“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart.

As I prepare to make a drastic change in my life; moving to a new city in a new state, I can’t help but constantly find myself stunned at reality.

It is though I am on a boat with still waters, yet no land in sight. The tank is full, I have resources, but the map is only highlighting the destination. Not quite the route.

Anxiety, doubt, and hopelessness are no strangers to me. Many of their causes are unknown. But that’s okay. I came to a point in my life where I stopped asking “why” and God began opening my eyes to “how”. Specifically, how to see Him in all of it.

The last few months has had its ups and downs, but one thing I noticed was that I was talking my heart into trusting my mind more than I was needing to persuade myself to look for God in those anxious times.

This was not because I doubted that I would see God in my troubles, but because I knew He was already there. I knew that when I asked Him to walk with me on every step of this journey back when it was just a dream, the faithful God I serve would remain near. Not because I deserved it, but because that is who He is. The One who stays.

So as tensions rose and the voices of doubt flooded my heart, it was but surrender that I needed. Surrendering of my feelings.

When You’re Unsure If You Can Trust Your Heart

When we are caught between what we feel and what we know, it’s easy for our hope to waiver and our fears to rise.

I feel a lot and I feel deeply. But what I have witnessed God do has fortified the truth that my mind grips so tightly to. My heart struggles to agree many times, but the God I know and He who knows me, is One who is faithful.

I want to clarify that surrendering is not to manipulate yourself. But it is to reveal that reality you are living is different than that which you knew before Christ.

Before we were reconciled with God, we were a slave to sin. Maybe it defined you, drained you, filled you with shame, or bound you in addiction. Whatever it did, you were not free. And the feelings of weariness surely could consume you.

But once you have accepted Christ as your sacrifice, you are now given the freedom of new life. A new reality. It is not a hope we only dream of for eternity, but it is the very life we now live. You are free.

I say that to provide reasoning in the surrendering of our feelings. We as humans are far from understanding the entirety of living as free as we actually are. That is because we struggle with the symptoms of sin in the world and the habits we have yet to break from our past. And the beautiful truth is that God is fully aware of this.

So He asks us to cast them on Him. Our anxieties. Our doubts. Our fears. Our shame. All of it, He wants to make new. He wants to show us that we can live in a world of brokenness and trials while remaining in constant communion with Him.

So, how is that attainable?

Learning to Surrender Emotions and Trust God’s Presence

Surrender begins by recognizing its purpose: to open our hearts toward the One greater than all things, including our feelings.

That begins with knowing who you serve. We cannot logically give up our most valuable things (time, devotion, service, idols, etc.) to something or someone we do not believe is worth it. We may say that we do, but God knows our hearts. You are only hurting yourself when you hide who or what the “lord” of your life truly is. So we must read His Word and be in prayer with Him. About all things, we must communicate with Him.

Then, we must listen. There is no point in seeking God if you are only interested in having someone to rant to. For God to truly lead, discipline, and speak to you, you need to give Him room for that. That can come in various ways, but do not assume He will write it on a sign for you if you never devote intentional time to hearing the voice of your shepherd. For only when you know that, can you as His sheep, see how far He has come to reach you and bring you home.

When we know the voice of our God, it makes it ever so slightly easier to know what He is and is not in. I fear we beg God for His blessings more than His presence. It broke my heart to realize not too long ago that the love and peace described in Scripture is what He is the very embodiment of. For I cannot count how many years I have rejoiced over the love of God like a boost in my esteem, not acknowledging it was His presence longing to meet me where I was. His gentle voice was something I ignored, as I simply took the blessings of His nearness.

Is is not good to live with a disconnection like that. God is not a genie and we must recognize that if we ever desire to understand the point of His sacrifice on the cross.

However, none of the above is any good if we do not apply it through action. And although serving others is part of it, I want to focus more on the molding of our personal character. As we are drawn to the Lord and our eyes are opened more to His being, we must do as Christ commanded; obey.

Much of our outward obedience actually depends greatly on our inward discipline. For if you feel the conviction of God in an area of your life and choose to ignore it, your service to others is but an attempt to either make up for the lack of inward trust in God or the lack of true reverence for Him. Christ did not come to encourage the hypocrites in their sinful ways. For if He did, the Pharisees wouldn’t have dragged Him to His death.

But this is also the step that may require the most communication within multiple parts of yourself and God. This is the position I often find myself deeply struggling with. I actually found the outward disciplines quite simple, though when I am convicted to forgive, to let go of control, to have hope in trials, to show compassion to my enemies, to cast my anxieties before the Lord…I am in constant warfare. My mind knows what is true and right. But my heart is consumed by the feelings I often find too complicated to understand.

So I go into battle. But I never leave out the Spirit. The Holy Spirit comes to abide within all believers and I have found out the hard way that I am not supposed to fight Him or to justify my ways to Him, but to partner with Him. For He is the One speaking life when I cannot. He is the One pointing me to what the reality of redemption looks like when I try to flirt with the chains of sin that bounded me in my past.

So for the one desiring practical applications; do not tell yourself that your feelings are dumb. Or pointless. For we are humans made to feel. Sometimes they are just out of proportion. But definitely do not convince yourself that “this is just how you are”. For the Spirit is the presence of God. The very embodiment of love, peace, and hope is within you. So be honest. Explain everything to the Lord. And then rest in His presence. Yes, literally sit in silence. I advise you to go somewhere you can see creation. For putting yourself in a position where you see the evidence of God’s power, beauty, and love plays a role in reminding your heart what your mind and the Holy Spirit know to be true.

And when you hear a word from the Lord; perhaps it is something just encouraging you to trust in God’s plan, act on it. Put it into action by believing it with your heart first, and then walking it out as you love on others.

Finding Peace When You Don’t Know Where God Is Leading You

We are bound to wrestle within ourselves and sometimes even against the ways God is guiding. But may we never forget the kind of God He is.

As I envision myself on that boat, with calm seas, unclear of the route I will be taking, I remain confident of the One leading me. Yet, I struggle. Yes, to not trust my heart at times. For it is but fearful of the uncertainty it was so used to living through before knowing Christ.

I must not attempt to take control, for I know that the Truth and the presence of the Lord are the only reasons the seas are calm.

My dear friend, do not get so distracted with the concerns in which your Heavenly Father has already resolved. Take a step back, recognize His pace is perfect. His blessings are not your first desire, rather, simply may His presence be more than enough for you.

What a strange position it is to not know if you can trust your heart, but may we still rejoice for we know the One who stays with us forever is oh so very faithful.

Thoughts to Consider:

What prevents you from bringing your doubts, concerns, or troubles to God? He is not angry nor annoyed, for He went to death and back for the chance that you might seek a relationship with Him.

Is there an area of your life that you have buried and masked with outward obedience to avoid the inward change that God is calling you to?

What part of your morning will you let be an intentional time to spend getting to know the presence of God? Set your alarm and find a place away from others.

Consider the impact and love you could have with others if you began living in the reality the Holy Spirit longs for you to see.

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life.” – Psalm 143:8