This world is so hurried for little reason. It is not a race. And when we push for doors God has not opened for us, we forfeit the peace and support of those around us. For those who know the Lord will discern when you are running after something not with, from, or for Him. May you wait on the Good Shepherd to call you to “go, now” and surround you with friends, family, or counsel who see Him so evidently close to you that they have no response besides, “do whatever God has told you.”

Thoughts to Consider:

Where might the Lord be inviting you to see beauty and purpose in the season you’re in right now?

What steps can you take to seek the Lord’s guidance before making a major change in your life?

How have you let the culture’s love for hurry influence you? How can you prevent it?

Consider the way God could move in and around you when you find true contentment in the “here” and peace in the “go, now”.

“So do whatever God has told you.” – Genesis 31:16

Just His Presence & Somehow, That’s Enough

christian, lifestyle, spiritual formation

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart.

As I prepare to make a drastic change in my life; moving to a new city in a new state, I can’t help but constantly find myself stunned at reality.

It is though I am on a boat with still waters, yet no land in sight. The tank is full, I have resources, but the map is only highlighting the destination. Not quite the route.

Anxiety, doubt, and hopelessness are no strangers to me. Many of their causes are unknown. But that’s okay. I came to a point in my life where I stopped asking “why” and God began opening my eyes to “how”. Specifically, how to see Him in all of it.

The last few months has had its ups and downs, but one thing I noticed was that I was talking my heart into trusting my mind more than I was needing to persuade myself to look for God in those anxious times.

This was not because I doubted that I would see God in my troubles, but because I knew He was already there. I knew that when I asked Him to walk with me on every step of this journey back when it was just a dream, the faithful God I serve would remain near. Not because I deserved it, but because that is who He is. The One who stays.

So as tensions rose and the voices of doubt flooded my heart, it was but surrender that I needed. Surrendering of my feelings.

When You’re Unsure If You Can Trust Your Heart

When we are caught between what we feel and what we know, it’s easy for our hope to waiver and our fears to rise.

I feel a lot and I feel deeply. But what I have witnessed God do has fortified the truth that my mind grips so tightly to. My heart struggles to agree many times, but the God I know and He who knows me, is One who is faithful.

I want to clarify that surrendering is not to manipulate yourself. But it is to reveal that reality you are living is different than that which you knew before Christ.

Before we were reconciled with God, we were a slave to sin. Maybe it defined you, drained you, filled you with shame, or bound you in addiction. Whatever it did, you were not free. And the feelings of weariness surely could consume you.

But once you have accepted Christ as your sacrifice, you are now given the freedom of new life. A new reality. It is not a hope we only dream of for eternity, but it is the very life we now live. You are free.

I say that to provide reasoning in the surrendering of our feelings. We as humans are far from understanding the entirety of living as free as we actually are. That is because we struggle with the symptoms of sin in the world and the habits we have yet to break from our past. And the beautiful truth is that God is fully aware of this.

So He asks us to cast them on Him. Our anxieties. Our doubts. Our fears. Our shame. All of it, He wants to make new. He wants to show us that we can live in a world of brokenness and trials while remaining in constant communion with Him.

So, how is that attainable?

Learning to Surrender Emotions and Trust God’s Presence

Surrender begins by recognizing its purpose: to open our hearts toward the One greater than all things, including our feelings.

That begins with knowing who you serve. We cannot logically give up our most valuable things (time, devotion, service, idols, etc.) to something or someone we do not believe is worth it. We may say that we do, but God knows our hearts. You are only hurting yourself when you hide who or what the “lord” of your life truly is. So we must read His Word and be in prayer with Him. About all things, we must communicate with Him.

Then, we must listen. There is no point in seeking God if you are only interested in having someone to rant to. For God to truly lead, discipline, and speak to you, you need to give Him room for that. That can come in various ways, but do not assume He will write it on a sign for you if you never devote intentional time to hearing the voice of your shepherd. For only when you know that, can you as His sheep, see how far He has come to reach you and bring you home.

When we know the voice of our God, it makes it ever so slightly easier to know what He is and is not in. I fear we beg God for His blessings more than His presence. It broke my heart to realize not too long ago that the love and peace described in Scripture is what He is the very embodiment of. For I cannot count how many years I have rejoiced over the love of God like a boost in my esteem, not acknowledging it was His presence longing to meet me where I was. His gentle voice was something I ignored, as I simply took the blessings of His nearness.

Is is not good to live with a disconnection like that. God is not a genie and we must recognize that if we ever desire to understand the point of His sacrifice on the cross.

However, none of the above is any good if we do not apply it through action. And although serving others is part of it, I want to focus more on the molding of our personal character. As we are drawn to the Lord and our eyes are opened more to His being, we must do as Christ commanded; obey.

Much of our outward obedience actually depends greatly on our inward discipline. For if you feel the conviction of God in an area of your life and choose to ignore it, your service to others is but an attempt to either make up for the lack of inward trust in God or the lack of true reverence for Him. Christ did not come to encourage the hypocrites in their sinful ways. For if He did, the Pharisees wouldn’t have dragged Him to His death.

But this is also the step that may require the most communication within multiple parts of yourself and God. This is the position I often find myself deeply struggling with. I actually found the outward disciplines quite simple, though when I am convicted to forgive, to let go of control, to have hope in trials, to show compassion to my enemies, to cast my anxieties before the Lord…I am in constant warfare. My mind knows what is true and right. But my heart is consumed by the feelings I often find too complicated to understand.

So I go into battle. But I never leave out the Spirit. The Holy Spirit comes to abide within all believers and I have found out the hard way that I am not supposed to fight Him or to justify my ways to Him, but to partner with Him. For He is the One speaking life when I cannot. He is the One pointing me to what the reality of redemption looks like when I try to flirt with the chains of sin that bounded me in my past.

So for the one desiring practical applications; do not tell yourself that your feelings are dumb. Or pointless. For we are humans made to feel. Sometimes they are just out of proportion. But definitely do not convince yourself that “this is just how you are”. For the Spirit is the presence of God. The very embodiment of love, peace, and hope is within you. So be honest. Explain everything to the Lord. And then rest in His presence. Yes, literally sit in silence. I advise you to go somewhere you can see creation. For putting yourself in a position where you see the evidence of God’s power, beauty, and love plays a role in reminding your heart what your mind and the Holy Spirit know to be true.

And when you hear a word from the Lord; perhaps it is something just encouraging you to trust in God’s plan, act on it. Put it into action by believing it with your heart first, and then walking it out as you love on others.

Finding Peace When You Don’t Know Where God Is Leading You

We are bound to wrestle within ourselves and sometimes even against the ways God is guiding. But may we never forget the kind of God He is.

As I envision myself on that boat, with calm seas, unclear of the route I will be taking, I remain confident of the One leading me. Yet, I struggle. Yes, to not trust my heart at times. For it is but fearful of the uncertainty it was so used to living through before knowing Christ.

I must not attempt to take control, for I know that the Truth and the presence of the Lord are the only reasons the seas are calm.

My dear friend, do not get so distracted with the concerns in which your Heavenly Father has already resolved. Take a step back, recognize His pace is perfect. His blessings are not your first desire, rather, simply may His presence be more than enough for you.

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart, but may we still rejoice for we know the One who stays with us forever is oh so very faithful.

Thoughts to Consider:

What prevents you from bringing your doubts, concerns, or troubles to God? He is not angry nor annoyed, for He went to death and back for the chance that you might seek a relationship with Him.

Is there an area of your life that you have buried and masked with outward obedience to avoid the inward change that God is calling you to?

What part of your morning will you let be an intentional time to spend getting to know the presence of God? Set your alarm and find a place away from others.

Consider the impact and love you could have with others if you began living in the reality the Holy Spirit longs for you to see.

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

To Know His Nature

bible, christian, spiritual formation

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7

What a difference it makes in a broken person’s life to understand the nature of Jesus.

Mistakes happen. Some brush it off, some learn from them, and some – well, I fear too many of us – allow them to define them and their way of thinking. Our responses vary based on the severity of our wrong doings, but nevertheless, they often have a greater impact on us than we would like to admit.

In the end of the Gospel of John, we come across the denial from Peter. A man who walked with Christ in the flesh and learned from Him for roughly three years…fell short. When times got tense and his physical life was at stake, he let go of what mattered most for what he thought was more important at the time.

But can we blame him? As much as we want to say that we would have done it differently, is that really true? How often do we break our commitment to obeying God for immediate satisfaction in just the span of one week? We are no different than Peter. For all we have known since our first breath, was life on earth. So it is only natural for us to protect it above all else when it is at risk of being taken. Regardless of how much we believe in eternity, we have yet to experience it. So now, we see that we stand in very similar sandals of this broken, sinful disciple.

We’ve let people down. We’ve said rude things. We have chosen to satisfy ourselves over helping another. We have fallen short. Time and time again. But may we not forget the nature of the loving One we made our commitment to.

After the denial, Peter went back to what he did prior to meeting Jesus. He was fishing with his friends. After trying all night, the morning comes and a man from the shore directs them to cast their nets again. Surely doubtful, yet in obedience, they throw their nets and pull up an abundance. Without much time passing, John recognizes the man was Jesus. In saying it, Peter immediately jumps out of the boat and swims towards Christ.

When they met, Jesus had prepared breakfast for them and we then see one of the most loving moments ever. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. Not once. Not twice. But the same amount of times that he denied Him. After each time, He gave Peter a responsibility. This is an incredible moment, for we see that Jesus, though rejected by his own friend, leads us in how we ought to forgive. Not because He needed to, but because His love for us is so very strong.

In this moment, Peter had two options. He could either say, “I have betrayed you, there is no way I can grow the kingdom.”, and then return to fishing, that which he had known about well and found security in. Or he could pursue the next step in the establishment of the early church, trusting that the new identity and call from Jesus was possible despite his brokenness.

I want to note that it wasn’t a matter of the specific job, it was about the call. Would he let go of what he found purpose in prior to meeting Christ so that he can work towards expanding the kingdom, or will his failure and desire for security and familiarity consume him?

I have always struggled with my immediate thoughts. When I get hurt, I may have learned to hold in my outward expressions, but it is always a battle in my mind. Whether it is bitterness, rude thoughts, a grudge, or the internal planning of my next petty move, I could not seem to change inwardly.

The other day, it occurred to me the type of person I was becoming. A hypocrite. My thoughts were allowed to run wild as long as my outward emotions remained contained because “taking captive every thought” was just too exhausting.

I held onto my brokenness as though it were a part of who I was created to be. But when I recognized that it was the complete opposite of how Christ loved others, I broke down. I could not even finish praying, for I felt so very ashamed. I felt disgusting before the Lord.

I went to sleep that night and awoke with the same empty, shaky feeling in my chest. The same one I felt after every big failure in my life. This was it. This was how I figured I would remain, for how could one altar their immediate thoughts? And if I couldn’t figure it out, how could I ever believe a loving God would want such a bitter person to have a part in His good plans?

Then, my scripture reading for that morning was the story I had just explained. The last chapter of John.

I imagine Peter felt guilt. And maybe he even lost hope in his potential of growing God’s kingdom. But what brought him to a place where he could be made new, was his faith in the nature of Christ. His faith in the One who met him where he was and promised to never leave him.

Peter went after Christ because he understood that Jesus was forgiving. He knew He was the One who makes old become new and the broken, redeemed. But he wouldn’t experience that if he hid in the boat because of his shame.

I sat there after reading that in complete awe. How many times have I avoided time with the Lord because I was ashamed of my actions? I cannot even count how many times I let my fear and my disappointment in myself steal moments I could rest in the forgiving presence of Christ.

The God we serve is the God of new things. I never thought about that deeply until last year when I was at a loss of where my life was going and God spoke, “from death to life” to me. It meant so much. But the expectancy I had for God to do that again has died down. To be transparent, I forgot about it. And in my lack of remembering, I let the lies of the enemy take root.

My disappointment, shame, hopelessness, and guilt drove my life. And for so long, I saw my mistakes as the reason I could not be who God calls us to become. But praise Him, for I was so wrong.

My dear friend, our brokenness is the very thing that God wants us to lay before Him so that He can make us new. Until we believe that He is greater than our mistakes, we will not understand the nature of who He is. For what significance does His forgiveness have if we were not in desperate need of it? His gentle, forgiving response to our failures is the path we must go through to become who He calls us to be. For our brokenness is the seemingly barren ground that He actually longs to make fruitful.

Henri J. M. Nouwen states, “If you are ready to listen from your brokenness then something new can come forth in you.“

Thoughts to Consider:

Is there any area of your life that you are not allowing God to change because you prefer the security it brings you?

Would you recognize God’s voice if it came in a way you didn’t expect? (This comes from time spent learning it.)

How can you take action towards letting God make new what you see as unredeemable?

Consider the life change you could experience and share if you not only knew but whole heartedly believed that God’s nature is one of boundless love.

“Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, ‘It is the Lord!’ As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, ‘It is the Lord,’ he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.” – John 21:7