“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy…” – 1 Peter 2:9-10 ESV

More is a word that I am quite familiar with. It is what I have pursued for so long. What I had hoped my future includes. And what I pray so desperately God reveals to me. More of what?

Well…more good grades. More friends. More talent in writing. More popularity for this blog. More opportunities for my dream career. More success. More joy. More moments where I feel so sure God is working in my life…and more and more and more…

I never even considered the weight of a hope for more in our lives until recently. As I spent a week with my high school students at church camp, it was then that I recognized the difference in the more WE pursue versus the more JESUS gives.

What’s humorous about my desire for more in life is that I feel bad to actually receive anything good. I struggle to accept things without taking on the burden of shame and the dreadful feeling of inadequacy. And for so long, I allowed those feelings to dictate what I allowed into my life.

I would work my butt off for a position or opportunity, but when it would be offered, I would turn it down in fear of failing to measure up. I would push myself to step out and make friends, but when they treated me with a lot of care, I made excuses to flee out of fear of failing to be an equally good friend. And I would hold myself accountable to reading scripture and praying daily, but when I struggled with hardships, I stopped in fear of failing to be good enough before God.

The race towards the more I wanted didn’t scare me. But the perfection that was required to keep the more going most certainly did.

And that’s just it. Perhaps the more I was seeking, that was always followed by the fear of my short comings, was the wrong more all along…

All throughout the Bible, the idea that Jesus offers more for us is repeated in countless variations. He claims that the reality where our fear, worries, troubles, and shame holds us enslaved is not the end. Rather, there is more for even the most sinful. The most broken. The most lost. The most prideful. And the most weak.

There is not just more, but there is A more that is not influenced in the slightest by our own abilities or lack there of. Yes, indeed, there is A more that has NOTHING to do with us. The only catch is that it requires surrender.

When I talk to people about Jesus, that word, “surrender” tends to turn many away. And honestly, as a control freak and someone who feels bad to be a burden on others, it is not my favorite word either. To surrender is not only to give up our will and future for another (God’s), but it also means we must be willing to humbly come as we are. Broken, shameful, ridden with sin. And we then must let Jesus be the one who takes our place regarding the consequences of our actions.

At first glance, this is certainly no easy gift to accept with the way my brain works. Perhaps you are in this same boat. Stuck between wanting something beyond this temporary, unsatisfying world, but too prideful to receive the grace of being made new and made for more.

Woah…woah. Yes. I called it pride. Why? Because though it seems harsh, the lies one must have engraved into their head to get to the point I just described above are lies that must be ruthlessly fought with truth.

When we look at life and think of success as more, we begin seeing our failures as the enemy. As we pursue the wrong more, the devil uses shame to turn us against ourselves. Thus making us feel selfish to let anyone else deal with the consequences of OUR actions. And unfortunately, sometimes in our attempt to be selfless, we become self-absorbed. The more we seek for our life is then completely dependent on our own works. That my friend, is a sneaky pride even the most self-aware can miss.

Dane Ortlund in his book Gentle and Lowly said that Jesus offers “a divine kindness too great to be boxed in by what we deserve.”

Believe me, I do not need even one critic to convince myself that I am undeserving of any grace and mercy. My lovely inner voice tells me that enough. But what if that voice and that message of hopeless unworthiness we tell ourselves is the greatest stronghold keeping us from the selfless more that Jesus calls us to live for? Yet the longer we tell ourselves we can only receive what we are deserving of, the longer we hand over our lives into the grip of the one who seeks nothing but to kill and destroy.

There is a more that we were designed to live for. There is a more that our soul desperately longs for, even before knowing the name of Jesus. And there is a more that will not be stripped from our reach because of anything we do or fail to do.

My dear friend, you were made for THAT more. The one that brings hope, life, and most of all, glory to the God who so lovingly knit you and your future together. Though this more requires surrender, it is the gateway to a freedom like no other. A freedom where mercy runs deep and grace knows no bounds.

There is always a more we can pursue…but the one Jesus calls you and I to, is the one where the striving can cease and the vulnerability of your heart can be safely unraveled for the glory of the One most worthy. What more are you seeking?