The Grace Street Blog

“‘Pardon me, my Lord,’ Gideon replied, ‘but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’ The Lord answered, ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” – Judges 6:15-16

Last year, when I was teaching the book of Judges to my middle school students, we spent a while discussing this term called “The Cycle Of Sin”.

This was supposed to reveal the repetitive cycle of sin, judgement, and repentance that the Israelites kept falling into during this era. While teaching it, my students and I were quite shocked they never seemed to learn their lesson. And it was disheartening seeing God do so much, just for His people to turn from Him the second they felt stable again.

But a few days ago, I started reading Judges just after finishing the books leading up to it, and all I can say is wow.

The last few weeks have been filled with anxiety, confusion, and what felt like unnecessary hopelessness.

It was as though some days, I felt God had me right where He wanted and though I don’t know the future, there was so much peace in trusting Him. And then less than 24 hours later, I would be sitting on my floor in total confusion and doubt. And these feelings just kept repeating.

Having been reading Exodus and Joshua and seeing all the good things God has done, I couldn’t help but acknowledge God had indeed been good and faithful to me as well, but that truth did not seem enough for me to crawl out of these horrible emotional episodes. Eventually, I just began feeling the weight of disappointment God must have had in me for not considering Him enough.

Then…I read Judges 6.

Gideon arose in leadership roughly 47 years following a great judge named Deborah. Despite the freedom God brought the Israelites, they ended up turning from Him after just 40 years. Not even a lifetime passed before they rejected the God who loved and rescued them. And so judgement came over them for 7 years as God let the Midianites oppress them.

After so long, in great desperation, they remembered their Rescuer and cried out to God for help. Despite the fact God knew they would rebel again, He sent them a prophet named Gideon.

But Gideon’s story is so fascinating because it reveals the patient and understanding heart of God through the interactions they had together.

The Lord came to Gideon telling Him that he would be the one to lead Israel to freedom again. Yet his first response was so genuine and raw, “‘Pardon me, my Lord’, Gideon replied, ‘But if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hands of Midian.‘”

It can be so easy to say that if the Lord came to us, we wouldn’t hesitate to listen and obey. But as I sat in my apartment drowning in doubt, even the thought of praying left me feeling hopeless. As though, perhaps God was tired of my extreme feelings and no longer wanted to listen, for it seems as though I never actually understand resting in His truth enough for it to last longer than a few days.

Yet instead of the frustration I would assume God would respond to Gideon’s doubt, He says, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?“

Gideon is not given an answer to why all the punishment has happened to his people, but instead, he is given encouragement to look to the freedom God is calling him to walk in faith towards. Not faith in his own strength, but faith in the Lord who is the One sending him.

There will be times we will not understand the point of our trials. But sometimes, the “why” is not the thing God wants us to focus on. Because most of the time, it is but a symptom of living in a broken world. Instead, God directs our attention to His desire to redeem us and bring us to a place of new life and hope. Yet even that truth left Gideon in doubt.

“‘Pardon me, my Lord,’ Gideon replied, ‘But how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’”

Doubt and fear flooded the mind of Gideon because of one main problem: he was looking at himself instead of God.

The Lord said He would be able to conquer Midian because he was being lead by the great Savior, Redeemer, Rescuer, and Almighty. But unable to take his eyes off his own flaws and weaknesses, Gideon remained trapped by doubt because the truth was that by his own power, he would never stand a chance against his enemies.

Seeing the struggle Gideon had with his perspective, the Lord replied, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”

He began this time with reassurance of what He said at the beginning of this encounter in verse 12, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” God expresses again that it is not because of who Gideon is, but who He is, that they claim victory over their enemy.

When doubt, fear, and hopelessness feel as though they flood my mind and soul, the first thing I do is degrade who I am. “Why am I still suffering with this if I know the truth? Why can’t I get over this? What is wrong with me that I am so emotionally weak? Am I but too far from the Grace God wants to give? Or perhaps am I overlooked completely?”

These thoughts are then what lead to my doubt that God even wants to hear from me, let alone help me. Yet what they truly reveal is the fact that I am depending again and again on my own ability to free myself from something I have no chance against. Until my mind is set on the Lord as the One who can rescue me AND make me new (getting rid of the spirit of anxiety within me), then I will only ever remain bound by something I was not made to submit to.

Hearing the promise of the presence of God again, and the assurance of a future victory over his enemies, Gideon asks another question. “‘ If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you.’ And the Lord said, ‘I will wait until you return.’”

This is the third time Gideon questions the Lord. I have heard this story referenced before regarding how we ought to trust God before getting to the point where we need to test Him, but I would argue this story and the way Gideon is responding reveals the reality of spiritual warfare that goes on in the majority of people when trying to grasp the truth God is calling us to live by.

Sin can bring unimaginable shame over the one seeking to please God. And temptations to return to our old ways can not only be difficult, but make a believer feel inadequate for the life of grace that God is claiming we can live by through Christ.

So when we see Gideon seek a sign, I would say that this is actually a beautiful representation of how our hearts ought to seek out an understanding that God is truly who He says He is. Not saying we need to do this every time we seek direction from God, but if we never are honest about our doubt in the faithfulness of God, we will live a life trying to manipulate ourselves of something we never actually believe.

For a long time, I struggled deeply with the same feelings I have now, but I knew what everyone said about God and how great He was, that I never felt okay to question it. I thought, if I struggled to believe it, there had to be a problem with me, or perhaps that truth was just for a faithful few, and I was nothing but an extra in God’s great plan for the redemption of humanity. This led to many nights seeking a numbing acceptance that God is faithful, and I had to believe it despite the fact I didn’t understand how that applied to all of us.

I thought if I could maintain the “Christian habits” I would be good enough to at least be considered to be let into heaven despite my doubt. But oh how wrong I was. For so long, I lived with a wrong idea of who God was. Because His love is so much greater and sweeter than you can imagine when you realize it applies to every single person in this broken world.

This shift in perspective is seen as Gideon returns with his offering. Following the direction of the Lord and witnessing Him receive the offering right before him in a mighty fire, we see Gideon change his tone to one of total awe, “Alas, Sovereign Lord! I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!”

Gideon responded then in a few ways. The first being praise, building an altar and calling it “The Lord is Peace.” After doing that, the very same day, he destroyed the altar made to the foreign god (Baal) the other people of his town worshipped.

May the acknowledgement of who God is to us – Jesus being our Lord – lead us to rid ourselves completely of the other idols we have placed before Him. It will not be easy, nor will others understand you, but it is necessary. For as long as we allow our devotion to be split, we will never truly submit ourselves fully to God’s transforming ways.

There are things in my life that I know trigger an emotional spiral. And unfortunately, after struggling with that feeling for so long, I feel quite comfortable in it. So it is not easy to build boundaries and remove those things from my environment to prevent that way of thinking. But constantly trying to do that has actually been the reason I am in such awe of God’s faithfulness. Multiple times a week, and sometimes multiple times a day, I am forced to choose my comforting, yet damaging ways, or to depend on God in great desperation. And every time I do the latter, He lets me see a victory I knew I could not achieve on my own. His comfort, peace, and presence is like nothing else and somehow, it fills me in ways I didn’t know I needed.

After destroying the altar to Baal, Gideon then sought out God again. “‘If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised – look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said.’ And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew – a bowlful of water.”

“Bowlful” is the only response we see here from the Lord. And despite the lack of verbal reassurance, we still see God’s heart as He fulfills Gideon’s request in abundance. Yet the next verse is where I laugh as I see a response so similar to what I would have…

“Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece, but this time make the fleece dry and let the ground be covered with dew.”

Reading that, I understood Gideon’s doubt, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous God would just smote him at this point. Yet He did not. He simply did as Gideon asked.

How can our God be so patient? My mind cannot grasp the love and understanding the Lord has for us. But I am so very thankful I see it proven true through this story and the lives of myself and those around me.

Doubt is unfortunately something that reappears in our lives time and time again as circumstances change and feelings move up and down. But this story of the loving character of God gives us insight into the fact that His desire for us right now is not perfection, for He knows our flaws and inabilities, but rather, desperate dependency on the truth of who He says He is.

When we fight our doubts with the Lord, being honest, yet hopeful and expectant for His truth to change our minds and hearts, we begin to see and trust Him far more genuinely than we ever could if we blindly follow the “Christian life”.

The work of a Christ follower should be from an overflow of our hearts experiencing the reality of a life made new and whole with Jesus. If we remain confused on who God is or His desire for us, we will forever be living by our own strength.

My dear friend, do not grow weary of pursuing an idea of God that you do not believe has grace and purpose for you. The truth of our God is that He is so very great, not needing us, but wanting us out of love, to be a part of His plan to reconcile all things. So may you not fear being honest in your questions to the Lord who longs for you to see Him for who He truly is. It is in that moment of realization, that we can begin walking through life claiming something so similar as Gideon, “Alas, Sovereign Lord! I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!”.

Thoughts to Consider:

Where in your life do you find yourself caught in a cycle of doubt, even after seeing God’s faithfulness before?

How have you experienced God’s patience in your life, even after questioning Him repeatedly?

In what ways may God be challenging you to shift your perspective from your own inadequacies to His perfect power and plan?

Consider that the God you question is not threatened by your doubt, but waits patiently for your heart to see what has been true all along.

“‘Pardon me, my Lord,’ Gideon replied, ‘but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’ The Lord answered, ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” – Judges 6:15-16