“Why do you look for the living among the dead?” – Luke 24:5

I finished reading the Gospel of Luke two days ago. Though there were so many rich parts, this stopped me in my tracks for quite a while.

Over the last two years, I have prayed more than ever for a change. Not so much in the circumstances of life, but in my heart. Yet month after month, I felt despair gain it’s grip on my spirit. I thought, surely, this cannot be what God desires. I was told He fights for me. He loves me. He faced death for me. Yet what I endured, honestly tempted me to doubt all of that. It began seeming as though His grace did in fact have a boundary, and justifiably so, I stood just inches outside of it.

The reason I read Luke was because I knew a LOT about the Bible. I know a lot about the old testament, the history, context, and timeline of it all, but my relationship with God felt no deeper than that between a history teacher and I. I learned through what His Word said. I grew excitement over the stories that were told. But as a teacher holds a higher, distant relationship with their students, the more I learned, the more I felt the firmness of those walls between us.

Reading Luke without any commentary or elders walking me through it, I saw God in a new light.

[ I want to be honest in the reality of my struggle though. As I type this out, praying I word this correctly, in a way that points to the glory of the Lord like I want it to, I fight with myself. I fight still with the thoughts I had before reading Luke and I fight with the fear that what I say now may not highlight something that lasts. Though perhaps that is just what life is; a constant battle to choose Jesus over all else, even if our new knowledge does not erase our old feelings. ]

The new light I saw God in was not a feeling, though it is often classified as one. My dear friend, what I saw was God as Love.

I saw Jesus fight for our spirit (4:35), be patient in our frustration (5: 10), comfort us in sorrow (7:13), defend us in our brokenness (7:47), call us towards Him (10:42), rejoice over our return (15:5), relentlessly pursue us (19:10), delight in eternity with us (23:43), and my personal favorite…I saw Jesus willingly reach for us despite all we are (5:13).

Yet even after all I saw, my heart stumbles in confidence as I try to believe I am included in those He fights for.

Though just as real as my feelings are, the resurrection of Jesus is too. The only difference is that one lasts in truth and one lies in shame that has already been overcome.

By the grace of God, we get to choose how we walk in life.

But one thing you must understand is that your choice in how you walk determines everything…and there is no grey area. You either choose to walk in life or death. In no place will you find them truly co-existing. You may trip in your pursuit of life, but that does not mean you change your direction. The beauty of God’s mercy is that we get to walk in life even as broken people. Actually, what is even more fascinating than that, is that God Himself promises to walk that path WITH us.

Luke 24:5 was the response of the Angels standing outside of Jesus’ tomb when the women went to visit. “Why do you look for the living among the dead?” they said.

We may see this and think, “Of course, only a fool would expect life from a casket.” But do we not do that very same thing as we pray God cultivates life-giving fruit while we live with a mindset and walk that feeds death?

If there is anything I desire for you from the journey through Luke, it is that you long to know God over all else.

For when you pursue the One who is Life and Love, you will only find more truth to defend against your death-seeking nature. The things of Heaven bear what lasts. Over feelings. Over hardships. Over sorrow. Over confusion. Over all sin, is the consistent conquering of Love.

The resurrection was enough. It has to be. And as much as you may fight it, as I do quite often, it always will be enough. So why, my dear friend, are you seeking glimpses of life from anything else? For only a fool seeks life while watering what is dead.